End of the Rod
by The Author's Mighty Pen
Summary: What the world teaches us only matters if we care to learn it. What could John Bates and Anna Smith learn when put to the test? Do they learn it together or alone?
1. Prologue: The Mask that Grins and Lies

" _We wear the mask that grins and lies/It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,/This debt we pay to human guile;/With torn and bleeding hearts we smile…_ "

It was an introductory poetry course in school when I read that. I didn't think much of it really, just a catchy set of lines but, then again, I only took the course to try and win over a girl… a girl who later left me. It's not something I'm grieving about now but at the time I wondered how you could share so much with a person and then just leave them.

What had I done to deserve that?

I guess we all react to our midlife crises in different ways. When you lose have of your net worth in a divorce but you still have too much money to spend and a dark and empty house you want anything but that. So I took my money, practically tore down my house, and built a mother's home… after I qualified as a midwife.

Yes, I can imagine no one's ever seen the confused faces when a man in his midlife crisis joins a class of endeavoring young women. They were confident they knew everything, like I'd been once, and yet so naïve at the same time. It was like watching myself in the mirror… if I'd been a woman instead of a man and twenty years further down the line.

I don't remember texting through my courses… we passed notes then. 'Course if I'd tried to train as a midwife then they wouldn't have let me. Men and babies weren't a thing.

But how funny it all seems now.

Especially after I met her.

That's when I really agreed with Mr. Dunbar, the man who wrote the poem. She came into my clinic looking every bit the expectant mother and I tried to be as encouraging as possible. Her attitude was reserved, as I'd come to expect first-time mothers to be, but her mother…

That's when I felt something off.

There's something they don't tell you in training and it's that people are in awe of your skills just enough that, if they're not thinking, they'll do whatever you tell them. So I told her mother I needed to speak to her alone, for her good. The mother listened and I pulled a chair closer to my newest patient.

"I hope, Ms. Smith, you don't mind me asking but I'd like to know about your mother."

"My mother?" She frowned, "Why?"

"I was a psychologist before this-"

"Quite the step to the side isn't it?"

"It's more fulfilling." I took a breath, "But the training never goes away."

She lowered her eyes, "And what's your training telling you?"

"That you're not the first-time mother, excited for her baby and she's not the anxious grandmother." I reached out, gently laying my hand on hers and she didn't pull away. Good sign. "Why is that?"

"Because I'm a single mother."

"It's more than a different life choice I think."

She nodded and I used my other hand to flail for the box of tissues a minute to hand them to her. "She doesn't want me to keep this baby."

"Why not Ms. Smith?"

That was when she told me. The whole story from beginning to end. That was when I knew Mr. Dunbar's words " _Why should the world be over-wise,/In counting all our tears and sighs?_ " never seemed more true.

No one should see what I really felt when she told me. I was a professional and it was my obligation to be nothing but her caretaker. She never let anyone else see it. Not after what happened to her.

But in my office that afternoon, with other patients and her mother on the other side of the door, her mask cracked. The mask she made of nothing but willpower and desire lifted for me. I'd never been very religious but I prayed for her then.

Because I finally understood, " _We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries/To thee from tortured souls arise._ "

From that moment onward, we stumbled toward the tree at the end of the rod together. She'd tried to make it on her own, shunned by all who knew her, and wore the mask to hide how the world hurt her. They didn't deserve to know.

In the end she left the mask, in its shattered deception, behind her.

She allowed me to help her step forward. Helped her find the freedom she desired but couldn't find on her own. She didn't need the mask any longer because someone finally saw beyond it.

Maybe it's too presumptuous, and even after all these years I wonder if I gave myself too much credit. She was strong enough on her own but tears often aren't from the weak, they're from those required to be strong far too long. But she deigned to let me be there for her.

And I was honored.


	2. When in Rome

She squinted at the map before sighing and dropping to the bench under her. The redhead next to her craned her head back, squinting behind her glasses at the large white building in front of them. "I'm not sure exactly who Victor Emmanuel is, but they must've loved him because they built that huge monument to him."

"I was a bit more interested in the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier they have there." The blonde girl tipped her head back on the bench, "Why do I feel like I'm sweating so heavily through these clothes I'll stick to this bench?"

"Because it's summer in Rome, Anna, and it's about thirty-five degrees and the humidity's rising all the time." The redhead looked at her watch and swatted Anna's arm. "They'll be wanting us at the Coliseum."

"Could we get gelato first?" Anna folded the map away, hurrying to catch up to the redhead, cornered by a man with necklaces dangling from his arms. "Gwen!"

"He's got the same ones as-"

"I know," Anna grabbed Gwen's arm, pulling her along. "They're all selling the same things."

"But he's finally going back to Kenya tomorrow."

"And if someone else talked to you then it'd be that their wife just had a baby." Anna pushed her forward, "And we'll be late if we don't hurry."

"I thought you wanted gelato?"

"I also wanted to buy a Gladiator sword but we learned how to get around those things."

They walked through the crush of tourists and managed to join the forming group near an assembly of rocks. Gwen waved to one of the smaller girls and tugged Anna along after her. "Come on, Daisy's looking lonely."

"Then she shouldn't be tagging after Thomas." Anna hissed as they joined the group.

"She'll learn." Gwen high-fived a tall blonde man who stayed off toward the side. "How's you enjoy the tour of the Coliseum William?"

"It was…"

"Ruined." Another man, with perfectly set black hair, blew out a stream of smoke and Anna blinked as the wind blew it into her eyes. "It looked better in _Gladiator_."

"You do know that _Gladiator_ filmed in Spain and they filled in the exteriors with CGI right?" Gwen snorted, turning to William and whispering something to him. He shook his head and Anna noticed the smaller girl sneaking looks at the smoking man.

"I guess everything's got their day and this city's had it."

"Then why did you come on our group holiday to Rome Thomas?" Anna prodded but before Thomas could respond the smaller girl moved toward him and finally spoke.

"I think you're right Thomas."

"Thank you Daisy." Thomas winked at her and Anna shot a look over at Gwen as they could roll their eyes in sync.

"Alright then," Thomas quickly dropped his cig, stamping it out as an older man with a swatch of sun lotion smeared over his rather prominent nose that still stuck out from under his flimsy cloth hat that one would wear while fishing. "Everyone enjoy their respective tours?"

"We were supposed to go on tours?" Gwen nudged Anna and they giggled until the shorter woman off the man's arm shushed them.

"Girls, Professor's Carson deserves your silence now."

"Thank you Dr. Hughes." Professor Carson nodded at her, "We've got a but tour that'll start by taking us past the FAO building and-"

Everyone groaned a bit, Thomas the loudest of them all, and Professor Carson stopped. "Did you all forget this is a course and not a holiday?"

"I did." Gwen managed again, biting back on her lips when both Professor Carson and Dr. Hughes glared at her.

"We've also given you all the evening since the tour ends near our hostel." Dr. Hughes managed, her comforting hand on Professor Carson's arm to stop him blowing the inevitable gasket as the red on his face, not from a shining sunburn, rose toward his bushy eyebrows. "You've got a curfew of two a.m. but we expect you all ready and outside the hostel by eleven tomorrow morning for our drive to the Catacombs of Saint Sebastian."

"What's the limit on drinking?" Thomas called out and Professor Carson cut through whatever answer Dr. Hughes prepared.

"If you vomit on the bus or I can smell it on you then you'll be on the next plane back home before you can walk straight."

Anna leaned over to Gwen, "How much you want to bet he pukes in the bushes when Carson's not looking?"

"About as probably as him inviting us to come bar hopping around the Tiber Tiber tonight."

"I would've thought he'd go for Gay Village."

"We did that last weekend." Gwen shook her head, "We need another place."

"There's supposed to be something near the Parrocchia Santa Maria."

"I thought it was near the Chiesa del Gesu."

"Ladies?" They both froze, facing Dr. Hughes. "Something you want to share with the class?"

"Our favorite churches?" Anna went for it, "I'd love to revist the Parrocchia Santa Maria."

"Me too." Gwen nodded quickly and tried not to swallow too loudly as Dr. Hughes narrowed her eyes and then turned back to the group.

"Bus tour and then fun." She snapped her fingers and pointed them onto the bus.

Anna and Gwen blew out in relief and joined the others on the bus. They took their seats near the middle of the bus as Thomas sprawled near the back. Daisy joined him, hurrying into a seat before the others from the second tour group grabbed their seats. William kept near the front, his large frame crumpling over.

Gwen pouted and turned to Anna, "Let's sit with him."

"Gwen, we can't keep trying to encourage the poor boy who set his heart on a girl who doesn't realize that the man she wants to date keeps eyeing James's ass." Anna shrugged. "It'd be about as good as telling Ivy not to go after the same man when there's Alfred ready to sweep her off her feet."

"Better than Ethel." Gwen sniggered and they cackled a bit with laughter, trying to stop themselves from snorting. "I'll bet you ten quid she gets smashed before Thomas does."

"I've not got ten quid." Anna sat back, her eyes meeting the wink of another student near the front. She shuffled over and saw Gwen eyeing him over the seat. "Stop it."

"What? He's looking at you."

"I know what he's doing."

"He fancies you."

"I got that feeling when he made sure we took three of the same tours." Anna shook her head. "It's getting a bit frustrating."

"Why?" Gwen shrugged, settling as the bus started moving and Professor Carson fumbled the microphone a bit. "He's not bad looking."

"It's got nothing to do with his looks. It's got to do with his attitude."

"It's not much worse than Thomas's view of this trip." Gwen slid down in her seat, reaching up to turn the fan toward them and try and freeze the sweat from her body.

"Thomas is dismissive about everything. For Alex it's… I dunno, it's like he pretends to not care about it because he wants to seem cool but if I said one thing he'll immediately try to make it important. And if I don't, then he hates it."

"He's a bit obsessed with you."

"And I'm sick of it." Anna turned toward the window, pulling out her camera to snap a picture of the Circus Maximus as they wrapped around it. "I'm here to learn the history of Rome and not to focus on romantic attachments."

"This is supposed to be a romantic city."

"Then I should meet someone from this city and not the same people I could've shagged at a dorm party back at Uni." Anna rested her head back in the seat. "I'm not here for Alex Green to bone."

"At least you'd get boned." Gwen muttered and Anna whacked her with the travel guide in her hand.

The bus tour ended as the orange of the sky gave over to the darker blue. Professor Carson and Dr. Hughes got their attention, a task in and of itself since Thomas, Ethel, and James already tracked what they had called their 'Drink, Dance, and Dine' track. Anna checked her wallet and her things as Professor Carson stared down his nose at all of them.

"Remember, two a.m., hard curfew. Anyone in after that will be immediately sent home. And while you're all adults, if you vomit on the tour tomorrow, moan about hangovers, or smell like the alcohol you consumed, you will also be going home. Understood?"

"Yes sir." They all responded and Professor Carson waved his hands at them.

"Then get going."

They scattered, most separating into their different groups. Anna and Gwen grabbed William to tag along with Thomas, James, and Ethel. Daisy latched onto their group, her doe-eyes focused entirely on Thomas, and Anna bit the inside of her cheek as Alex joined their group as well. Thomas barely noticed him and pulled out a set of photocopied maps.

"I made these for just such a state as this. The competition is simple. You and a partner've got to manage at least a shot at one of these places and get them to sign off. First to the finish wins."

Anna raised her eyebrows at the map, "We're not going to try and conquer this are we?"

"I give William and me have a good chance." Alfred slung his arm over William's shoulder.

"Yeah, because you're mammoths by comparison." Anna pointed up at them, "It'll take you ages to get wasted. Me I'll be down by the fourth."

"That's why you've got a partner. One on, one off." Thomas advised and turned to James. "What about it Jimmy, fancy a go?"

"It was going with Ivy." James sidled closer to the blushing girl as Ethel shrugged and turned to Thomas.

"Mind me as your partner then?"

"I'm his partner." A shorter women, with darker hair linked her arm through Thomas's. "We're close, him and me."

"Is it just me or do you hate Edna too?" Anna spoke out of the corner of her mouth to Gwen, who nodded.

"She's got a pair on her, that's for sure."

"The two most toxic people making their way around these bars." Anna shook her head, "I pity the occupants of them."

"How about it Daisy?" Ethel shrugged at the confused girl, "Want to go it with me?"

"Alright then."

Anna and Gwen exchanged horrified looks before Gwen hissed at Anna from behind the map. "She'll poison Daisy's liver."

"Teach her a lesson I guess." Anna counted them all off, cringing away as she noticed Alex standing so close. "Where's your partner Alex?"

"I'm meeting some people at one of the pubs." He shrugged it off like it was no big deal. "I just wanted to see if our paths would be crossing tonight."

"Who knows?" Anna tugged at Gwen's arm. "But I hope you enjoy your evening."

"I will."

"Everyone got their partners and they understand the rules?" Thomas held up a hand. "If you pass out, you're out. If you run out of money, you're out, and if you chuck it all up at any time before the last location you're out. Everyone ready? Three, two-"

"Do you have to do the route in order?" Gwen pointed at it, "It'd be more fun if we're all picking a different starting point and then running into one another. Leaves the mystery for the morning."

"Anyone got a problem with that?" Thomas looked around. "No? Alright, here we go. Three, two, one, Drink!"

The groups broke off, Anna and Gwen catching a bus to try and make their first location.

It was mad. Anna and Gwen chose the lowest alcohol, fruitiest things they could count as drinks to make sure they were both still standing by their fourth location. At their second locale they found Alfred patting William's back consolingly as the other man sobbed in the corner. Gwen and Anna offered their shrugs and sympathy and left the two for their next destination.

When they reached the fourth bar Anna took her turn, nodding at the flaming shot and raising it to Gwen. "In honor of my best friend and to the hopes that her gorgeously oblivious boyfriend bought her a ring when he realized that five weeks of her in Italy was far too long to be away from her."

"Here, here." Gwen clinked her water bottle against the glass and Anna knocked the drink back with a shudder.

"Remind me that hard liquor is not my thing."

"I think tomorrow and a long tour of the catacombs'll do that." Gwen held up her phone, "Smile."

They left the bar, Anna stopping Gwen as they caught sight of Ethel losing whatever she drank in the gutter as Daisy held her hair back. Hurrying over Gwen splashed some of her water on Ethel's face and then poured some in her mouth. The other woman spat it into the gutter and nodded.

"Thanks."

"Did you finish?"

Ethel shook her head but could not answer more than that before losing more of the contents of her stomach. Anna turned to Daisy, who could only shrug. "She wouldn't stop taking drinks from one of Alex's friends, that Charlie Bryant guy."

"Wanker." Gwen shuddered, "Which bar was that?"

"This one." Daisy held up the map and Anna groaned.

"That's our number five."

"We don't have to do them in order. We've got another four and then we win." Gwen patted Anna's shoulder and pointed at Ethel. "Get her back to the hostel. Water, aspirin, and eggs. Something to get the alcohol out of her system and lock her into her room. I don't want her sneaking into Charlie Bryant's room when she's inebriated."

"Or ever, really, but especially not now." Anna nodded at Daisy, "Good luck."

"You too."

They proceeded to their next destinations and Anna, by their last bar, had to admit their pace slowed to account for the slight drift in the way they walked. Gwen steadied her and they giggled while stumbling into the bar. In the corner Thomas and Edna argued about something while James chased Ivy toward the bathrooms.

"Another one bites the dust." Gwen sang, moving her hips on the downbeats. "Another one gone, and another gone, and another bites the dust."

"We won't know who's won until tomorrow." Anna put a hand on the counter to steady herself and then blinked, "Is this the one where we both do it? I know there was an odd number and I think I've reached my limit."

"Good thing we're not driving then." Gwen raised her hand to get the barman over. "We'll take two of your most watered down vodkas."

"Rough night?" The man's Italian-accented English brought Anna's attention around.

"Just long." She shrugged, "We're trying to win a competition."

"Like them?" He pointed to a group at the end of the bar and Anna felt most of her inebriation flee.

"Gwen we need to leave as soon as possible."

"We've almost won Anna." Gwen urged her and then caught sight of the group. "You can't be serious."

"Unless you know another group as obnoxious and disgusting as them then no." Anna went to leave the seat but Gwen had to stop her falling over. "Alright. Last drink and a lot of water and then we're booking it back to the hostel."

"Nothing makes you drier than a run." Gwen counted out the bills as the man brought over their drinks. "Two waters to go and that should cover the drinks."

"Thanks." He winked at them. "If you need a place to stay-"

"We're good, thank you." Anna threw back her drink and shivered. "Alright, drink up and then we're gone. We've got to sober up before Carson and Hughes catch us and we're near curfew as it is. If we leave now we'll just make it."

"What's the rush?" A hand came down on the back of Anna's seat and she turned away from the scent of heavy alcohol wafting off Alex Green's breath. "Party only started when you walked in."

"Then it's about over because we're taking the party with us." Gwen finished her drink and took the waters from the bartender. "See you in the morning."

"Why not see us all night sweetheart?" Another man, trying to grow a rather pedophilic mustache came on Gwen's other side, leaving their only escape as the roundabouts of their stools toward the door.

"Because I thought you wanted to bang Ethel, Charlie." Gwen pushed him aside and he stumbled back, his alcohol intake exceeding theirs enough to land the man twice their collective size on the floor. "Sober up and get back before you go home."

"They won't send us home." Green insisted but Anna backed away from him. "They just said that to scare us."

"It only works if it's true and I know them. They sent five students back early from the Prague trip last year and they'll do it again." Anna went to the door but Green stood in her way. "Move, Alex. We've got to get back."

"Don't tell me you'd rather be sleeping this off in a hostel then staying here with us."

"I'd rather be doing anything than staying with you." Anna pushed past him but he latched onto her arm.

"You don't-"

"I'd let her go before you find yourself trouble." They all turned to see the barman. He pointed at Gwen and Anna. "They told you their intentions, now let them go."

"What do you care?"

"I won't have the police shutting down my car when there's still business and I won't have entitled English f-"

"Alright," Thomas cut in, breaking up the group. "We've had our fun now le's get on yeah? I don't want Carson checking us out late because I'm not going home until I've seen Venice."

Green and Charlie backed off, joining the rest of their group, and Anna turned to Thomas. "Thanks for that."

"It wasn't anything and he's a tosser anyway." Thomas checked the bathrooms. "I'd better see if Jimmy can get Ivy back on his own."

Anna and Gwen found the last running bus of the night and got back to their hostel. By then the night air cleared their heads a bit and Gwen found a small café selling espresso for them to take the hostel balcony. They each settled for a bit to try and clear their heads, downing the rest of their water and buying more.

"Think of it," Gwen waved her hand from the balcony of their hostel. "This could be the last time we get a girls' trip."

"Don't say that." Anna cringed, "Makes us sound so old."

"We graduate at the end of next term Anna. Then it's onto London for me-"

"And John."

"And hopefully John," Gwen admitted, raising her water bottle, "And you're off to who knows where being an amazing travel writer."

"It's one magazine and it's only a year contract."

"Still more settled than I've got." Gwen shrugged, crushing the empty bottle to toss into the bin. "I'm still waiting for someone to realize he wants to marry me."

"You could pretend to date someone else, to light a fire under his ass." Anna grinned, finishing her water.

"He's not that kind of guy."

"I know." Anna sighed and leaned back in the chair. "I guess you're just lucky to've found anyone."

"Just because I found him first doesn't mean I'm better at it than you."

"Doesn't it?" Anna waved her hand at the night sky. "The only guy I can get to sniff after me is Green."

"That display tonight didn't really help his prospects." Gwen stretched and stood, "I'm going to rinse off and then get to bed."

"I'll be a minute."

"Got something else to do?"

"I want a shower too but if more than one person uses the shower here then the whole thing shuts down and sprays you with arctic freeze."

"Just don't be too long. I won't carry you through those catacombs."

"Noted." Anna watched the sky, noting the lights of the city as they twinkled on for the early start to some days.

After a bit Anna stood, making sure they had cleared their rubbish away, and walked inside. The hall was dark and she felt along for the switch when something grabbed her arm. Before she could make a sound a hand clamped over her mouth and threw her against the wall.

Anna hit hard, knocking her head on the concrete wall and crumpled slightly. The weight behind her, using the hold on her mouth as a support point that dug her lip into her teeth, did not try to keep her standing but manhandled her to the floor. She kicked and struggled but with her face to the barely concealed concrete of the floor there was no leverage for her position.

A hand tore at her clothing and when Anna tried to reel back the hand at her mouth moved to knock her head against the floor. Her head fuzzed, the last remains of the alcohol in her system combining horribly with the pain to leave her limp and lax in her attacker's hold. Blinking furiously in the dark she tried to focus but all she could understand was the pain.

That was where Gwen found her in the morning, curled up on the floor. Dr. Hughes came when Gwen roused her and between the two other women Anna went to the hospital. There a policeman, in his good English, tried to understand the events of the evening. Even in Anna's pain-racked and vulnerable state she could see the judgment in the man's eyes as she told him of the evening's competition and then her later chat with Gwen to try and work off some of the alcohol to prevent a hangover.

She should have seen it coming. As a result, Anna was resigned to the questions. Gwen was livid.

"Are you having a laugh?" She poked at the officer before Dr. Hughes could hold her back. "My friend gets attacked in your city and you start judging her because of what? She wanted to go out and have a few drinks with her mates?"

"She was intoxicated-"

"She didn't drink and drive. She wasn't so drunk she couldn't function. She was reaching for a bloody light switch and some knob attacked her. Why? Because you're city's so fu-"

"That's enough, Gwen." Dr. Hughes grabbed her arm. "I'm sure this officer'll investigate what happened and then let us know the results."

"There's only so much we can do unless you're going to stay in country, miss." He turned to Anna. "We'll do what we can but given the state of the hostel you chose and the lack of cameras or witnesses I don't think there's much we can do."

"What good are you then?" Gwen spat and then stalked to the corner, folding her arms over her chest.

"We can offer you medications, a full check up to make sure you're… alright. And-"

"Alright? _Alright_? Of course she's not bloody alright. She's just been raped you idiot. What kind of woman's alright after that? What man would be alright after that?"

"If you're not going to be helpful then I'll have to ask you to wait outside." He shot back at her. "There's only so much we can do and since we've questioned everyone in your hostel and no one saw a thing there's nothing else to be done except give her an exam and offer her the medications she needs to make sure nothing comes of this."

"Thanks for all your help." Anna finally spoke, her voice quiet but enough to silence the room. "I'd like them to do the exam now and then… whatever else there is to do."

"I've told Professor Carson you've taken ill and Gwen's seeing to you so no one knows what's happened." Dr. Hughes soothed and Anna took a deep breath.

"I think I'd like to go home now, Dr. Hughes." She faced her, "Once they finish the exam and I've finished here I want to go and pack and leave."

"Are you sure? There's still two weeks left of the course and we've got at least three more cities before-"

"I think I'm done, Dr. Hughes." Anna tried to hold back her emotions.

"If that's what you want Anna."

"They'll all think you just poisoned yourself with alcohol since we won the challenge." Gwen spoke from the corner and Anna shook her head.

"Better they think that then look at me like I'm the victim of something." She shook her head, "I couldn't bear their faces if they saw me like this."

"Could I go back with her?" Gwen opened her hand toward Anna as she addressed Dr. Hughes. "It'd be better, just to make sure she's alright all the way back. Especially since the doctor said-"

"If you're sure."

"I'm sure."

"Alright." Dr. Hughes stood, "Then I'll arrange it with Professor Carson and we'll refund you both the expenses for the last two weeks."

"Does that mean we failed the course?" Gwen cringed but Dr. Hughes shook her head.

"We'll manage a dispensation for this I think." She put a tentative hand on Anna's shoulder. "Do you mind if I go now?"

"I'm fine." Anna nodded at Dr. Hughes and the policeman. "I'll be fine."

"I'm very sorry for what's happened to you miss. I wish there was more we could do." He snapped his heels together and left the room with Dr. Hughes.

Gwen crawled up on the bed next to Anna and took her hands. "Do you need anything?"

"I… I just need quiet for the moment and then maybe a shoulder to cry on when the tears actually come."

"I can do that." Gwen smoothed her thumb over the back of Anna's hands. "What are friends for eh?"

And that was the moment when Anna started to cry.


	3. Vicar's Daughter

He pushed back nodding, "And that's the whole story?"

"The parts of it that matter, anyway." Ms. Smith sat up, putting a hand to the belly that barely protruded enough to notice. "It's part of why my mother's not too happy with the turn of events."

"Because the medication didn't work?"

"More because I'm the Vicar's daughter and the rumor mill went wild with that. Started all that drama about being a 'Vicar's Daughter' and I got the unkind appellation of 'The VD'."

"Oh." He cringed, "Ms. Smith I-"

"Please," she put a hand forward, "Call me 'Anna'. 'Ms. Smith' is what teachers and babysitters'll call me for years to come. For the next seven months I'd like to feel a bit more like a girl who's almost graduated Uni."

"Congratulations."

"I don't think so." Anna sighed, "I'm due right after I defend my thesis and because of the baby I won't be taking the job I had all lined up."

"Life's a bitch."

"It had a silver lining when they offered me another position with them. It's a remote one so I can work from home but right now that's-"

"Living with your parents?"

Anna nodded, "Not the kind of adult experience I wanted."

"Better than going back to live with your mother." He grinned at her.

"Did you do that Nurse Bates?"

"I did and if we're going to be on a first name basis here, call me 'John'."

"My best friend's fiance's name is John."

"It's a popular one. Popular singers, one of the best of Jesus's Twelve Apostles, and one of the worst Kings of England."

"He was always my favorite apostle." Anna ducked her head, "Though my stepfather's always been very insistent we're not supposed to have favorites since all of Christ's apostles are important."

"So are members of Parliament but it doesn't mean I like all of them." John grinned at her, "Not that I happen to like many of them anyway but that's neither here nor there."

"I can't rightly say I'm too pleased with many of them myself but I've a friend who's father's in the House of Lords and so it's a bit complicated for her."

"Must be." John checked his watch, "Well, seeing as I've been monopolizing all of your time, I'd probably be better off talking and checking you over now."

"I don't mind." Anna sighed, laying back as John helped her settle back on the cushions. "It's been nice to talk to someone not trying to convince me to seek Jesus's forgiveness or trying not look at me or telling me to live up the fact that I'm a survivor."

"Then I guess I chose the right profession."

"Midwifery?"

"With a dash of psychology." John grinned and carefully positioned Anna's legs as he dragged the ultrasound over. "You'd be surprised but I find my first job has helped me a lot with this job. Much to my surprise and the surprise of quite a few patients."

"And your classmates?"

John shrugged, "Most of them thought I was a pervert."

"Because you're a man?"

"It's sexist but a man in this job is usually thought to be someone looking to sneak a peek at vaginas all day." John squeezed out some of the gel. "Careful, this'll be cold."

"I'm fine." She shivered all the same when he applied the gel and then directed her attention to him as he checked the monitor. "Did you?"

"Did I what?" John moved slowly, only glancing over at Anna for a second.

"Did you become a midwife to look at vaginas all day?"

John laughed, "No. If I wanted that I'd watch porn."

"Do you?"

"Watch porn?" Anna nodded and John shook his head, "Not since I divorced."

"Is it too impertinent to ask why?"

"Fictionalized sex isn't fun when you realize you're not having any sex at all." John stopped, adjusting the settings on his machine. "Plus, once you've had the real thing it's not as interesting."

"It's not?"

John stopped, "I don't want to make any assumptions or cast aspersions since you're the 'vicar's daughter' but you've had sex for pleasure before yes?"

"A couple times but I can't say it was too pleasurable."

"Young sex can be a bit harry." John shrugged and started another run with the scanner. "But once you get better at it and you have some background on your partner it gets better. And no matter what anyone tells you, porn isn't the same and it's never as good as the real thing. Especially since you're usually watching something so unbelievable it's almost too ridiculous to believe."

"So…" Anna frowned, "Why become a midwife if you're not trying to get a look at all the vaginas in the greater York area?"

"Funny as it might sound," John stopped the machine and smiled at the picture. "I wanted to help people."

"Weren't you helpful as a therapist?"

"As a psychologist I thought I was but I realized that making a good deal of money in America telling rich people they could blame their problems on their parents wasn't… as fulfilling."

"Really?"

"What's better than telling you that sound you're hearing with that picture," John tapped the screen and turned up the sound, "Is your baby's beating heart?"

Anna gasped, both hands flying up to cover her mouth. John tapped the buttons to print the picture and handed it to her, waiting until her shaking fingers settled enough to take it. He smiled as she stroked over the picture.

"When you come back in a month or so we might even have a head for you and two months after that you can start picking out colors."

Anna stopped, "I won't be picking out colors."

John bit his tongue, "I'm sorry, I assumed you were… that was insentive."

"No," Anna waved her hand, "It's not your fault. It's no one's fault really. I'm not… I'm not ever sure I want to give the baby away but there's a lot of pressure, from my parents, to give the baby up. They're set it up through my father's parish and…"

John covered her hand, "I think you need time to make this decision and no matter what, I'm here for you."

"As my midwife or as my therapist?"

John laughed with her, "Midwife first and then as your psychologist, at no additional charge." He helped her clean up and dismount the table. "Just let me know if you have any pain, trouble, or anything bothers you."

Anna took his card and turned to him, "It's odd. I feel like… like I could trust you with anything."

"I'm here for you. Patient care is my top priority." John removed his gloves. "It was in my last job and it won't change in this one, that I promise you."

"What a change though, otherwise." Anna tucked the card into her pocket. "From working on advising rich people how to better slough off their problems to helping women prepare to deliver babies."

"It was a change but the three years of training helped."

"Helped how?"

"Got me through the divorce that left my ex-wife in America with her now fiancé then adultery partner."

Anna covered her mouth, "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be." John waved her off. "I'm over it and she is too. Best part, the money I would've spent paying alimony for her went into this clinic and now I've got a job I love."

"You own this place?"

"It's a much better investment." John led her to the door but Anna stopped, her fingers twisting and pulling at one another. "Are you alright?"

"I… I know you're not a lawyer or anything but…" Anna bit at her lip, "Is there a chance my baby's father would ever get… rights, to the baby?"

"If you keep it?"

"Or if it goes up for adoption. Could the father ever take the baby or anything?"

John blew out, pushing a hand through his hair. "You're right, I'm not a lawyer but from what I know it'd be a bit difficult since he'd have to admit to raping you to even claim paternity. Then he'd be charged and hopefully imprisoned in Italy since it happened there." He shrugged, "At least, as far as I know."

"Do you know anything else?"

"I…" John nodded, "I do, and it's not good. The unfortunate reality is that it's not impossible for him to sue for paternal rights if he wanted them. Personally I think you could fight it on grounds that he attacked you and would be an unsafe environment for yourself and the child in question."

"What if I put the baby up for adoption?"

"If he hasn't claimed paternity before then and it's all legal then the rights of the father would be, far as I know, usurped by the adoptive parents. Just like you wouldn't have a right to your baby anymore, he wouldn't either."

"What if they-"

John held up a finger, "If there's proof you weren't willing and there wasn't consent, then it's undeniably rape and that's grounds for keeping him away. Further, injuries to you would prove previous malicious intent and a possible unsafe environment in the future and it…" He stopped, "Can I help you up onto the table to check something?"

"What?"

"Your cervix. It won't hurt, I promise." She nodded and John helped her onto the table, smiling to reassure her. "Won't take a moment."

He ducked under her skirt, pulling on gloves before checking around a moment. Emerging, and snapping the gloves off his fingers, John sighed but there was a wince to his expression. "This might be a bit more difficult than I thought."

"Why?"

John hurried to soothe the panic on Anna's face. "It's not a big thing and it's easily fixed."

"What is?"

"Incompetent cervix."

"Other than the context clues, what does that mean?"

"It means the body doesn't have the strength to contain the weight of the growing baby and the in self-defense prematurely delivers the baby at about three months." Anna paled but John put his hand over hers. "It's easily fixed. I add a stitch when you come by next month to get a clearer picture of Baby and then you're all good until just before your due date when I remove the stitch."

Anna nodded, a little color returning and tightening her grip on his hand. "What causes it?"

"Sometimes it's genetics, sometimes it's a previously difficult pregnancy or especially hard delivery, and sometimes it's-"

"Rape." She finished, taking her hand back. "He broke me, didn't he?"

John nodded, "In this case I'd say it was because of the rape. Which I'll write in my report and if he ever comes claiming rights to the baby I'll claim he already made it unsafe."

"What does the stitch do?" Anna cut over him, ignoring the comment.

"It'll give strength to the opening of the cervix. Help you hold Baby's weight as it develops inside you."

"That simple?"

"That simple." John reached for her hand again, "It's going to be alright."

She laughed, "You seem awfully sure of that."

"It's the training. We're always sure." John helped her down from the table again, "And if you're worried about anything, again, just call me."

"And deny someone else your care and attention?"

"They'll manage." John opened the door, "It was nice meeting you Anna."

"Thank you, Nurse Bates." She held up the card, "I won't forget."

Her mother came to her side and hurried her out as John picked up his list, "Ethel Parks?"

The rest of the day almost dragged by until the last patient made her way from the clinic. John noted the last details on his report before walking to the front desk and handing over the stack of reports from his room. The woman behind the desk took them, noting the names in her register.

"You spent a long time with Ms. Smith." She flicked her eyes toward him and John shrugged.

"She needed a bit more calming than the others."

"She's a single mother, like half of the women we saw today."

"Yes, Nurse Crawley, but unlike Ms. Parks or Ms. Moorsum, she wasn't abandoned by a shitty boyfriend or left a widow while pregnant." John sighed, "She's one of the… other cases."

Nurse Crawley stopped, swiveling in her chair to face him. "Is there a father in the picture?"

"She wouldn't know him if she saw him and I hope he never tries to make a claim on that child." John rubbed at his eyes. "And her mother's… odd."

"I know Mrs. Smith from church and she's the kind of woman who abhors a scandal or making a nuisance of herself." Nurse Crawley paused, "She's got a twitch about her that makes me think back to my general nursing days."

"Think back how?"

Nurse Crawley set the files to the side and tapped the edge of her desk. "Did they train you on abuse victims?"

"They told us some of those asking for abortions might be victims of abuse." John shuddered, "Incest and rape victims, mostly, in that case."

"But did they talk about what those women might look like?"

"It wasn't a part of my training I took a lot of care to remember." He shivered again, "That whole unit gave me nightmares for a week. The things people can do to one another."

"And now you've got one in your care." Nurse Crawley held up the file. "Did she ask for an abortion?"

"She's too religious and I've a feeling her very scandalized mother wouldn't abide the practice." John cleared his throat, "The mother you were just about to explain to me."

"Right. Like I said, we're in the same congregation and I get the impression that the fire and the brimstone the Vicar happens to cast about in his sermons isn't the only kind of wrath he rails down."

"I didn't see evidence on Ms. Smith of sexual abuse… beyond the obvious but she documented that to me."

"So your thorough notes tell me." Nurse Crawley sighed, "And I'll admit, I don't know much about Ms. Smith's relationship with her parents but I get the uncomfortable feeling that it's not a happy relationship."

"The Vicar's her step-father and they're trying to arrange an adoption for the baby."

"Probably best." Nurse Crawley returned to entering the information in the system. "The idea of having to look at the evidence of a horrible atrocity can be more than some mothers can bear."

"Unless they need the comfort having a baby gives." John mused, only realizing he spoke out loud when Nurse Crawley raised her eyebrows at him. "I know we live in a new generation or whatever but let's be honest, men are still backward in how they view women with children. They're not too keen, generally, in taking on that kind of struggle."

"Would you do it?"

"I always wanted children and, at this point in my life, I've given up on the chance of having any of my own." John sighed, signing the forms Nurse Crawley pushed toward him. "Given that I'm divorced and worked as a midwife, most women believe I'm either a pervert or secretly gay."

"Perhaps both if you're super religious." Nurse Crawley took the forms back. "And there are a few doctors willing to take on the GP position you offered to house in our clinic."

"Oh?" John tucked his pen back into his pocket, "Who?"

"There's a Tony Foyle, coming back from a humanitarian tour in Ethiopia." Nurse Crawley pulled some files loose. "A Charles Blake, surgeon and neo-natal specialist but that's recent. He's done a few spectacular neo-natal surgeries and that's what got him interested but we'd have to share him with the local hospital."

"We're not against sharing here." John read the files quickly. "And I don't mind making him a locum if necessary. Might be nice to get a friend at hospital willing to take our cases that the patients know. Eases some of the fear and tension."

"Did you tell that to all of the patients you put in asylums?"

"They're not called that anymore and I only had two patients that needed specialized psychiatric care at that level." John held up the last file. "And this one?"

"You could read it and find out for yourself." John frowned and Nurse Crawley sighed, "Evelyn Napier. He's new and a bit green but he's sincere."

"I'll meet with all of them and then make the decision." John gathered the files, "Anything else I need before I head out for the night?"

"Sybil starts tomorrow and you've got another round with Ms. Moorsum. To make sure she's comfortable with the hand off to Doctor Clarkson."

"Right," John nodded. "I hated having to tell her she might need more tests. It's already enough she knows the baby'll be disabled."

"At least she's warned. Fifty years ago the baby's born and then what do you do?" Nurse Crawley finished her work and shut down the computer. "They had institutions for those children and insisted you sent your babies there since the State could care for them better than you could."

"Not to mention they thought it was all your fault?" John snorted, "To think, when my mother was gestating, her mother smoked and drank and she turned out fine. A pregnant woman takes sip of wine these days and we're all batting down the hatches for severe developmental problems in the child."

"Sometimes the survival of the human race makes me wonder if we're not just a virus on this earth."

John stopped, facing Nurse Crawley. "I don't know if I've said this before, Isobel, but I expected you to be a bit more hopeful about life."

"Usually I am."

They walked out to the carpark together, the sounds of the early evening greeting them. John walked Nurse Crawley to her car, "Could I ask you something that might be… impertinent?"

"If it's an indecent proposal I'll take it with gratitude."

"Really?"

"Of course. But I'll have to refuse you on principle."

"Because I'm your boss?"

"Because I don't date younger men."

John laughed, "Then let me put you at ease by assuring you it's not one of those requests."

"I'm a little let down now."

"Anyway," John shuffled, "Would you investigate your theory about Mrs. Smith a bit for me? I need to know if I should recommend Ms. Smith not stay in her parents home while she's pregnant. The stress might harm the baby and the mother."

"I can make a few discreet inquiries." Nurse Crawley shrugged, "Doctor Clarkson would be the best person to ask. Any trips to the A&E without adequate excuses are usually documented and mentioned to local police."

"You think Sergeant Willis might have something?"

"He couldn't tell us if he did. It only works the one way." Nurse Crawley got into her car, "But I'll ask. You never know what you might turn up."

"Thank you." John raised a hand as she pulled away, turning to his own car. His commute only took a few minutes and he pushed the door open, calling out, "Mother?"

"In the kitchen."

He set his things in his office and made his way to where his mother pulled something out of the oven. "That smells divine."

"Better than you do." She scrunched her nose, "All antiseptic and gel."

"Sorry." John took a chair. "How was your day?"

"You wouldn't believe what you can do when you just read books all day." She held up an iPad. "I've been devouring all the books you loaded on here and let me tell you John, they're amazing."

"It's all the cheap classics Mum." John hurried to his feet as she came toward her but she waved him back to his chair.

"I'm old, not dying."

"But your surgery-"

"Was six months ago and with titanium in my hips and knees I'm the Bionic Woman. I'll outlive you now." Setting down the meal and taking her own chair she looked at him. "What's got you all morose there John?"

"Did you ever regret having me on your own?"

"What a question for dinner." She took a moment then shook her head, "No. A lot of people thought I would but you were my pride and joy. I couldn't be anything by excited by you and what you did for me."

"Even after Dad…"

"Your father, may God forgive him, made his mistakes. Whatever they were, they were his and not mine." She paused, about to dish something onto her plate. "Why'd you ask?"

"A woman came in today, almost graduated from Uni and about to start her life, and she's debating keeping a baby her parents want her to give up for adoption."

"They're not giving her a choice?"

"I don't know if she knows it's her choice." John hurried to explain, "Emotionally, I mean. The circumstances… they're not great and I think she's dealing with a lot of trauma."

"Then it's a good think you're qualified to handle that trauma."

"I don't think anyone's qualified to handle trauma." John sighed, "But I did talk with her today and I think it helped her."

"Then that's all you can do."

"I just-"

"John, listen to me because I'm only saying this once." He met his mother's unwavering eyes. "You tell that girl nothing but facts. You leave your opinions out of it. Whatever she decides it's her decision. You're not a psychiatrist anymore and therefore what you have to say is limited to her health and the health of that baby."

"I know but-"

"John?" She warned and he nodded.

"Got it. Emotions in the bin."

"Right." She handed him his plate, "Give that girl her sovereignty and you just act in accordance with her wishes. That's what we do as midwives."

"Why don't you come and work for me?"

"Because I'm too old for that."

"But not to give me advice?"

"I'll never be too old for that John." She winked, "Now eat up, you've got work to do downloading more books for me."


	4. Good Christian Girls

Anna packed up her bag, gathering her last pen before it rolled off the desk. Someone tapped the corner and she smiled up at Gwen. "Hey stranger."

"Hey yourself." Gwen nodded at her, "How's the little lemon?"

"You're not calling it that."

"Sea monkey?"

Anna groaned, "The baby is fine. I heard the heartbeat yesterday."

"And? The regular pitter-patter of a human or the steady thump of a zombie? You are carrying low."

"It sounded like a tiny drum." Anna smiled to herself, "It was beautiful."

"Do you have pictures? I assume you do?" Gwen leaned in as Anna pulled out the ultrasound photo. "Oh, Anna, it's adorable."

"I know."

"Look at that shapeless mass there and-" Anna snatched the picture back as Gwen grinned at her. "I hope it has your eyes."

"I guess we can hope it looks entirely like me." They walked into the corridor, emptying of students as they all hurried to other classes or to their evening activities. "I don't know if I could stand to see if it looked like anyone else."

Gwen nodded, running her fingers along the strap of her bag. "Has there been any development there?"

"No," Anna shook her head. "The police there know nothing, the hostel didn't have cameras, and everyone else was either still out or passed out."

"Do you think…?" Gwen stopped, biting her lip, "I know this is a horrible thing to suggest, but do you think it was someone on the trip?"

"I've had those nightmares but I can't imagine anyone on the trip being that…" Anna flailed, "I don't even have words for it."

"Yeah," Gwen shook her head, "It was stupid to say it. I just… I just don't imagine some bloke wanders into that building and lucks out to find you there."

"Whatever happened I'm trying to put it as far behind me as possible."

"Before your behind sticks out farther than you thought possible?"

Anna swatted at Gwen again. "You're no help at all."

"Just stay fit and don't fall to any crazy cravings and you'll be fine." Gwen pulled her keys from her bag, "I ran into Mary the other day."

"No one just runs into Mary." Anna leaned on the passenger side of the car and waited for the click before pulling the door open. "Why were you meeting with her?"

"Seems there's an opening since the designer they wanted for the office job'll be a little busy nursing a baby." Gwen pointed at herself, "I got your original offer and they'll transfer me another office when you're capable of bringing the little gurgling Sea Monkey into the workplace and using a table like a normal person."

"You make it sound like I'm going to be an alien for awhile on an anthropological mission."

"I was hoping you'd focus on something else in that whole statement." Gwen shifted in her seat, "You're not angry I accepted the job are you?"

"We both need to eat, Gwen. And they already offered me a job so…"

"But," Gwen shrugged, "Something about it still feels like I cut into your underbelly."

"My belly's fine." Anna patted the area. "And I think Crawley Creations'll be lucky to have the two of us working on their projects."

"Until we break away and form our own company." Gwen spread her hand across the windshield like she was wiping down a sign. "Dawson and Smith, Decorators Extraordinaire."

"Let's not settle on that title just yet." Anna jumped and reached for her vibrating phone. Her face scrunched and Gwen leaned over enough to read the caller ID and give a scoff of her own.

"Don't answer that."

"It might be important."

"If he's calling it's because he wants to invite you to a party or he's hoping to cheat off your work." Gwen made air quotations with her next phrase, "I know what 'study groups' with Alex Green mean."

"Fine." Anna tapped to send a message instead and tucked her phone away. "And if you took the job at Mary's then what happened to London?"

"John didn't get in to the London school he wanted so he's going to America." Gwen tried to wave away Anna's immediate argument. "It's only two years and I'm taking every holiday I can to visit him. Then we'll find a place where he'll get hired and we'll… see where we go from there."

"He's still not asked you?"

Gwen shrugged, "John's practical and I understand that."

"He could do to be a bit more romantic." Anna rested her head back against the seat. "I guess if he's what you want then who am I to stand in the way of that?"

"He is and I think he wants to be that for me but he's got this weird complex that says he's got to be 'this tall to ride' and he doesn't think he's gotten there yet."

"Doesn't help your father sits the Queen's Bench." Anna shuddered, "I'm never doing a holiday meal at your house. Made me feel like I was under cross examination the whole time and that horribly misguided term in law came back with crushing force."

"Says the girl who's father wouldn't stop preaching to me about the evils of living with a man before marriage." Gwen wiped at her sleeve and finally put the car in gear to drive out of the lot. "I couldn't have John sleep in the same bed for a week I felt so guilty."

"At least he didn't tell you that your promiscuity brought down the judgments of God." Anna muttered quietly and Gwen turned to her at the light. "He's convinced this baby's a punishment for skirts that are too short and not honoring my parents."

"Technically he's not your parent."

"Depends on which law he decides he'll follow." Anna shook her head, "It gets even more odd when he says that my not being able to travel the world as a writer for Mr. Crawley's agency is a blessing because then I couldn't corrupt the innocent into making a move on me."

"What a stuck up bastard." Gwen seethed, banging her hand on the steering wheel. "I'd strangle that douchebag with his own collar and then suffocate him with a condom if he wasn't so convinced he'd go to Heaven as a martyr to his cause for the act."

"Your dedication to that thought is admirable." Anna pulled her phone out, "He'll just keep calling."

"Then block his number and tell him to go f-"

"Hello?" Anna glared at Gwen as the other woman scowled behind the wheel. "Yes this is she."

"He already knows it's your phone? Who else is going to answer it?' Gwen muttered to herself but Anna shot her one more look before sticking a finger in her free ear to make sure she could hear the voice on the other end. "Could you repeat that? I missed it."

"Charles and I are having a party tonight, celebrating end of term, and wanted to know if you want to come."

"I don't go out so close to exams, Alex."

"It's just a small thing."

"All the more reason to stay away." Gwen hissed and Anna turned even more away from her to listen.

"Alex, I've got a lot of studying to do and I've got some perspective applications to write."

"We all know you already got that job working for the Crawleys." He snorted over the phone. "And we're thinking of making it a study party."

"That's not what's going to happen Alex. I'm tired, I've got exams to prepare for, and I'm not drinking anything stronger than tea."

"I'd think not after you gave yourself alcohol poisoning in Rome." Alex's voice laughed and Anna ground her teeth when she heard others laughing in the background. "It's just a few drinks Anna. You can bring Gwen if you think she'll help you cap a limit."

"No thanks." Anna ended the call and shook her head, clicking a few buttons to block the number. "I should've listened to you months ago."

"He's been insufferable all four years we've been in this program and only got worse after Rome." Gwen sighed, "Not as bad as Charles though."

"I didn't expect him to drop out but I guess when your father's the Dean and Ethel makes a big announcement you're the father of her baby there's only so many ways to save the family reputation." Anna propped her elbow on the door and rested her head on her hand, closing her eyes. "She was there yesterday."

"At the clinic?"

"Yeah." Anna opened her eyes, "I guess she wasn't just trying to get him to grow a pair and get it together to marry her."

"I've got an uncomfortable feeling they were sleeping together for longer than their little trysts on the Italy trip." Gwen shuddered, "And knowing Ethel, she'd be so invested she'd take Charles's dare."

"What dare?"

"There's been some talk around a few of the girls from the Prague trip last year-"

"The ones who went home early?"

Gwen nodded, "They say Charles likes to challenge himself."

"I hope you're not talking about a ménage à trois or anything."

"French terms might not go amiss but no," Gwen shook her head, turning down a little street. "He liked to try the pull out because he apparently prefers to go bareback. He dares girls to test his skills and I think Ethel might've been dumb enough to take him up on it."

"Gross." Anna made a face. "They invented condoms for a reason."

"Something your…" Gwen stopped, "I still think they should've demanded a sample from everyone in that hostel. They could've matched them."

"You're assuming he was there and didn't immediately skip after the fact." Anna forced herself to look forward as Gwen pulled the car to a halt outside a cottage that resembled those on either side brick for brick but for the large cross hanging in the window.

"The woman at the desk said no one checked out."

"She was asleep when we got back with our espressos, Gwen." Anna grabbed her things, "Just… I need to move on and it's not helping if I keep thinking about how all these things could've been different. I need to focus on the future and right now that is my thesis and those exams."

"I'm sorry." Gwen put a hand to her hair, pushing her red locks back from her face. "I just… I can't help but feel guilty."

"Why would you feel guilty?"

"Because I should've stayed with you. Made sure you got back to your room safely and then it wouldn't have happened." Gwen stopped Anna speaking, "I'm not looking for you to make me feel better about it and I don't want to make this about me, because it's not, but I let you down Anna. And I have to live with that."

"You didn't let me down." Anna covered her hand, "It's not something we could've ever seen coming."

"I know." Gwen wiped at her eyes, "What about the Sea Monkey. What's going to happen to it?"

"Mum and the Vicar still want me to put it up for adoption." Anna sighed, "I've not decided but they keep pushing these papers in my direction and telling me all about this couple desperate for a baby."

"Then they should try adopting a baby someone's actually set on getting rid of." Gwen turned toward the house, sticking out her tongue as the cover of the window pulled back. "Tell them to suck eggs and stop forcing you into decisions."

"It's difficult to tell someone that when you live in their house rent free."

"Now that you've got a job lined up I'll let you take our spare room rent free until you've got enough cash to pay for the spot." Gwen shrugged, "With John leaving in two months for school in America I'll need someone to take half the bills."

"You do realize you'd be answering to the beck and screams of a baby in that scenario, right?"

Gwen shrugged, "We've got a couple of night-time gymnasts I think need a bit of disruption to their routine."

"I'll think on it." Anna opened the door, "But I might still decide adoption's the best thing anyway."

"But let it be your choice, Anna, not your parents'." Gwen shuddered, "If I didn't know your father personally I'd wonder how you grew up with that woman."

"It's his birthday the day after my defense." Anna smiled to herself, "How cool is that?"

"I think we should find a way to celebrate." Gwen waved at her, "See you bright and early tomorrow. We've got a mountain of notes to start reviewing."

"Don't remind me." Anna shut the door and turned up the little garden path to put her key in the door.

But it opened before she could fit the key to the lock and a tall man in a black suit with a prominent white collar stood there. "You're late."

"Our class ran over." Anna tried to enter the door but he blocked her. "I'm sorry I'm late but I came as soon as I was able."

"That red-headed harlot kept you in her car for-"

"Oh for shitssake." Anna pushed past him, "She's not nearly the harlot you seem to think she is. She's got a steady boyfriend."

"They're not married."

"And we live in the twenty-first century." Anna went to walk down the corridor but his hand landed on her shoulder and turned her around to face him.

"I'll not have such flagrant flaunting of God's law in my house."

"Then it's a good thing you only know how to do missionary position in the dark."

"You-"

"Darling?" Both turned toward the sitting room as the door opened and Anna's mother entered the corridor with a stretched smile. "I think you forgot that we've company."

"Company?" Anna peeked into the room and her eyes widened at the sight of Nurse Bates and a younger woman with him. "Nurse Bates, I thought the next appointment was next month."

"It is." He smiled at her, standing to shake her hand and then the Vicar's. "I'm here to introduce you to Nurse Sybil Crawley, she's-"

"Sybil." Anna dropped her bag to embrace the woman. "I didn't know you'd already got your posting after you finished your course."

"My Dad got me the interview." Sybil shrugged, "He and Nurse Bates are old friends. Said they needed another trained nurse and midwife and I thought, why not?"

Anna turned back to John, noting the slightly stunned expression on his face he tried to wipe off in a hurry. "Sybil's the younger sister of my future boss."

"Mary's going to be your boss?"

"Yes. I'll be working at her design firm as an interior designer and architect."

"Ah," John nodded, "Studying the Roman structures in Italy."

"Yes." Anna hurried to find a seat as her mother and stepfather took their seats on the sofa, close but not intimate. "Learning all about design and engineering."

"The beauty is in the expression of mathematical principles expressed with art from the soul." John smiled, "That's what my maths professor once said in the one and only lecture I ever attended."

"Did you want to be an architect?"

"Nothing so ambitious." John shook his head, "I was hoping to be an artist."

"Why didn't you?"

"I decided whittling was the most artistic I would ever get and that was fine."

"Our Lord and Savior was a wood carver," They all turned their heads as the Vicar spoke. "There is nobility in the humility one gains in the working of wood."

"Do you carve, sir?" John turned his attention to the Vicar but the other man would not meet his gaze.

"No. I'm entirely occupied by my duties to my parish."

"Then your hobbies must be religion?" John whistled, "That's a fascinating endeavor."

"It's a lifetime commitment."

"And you're all the more noble for it." John turned to Anna, "We actually came by because we need to discuss your options."

"Options?" Anna caught the paling of her mother's face. "You don't mean to suggest she should…"

"Abort the child?" John shook his head. "I'm not of the mind to recommend that kind of action."

"It's against God."

"Be that as it may, Vicar," John held the man's eyes locked with his, "We do recognize that if Ms. Smith wants to take that route she's entitled the to the care we can give her."

"To kill a child of God is a sin."

"Then you're against the death penalty as well?" John waited as the man fumbled for words. "I respect your religious observance, sir, but I also need Ms. Smith to think in her best interests."

"She's carrying life inside her."

"But she's still got her agency." John faced Anna. "I'm also here to recommend you find another residence for gestation."

"What?" Anna looked at her parents. "Why?"

"Because I think you need the space to make your own decisions about the life of the child inside you." John did not look away from her. "It's about what you want, Anna, and not what anyone else wants for you."

"It's not her decision, it's mine as the head of household." The Vicar was on his feet but John stood as well, matching him hair for hair.

"According to the laws of this land and the health codices by which I live my life, Vicar, she's the one in charge of her body. It's her decision and yours is whether or not you'll respect that or continue being the arrogant prick I think you are."

"Leave this house."

"With pleasure." John picked up his jacket, facing Anna again. "It's your decision, Ms. Smith, and I encourage you to remember that. You're the master of your fate."

"The captain of my soul?" Anna murmured and John nodded.

"You are invictus." John turned to Sybil, "Ready?"

"Yes sir."

"Good evening to you all." John nodded at them, shaking Anna's hand, and then leaving the house with Sybil on his heels.

"Such insolence and disgusting depravity in my own house!"

When the door snapped shut Anna returned to her seat, her thoughts drowning out the droning rave of her stepfather. She ran her finger along the pattern in the fabric of the arm, drawing circles there as her eyes glazed. Thoughts sped across her head like maglev trains until two hands grabbed her shoulders and shook her.

She turned her head up, fighting her way free of her stepfather as he seethed at her. "You'll never see them again. You don't need their devilry or their science."

"We live in the modern age, not the Puritanical one." Anna grabbed her bag, "I'm not going to reenact _The Crucible_ here with you."

"You live in my house."

"And I do my part to live here but I don't have to join your cult of personality."

Anna shot her mother a look and left the sitting room. She reached her room and shut the door, drawing the bolt across it as her stepfather continued to rage in the sitting room. Dropping to her bead, Anna put a hand through her hair a few times to calm herself. When her breathing evened Anna dialed Gwen's number and flopped back on the bed to listen for her voice.

"Sup sister?"

"That offer for your spare room still open?"

"You willing to spend a lot of time in your room with the noise-canceling headphones I'll buy you?"

"I'll take my chances." Anna snorted, "Especially since I know you're not having that much sex."

"Who said I was protecting you from the sex sounds I make?" Gwen laughed into the phone. "These are for the sounds from the neighbors."


	5. Conflict of Interest

John smiled, rubbing his hands together quickly and pulling the gloves from his pocket. "It makes them warmer so it's not cold on your skin."

"Probably good since I've been really sensitive down there lately." Anna's face went redder than the sweater she wore. "I'm… that was… I'm so sorry I-"

"I'm your midwife," John smiled at her, taking a stool. "I need to know these sorts of things in case they indicate something."

"Does this?"

"No." John brought his table of instruments closer. "Just that you're pregnant and your body's reacting the best way it knows how."

"How does my body know how to react?"

"Thousands of years of the female chromosome telling the body how to bring the next generation to life." John ducked his head to investigate, smiling over at Sybil as she took notes in the corner. "If it were men the human race would never've gotten this far."

"Why'd you say that?"

John popped his head up, "It took a hundred years for men to invent the helmet after they invented the athletic cup. Tell me that doesn't tell you we're idiots."

"I'd never say it with you in the room."

John pushed his stool back, pulling off his gloves. "Then I'll give you both some privacy."

"Don't get sore Uncle John." Sybil handed over a form for him to look over and sign as Sybil snapped on her own set of gloves. "She's just teasing."

"I should hope so." John smiled at Anna. "Baby's doing exceptionally well so we'll just have Nurse Crawley here take a look for the rest of the check if that's alright."

"It's fine." John noted Anna teething her lip. "Never thought I'd have one of the Crawley Sisters down in the reaches, if you know what I mean."

"I'm familiar with the term." John came toward the head of the bed, looking over the form. "Anything you've noticed with Baby or yourself lately? You weren't due in for another three weeks."

"I know." Anna pulled at her fingers, hissing a moment. "That's cold."

"Sorry." Sybil cringed, coming around Anna's legs. "It's the gloves."

"She'll be done soon." John took a seat, bringing Anna's eyes back to him. "What brought you back in? And alone, I see."

"My mother's not speaking to me since I moved out."

"Ah," John bit the inside of his cheek. "I should apologize for my reaction at your parents' house last week. That was… highly unprofessional of me."

"I gave him hell in the car for it, just so you know." Both turned their heads toward Sybil's voice, her head covered by the blanket over Anna's legs. "Thought it was bloody insensible of him."

"Overtaken by passion for my job." John shot a glare at Sybil and turned back to Anna. "What are the conditions of your new place?"

"I'm living with a friend and her boyfriend for the moment."

"Any stairs or a lift?"

"It's not a tall building, maybe three stories at most."

"The stairs are good for you, if you're up to taking them. It'll keep your body moving and Baby might like the exercise, the movement could help with sleep patterns when it gets a bit larger and starts moving about." John made a note on the form. "What about the air or the environment?"

"We've got some noisy neighbors but otherwise it's smoke free, no drinking really, and we're all getting along." Anna chuckled, "I've got sound canceling ear plugs from when I'm sleeping, just in case either the neighbors of my flatmates decide they'd like a go at making one of these for themselves."

Her hand caressed her stomach and John teethed his lip a moment. "Have you given more thoughts to the idea of adoption or if you're keeping it?"

"Some but all I know for sure is that I'm not giving my baby up to someone at my step-father's church." Anna shuddered, "They're good people but I can't bear the thought of it."

"That's fine." John shrugged, "We've got some pamphlets here and I know a few counselors who could set up a meeting or two for you, if you're looking for options."

"That'd be helpful." Anna ran a hand over her stomach as Sybil pulled back, nodding in John's direction.

"She's all finished John."

"Perfect." He turned on his stool, "Could you give us a moment, Sybil?"

"Do you need me to take the next patient?"

"Just wait outside the door a moment." John watched Sybil leave and then turned back to Anna, her legs now down on the bed as she sat up. "Have you considered a private adoption?"

"How's that different?"

"Instead of an agency you'd have the interested party meet with you directly. You wouldn't have to go through anyone and you'd get to vet them yourself. All details would be worked out between the two of you, and your legal representation, and then settled without having to get a lot of paperwork involved the way an agency would."

"Do you know someone who'd-"

"Me." John held her gaze as Anna's jaw dropped.

"Oh… I didn't know you were…" She interlaced her fingers, folding and crossing them before finally meeting his eyes again. "Is it because you pity me?"

"No." John shook his head, putting his hand over hers for a moment and then drawing back. "It's because… Because I think we can help each other."

"Help each other?"

"You're still not sure about whether or not you want to give your baby up and that's completely understandable. It's terrifying and having never been through any of what you're enduring myself, I can't imagine what you're dealing with."

"It's been… Nothing like what I saw myself going through when I was ten and dreaming of having children one day."

"Then here's my proposal." John pointed at her abdomen. "You let me adopt your baby and it'll be an open adoption."

"What's that mean, exactly?"

"It means you'll still have access to your baby. You'll get updates, visits, and whatever else we work out between us. Baby, for all emotional purposes, will still be yours but legally mine. That means I cover costs and raise Baby but you'll still be the mother Baby knows." John shrugged, "It'll mean some changes to your care but nothing too difficult."

"Changes how?"

"Firstly I can't be your midwife if I'm adopting your baby. It'll represent a conflict of interest."

Anna nodded, "Is that why you introduced me to Sybil? Because you wanted her to take over for me?"

"It was part of the idea." John flexed his jaw, "I'll admit you've been on my mind, Ms. Smith since-"

"Anna." John frowned and she smiled. "It's 'Anna', remember?"

He cracked a smile back, "You've been on my mind, Anna, you and your baby. I've been wracking my brain for what I could do to help you and this came to me."

"But taking on the responsibility for a child… It's monumental."

"I'm a bit better prepared for it." John sighed, "I always wanted kids but my wife said it was never the right time. When she was out of town on a business trip, that I later found out was a romantic rendezvous with her boyfriend, I got a call from her hospital confirming a follow up to a surgery where she'd tied her tubes."

"What?"

"It was the last straw, in our marriage, and the moment I realized that if I ever wanted kids I'd probably already missed my chance." John swallowed, blinking at the tears forming in his eyes. "Your story, the one you entrusted to me, wasn't something I pitied. It was something that struck me to the core and I wanted to do whatever I could to help you. It might be selfish but this helps both of us."

Anna nodded, leaning back against the table a moment before nodding. "I'll do it."

"You will?"

"I think you're right, John." Her hand reached over to cover his. "We both can get something out of this and it gives us what we want. You get a child and I get to make sure that my baby gets a good home. I couldn't have guaranteed that before."

"Then I'll just tell Sybil and she'll finish up in here." John stood, shaking Anna's hand. "It's been a pleasure being your midwife Anna."

"And I've enjoyed you as my midwife, John."

"I'll just get Sybil to finish up your exam." John walked out of the room, beckoning Sybil over from where she spoke with Nurse Crawley.

"Yes?"

"You'll be taking Ms. Smith's case from now on."

"Already?" Sybil's eyebrows brushed her forehead. "You've already built up a report. If I came in at this point-"

"It's going to be a conflict of interest if I stay as her midwife." John signed off on the forms and handed them over. "If you've any questions then I'll be happy to consult but I won't be in charge of her primary care. That'll be you. Are you ready for it?"

Sybil took a deep breath and then nodded. "She's a friend of my oldest sister, John. I'll take good care of her."

"Then see to your patient Nurse Crawley." John smiled, stepping back from the door so Sybil could enter. As it closed, he walked over to the desk with Nurse Crawley and pulled Anna's file toward him. "Please make sure that Ms. Smith's contact information is given to Sybil and that Ms. Smith has Sybil's contact information."

Nurse Crawley turned to look at him, her eyebrow raising to a perfect arch. "Is there something I need to also note in her records?"

"Nothing unprofessional." John handed over the file. "We'll be working through a private adoption and it'd be unprofessional if I continued as her midwife in those circumstances."

"You want her baby?"

"I've always wanted a baby, Isobel. The fact that a young women with a confusing situation walked into this office and needed someone she could trust to take care of her baby was gilding on the lily." John paused, "Did you happen to gather anything substantial from Doctor Clarkson in terms of Mrs. Smith or the Vicar?"

"There've been several incidents of cuts and abrasions ascribed to home accidents that would indicate that either Mrs. Smith is suffering from an onset of Huntington's disease or she's being physically abused in her house by her husband." Nurse Crawley handed over a file and John opened it to read the contents. "Doctor Clarkson had nothing to report in terms of Ms. Smith's condition but there was something interesting in the Vicar's file."

"What?" John flicked his eyes up, flipping a page over to continue reading Doctor Clarkson's notes.

"He received a rather bad wound to the leg when Ms. Smith was around twelve." Nurse Crawley smiled to herself, "If I was a betting woman, I'd say he attempted something he ought not to've and got stabbed in the leg for his trouble. Explained it as a gardening accident with a trowel but who's gardening at two in the morning?"

"I've got a neighbor from my place in America who insisted his sprinklers only worked if they fired off at four in the morning." John handed the file back. "Anything else about him?"

"Only rumors." Nurse Crawley tucked the file away. "They say he might've molested a child in his former parish but I've got the feeling that's not what happened."

"What makes you so sure?" John pointed at the file. "He's obviously capable of abuse and the stab wound in his leg suggests he's gone for the chance again."

"But convenience is a factor and he's not one to take the confessions of children or even have them helping in the church. He's got a short temper and he's a perfectionist." Nurse Crawley shook her head, "He's not the best vicar I've ever had and he's not the best man I've ever met but he's not that kind of man. I'd swear to that."

"To the same God he's preaching about?"

"To the God I believe in, yes."

"That's not really an answer." John frowned, "What makes you so sure?"

"I'd swear on it because I feel there are a number of people worried about it to the point they jump at shadows because they're convinced monsters wait in every corner." Nurse Crawley handed over three files. "These are your interviews for this afternoon."

"Perfect." John took the files, "And what did Doctor Clarkson say about the Mrs. Moorsum's condition?"

"She should deliver just fine and he's already given her the information for the classes she needs as well as putting her in contact with the organizations that'll help her work through her baby's blindness." Nurse Crawley went back to typing at her computer. "It's amazing what we've available these days."

"The world is simply full of miracles." John took the files to his office, "And when Mr. Foyle comes, please just have him knock on my door."

"I think you need a secretary for all this administrative work."

"But you're so good at it." John winked and headed into his office. He was not waiting long before knuckles rapped on his door. "Come in."

He looked up and then stood, wiping his hands on his scrubs to extend his hand to the man in the suit. "Mr. Foyle, yes?"

"That's right." The man gave a smile, firmly shaking John's hand and then taking a seat in front of the desk. "I'm honored you gave me an interview."

"We need a GP for some of our women. Someone that'll see them through their own sickness instead of just having someone worried over Baby." John shrugged, "It's their health that gets forgotten in the rush occasionally."

"Makes sense. The older generation sacrificed for the older generation."

"Unless you live in Traditional China."

"Sorry?"

John waved a hand, "Not a problem. Tell me about what you saw in Ethiopia."

"The better question is what didn't I see there?"

"Then I guess I need you to tell me why you want to work at a midwifery hospital." John put his elbows on the desk. "What makes us more appealing than a cushier position down at a big hospital in London?"

"I'm a Yorkshire man, Mr. Bates, this is where I belong." Mr. Foyle pulled at his tie. "My father passed a short time ago and I do have a responsibility to my father's company and his title but I want to do good while I'm doing it."

John pursed his lips, nodding. "Then I think I need to recommend you to Doctor Clarkson instead of me."

"Mr. Bates?"

"You need to feel needed and here… It's not like Ethiopia and you'll have more flexibility with him than me." John stood, extending his hand. "Give me five minutes and you'll be in his office within an hour, if that's alright."

"That's…" Mr. Foyle shook his hand, "I'm confused, baffled, and honored all at the same time."

"And I'm sorry I don't have more for you but it's the right decision." John took his hand back, "I wish you luck Mr. Foyle."

"Thank you." He left the office and John hurried to dial a number on his office phone. "Doctor Clarkson please. Yes, Doctor, I've got someone I need you to meet and probably hire. He'll be at your office within the next half hour. His name's Tony Foyle. Yes, that one. He'll be right over. Thank you. Let me know if you need anything else from me."

John hung up the phone and opened the door to his office, handing over a card to Foyle. "Be there in twenty minutes."

"Yes sir." He dashed away, just missing a man in the hallway.

"Mr. Napier I assume?"

"Yes sir." He took John's hand, "I'm so grateful you gave me the chance to speak with you."

"And I'm impressed by your courage. Please," John held the door open for Napier to enter and then followed him in. "Your CV didn't have a lot of experience."

"No, it wouldn't." Napier rubbed his palms over his trousers. "I'm looking for a locum position with you."

"Not a full-time position?"

"I'm not confident enough for that kind of thing."

John laughed, holding up a hand. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to offend you. I'm just curious where you're hoping to get the confidence if that's not it."

"As you said, Mr. Bates, I'm green and I don't want to jump into something where I've not got experience. I think, with the locum work, I can adjust better. Besides, I know I'm not your first choice."

"Do you?" John pulled a face, "What makes you think so?"

"I passed Charles Blake outside and I know he's the better option."

"How'd you know that?"

"He trained me at hospital. He's a specialist and he's very good at what he does. More than that he's fair, not prideful, and interested in the welfare of his patients at the cost of everything else. That's the kind of man you need taking care of the expectant mothers here."

John sat back in his chair, "And you'd be willing to work under him, as his assistant if necessary?"

"I like working with Dr. Blake and I think you would as well."

"You're not very good at selling yourself are you?"

"I've not got very much pride either, Mr. Bates, and I know that I can do good here but it's not where I'm meant to stay."

"Then what brought you in this direction?"

Napier ducked his head, "A woman."

"Good a reason as any." John stood, shaking Napier's hand. "These have been the fastest interviews I've ever conducted."

"Dr. Blake'll be even faster than this was." Napier took his hand back, "Should I send him in?"

"Is it even worth it?"

Napier shrugged, "You still need to meet him."

"Send him in then." John waited all of two minutes before he extended his arm for the fifth time that hour. "Dr. Blake, it's a pleasure to meet you."

"I'm going to assume you've already planned my schedule and the first patients I need to consult." Dr. Blake took his hand back and John laughed.

"I think I have." John ran a hand through his hair. "The job's yours."

"Excellent."

After the lightning round of interviews, John slumped into his chair and tried to work through a pile of forms and paperwork. Eventually it filed into folders and drawers and scanners to load onto his computer. When he finished he passed by Nurse Crawley's desk, waving goodnight to her on his way to the carpark.

He reached the outside and stopped, noticing Anna pacing the area. John turned a circle, looking around before he approached her. Her earbuds were tight in her ears and her mouth moved along like she was saying something but no sound came out. A tap to her shoulder brought Anna from her reverie and she yanked one of the buds from her ear.

John took a step back, holding his hands up. "Sorry."

"Oh, no, it's nothing." Anna waved a hand. "I was… It's a short walk to my university from here and I was waiting for Sybil. She's giving me a ride home and I needed to study."

"You could've come inside."

"That's very kind but I needed to pace and look like a mad person and I felt it was better to do that out here where it's not too unusual." Anna shrugged, "If I stayed near the buildings then I'd have to fend off classmates and other people."

"Anyone in particular?" John closed his eyes, clacking his teeth together. "Sorry, that wasn't any of my business."

"It's… I didn't…" Anna stopped, laughing, "We're both a bit of a mess about this."

"Don't know why since I've already…" John stopped himself, "You're right, we're a bit of a mess about all this."

"I guess it's been some time since you've had a friend?"

"Been awhile since I asked a woman if I could adopt her baby." John shrugged, "And a bit of time since I've had a friend."

"You've asked other women for their babies?"

"That's where your mind went?"

"Where else could it go?" Anna grinned at him. "Besides, I'd hope we were friends since you are going to take my baby."

"Me too." John chewed the inside of his cheek. "Do you think it'd be too odd if... If I asked for your help with something?"

"What?"

"When it gets a bit closer to Baby being born, I was curious if you'd like to come with me to buy things for it. The crib and the stroller and all that."

"Any particular reason?"

"I've never done it before and, horrible as it sounds, a man going to shop for baby supplies alone looks like a pedophile so…"

Anna laughed, "I guess I could see where you might be the subject of some unfair prejudice."

"So you'll come?"

"I think I'd be honored to come. It'll feel like I'm more involved with it all."

"Then I'll tell you when I've got the room ready." John put out a hand and then withdrew. "I wanted to thank you, again. What you're doing… It's more than I could ever have hoped for."

"It's you who's doing me a favor." Anna ran a hand over her abdomen. "And for as much as I think part of me wanted to keep this baby it'll be better with you."

"Any particular reason?"

"I'm a bit worried it'll look too much like whoever the father is." Anna shrugged, "And I'm not prepared for this."

"You're not the first to be in this position, I promise you." John waved a hand back at the building behind them. "There are women and girls through there everyday feeling overwhelmed."

"And you help them all?"

"Not like I'm helping you but yes, mostly." John smiled, "It's my job."

"You're good at it."

"Thank you."

They stood close to one another and John shuffled, as if to get closer. Anna closed the distance and they both swallowed as their eyes met. For a second their heads seemed to tip toward one another but then the door knocked on the side of the building and John backed up in a hurry, almost tripping himself.

"Anna I'm… Oh, I'll see you tomorrow Uncle John." Sybil waved at him, joining Anna to guide her to the car. "You alright?"

"Just tired." John raised his hand to wave them off. "Have a good night."

"You too John." Anna raised her hand to match his and John watched them drive down the lane until the car turned out of his vision.

"You're in trouble John."


	6. Better Neighbors

Anna cracked her eyes open, almost jumping out of her bed when a hand came over her mouth. She tried to scream and then noticed the finger over the man's lips as he tried to get her to quiet down. Narrowing her eyes, Anna opened her jaw as if to bite and finally recognized John.

"What are you doing?" She hissed when he took his hand away.

"I need your help but I need to surprise Gwen."

She twisted her head to see the clock and scowled at him, "And you had to wake me at the crack of bloody dawn like a serial killer to do that?"

He shrugged, "Sorry."

Anna fought her blankets back, grabbing in the dark for her dressing gown. "If I hadn't been living with you this long, I might think about taking something heavy to your head."

"And if I weren't trying to get your help proposing to my girlfriend I might understand."

She stopped moving, sweatshirt half zipped up around her slightly protruding abdomen. "Excuse me?"

"I need your help to propose to my girlfriend."

Anna threw her arms around his neck and hugged him so tightly he wheezed at her, tapping her shoulder with repetitions of the phrase, "Tap out... Tap out, Anna."

"Sorry." She released him and he massaged his windpipe. "Why didn't you say something earlier?"

"Because I've had a time keeping everything a bloody secret." He jerked his head toward the door and Anna slipped her feet into her slippers to follow him to the kitchen where the makings for breakfast waited. "I had to get your boss on board, her parents, and at least three people from my job so she wouldn't find out."

"Find out what?"

He took a breath, "I did get the deal in London."

"Then you're not going to America?"

"No," He shook his head, "And it killed me to lie to her about it but I needed her off the scent until I could make sure the flat would come through."

"Gwen'll be through the roof when she knows you lied to her."

"She would be if any of her plans had been solid. Like I said," He winked at her, cracking eggs into the skillet and giving a smile when Anna took on duty with the toaster. "I talked with Mary Crawley."

"That's not something every boyfriend would do for his girlfriend."

"Exactly." The spatula he had in hand tipped toward her a moment but nothing spilled to the floor as he added all the fixings for a detailed omelet. "It will tweak her plans a bit but now I don't have to wait to propose. I've got it all worked out and all I need her to say is 'yes'."

"You know Gwen might be tempted to say 'no' after the emotional rollercoaster you put her through right?"

"She might but I kind of doubt it." He paused, facing Anna. "I didn't monumentally screw this up did I? There's still hope for me, right?"

Anna rubbed his shoulder, pointing to the bacon. "You'll be fine if you include about six pieces of that."

"Gwen doesn't like bacon."

"I do and if you want her on your side you'll need me to help you tie off this lie." Anna took out the toast, buttering it before arranging it onto the plate he already stacked on bed tray on the counter. "But I don't foresee too many problems."

"You don't?"

"No," Anna faced him, putting away the details of the meal before pouring herself a helping of cereal. "You're a good man John, and she's been head over heels for you for years."

"You're just saying that."

"Nope." Anna counted out her pills, sorting through the vitamins, prenatal pills, and other mineral supplements. "We talked about you in Italy."

"You had time to talk about me in Italy?" John snorted, "I thought you'd be too busy for that."

"Not too busy for you." Anna swallowed her pills and doused her bowl in milk to eat it quickly. "She's never been too busy for you."

He smiled to himself, flipping the omelet and taking it to the plate to leave it steaming nicely as he covered it with a plate. "What about you?"

"What about me?" Anna continued eating, holding her bowl as she leaned on the counter.

"I assume you'll want to stay here right?"

"I can't afford this place on my own and the only other people I'd want as flatmates are either moving to London or already living with other people." Anna shook her head, "Maybe a month away from my mother's mellowed her enough to stop insisting on a church adoption."

He shuddered, "I couldn't imagine anyone your stepfather chose as parents being anything short of zealots or buttoned to the collar weirdos."

"Probably a bit of both." Anna finished her cereal and swallowed the last of the milk. "But someone else is taking the baby so that's not going to be a worry for me."

"You found someone?"

Anna nodded, rinsing her bowl. "My midwife… or, ex-midwife technically, suggested I do a private adoption."

"Will you leave it as an open adoption?"

"He suggested I do." Anna helped him cut up the fruit for the rest of the meal and pointed the orange juice from the fridge he could use. "It'll give me a chance to still be in the baby's life without needing the worry the adoptive parents that I might spring from the woodwork and take the baby back one day."

"Would you want that?" John's face scrunched up, whether at the question or because he was analyzing the presentation before him with utmost precision, Anna could not tell.

"I don't think this baby needs me to take it back." Anna shrugged, "I think he'll make a good father and that's enough for me."

"Wait…" John held up a hand, "Your midwife was a man?"

"Don't tell me you're about to say something sexist."

"I've just never met a male midwife." John snorted, "Did he do it to-"

"If you're about to ask if he's obsessed with vaginas then no, that's not why he did it." Anna smiled to herself, a hand subconsciously rubbing over her growing bump. "He did it because he wanted to help people."

"That's noble." John added the finishing touches to the tray. "Sometimes we think there's only one way to skin a cat but that's just not true."

"I like the idea there's more than one way to skin a cat." Anna sighed, "But it doesn't get rid of my most pressing problem."

"The flat?" Anna nodded and John shrugged, "We'll still be here until the end of the month. You've got a bit of time."

"Not much." Anna checked the time on the oven. "If you don't hurry she'll be out of bed before you can get the tray down and the ring on her finger. Once she's in the shower it's game over."

"Unless I want to be in there with her." Anna scowled and John grabbed the tray, "Never mind. I'm on it."

Anna went toward the stove when she heard John clearing his throat from the doorway. "Need someone to manage the door?"

"I was actually hoping you'd film it for us." He winced, "Please?"

Anna huffed, leaving a tea bag in an empty mug, and followed John down the small hallway. He nodded toward his pocket and Anna extracted his phone without touching his butt, flipping it open as she entered Gwen's name and initials to unlock it. "You should invest in better security."

"It's what makes it special."

She snorted, opening the camera and readying the video function. "Ready?"

John nodded and Anna stared filming, opening the door and letting it swing wide to get John in the shot with the tray before following him into the room. He set the tray on the floor and knelt next to Gwen's side of the bed. Anna frowned at the dim picture in the video and edged around the room to turn on the light to the en suite so the picture turned a dusky yellow.

Gwen groaned from the bed, her forehead furrowing as John took her hand and ran his fingers over it to wake her up. "John? What are you doing up?"

"It's our anniversary." He smiled, kissing her knuckles and Anna zoomed the camera in on them while trying to not feel like an intruder on their private moment. "And I needed to ask you a really important question I think you've been waiting too long to hear."

The catch in Gwen's breath almost echoed Anna's as John twisted to lift the tray and leave it on Gwen's lap before setting the open box next to the breakfast omelet. "Will you marry me so we can move to London together and let all the mail at our new flat say, 'Mr. and Mrs. Harding'?"

If Anna had not been the one filming the occasion, she might have thought the shriek that ripped from Gwen's throat was that of someone on the receiving end of a mad killer's knife. But only the deft motions of John managed to remove the tray, save the box, and accept the flinging arms Gwen wrapped around his neck to cling close to him.

"Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!" She pulled back long enough to take the ring so she could push it over her finger. Her eyes barely took in the simple band and stone, took overcome with gazing in loving adoration at the man kneeling on the hardwood floor next to the bed. "Of course, yes, I couldn't… You make me so happy."

Anna ended the video, saving it as Gwen and John exchanged kisses and breathless gasps, before making her way to the door. The phone dropped onto the top of the dresser before Anna slipped out of the room, closing the door with a click. She walked back to the kitchen, pulling her dressing gown around her, and sighed to herself as she finally filled the kettle for tea.

A short time later, her eyes now pouring over an uneven stack of textbooks littering the table and a second mug of steaming water taking the tea bag she dunked and swirled inside, Anna looked up to see Gwen enter the kitchen. The damp sheen to her dark red hair and the robe lacking seams to indicate the presence of other clothing underneath it, had Anna snorting into her notes. Gwen cringed, the tinge on her cheeks matching her hair, and made herself a cup of tea with the remaining water in the kettle.

"I guess you really did get that shower he wanted." Anna sipped at her own tea as Gwen joined her at the table. "He was so hoping."

"I hope you didn't hear anything."

Anna held up her headphones, "These are the best thing I ever bought myself after I moved here."

"We're not that bad."

"It was for the neighbors." Anna sighed, turning a page in one textbook and then flipping a few in another before making another note. "But I won't have to worry about them anymore will I?"

"Oh Anna," Gwen covered her hand with her own, avoiding the pencil. "I'm sorry about all this."

"Why should you be sorry?" Anna squeezed her hand back, "You're making your dreams come true and I won't stand in the way of that."

"But-"

"Hey," Anna stopped Gwen, meeting her eyes. "This is what we were talking about on that rooftop in Rome. This is what we wanted for you. This is good and I don't want you sparing too many thoughts in my direction about it."

"But I feel bad that I offered you this spot so you didn't have to live with your mother and stepfather and now you might just have to go back to them."

"Or maybe I find a place of my own. Exams are almost done and I start work next week. I could get Mary to give me an advance and get a quiet little flat or something close to the office." Anna shrugged, "It'll be great."

"Even better since you don't have to find a place to put a pram and a crib?" Gwen stopped herself, "I'm sorry, that was-"

"No, you're right, it'll make it easier since I won't have to worry about neighbor complaints." Anna bit her lip, pencil tapping against her notebook a moment before she pushed back from the table. "I just remembered. I think I've got an exam today."

"We don't take Hughes's final until tomorrow."

"No, I think I've got a check at the clinic."

"Again?" Gwen frowned, leaning over the back of her chair as Anna tried to guzzle her tea and dumped what she couldn't finish in the sink. "Weren't you just-"

"Baby's growing and they want to make sure the stich is holding."

"Then let me drive you." Gwen finished her tea, following Anna's lead in dumping the leftover down the sink. "I've got to get some things from campus so I can copy you and start studying."

"Alright then."

Anna hurried into her room, gathering random things and pushing them into her bag before she realized what she was doing and stopped. Her sat on the edge of her bed, shaking fingers running over her pajama trousers before she could finally take deep breaths. One of her muscles tweaked and Anna stood, trying to stretch out the area until the twitch eased.

With her body under control and her mind a bit calmer, Anna set about getting ready. When she reentered the kitchen her hands grabbed for books, organizing the ones she needed and tucking them into her bag as Gwen entered. They barely spoke to one another and went to Gwen's car in silence.

As Gwen pulled around to the clinic she put a hand on Anna's arm. "I'm sorry, about what I said earlier. It's a delicate situation and I didn't think. I just spoke and-"

"It's alright." Anna patted her friend's hand and opened the door. "I might stop by the library later, to go over those essay questions if you want to get a little group going."

"Yeah, I'll do that." Gwen hurried to say as Anna left the car.

It peeled away from the clinic and Anna walked to the doors, biting at her lip before forcing herself inside. The interior was all but dead so Anna took a seat in one of the comfier chairs. A small table next to her served its purpose and Anna spread a few books over the surface as she propped up her feet on a rolling ottoman.

She scribbled another note when someone cleared their throat. Anna jumped at the sight of a man with dark hair standing over her. "I'm sorry."

"It's no trouble." He smiled at her, pointing to the books. "I take it architecture's not your hobby."

"No, it's my major." Anna gathered her things, checking her phone for the time. "Sorry, I was just looking for a place I could hide for a bit."

"No need to worry." He pointed to the chair next to her and took a seat. "I'm Doctor Blake, the new GP here."

"Is Mr. Bates still…?"

"He's still running the show. I'm just here for home visits and consultations on issues that could be bigger than Baby and you." He shrugged, "Also to give some of the more nervous mothers a nice, familiar face if they have to go to hospital."

"Does that happen often?"

"We're still breakable. Even if it's nothing to do with Baby you can still get sick." He extended his hand, "And which patient are you?"

"Anna Smith." She shook his hand, "One of the first time mothers."

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

"Isn't it?"

"Absolutely not. There's a first time for everything." Doctor Blake paused, "But I get the feeling you didn't come to clinic for a place to go just because it was convenient."

"I…" Anna stopped herself, frowning as she tried to find the words.

"Did you come here to talk to someone?"

Anna nodded, "It's hard to explain what I'm feeling to someone when they're not exactly in a position to understand."

"Isn't it odd how no matter how normal we all think pregnancy is that each of our situations is still so unique?" Doctor Blake stood, "Let me see if John is in and I think he'll be a good one to talk to. He used to be a psychiatrist you know."

"I did."

"Wait here." Doctor Blake walked back toward the offices and Anna finished packing her things.

She stood up, as if to leave, and almost ran into John. He caught himself, an arm whipping out to catch her, and his other arm extending out to stop the drop of his…

Anna laughed, pointing at it. "You eat ice cream at nine in the morning?"

"Don't tell my mother." He helped Anna right herself and cringed. "She doesn't understand the benefit of high calorie sugar early in the day."

"Can't say I really do either. It'd spoil my appetite."

"Don't tell me Baby's not a fan."

"Oh Baby loves it," Anna ran a hand over her abdomen. "I can almost feel it spinning with joy whenever I get a chocolate fudge brownie or something."

"It's a good choice." John sucked some of the ice cream off the top of his cone, masterfully managing to keep anything from dripping. Anna followed the movements of his tongue and then shook herself when she realized he said something to her.

"Sorry?"

"I asked if you were here for a check up." John closed one eye, as if thinking. "I don't remember you on today's rosters."

"I'm not. I'm here…" Anna sighed. "I needed someone to talk to but mostly I just needed to escape my flat."

"Another rough situation?"

"It's been great… although that's another things." Anna clutched at the strap on her bag. "Could we talk somewhere?"

"Sure." John finished his cone, wiping his fingers with hand sanitizer and some tissues before motioning toward the door. "It's still warm enough if you want to take a stroll outside."

"Good for Baby?"

"Good for you." John opened the door for her. "Give me a minute to make sure my GP knows."

Anna waited outside, running the sole of her trainer along the pavement until John joined her. "You find Doctor Blake?"

"You met him?"

"He went looking for you earlier when I said I needed someone to talk to." Anna sighed, "I think part of him wanted me to say something to him but..."

"You don't know him yet and it's normal to be hesitant." John led the way fro the clinic, keeping to the outside of the pavement so Anna would not be near the road. "Besides, I'd want to be someone you confide in about Baby."

"Since you'll be the father?"

"Exactly." John paused, teething his lip a moment before speaking again. "But also because I care about your Anna."

"As a patient?"

"As a friend." John put a hand on her shoulder, stopping them both. "I do hope you know that. Your life isn't all about Baby just because it's taken up residence inside you."

"I'm more than an incubator you mean?"

"Much more." John pointed toward her bag. "That wouldn't be bulging with textbooks if you were just supposed to kick your feet up and wait for Baby to come. You've got a life to live and I want to help with that if I can."

"Then can you explain to me how, even though I'm giving Baby up for adoption, it still hurt this morning when my friend said it was lucky I didn't have to shop for a new flat with Baby in mind? Or buy a pram or find a room for a crib?" Anna sniffed wiping at her eyes as tears formed at the edges. "Why does it hurt?"

"There are a lot of reasons." John nodded them into a park not far from Anna's campus, leading them toward the swings. "First could be that you're still unsettled by having Baby at all. There's a lot of trauma to pregnancy, even when totally planned, because your body's changing. Everything about life as you knew it changes and that takes getting used to. You've only been at this four months and since Baby changes everyday that takes getting used to."

"Will I ever be used to it?"

"Maybe not." John shrugged, moving himself back and forth slightly on the swing. Anna matched his movements, the gentle rocking calming her a bit. "But the other issue could be the simple nature of Baby's conception. That's even more traumatic and I don't know if there's a way to help you cope with it but that's something that has to be realized and handled."

"You think you've got a big enough couch for that problem?"

"I don't think anyone's got a big enough couch for that problem and if they say they do they're lying to you." John reached over, covering her hand where it gripped the chain on the swing. "But putting all that aside, it's maternal instinct to love and protect your baby."

"I've not even met it. I don't even know the sex."

"Doesn't make a difference." John kept his eyes on her. "It's biological to love your child and your baby will always be your baby, no matter what else happens."

"Is that why you suggested an open adoption?"

"Partly." John shrugged, "I also wanted to give you the chance to get to know your baby when you'd had time to process. I didn't want to risk that you'd regret having given Baby up and I didn't want Baby growing up thinking it's mother didn't love it."

"I wouldn't want that either." Anna focused on the sandy dirt under her feet, pushing into it with the toe of her trainers. "And I didn't think I wanted a pram or a crib but realizing I won't be a part of it…"

"Then let me offer something that could be a little strange." John took a breath, "Me adopting your baby might already be odd so I'll understand if this seems like a bridge too far."

"What?"

"Since you've indicated you're not in a precarious housing situation, let me offer you a place at mine."

"I couldn't-"

"Just until Baby's born. Then we can reevaluate." John shrugged, "I've got the extra rooms since the only other person in my house in my mother. They'd be on the first floor so you wouldn't have too many stairs to worry over as you get bigger and while my mother can be a bit much she's also a trained midwife so if you had any troubles at home you'd have someone right there."

"It's starting to sound a bit spoiling." Anna frowned, "But I couldn't accept charity."

"It's not charity and it's a bit selfish on my part." John ducked his head, the ghost of a smile tweaking his lips. "I'd like more company than just my mother and I'd like to have you there for when I need to decorate Baby's rooms. It'd give me peace of mind about your living conditions and Baby's health. More to the point, it'd help me with the payments because I'd make you pay rent."

"You would?"

"It wouldn't be much and you could even compensate with cooking."

"I don't cook."

"Then it'll have to be cash only so we can invest in take-away." John extended a hand, "Are you up for it?"

Anna watched his hand and then took it. "I accept."

"Perfect." John stood, helping her off the swing. "Do you want to see it tonight?"

"I should. I've got to move out by the end of the month."

"Then it's a good thing I'll be free labor."


	7. Three's a Crowd

John stepped back to the doorway, allowing Anna to investigate the room and the en suite without crowding her. "What do you think?"

"It's nice." Anna ducked her head out of the bathroom. "You're not loud are you?"

"How so?"

"Snoring, sleepwalking, and… Other things."

"Other things?" John frowned, "What kind of 'other things' do you mean?"

Anna leaned into the bathroom but John caught a hint of red on her cheeks through the large mirror over the sink. "You know… in your bedroom and… stuff."

"And stuff?" John tried not to snort his laugh, covering his face with his hand when she turned back to him. He straightened, coughing to regain his composure. "If you're asking about nighttime noises of a sexual nature, it's difficult to bring someone back to yours when you live with your mother… for a number of reasons."

"She still have good hearing then?" Anna came out of the bathroom, admiring the remainder of the room and opening the closet.

"Only the best when it's inconvenient to me." John shrugged, pushing his hands into his pockets. "More to the point, I've not taken a lot of time to date lately. Between my divorce and setting up the clinic I'm not really the world's most eligible bachelor."

"You've got a nice pad for it." Anna motioned to the room around her. "This is a beautiful room."

"I do like the wood paneling, keeps it quaint." John ran a hand over the doorjamb. "And it was a good price, when you think about it."

Anna shuddered, "I've actually shuddered to think about that part of adulthood. I've been dreading it and, therefore, avoiding it as long as I've had to think about my personal housing crisis."

"I'd guess that the generations under my own suffer in that regard more than mine did." John sighed, "And there's me going out of my way to betray my age."

"I already figured you were a bit older than me." Anna winked at him, pacing from the wall and counting her steps before turning and narrowing her eyes at a corner. "This could work really well, space wise."

"And… otherwise?" John ground his teeth lightly as Anna turned back to him.

"I won't say that it's the only option I have but it's just about the only option I have at this point." Anna walked back over to him, extending her hand. "You've got yourself a deal, if for nothing more than for me to not have to move back to my mother's house."

"Consider it settled." John took Anna's hand, shaking firmly for a moment and then releasing. "Want to meet your other housemate?"

"I probably should." One of her hands brushed over her abdomen. "She'll be 'Gran' soon won't she?"

"In about six months she will." John paused them in the hallway, at the bottom of the stairs. "I don't know if there's a way to express this but I couldn't be more grateful for what you're doing for me."

"I'm just glad a bit of good could come out of this."

John pointed down the corridor. "Do you want to see Baby's room?"

"You've already got something there?"

"Well…" John cringed, "Not exactly but… You'll see."

He led her down the hallway, opening the door at the end and stepping back with a grimace. She whistled as she entered the room, holding her bag on her shoulder as she surveyed the ladder, the cans of paint, a twisted tarp, and a mix of furniture in the middle of a floor surrounded by half painted walls. John almost buried his head but Anna's laugh pulled him to look at her.

"It's funny?"

"It's a disaster." Anna turned a circle, facing him. "But it's possibly the truest mark of a father I've ever seen."

"I guess it is." John waved a hand at the room. "There's something different about being the father to a child I think."

"How so?"

"Well," John found a stool, pulling a sanded but unpainted rocking chair over for Anna to rest in. "For the mother, the baby gestates in her. She gets the cravings, the growing pains, the dietary restrictions, and the limitations but she also gets to feel the movements. She's the sound the baby knows because it works off her heart. They've had babies that would only be soothed by resting on the mother's heart because they instinctively recognize the sound."

He let his hands drop, blinking quickly. "For as much as science can expand and make changes, it could never give me that."

John only lifted his head when he felt her hand on his. He covered hers, wiping at his eyes as she spoke. "For all the romantic notions you have about how great it is to have Baby kicking around in here, it's nothing compared to what you'll give Baby when it's born."

"You mean this mess?"

"I mean this effort." Anna leaned back in the chair, rocking in it and smiling to herself. "My mother always said my father was a nervous wreck before I was born. Constantly moving things from one room to the next, waking up every time I cried, and treating me like I was a priceless thing."

"You must've been a terrible Daddy's girl."

"I was." Anna smiled, rocking on her toes. "It's what made it so hard when he died. I didn't just lose my father, I lost my best friend. I could tell him anything and trust he'd keep it between us. He listened to every little, inane thing I said and responded back. We talked for hours about nothing at all and then snuck ice cream together… drove my Mum mad."

"I wish I had that with my father." John moved his fingers, starting when he realized they were still intertwined with Anna's but she did not move back so neither did he. "He passed when I was young so…"

"That's a shame."

"Depends on who you ask. He wasn't… He wasn't the best of men. He died in a car accident because he was drunk driving."

"Did he drink often?"

"No more than the next man but he wasn't great with money and so he didn't leave us much when he died. It was horrible but we managed."

"I guess we all make our mistakes." Anna sighed, her other hand brushing just over her abdomen so her fingers stroked there. "My mother's was finding my stepfather an adequate replacement for my father."

"Replacement or place-holder?"

Anna shrugged, "I've no idea. He's…"

"A piece of work."

She snorted, "You certainly didn't leave the best impression on him."

"He's like something out of the worst Puritanical age of any religious fervor." John shuddered and then paused, "But I'd heard a rumor…"

"It's not true."

"It's not."

Anna shook her head, "For all the things my stepfather is- self-righteous ass being one of them- he's not a pedophile."

"Then why would someone make the accusation?"

"He canceled a youth trip because he found two of them having sex in a closet." Anna cringed, "Or as close to sex as you can have when you're physically illiterate and trying to replicate a very unrealistic move you saw in a very bad porno."

"He didn't find you did he?"

"Hell no," Anna let a full-body shiver take over her. "I couldn't imagine living through that shame."

"Which part would be the most shameful?

"First, because he found me, and second because no one knows what they're doing when they're young." Anna pointed at John, "You told me that."

"I've been young before. It was a long time ago but I was once."

"You're not as old as you'd like to think yourself to be." Anna rocked back in the chair, regaining her rhythm as their hands stayed together. "And you can't be thinking that when you'll have midnight feedings, diaper changes, and then the exuberant energy of a child discovering the world."

John smiled, "I guess I'll just have to find that energy somewhere."

"I guess you will." Anna ran her thumb over his knuckles and John shivered. It was enough that she noticed she still held his hand. In a flash she released his fingers, almost shooting out of the chair. "Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize I was still… Oh that's so embarrassing."

"It's not." John held up both hands, standing with her to try and soothe her. "I didn't mind it at all."

"Even if… I mean, we're just… I'm sorry."

"Being honest?" John held his hands out and then stuffed them in his pocket, the tingle of his knuckles staying there. "It was the nicest touch I've had in awhile."

"Really?" Anna's face scrunched, "Holding my hand was the nicest thing you've had in awhile?"

"You might be surprised but when you're a divorced man who spends his days consulting women about pregnancy, it tends to leave you a bit lonely and very drained." John shrugged, keeping his hands deep in his pockets to avert the temptation to grab her hand again. "My personal love tank's feeling little low lately."

"Love tank?"

"I read it somewhere." John risked a scratch at his head. "I might've actually stole that whole line, if I'm being honest."

"I like that."

"Which part?"

"Honestly." Anna took a deep breath, "I hope that we can be honest with one another, Mr. Bates. In everything."

"Of course." John shifted in place, biting the corner of his mouth. "But I've got a feeling you're saying that for more than just a way to avoid misunderstandings."

"We're in a… relationship, of sorts. It's very odd, I'll grant you, but you're going to be the father of this child the moment my pen touches those papers. And since I'm the mother of your child I think we should, for the sake of Baby, be honest with each other."

"It's a good example to set." John nodded at her, running a hand through his hair and then sweeping his hand toward the room. "Then, in the name of honesty, I will need your help with this."

"You're first problem is all the yellow paint." Anna pointed to the large windows. "You need something that'll keep the light in the room. Do a powder blue or something. You could theme it."

"I'd hate to set expectations that soon."

"As a midwife don't you know that babies don't even have great vision? Their depth perception is supposedly horrendous."

"Because someone asked a baby that?" John laughed, leading Anna out of the room. "Why blue, by the way?"

"I've always liked blue. It's comforting, reminds me of Easter, and looks fantastic with almost anything other color."

"I'll trust you to know that. My wardrobe consists of maybe five colors and one of those is black."

Anna frowned, "Black is, technically speaking, a shade."

"Then I've got three shades and two colors."

"No fun scrubs? Like some pink ones with bunnies or puppies?"

"No one takes me seriously as a midwife already? How I'm supposed to get them to think I'm capable if I'm walking around in pink scrubs with puppies dotting my chest and legs?"

"Fair point." Anna walked toward the sitting room. "But still-"

"You'll never convince him otherwise." They both jumped as John's mother came from the kitchen, holding a tray with three cups on it. "He wouldn't wear a green sweater for Christmas when we wanted festive pictures."

"Not even for Christmas?" Anna clicked her teeth at him. "For shame!"

"It had a garishly frightening tree on it with eyes that followed you around the room." John guided Anna into the sitting room as Mrs. Bates put the tray on a low coffee table between them. "I was sure she drew a pentagram on the floor to get it to show up."

"That's ridiculous." Mrs. Bates handed a cup over to Anna, winking. "I drew it on the closet door."

Anna laughed, trying to hold the cup stable as John only rolled his eyes from his seat and spoke. "Anna Smith, this is my mother."

"I'm sure she's figured that." Mrs. Bates handed John a cup and then took her seat in an overstuffed chair. "I'm the other housemate."

"Pleasure to meet you." Anna raised her cup to her, "Any strange habits I should know about?"

"I'm always bringing men home from bingo and they're usually taking a nightcap before they fall asleep on the sofa." Mrs. Bates snorted into her tea. "They're all wonderful but they eat breakfast at four in the afternoon."

"I've seen that movie." John blinked as Anna set her cup to the side. "It's _City Slickers_ right?"

"I'm impressed." Mrs. Bates turned to John, "You've not brought anyone to meet me who knew any quality films before."

"The only people you really met were my girlfriends in secondary school and they were all too nervous about meeting my mother they couldn't remember their own names."

"Oh," Mrs. Bates sipped her tea, "And here I was thinking you'd only attracting incredibly dull women."

John huffed, "The kind of women I attract and those you've met aren't always the same."

"I met your ex-wife." Mrs. Bates shuddered, turning to Anna. "She was a nightmare, let me tell you."

"I'd rather you didn't tell her." John shook his head at Anna, "I promise it's not worth whatever hell you'll endure hearing about all that."

"He's right," Mrs. Bates nodded, finishing her tea and setting it on the tray. "She was a nightmare and I shouldn't tell you about her, might put you off John."

"Mother! She's not-"

"And why's that?" Anna put her cup on the tray, pointing at John. "He seems an intelligent individual and I think I'd enjoy any kind of attempt at being 'on' John. He's kind, generous, and nonjudgmental."

"I've no right to judge anyone." John shrugged, "I've not always made the best of decision myself so judging others would be foolish."

"That's a very wise and very hard won piece of advice, John." Mrs. Bates patted his leg, "Good for you."

"Mum, if you can't play fair then you can't play at all." John wagged a finger at her, turning to Anna. "If, at any point, my mother makes you uncomfortable you can leave the room, or tell her to zip it, or…"

"I'm sure telling her where she can shove it isn't appropriate?" Anna finished her tea, face almost dropping at the exaggerated raise of Mrs. Bates's eyebrows. "Was that-"

"The best thing I've heard so far, Ms. Smith." Mrs. Bates extended her hand, "Welcome to our home. I do hope it's yours for however long you want to stay."

"That's very generous of you." Anna shifted on the sofa, pulling her phone from her pocket. "Not as generous as these jeans'll be when I've maxed out their capacity to spread."

"Shape like yours?" Mrs. Bates shook her head, "You've got at least another two months before you need to invest in stretchy, expandable waists."

"Then I've got time to write the eulogy for my waistline."

"It'll come back." Mrs. Bates stood, grabbing the tray, "Not like now but it won't be bad. You'll never be the same again and you'll probably pee a bit every time you sneeze from now on but that's what happens when you give up your bladder for your child."

"You make it sound like you donated a kidney to me at a very young age."

"I'd never go to that kind of trouble for you." Mrs. Bates took the tray into the kitchen, leaving John and Anna as she texted something on her phone.

"Something up?"

"Gwen's got a study group going for an exam we've got."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I forgot you've got a life."

"So've you." Anna put her phone back in her pocket, grabbing her bag. "But once exams are over I can start moving all of my things into the room and then we'll fix that disaster of a nursery you've got."

"I'll be happy for the help." John walked her to the door, reaching a hand out but retracting it before he touched her. "And… if you want a ride to your campus or-"

"I've got the bus. It'll be alright." Anna's fingers clutched her bag and they shifted around one another. "Well…"

"Well…"

"I'll…" She hurried forward, darting a kiss to his cheek and nodding. "I'll let you know when and-"

"I'll wait for your call." John swallowed, putting out a hand and catching hers. They shook quickly and Anna left, walking down the path toward the bus stop. He watched her go, waiting until the bus came before he finally shut the door, and jumped when he saw his mother standing there. "Geez!"

"Did I scare you from your peeping, Tom?"

"My name is John, which you should know since you gave me that name, and it's not peeping to make sure she caught the bus alright."

"This isn't a dangerous neighborhood and the bus hasn't had anyone die in their seats for at least three years." Mrs. Bates folded her arms over her chest, "Although I distinctly remember telling you not to get involved with that girl."

"I didn't suggest anything or tell her to do anything."

"She's moving into the house, John, and she's helping you decorate the baby's bedroom?" Mrs. Bates put up her hand. "Not to mention you're adopting her baby."

"And?"

"You don't think this is a conflict of interest?"

"I'm not her midwife anymore so there's no conflict of interest."

"You don't think there'll be a conflict of interest with the woman living in our house, having the baby you'll be adopting, who just kissed you on the cheek before you made sure she got safely on a bus?"

John sighed, rolling his eyes, "And if there is?"

"John, you know you couldn't handle it if she didn't return your affections. Even more so if she left and she decides to give someone else that baby."

"She's not that kind of person."

"You don't know that because you don't know her." Mrs. Bates sighed, "I think she's lovely and I think she'll be wonderful here. I'm just worried that-"

"She's not Vera, Mum."

"That I could tell from the moment I met her, trust me." Mrs. Bates shook her head, "You've always had a big heart John, it's one of your skills, but I also know that you'll be heartbroken if you keep building up this castle in your mind of what could happen."

"I'm not seven."

"No, you're over forty, living with your mother, and starting your second career in life while hoping that in six months you'll have a child." Mrs. Bates shrugged, "You need to face the fact that you're not thinking clearly about this."

"So what? I tell her to move somewhere else after offering her the room?"

"No. I'm advising you to let her make the next move." Mrs. Bates shrugged, "Unrequited love is better than a broken heart."

"You can't really believe that."

"You can bet your ass I believe it." Mrs. Bates let out a breath. "Now, I'm going to wish you a good night and hope you're thinking a bit more clearly in the morning."

John huffed, tightening his arms across his chest as his mother went up the stairs. "I detest how I'm over forty-years-old and you still make me feel like a teenager trying to justify why I need a car."

"John," She turned around, holding the banister. "You live your life the way you wish. If you want that woman to live in your house and throw your heart at her, be my guest."

"I'm not throwing anything at her."

"You've found yourself someone who needs you and you're latching, John." She shook her head. "Don't try to fix someone who's not broken."

"I don't like her because I think she's broken."

"Prove it." Mrs. Bates opened her hands at him. "Prove to yourself, if to no one else, that you're not attracted to this girl because she's going through a rough time under very rough circumstances. Because only then can you look me in the eye and say you're not trying to save her."

"I'm trying to help."

"That's the problem, John. You 'help' people you believe are beneath you."

"I don't think she's-"

"Not because you're condescending of because you're looking down on her but because you recognize a disparity in your positions." Mrs. Bates raised a finger. "When you can tell me you're doing this to 'serve' her, then you'll know you're doing it for the right reasons."

"Because saying I like someone who's bright and vivacious and enduring is a bad thing?"

"Liking someone because they're a survivor means you'll always see them in light of their pain and suffering, John, not because you're hoping there's more to them." Mrs. Bates nodded at him, "Good night John."

He waved to her, turning the corner to head down the hallway. With a turn of the knob he entered the nursery and slid his hands into his pockets. The room still looked a mess with all the accouterments scattered over the floor, but he smiled at the rocking chair in the middle of the floor. An image of Anna, sitting in the chair holding a bundle in her arms, popped into his mind and John tried to stuff it away.

But the thought persisted and he groaned. "Why does she always have to be right?"

He put a hand through his hair and bent down in front of the paint cans, snorting to himself as he read six different variations of the color yellow. Finding the one can with blue pain he levered the lid free and prepped a tray and brush for it. In minutes he stroked the brush back and forth across the wall to cover all the paint splotches he left with the yellow experiments. And when he ran out of the blue paint, John stepped back.

"I'm doomed if they both continue being right. The blue does look better than the yellow."


	8. Best Laid Plans

Anna pulled the tape gun over the last box, ripping it free and smoothing the tape onto the cardboard while Gwen scribbled on the side. She huffed, pushing her ginger hair back for the millionth time before tying it up to stop it falling in her face. With a snap she capped the marker and then shook her head as she surveyed the room.

"You know, if I knew you had this much crap I'd have said 'no, I won't help you as a way to celebrate us finishing our exams'."

"Please tell me what else you would've been doing in the hours before you ran off to Ethel's party?" Anna went to another box, wrapping a blanket in intricately sinuous patterns around a number of her more breakable keepsakes before nestling them in a box she then strapped closed with the tape gun. "I know there's a depression in the sofa cushion where you'd like to plant your ass to watch Netflix but what would that really accomplish?"

"It'd help me binge my way through the end of all the shows on there I've only half watched." Gwen wrote on the side of the box before drawing a line through another series of details on a piece of paper taking space on the kitchen table. "And it's not like this is tit-for-tat or anything."

"Meaning?"

"You're not going to be here to help us move." Gwen shrugged, "And I turned John down on a romantic evening because I said we owed this to you."

"I'm sure you'll get more than a few of those in London when you move there." Anna pointed to the last piles that Gwen studied with the marker in her mouth. "Those are just going in suitcases."

"Goody." Gwen clapped her hands sarcastically and slurred around the marker between her teeth. "He had a chance for a table at Merton's. Merton's, Anna. I gave that up for you."

"Well you're the reason I've got to move and since I helped him propose to you fair is fair."

"That's your version of fair?"

"It's one of them, yes." Anna checked the boxes against the list before helping Gwen sort the piles into the open suitcases. "There are others but I thought that one was pretty good."

"Then why's he not helping?" Gwen rolled a pile of shirts and tucked them deep into the crevices created by the rolled jeans and trousers. "If it's all about being fair then this is, technically, his fault."

"He's helping lift and carry after he's gotten us food." Anna peeked over her shoulder, hissing at the time glowing neon from the oven clock. "My John'll be over soon."

" _Your_ John is he now?"

"Don't be a prat."

"Then explain to me how you not only found the only male midwife in the entirety of Britain, got him to adopt your baby, and then ask you move in with him?" Gwen paused, three rolls of clothes slotted between her fingers. "He's not a weirdo starting a commune of desperate, pregnant women is he?"

"Do I look desperate?" Anna paused, glancing down at herself, "Do I look pregnant?"

"No. You'd only think you had a food baby right now." Gwen sniggered, "Remember when we used to name them based on the food we'd eat?"

"Like Spencerito if it was Mexican?"

"Or Spencerkos if we'd gone to Dancing Zorbas?" Gwen leaned on the almost-full suitcase and sighed. "Whatever happened to the best Greek food on the East side?"

"Health code violation if I remember correctly." Anna grimaced, "And I do remember us putting away far too many gyros once."

"We didn't get sick."

"It only takes once."

"That was my father's view on wearing protection." Gwen shook her head, "Did I ever tell you that his warning to me about making sure I had safe sex was a power point with pictures of my idiot brother?"

"I think he sat me down for that one." Anna shuddered, "I've never felt more awkward."

"What, your step-father's recounting of the Garden of Eden as the first evidence of women's original sin wasn't enough to make you take your Orders and join a faith?"

"My faith's just fine the way it is." Anna stuffed a last jumper in the suitcase under her and zipped it shut. "And my mother's attempt to explain how sex works, anatomically, was the worst. I could take my step-father preaching to me for hours and shrug it off but my mother refusing to meet my gaze for a week when she told me about the missionary position was pretty much the worst."

"That's why I'm all about the idea that the best teacher is experience." Gwen winked, zipping her suitcase closed and helping Anna start on the last one. "Most fun one too."

"And most expensive and hardest and-"

"And stop ruining my fun." Gwen swatted Anna with a rolled pair of tracksuit bottoms. "You'll be back to having some for yourself later."

"Because you're not worried about the kind of guys attracted to pregnant women the way you are about the man hoping to provide a safe home for the baby he'll be raising?"

"Some of those guys with fetishes are willing to go all out to make it happen." Gwen shrugged, shoving the bottoms into the case and reaching for another pair. "It couldn't hurt to build a nest egg."

"For the next baby?"

"I meant more for yourself but if you want kids in the future, sure." Gwen paused, "Do you want kids in the future?"

"I don't know." Anna busied herself rolling more of the clothes. "I did when I was younger but now… How do I face my other children and say 'you're actually not who you think you are because I had another baby I gave away'?"

"I wouldn't use those words but it's not as bad as it sounds." Gwen shoved two shirts in place. "Your midwife said he'd want to leave it an open adoption right? Wants you involved in Baby's life?"

"Yeah."

"Then you tell them that. Circumstances then weren't ideal and you adapted around them. Then, when you were ready, you had children in an environment a bit more desirable." Gwen stopped, hands on the suitcase, and faced Anna. "My parents divorced, right, and I deal with that. We don't live in a society tied to the idea of the nuclear family anymore. We make families with what we have and we adapt. Have a little faith in the next generation."

"They're addicted to Instagram."

"I'm sure you can become the mother who'll limit total computer time to half an hour a night and only let them out for an hour on the weekends."

"Prat."

"Prude." Gwen dodged the missile and caught it. "Look, it'll be fine and you'll deal with it then. If Nani could handle the fact that Lilo brought home a blue alien as a dog and they made a family then you can too."

Anna frowned, "Did you seriously just use _Lilo and Stitch_ as an example of how you're right?"

" _Ohana means family_."

"I'm not talking to you anymore."

"Then you'll have to work in silence and-" They both stopped as someone knocked on the door. "I'll get it. Might be John with the food."

She crossed the sitting room as Anna packed the last shirt into the suitcase and zipped it closed. When the door opened Anna raised her head and smiled at Gwen's dropped jaw. John, Anna's John, stood there with his keys around his fingers and waved.

"Hope I'm not interrupting." He looked over himself, "And sorry I don't have food."

"You're not the John I was hoping would have food." Gwen finally managed. "You don't know any of my preferences."

"That's fair." John smiled, extending his hand. "John Bates, midwife."

"So Anna's told me." Gwen leaned on the door, narrowing her eyes as if to size him up. "Honestly I thought you might be a figment of her imagination."

"I don't know if that's a compliment or insult so I'll take it neutrally."

"Good choice." Gwen took his hand, shaking firmly before pulling him into the flat. "I'm Gwen and welcome to Anna's former home."

"I can see why she'll miss it." John pointed at Gwen as he avoided a stack of boxes, "Current company obviously included."

"Charmer too." Gwen shot a look to Anna, who only frowned. "Sorry, I guess my idea that you're abducting Anna to a commune for pregnant woman was way off."

"Can't say I've been very interested in pregnant women."

"You're a midwife."

"I help them get to delivering Baby, I don't want them keeping Baby in there." John shrugged, "In my experience most women detest pregnancy almost as much as they hate the idea of birth."

"Is it gruesome?"

"It's life so I guess it's all according to your experience."

"Nice dance moves there." Gwen snorted, going back to the door as the buzzer rang through the flat. "Flatter ladies on the floor with those?"

"Being vague saved me more than a few awkward dinner conversations." John turned to Anna, "Good to see you again Anna."

"I doubt you're as excited by the prospect of lifting and carrying all of this." Anna waved at her things. "It's amazing what you accumulate."

"It's a sign of life lived." John shoved his hands into his jacket pockets, leaving his keys there to point to the nearest pile. "These ready to go?"

"It's all boxed and ready." Anna cringed, "How big's your boot?"

"I rented a lorry so we should get it all in one go." John analyzed the piles. "Probably shouldn't use this as a chance to impress you."

"Chance to impress me?"

"By trying to show off how strong I am." John grabbed two boxes, stacking them precariously a moment before stabilizing them, and then nodded. "Safe weight."

"Careful there. Don't want you wrecking your back before you've got a child to do it for you." Gwen took the box off the top of his pile. "And we should start with the heaviest of them."

"These aren't the heaviest?"

"We've got a hand truck for a reason." Gwen pointed to the hand truck in the corner. "And we moved the heavier boxes there in the first place."

"You're the smartest packers I've ever met."

"We've moved a lot of stuff through a lot of flats." Gwen shrugged, taking the box into the corridor. "Come on. Show me this lorry you rented for us."

Anna bit her lip as John shrugged and followed Gwen into the corridor. She dragged her suitcases toward the door and picked one to lug into the hallway as she trailed the sounds of the voices ringing in the stairwell. With a shake of her head, Anna grabbed the two handles on the case to drag down the stairs.

Footsteps rang up the well and Anna slid herself to the wall to let the person pass but stopped when she came face-to-face with the person. Alex Green held a dented box of chocolates in one hand a bunch of wilting flowers in the other. His eyes lowered to the case in her hands and then toward the floor above them before coming back to her.

He held out the offerings, "Happy end of exams?"

"What?"

"Exams are over and so I thought…" Green shrugged, taking his offerings back for a moment. "I thought you might not be busy this evening since Ethel said you weren't coming to her party but… I guess I've come at the wrong time."

"It's a bit awkward, yes." Anna turned her head down the stairs, listening for Gwen and John's returning voices. "I'm in the middle of moving and-"

"Want a hand?" He went for the suitcase but Gwen slipped between him and the case.

"She's fine, thanks." Gwen waved her hand as if to shoo him away. "Go on. Take your gifts and find someone a bit more grateful for the equally pitiful effort."

"You don't like chocolate Dawson?"

"I don't like you."

"Why?"

"I've not got the time or the patience to draw out the reasons in crayon for you." Gwen folded her arms over her chest. "Get gone."

"I'm offering to help you load up and-"

"And we're good, thank you." John came up the stairs, Gwen's John right behind him with a load of bags and containers from a variety of take away places. "We've got more than enough hands."

"Oh?" Green snorted, looking between Anna and John. "I see you invited your father to help you."

"Excuse me?" Anna turned to the Johns lower in the stairwell. "Me father?"

"It's not like the oldest of us all is obviously clear." Green pointed to John, standing between Gwen and the John juggling a pile of sagging bags and cartons. "He's got to be your father."

"Are you shitting me?" Gwen shook her head, drawing Green's attention to her. "You see a stranger in a stairwell, helping us move, and you assume he's got to be someone's father?"

"Is he your father?" Green pointed to the other John. "Or maybe his?"

"You're in a class by yourself." Gwen pushed past Green. "Get your sodding ass out of our building and away from here with your pathetic gifts, your irritating face, and your detestable personality."

Anna watched her go, grinding her teeth as she tried to find a way to resolve the situation, but Gwen's fiancé John hurried between them to take the food to the flat. She looked to John, still standing a few stairs below her, and he extended his hand for the suitcase in hers. Passing it over, Anna turned to Green.

"You need to leave Alex."

"I'm here to help."

"You didn't even know I was moving." Anna put her hands on her hips. "Look, I'm sure you were expecting something different with your expired box of chocolates and your wilting flowers but-"

"They're not expired."

"I can see the date stamped on them. They've gone off." Anna pointed at the box and Green dropped his arm. "I don't know why you're here but I've got a feeling it's got something to do with me not being as clear as I should've been."

"Clear about what?"

"Clear about the fact that we've got no chance." Anna sighed, "By evidence of the chocolates in your hand and the flowers in the others, I'm assuming you're here as more than just to ask me to be your friend."

"I did hope you'd be willing to do dinner with since you're not-"

"Going to Ethel's party." Anna bit the inside of her cheek. "As you can see, I'm moving and so I'm busy."

"Then maybe another time we'll-"

"Alex," Anna held up a hand. "No. Not now or ever."

"But I like you Anna." Green fumbled for words a moment. "I… I like you a lot. I desire you with all my heart."

"I don't think that's the organ you're thinking with."

"It's poetry."

"Then you've misquoted something…" Anna sighed, "And miscalculated about all of this rather badly."

"Was it the flowers?" Green held up the flowers, looking over them. "I know they're not great but there are others and I could find your favorites and-"

"You're not getting it." Anna clapped her hands together, closing her eyes to try and gather her thoughts. "I won't go out with you."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to and I don't think…" Anna stopped, shaking her head. "It's not important and it doesn't matter."

"Why doesn't it matter?"

"Because it doesn't."

"Why?"

"Because I don't have to explain myself." Anna aimed up the stairs. "Just go and find somewhere else to be and something else to do."

"What if I want to help?"

"Thank you but we've got it." Anna turned her back on him.

"Wait!" His hand shot out to wrap his fingers over her wrist and she froze.

Ice ran in her veins and Anna blinked back a shadow of darkness clouded her eyes. Her fingers trembled and her body shuddered under Green's hold. Only the pound of her blood sounded in her ears and her chest constricted to stop her breathing.

"Anna?" Gwen's hand flung Green's away and Anna grabbed onto her. "Are you alright?"

"I… I need to get more stuff."

"I'll take you." Gwen carefully cupped her elbow to steer her up the stairs and Anna could only hear Gwen's response to Green. "Just get lost before I find someone with bigger muscles than brains to beat your ass to the pavement."

"Screw you."

"Only in your spank bank dickhead." Gwen pushed Anna forward. "Come on, let's get away from this prick."

They hurried back to the flat and Gwen directed both Johns to sorting through Anna's things to get them down to the lorry. She returned to Anna's side, holding herself back on the sofa cushions. All Anna could focus on was the constant massage of her hands while her fingers interlaced and ran over each other.

"Anna?" Gwen's hand at her shoulder startled Anna and she slipped on the sofa. Gwen raised her hands, consciously shifting herself back. "Sorry. I didn't mean to freak you out."

"You didn't I…" Anna took a breath, "I just… I had a moment in the stairwell."

"What'd that piss-ant do?"

"How many different words can you use to describe him?"

"Enough to know you're dodging my question." Gwen scooted back to Anna's side again. "What did he do?"

"He… He grabbed my arm." Anna ran her fingers over the space, almost as if she expected there to be claw marks or indentations there. "It wasn't anything."

"Then why were you practically catatonic next to him."

"It wasn't him." Anna repeated, nodding as if the action could reassure herself. "It wasn't him."

"He grabbed you, Anna, so I think it was him."

"No it was…" Anna stopped stroking over her arm, dropping her hands to her lap again. "It just brought back a memory for a moment and I confused things."

"Confused…" Gwen's mouth formed an 'O'. "As in…?"

Anna nodded, interlacing her fingers and clutching them tightly. "Yes."

"Right." Gwen sucked the insides of her cheeks before nodding. "What do you need me to do?"

"I don't know."

"Do you still want to move? To go with John?"

"Where else could I go Gwen?"

"Fair point." Gwen pointed toward the kitchen. "My John got us some really greasy, vinegary chips. There's some Chinese stuff there too and maybe some garlic bread if we want some carbs."

"I don't know if food's the solution."

"It always works for me." Gwen hesitated and then put her hand on Anna's knee. "I want you to feel better."

"I want me to feel better." Anna shrugged, "Maybe it's not something you just 'feel better' from."

"But there's recovery right? It's possible to lead a life after… everything?"

"I start my job on Monday and I'm moving into an actual house." Anna put her hand over Gwen's. "It's just a moment and it's passed."

"Has it?"

"I feel better now. Really." Anna nodded toward the table. "I know you can smell those chips and John'll be pretty heartbroken if more vinegar leaks onto that table than onto the chips."

"You're more important to me than chips."

"And I've never been more happy to be your friend but I'm serious, right now the smell of vinegar's making me nauseous so I'd rather you ate them."

"Anything for the cause." Gwen leaned forward but paused. "Can I hug you?"

"I'm not infectious."

"I just don't want to…" Gwen huffed, "I don't know how to not ruin this."

"We're all learning how to get around it."

"I wish we didn't have to get around it." Gwen pulled Anna close and then pushed away quickly. "I've got chips to eat and we've abandoned the poor Johns in our lives to hard labor."

"It's pretty rough punishment." Anna pushed herself up from the sofa. "It'll be alright. I'll be alright."

"Just… Just be sure, when you say it." Gwen pulled at her fingers. "I don't want you telling me things you think I want to hear."

"What do you mean?"

"I know I'm moving to London and I know it's been weird living here with John and I, and I know we're both managing our very different lives but I've been your friend for years. I don't want you to ever feel like you can't be honest with me."

"About what?"

"About anything. About if you're really fine or not."

Anna shrugged, "What if I am fine?"

"Then I'll take you at your word but I don't want to feel like you're telling me that because you think you can't tell me if you're not." Gwen squeezed Anna's hand. "I'm here for you, Anna. Whatever that entails I'm in for it."

"I'm not sure you can fit that into your wedding vows because there aren't supposed to be caveats but-"

"Get off it." Gwen shoved at Anna's shoulder. "You're making me miss my chips."

"Hey?" Anna and Gwen turned to the door where the two Johns stood, sweating slightly and gesturing the empty sitting room and kitchen. "Is that the last of it?"

"What do you know, they are handy?" Gwen winked at Anna, "And that's all."

"Then do you mind if we were making tracks?" John jerked his thumb at the door, "My mother's going to get dinner on and she hates anyone being late. Considers it an affront to the food."

"We've got more than enough take away to share." Gwen's John pointed to the table. "There's Chinese and chips and some Thai and more curry than you could ever hope to eat."

"Thanks for the offer but, as Anna's father, I should probably suggest we both eat healthier." John's face fell as the room quieted. "I'm sorry I didn't-"

Anna laughed, covering her mouth as she did, and soon Gwen joined in. Gwen's John rocked John's shoulder with his hand and brought him into the kitchen. "You're a good man Dr. Bates."

"I try to be."

"No," Anna wiped at her eyes and tried get herself situated. "He's right, you are a good man."

"It's the least I can do."

"No, we all saw what the 'least you can do' was and you're not it." Gwen slapped at a bag. "Want anything for the road?"

"I'm fine, thank you." John turned to Anna, "Shall we?"

"Five minutes." Anna turned back to her room in the flat and went over every inch of it. The bathroom received the same treatment and she finished with the sitting room. "All ready to go."

"Gwen, John, it's been a pleasure." John shook both of their hands. "I do wish you both all the luck there is in London."

"Hopefully enough left for us." John pulled Gwen close with an arm around her shoulders. "But we'll manage all the same."

"I know you will." Anna hugged Gwen and kissed John's cheek. "Treat her well or I'll come for you."

"She's safe with me."

"I know." Anna smiled at them both, "I'll miss you so terribly."

"Not our noise I'm sure."

"Not all the noise." Anna stepped away, grabbing her last bag. "Thank you, for this. It was exactly what I needed when I needed it."

"Anna," Gwen hurried over, hugging her again and whispering to her. "Maybe he's what you need when you need it too?"

"You're the one who suggested he wanted me to join a commune."

"And he's also the one who helped manage dingbat in the stairwell." Gwen pulled back, shrugging up a shoulder. "Just think about it."

"I will." Anna nodded at them, "Remember, drop me a line when you get all settled, else I'll worry."

"And we can't have that." Gwen shuffled them out the door. "Go forth!"

"How formal." John pulled at his jacket. "I feel like I didn't wear my adventuring clothes for this kind of sendoff."

"She's just being annoying."

"It's one of my better qualities." Gwen waved them out, "Bye John, lovely to meet you, and see you Anna. Good luck with Mary on Monday."

Anna did not respond, just followed John down the stairs to the pavement. He opened the door to the lorry and helped her inside before rounding the front of the vehicle to climb in on his side. When he settled he faced her.

"Now I don't know exactly how to say this but I don't usually drive with the mother of my child in the car."

"Me either." Anna shook her head, "But I'm pretty terrible at it. I backseat drive all the time."

"Ah," John flexed his jaw, "Well I can't claim to be the best of drivers."

"Then it'll be an adventure for the both of us." Anna opened her hand toward the road. "Onward?"

"Onward."


	9. Once More Into the Breach

John put his hands on his hips and turned a little circle in the middle of the room. As he made another pass he jumped to see Anna in the doorway. Managing a little laugh, and putting his hand to his heart for dramatic effect, he spoke. "You scared me."

"Sorry." Anna pulled her dressing gown around herself. "I couldn't sleep."

"Is everything alright?"

Anna nodded, shrugging. "I start my job tomorrow and with everything else going on I just hope this goes right."

"You're worried it won't?"

"I'm worried that nepotism won out in my favor and that it'll show almost immediately."

"Because you don't think you're qualified?"

"More like because I'm pregnant and a bit desperate." Anna massaged her abdomen. "They never tell you about the stretching."

"Sorry?"

"In the books." Anna leaned against the wall. "They tell you that your taste buds could change, that you'll have to use the loo more, that you might get odd cravings, and that your body changes but they don't tell you about the stretching. They don't tell you that you'll constantly feel like you're being pulled from all ends like that boy from _Charlie and the Chocolate Factory_."

"What an image." John tried to smile but dropped it immediately. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I just…" He raised his hand toward her, dropping it after a moment. "I wish I could help but I can't."

"You're already helping far more than you had any obligation to." Anna slid down the wall to sit on the floor and John mimicked her from the middle of the room, tucking his legs into a pretzel. "Not that I saw myself walking into to see the midwife and two months later living in his house."

"I'm also fairly confident you didn't expect the part where the midwife was a man either."

"I'll be honest, I really didn't." Anna laughed, tipping her head back to rest on the wall as she brought her legs up so her arms could rest on them. "How long until I can't sit in this position?"

"Well I know I already can't." John jerked a thumb towards his back. "Age gets you in the spine."

"I'm sure we can discuss our relative aches and pains when mine start to match yours."

"I thought that was what we're doing now."

Anna gave him a little smile. "I guess." She sighed, "It's strange."

"What is?"

"After what… happened, I didn't feel comfortable around men for awhile." Anna's fingers twisted and moved over one another. "My stepfather's a piece of work, make no mistake, but I've never felt scared of him."

"And you did afterward?"

"I felt nervous around all men. Men I'd known for a long time, professors I'd worked with and for, and even strangers on the same bus as me." Anna pulled at her hand with her fingers. "That's normal, right?"

"It's hard to say." John maneuvered to stretch out his right leg and pulled his left leg toward his body. "From those I counseled in my work I found that everyone reacts differently."

"How?"

"Some people would be put off by certain smells. The olfactory senses are located very close to the memory centers of the brain so they stay with us better. And these people would get a whiff of lavender or even a particular pizza sauce and they'd be catatonic."

Anna shuddered, "Sounds horrible."

"It's like people who, as children, had bad run ins with dogs and now a barking dog makes them flinch. It's a defense mechanism in the body to make sure that we avoid danger again." John opened his hand toward Anna. "Yours, possibly because of the nature of your incident, made it so any person could be your attacker and therefore your self-preservation instinct reacts to all possible threats."

"But you can't live as if you're always being hunted."

"No, not in this world." John laughed a little and hurried to explain. "I was in a lecture once where a professor explained that unlike animals who react to adrenal response in direct proportion to the threat, human beings can put themselves in a state of permanent stress. It's how high blood pressure can kill you. If your heart is always beating fast enough to activate your flight instinct then your body is pumping all the blood and pounding against the arterial walls. Eventually they weaken and wear to the point where your heart also weakens and then you're getting a heart attack at forty."

"Is that happening to me?"

"I doubt it." John shook his head, massaging his leg. "You're calm now and you moved out of your stressful housing situation."

"You can promise this one won't be stressful?"

John shrugged, "I can try."

"Maybe that's why I feel safe with you." Anna stared at him, more of a study than a cursory glance. "You just make me feel calm."

"Any particular reason?"

"I'm convinced it's because I've just got an instinct about you."

"And what would that be?"

"Just…" Anna flailed a second, dropping her hands to hold her knees. "I've just got this feeling I can't explain about you. Something that says you'll never pity me, you'd never do anything to harm me, and that I can trust you."

She tugged on her fingers again, "Does that sound horribly odd?"

"I would think you'd find it a great comfort considering how you felt about men after your attack."

"It's still inexplicable."

"And that bothers you?"

"I'm a designer, by nature, so things can be explained in most situations using math and logic." Anna met his eyes again. "I'm not used to not knowing why."

"Maybe it's because I'm so irresistibly charming."

"That's definitely possible." Anna's eyes widened slightly, "I'm sorry, that was forward and-"

"We're both sitting in our jim-jams in an empty room of my house at-" He checked his watch, whistling, "Two in the morning."

"So 'forward' doesn't really come into it?"

"Not really." John adjusted his leg, stretching it out until he noticed Anna looking at it. "There are a few pins holding it all together down there."

"Accident of your own?"

"Car accident." John waved a hand at it. "Honestly it was what got the ball rolling in terms of my divorce."

"Did your ex-wife break your leg?"

"Not intentionally. It was a drunk driving accident and she was the drunk driving." John clicked his teeth. "Not that I was much better considering I was more drunk than she was, hence why I wasn't driving, but it was the moment we both realized we weren't the people for one another."

"Why not?"

"Have you ever met someone who feeds all our baser instincts but none of your higher ones?" Anna shook her head and John leaned back on both of his hands. "That was Vera and I. We were passionate and fiery but never calm or soothing. We knew how to find immediate gratification and fun but never how to just sit in the same room with one another."

John cringed, "I'm sorry, you probably don't want to hear this."

"Why not?" Anna wrapped her arms around her knees, resting her chin there. "We're… housemates now. Might as well get to know one another. Especially since I'm carrying your child."

"Then I'll try to keep it rated for children."

"Because you think I'm a child?"

"Because my mother also lives in this house and, for as familiar as we might be for one another, we probably shouldn't discuss in detail the sexual exploits of my last marriage." John cleared his throat, "With Vera and I it was all fire and no water. Sex was always this frenzy of pleasure and it got to the point where we'd have to work ourselves into a fervor just to have it."

"By getting drunk?"

"Sometimes but for everything Vera was, she wasn't sloppy. Getting drunk made us angry and careless. Not violent but not kind." John chewed the inside of his cheek. "It's hard to admit but I look back on that side of myself and think of all the things we could've had but didn't try to because we were fine with being the least that we were."

"No one's perfect."

"But we could've been better to each other." John sat forward, using the leverage of his bent left to wrap an arm around it to tug as his fingers. "Instead we were always picking at each other, like we wanted a rise to validate whatever deficiencies we had in ourselves."

"You said she's still in America."

"Yep." John nodded, "She should be married by now."

"To her partner in adultery?" Anna bit her lip, "You mentioned that once."

"Yeah." John shrugged, "It actually didn't hurt as much as I thought it would, which is a good indicator that we obviously weren't the most loving of people to one another."

"Why'd you say that?"

"If I were really miffed about it then the whole thing would hurt more." John held onto his fingers to keep himself upright. "When she told me she found someone else it just felt… over. I didn't have any other emotion than guilt and relief, which I then felt even more guilty about."

"What'd she see in him?"

"They were fire and water." John managed a laugh. "He had actually been a patient of mine. I was treating him for PTSD and they got to talking in the lobby of my practice."

"She was there?"

"Used to work my outpatient care actually." John mused a moment, blinking away an image of the man. "He was a lovely man and, for as much as it probably doesn't seem natural, I didn't feel jealous of him."

"You didn't?"

"How can you be jealous of someone who might make someone happy?" John shrugged, "Maybe it's unusual but I actually understood what she saw in him. They needed each other and they were good for one another. He improved dramatically because of her and she seemed more at peace too."

"And you were alright with that?"

"I didn't feel like I could stand in the way of their happiness." John moved to his feet, groaning. "That was a mistake."

"Sitting on the floor?"

"Yes." John stretched a moment and then extended a hand to Anna. "You must think I'm pretty odd."

"For divorcing a woman so she could marry someone else?"

"Among other things." He helped her stand, pausing at the realization of how close they were.

"I don't think you're strange." Anna's eyes flicked between his and his lips for a moment. "I think you're one of the best men I've ever met."

"Then maybe I should send you back to bed so you can dream of the better men."

"I couldn't." Anna's voice was soft, barely audible over the thunder of blood in John's ears as her fingers twitched and danced toward his pajama shirt. "Because I don't believe there are any."

"I'm just average." He tried to smile but at this distance all he could do was stare at her with a slackening jaw. "Best of the worst and worst of the best."

"You're the best to me." One of her hands finally settled on his chest, her fingers moving the fabric of his shirt over his skin in a way that had John shivering. "And I don't deserve you."

"You don't deserve me?" John shook his head, "I don't think you see what I see."

"What you see?"

"I…" John reached a hand forward, curling his fingers toward his palm before he could touch her cheek. "I see someone who's so strong I'm in awe of her every time I interact with her."

"No." Anna shook her head, stepping back but keeping her fingers holding to his pajama shirt. "I'm not strong."

"You're not?"

"No." Anna's head dropped as she gazed at the floor but her fingers tightened their hold on his shirt. "I'm exposed."

John put his hand over hers on his shirt. "What do you mean?"

"I'm spoiled." Anna gestured to herself with her free hand. "I've been spoiled forever and my shame's got nowhere to hide."

"What shame?" John managed to snatch her hand from the air, holding until she finally raised her head to look at him. "I don't see any shame in this."

"I'm-"

"You're not spoiled." John shook his head. "You could never be spoiled."

"I'm unmarried, pregnant, and-"

"And we don't live in the early nineteen hundreds." John took a breath. "And none of this is your fault."

"If I hadn't been drunk or-"

"This isn't your fault." John watched her. "You are not to blame for any of it."

"Then why do I feel guilty? Why do I feel like I'm the one to blame?"

"Because we want to justify why these things happen to us." John let his eyes drop a moment before staring back at her. "We want to find resolution for things we don't understand, for the actions of evil people because we've lived our entire lives being told that things happen for a reason. You're just looking for a reason."

"Then what's your reason?"

John blinked at her, "What?"

"What's your reason?" Anna's fingers slipped in his, finding a more comfortable position. "Why do you care?"

"Because, for reasons I can't justify, I've deep feelings for you." John risked it, "I want you to be happy, I want you to find peace, and I want to be there for you. Because, for everything you've gone through, you're still here. And that, to make, makes you holier and higher than anyone I've ever met."

"Me?"

"Yes." John could not look away from her. "It's why I couldn't be your midwife anymore. I couldn't get around how much I cared about you and that would affect my professionalism."

"Is that why you offered to adopt my baby?"

"It's part of it." John let her fingers drop from his hands. "I don't know why but I just want to be a part of your life and I have since you walked into my practice."

He let out his breath, going to step away. "I understand if-"

"I did too." Anna's hand found his, gently tugging John back to her. "You were the first person to really listen to me. You saw me."

"I couldn't look away."

"Neither could I."

John finally raised his hands to her face, caressing there. "Really?"

"I already told you," Anna let her hand slide up his shirt to hold at his neck. "You're the best man I've ever met."

"You might be wrong."

"Then we'll be wrong together."

John tipped his head down and their lips finally met.

It was everything he ever imagined and yet nothing he ever expected. Everything turned soft until Anna flinched away. John raised his hands and stepped back but Anna waved him off.

"Twinge of pain is all." Her hand went to her lower back.

"I think they're literal growing pains." John put out his hands to investigate and Anna lifted her dressing gown out of the way so John could feel over the area. "Baby's trying to get comfortable."

"If only Baby's let me get comfortable." Anna dropped her dressing gown back and smoothed over her hands as John stood in front of her again. "I hope I haven't made you uncomfortable."

"As I recall," John held up a finger, "I kissed you."

"I rather ruined that."

"Not ruined." John let a finger brush back a strand of her hair. "Just delayed, if you wanted."

"I'd…" Anna coughed, "I'd like to have another try now, if that's alright."

"I'd be a fool to argue with a idea that a beautiful woman wants to kiss me."

Anna's grin met his as their lips came together again. The initial nerves that softened their first kiss were not what kept it soft now. Now it softened so they could better feel one another.

Her fingers flitted and flicked at the hair that ran at the base of his neck. His hands traced over her face before slipping over her arms to hold at her waist. They broke apart only to join again, John steering them toward a wall. Anna's back thumped against it softly and both used the leverage to continue their kiss.

Anna's tongue ran over his lower lip and John broke their kiss, dipping his head down to take deep breaths. Her hands tightened around his head and tried to raise it to kiss him again but John broke her hold and stepped back. She frowned and pulled her dressing gown closed.

"If it's-"

"No." John put a hand over hers, shaking his head so vigorously he could feel his hair shifting around. "It's me."

"I don't understand."

"I…" John looked down and when Anna followed his eyes her own widened. "Yeah. Not a great first show."

"All evidence to the contrary really."

"Anna-"

"No," She put up her hand, taking his with hers. "I understand and I can't begin to express how much of a gentleman it makes you."

"Or a fool."

"There are traits shared between those parties." Anna let her hand follow the contours of his face. "It was lovely."

"I think I would've liked to get a slightly better response."

"Why, you didn't like 'lovely' as an adjective."

"It makes it sound like I just took you on a Sunday walk."

"It is Sunday morning." Anna grinned, "What, did you want to know how good I thought it was or something like I was writing a Yelp review?"

"I've only had good reviews so far."

"Fine." Anna closed her eyes, "Five out of five, would do again."

"See, that wasn't so hard."

Anna opened her eyes, "Not as hard you anyway."

"Hey," John put out a hand but then retracted it, adjusting his pajama trousers instead. "That's not fair."

"I'm sorry." Anna put her hand over her mouth, as if that could stifle her laughter. "I shouldn't be so cruel."

"You really shouldn't." John looked around the room. "It's not fair."

"What?"

"When my parents were about to have me they only had a closet so there wasn't really any place to decorate."

"But now you've got this big room to decorate for Baby and you've no ideas?"

John turned back to Anna, shrugging, "None at all."

"The mess is still here so you've definitely decided that you'll keep working at it." Anna took his hand. "I did promise I'd help."

"What've you got in mind?"

Anna smiled, "Just wait and see."


	10. What You See Here

John held up another option but Anna shook her head. "Nope."

"This is the third blue. You'll have to pick one eventually."

"And when I do it'll be the right one." Anna turned back to another shelf of paints, narrowing her eyes when she heard someone addressing John behind her.

"Home redecorating project?"

"Bit of one. We're trying to find paint to match this." Anna looked over her shoulder as John pulled out his phone to show the woman the color. "And I've proven that I'm basically colorblind because all of these look exactly the same."

"Close, but not the same." The woman called toward Anna, "I know what you're looking for, if you want to come this way."

As Anna turned, moving toward John, the woman smiled. "Is this for Baby's room." She pointed at Anna's abdomen. "You two must be so excited. When it due?"

"Five months." John practically beamed and Anna settled back to watch him gush about the baby. "We're trying to find the right kind of blue so it's soothing and also brings in all the light from the windows."

"Then you know it's a boy?"

"Actually," John looked at Anna and she continued.

"We find out next week."

"How exciting." The woman's eyes glanced at their left hands. "Pregnancy can be so unforgiving on the body. Has it already made your fingers swell? Mine were like sausages for six months."

"We're not-"

"We never bought rings." Anna put her hand in John's, quieting him immediately. "We were both students at the time and the only rings we had were those ones you get from carnivals."

"We wore them until the green stains weren't coming out of our fingers as easily." John glanced down at Anna, gripping her hand tightly in return. "We've just never replaced them with something nicer."

"Time gets away from us all." The woman moved down the aisle and Anna went to follow but he tugged her back a bit.

"What is it?"

"Where'd you come up with that story?"

Anna shrugged, "I dunno. I guess… I didn't want to explain our situation to a stranger and I…" She twisted a bit at the hips, pursing her lips. "I liked the idea that you and I were starving students who got married and are now having our first baby."

"Is it our first?"

"Definitely or you wouldn't be such a wreck." Anna pushed at his arm. "Honestly, you'd think I was asking you to join the Bomb Squad."

"I just…" He deflated, "I want everything to be perfect for the baby."

"I'm sure you'll be perfect enough."

"Maybe." John shrugged, "I look back on my childhood and it was wonderful. We didn't have much but we had enough. And I want that for my child."

"With that attitude I'm sure I'll be more than enough."

"You're sure?"

Anna put her fingers between his and tugged his hand. "Yes. Now let's get the paint so we can go and buy the fun things."

"Fun things?"

"You'll see."

The paint cans went into the boot and Anna waited as John continued to scowl up at the sign above their heads. "What?"

"It's…" He waved his hand at it. "It's pink."

"And?" Anna looked over her shoulder at the store and back at John. "It's a sign for a baby goods store. What's so scary about that?"

"These places are built as traps for men. They're like IKEA or something."

"Then isn't it a good thing you've got me with you?" Anna tugged his hand, bringing him with her. "Although we should talk about the baby shower."

"You want a baby shower?"

"No, for you." Anna slapped her hand to his chest. "I promise you that you'll need one. And it's a chance for those people in your life to feel like they're contributing to the effort in some way."

"How many men do you know who have baby showers?"

"Doesn't mean you shouldn't try to have one."

"How do I explain that I'm having a baby shower?" John held the door open for her and Anna shook her head as he hurried to join her. "Seriously, how? Because, if you really think about it, it's easier for women. Everyone sees what you've got coming and everyone's so happy for you because they know the stress you're going through. People never feel that for the husbands."

"Maybe if we did then there'd be less single fathers out there feeling like failures." Anna tugged him down an aisle. "This way."

"Where?"

"Baby clothes."

"It's the size of an orange. What do we need clothes for yet?" John paused, "And we don't even know what it is."

"She's carrying high, it's definitely a girl." They both jumped as an assistant emerged from between two shelves, as if lying in wait for them there. "I've got an eye for these things."

"It's actually a common misconception since there's no discernable way to tell the sex of the baby based on position." John held Anna's shoulders as if to use her as a shield when the woman turned her glare on him.

"I've got years of experience that say you're wrong."

"And he's a midwife." Anna interrupted them and the woman blinked, as if only just acknowledging John's presence. "We're finding out soon, though, so we'll be happy to tell you then if you were right."

"No thank you." The woman nodded at them before vanishing.

"It's like she was just waiting there for us." John whispered and Anna shuddered.

"These stores are never places to come alone. Too many grandmothers or people who wish they had children doting and fawning over you with their anecdotal advice."

"Been to one of these before have you?"

"Twice, with my sister, when she was getting things for her children." Anna pointed, "Cribs are over there."

"You never told me you had a sister."

"Yep. She lives in London, with her Scottish husband." Anna cringed, "They're going through a bit of a rough patch though."

"What makes you say that?"

"She uh…" Anna pulled at her fingers, "She cheated on her husband with one of her coworkers and it got a bit messy."

"Because cheating on someone's not messy enough?"

"It would've been just an infidelity problem if she hadn't gotten pregnant." Anna shook her head. "She and her husband are working it out, because it's over with her coworker and was the moment she confessed that she was pregnant, but now you've got custody issues and it's… It's hard on their kids mostly."

"Is she much older than you?"

"No but once she did her A-levels she was out of school." Anna snorted, "I was the idiot that wanted a graduate degree."

"And now that you've got your… masters?"

"PhD, actually." Anna stopped, fingering over a series of crib mattresses, "Isn't it funny how life just sneaks up on you?"

"One minute I'm working in a large office telling rich people that their anxiety attacks are a normal response to stress and the next minute I'm advising women on how to reduce similar stress during pregnancy." John joined her, "We've all been rocked a bit by the turns of life."

"It's not that." Anna wandered toward the cribs, John keeping her company. "It's the fact that if I'd left, after A-levels and just got a job at the temp agency my mother recommended then I never would've been in Rome."

"You don't know that."

"Why would I've been in Rome?"

"There are a thousand ways your life could've taken you to Rome." John shrugged, "And the horrible truth is that you wouldn't have had to be in Rome for happened to you to've happened. If you'd been in Reading or Durham the same thing could've happened. Last year Scotland reported that 5% of men are attacked like you were. The sad, and disgusting, truth is that no matter where you are, that could've happened all the same."

Anna nodded, "I guess you're right."

"Have you ever thought that maybe you're like Donna Noble?"

"Excuse me?"

"Catherine Tate's character from season four of-"

"I know how Donna Noble is, I'm British." Anna folded her arms over her chest. "I'm curious what she's got to do with this conversation."

"She had an episode, 'Turn Left' that explore the reality of her life had she turned right instead of left six months before her first adventure with The Doctor, right. And what happened?"

"I don't see how this-"

"And what happened," John insisted and Anna sighed.

"The world went to shit is what happened."

"Exactly." John clapped his hands together and scared a woman near them. "Sorry. It… We… A point got made here and…"

He turned back to Anna. "I'm not saying that what happened to you was foreordained by some grand entity or whatever but maybe, just maybe, it stopped something worse happening."

"I'm dying to hear this one."

"Okay, your sister, for example, is now dealing with a child whose father is not her husband, the results of her extramarital affair, and the possible breakup of her family for reasons I don't even think she fathoms."

"She had the affair."

"Yes, she did, but a lot of years of experience have taught me that people don't usually know why they do self-destructive things. It's a human trait, to try and destroy ourselves, but we can't always explain why we do it. Sometimes there is no justifiable reason, even to ourselves, beyond the rather depressingly limited expression, 'because it felt good'."

"What if that's the reason?"

"Do you know what feels good? The high you get from drugs, alcohol, and sex but we don't always do those things for our best good." John let his shoulders drop. "I'm not saying that there weren't other avenues that might've brought you more happiness or that may've saved you a lot of pain but I do know that there are more paths out there that would've been worse than the one you walk right now."

"You seem very confident of that."

"I was very good as what I did."

Anna narrowed her eyes at him, shaking her head. "You're a very different kind of man John."

"What makes you say that with that tone?"

"Maybe you're right and I'm on the road I am to meet you." Anna slipped her hand around his arm and walked with him over toward the cribs. "Donna did meet The Doctor after all."

"I do hope you're paying me the highest compliment I could possibly receive."

"What, you want to be 'The Doctor'?"

"Doesn't every little boy that grows up in England want to?"

"I met a decent number of boys satisfied being chavs actually so no, they don't."

"My mother knitted me a Baker scarf as a child and I was this close," John put his fingers millimeters apart, "From buying myself one of those long brown coats so I could look like Tennant."

"I've got to be honest, I was always a huge Sarah Jane fan." Anna stopped in front of a few crib options, frowning. "She was my favorite."

"She was everyone's favorite."

"Much like everyone hating Martha?"

"Hey, I thought rather highly of Martha."

Anna winked at him, "So did I. Donna's still my favorite though." She pointed to one. "I like that one."

"Why?"

"It's simple, drop catch for the side so putting Baby in and taking them out won't be a big deal. Also, the legs are extendable so as Baby gets older you just take off the sides and it turns into a bed until they're too big for it."

"Do women always think so far ahead?"

"Have you heard of emotional expenditure?"

"No."

"When a man goes to the grocers he thinks of the list and nothing else. When a woman goes she plans the order of her collection, the fastest routes, the meal planning and expiration dates around when and why she'll use the items, she finds the deals and arranges the cart so nothing gets squashed or smashed, and then counts her coupons to buy everything."

"I feel like you unnecessarily added ten items to a simple agenda."

"Alright then." Anna leaned back against a crib. "Tell me your process for going to bed."

"Check the time, brush my teeth, use the loo, change to pajamas, probably take a walk around the house to check all the locks, and then read a bit before bed."

"How does your mother do it?"

John chuckled, shaking his head. "She's got this whole routine down."

"Exactly my point." Anna brought her hands out like she was holding a great, invisible exercise ball between them. "Women live in this circumference of ideas and expectations. I've always called it 'the eternal now' but it's why we can pick something in the argument and trace it back six years to something still bothering us."

"That's not fair."

"But for us everything is omnipresent. Every problem, every solution, every concern is always and forever at hand and of concern. We can't just 'go to the shop' because that requires planning, arranging other errands, possibly a petrol run, and exact time tables out of our day. We think hours and days and sometimes years in advance."

"That sounds exhausting."

"It's not fun." Anna patted the crib. "So take my advice, while you have it, and buy this one for Baby."

"Because I won't have to toss it for five years?"

"And because you could easily paint it to the color of their choosing." Anna stroked her hand along it. "It'll be good."

"Anna," John put his hand over hers. "If it's too painful for you to-"

"No," Anna squeezed his hand back before withdrawing hers. "It's not like I'll never see Baby again. It'll just be a different kind of relationship."

"It's almost like we're divorced and discussing child custody."

"Thank whatever gods you believe in that this isn't _Kramer vs. Kramer_."

"I already have." John waved his hand for an assistant. "How do I buy this one?"

"Take the tag to the front desk." The girl scoffed and walked off, brushing her hair out of her face as John blinked after her.

"I thought you said the people who haunt this places are baby mongers."

"You get the odd few." Anna turned and gasped.

"What?"

"This." She hurried over to a rocking chair, sitting in it carefully as John extricated a tag and joined her. "My grandmother had one of these and she used to rock me to sleep as a child in it."

"You remember that?"

"I was six." Anna closed her eyes, setting herself rocking in the chair. "I used to have bad nightmares."

"About anything in particular?"

Anna shrugged, "My parents argued a lot, when I was young, because my dad was bad with money and liked his drink. It kept me up and gave me nightmares."

"They've actually found that children exposed to that kind of thing on a regular basis show signs of emotional instability later in life."

"Then it wouldn't have helped that my mother remarried a religious zealot." Anna opened her eyes, leaning her head back in the chair. "The effect we have on our children without realizing it."

"We're taking this conversation in circles."

"I know." Anna moved out of the chair. "Sit down."

"What?"

"Sit in the chair." John took the chair and Anna perched on the footstool near it. "You'll have a lot of night feeds and crying Baby so you'll need someplace comfortable to sit."

"And sleep?"

"If you can manage it." Anna smiled at the sight of John rocking steadily in the chair. "If Baby's anything like me then you'll be up a lot at night."

"Didn't sleep well?"

"Never really have."

John closed his eyes and rocked in the chair. "You're right, this is a good chair."

"And it matches the crib."

John opened his eyes and stared at the crib before looking back at Anna. "Does it go with the paint?"

"It'll match perfectly with the paint."

"I'll hold you accountable to that." John pulled himself out of the chair and helped Anna stand as well. "Let's get these."

"Perfect." Anna pointed, "And then there's the dresser and changing table."

"How much furniture does a child need?"

"You'd better hope you're not having a girl or it'll only get worse from here."

John groaned but took the ticket for the chair, and the footstool, and followed Anna to the dressers and changing tables. A process that brought their whole day to a halt as they noticed the arrangement of them and both shuddered. It was John who spoke first.

"A picture says a thousand words."

"Yes, but those are the wrong words." Anna shook her head, "These are all wrong. They're…"

"Too blue?"

"They won't fit."

"Is this another of those 'eternal now' things?"

"Look at the designs, the sizes, and the colors. They'll clash with the other two and the paint. More to the point, they're not functional once Baby's older than a year." Anna shook her head, "We'll have to get them somewhere else."

"What if," John took her hands. "We buy what we've liked so far and then find something to match them later. We're got five months and we'll have to paint anyway so we might as well get the essentials before we get too excited."

"Then me dragging you over toward stuffed animals and baby beds is a bad idea?"

"Very."

"Why?"

"Because then I'd be something entirely different."

"What would you be?"

"Out. I'd be out."

Anna laughed, "I do have admire your patience so far. Especially given how long it's taken for us to get this far."

"And this is why I'm of the personal opinion that men should do all the shopping. For everything."

"You'd just do it wrong."

"Says the woman giving herself anxiety as she meal plans in the pasta aisle."

"I told you that in confidence."

"Then you should've told me it was off limits for later use." John put his hands on either side of his face as Anna scowled. "I just used your skills against you."

"You're different when you're not in scrubs and telling me how to take care of Baby."

John shrugged, "Maybe you bring out another side of me."

"Something that's not the brooding, quiet, secretly wise man who used to advise people on how to care for their mental health?"

"Something like that, yes." John held up the three tickets. "Maybe the cashier'll have an option for as far as the changing table and dresser are concerned."

"Hope they've got a catalogue." Anna pulled a magazine toward her, "Something like this maybe?"

John looked at it and then shook his head. "Nope. I'm pulling rank and immediately eliminating that one from consideration."

"Why?" Anna looked at it. "It's beautiful."

"I don't believe in paying that much for something I can't drive or fly."

Anna checked the price and then nodded, "Alright, I'm starting to get the whole 'baby chic' feel here and you're right, it's ridiculous." Five women around them and two men turned at once to stare at them and Anna whistled. "That was very poor timing."

John ducked his head and spoke to the cashier about purchasing the items and getting them delivered before escorting Anna from the store. "From now on, everything we do for shopping is online. I refuse to set foot in one of those places ever again."

"I did feel a little bit like I might get asked to join a cult." Anna pulled out her phone. "Want lunch? It's on me."

"What?"

"After everything you just bought for Baby, it's only fair."

"I do hope we're not about to sink into technicalities."

"We're not but I do want to treat you." Anna pulled on his hand. "Call it an expression of gratitude, if you will."

"You never have to thank me for anything."

"Doesn't mean I don't want to." Anna pointed down the street, "Come on. There's a lovely little bakery around here that I love and you'll enjoy too I hope."

"You hope?"

"I don't know your sweetness level."

"May I remind you, you caught me eating ice cream as breakfast at nine in the morning." John tucked her hand into the crook of his elbow. "My sweetness level is very high."

"I guess I just mistook you for a black coffee drinker with your quiet, yet sure demeanor."

"I can promise you," John turned his face toward her. "I put sugar in my tea."

"You don't even drink coffee?"

"No."

Anna shook her head. "I feel like all we know about each other is the deep stuff and we skipped over all the little details about life."

"Those are boring."

"But what if I found our your favorite color was something like chartreuse and then I realized you have no taste and could therefore never be-" Anna stopped herself, biting at her lip as John raised an eyebrow. "I'm just saying, there's a lot to know about a person in those tiny little details that we almost never like sharing about ourselves because they sound so boring."

"Do you want to know what my favorite color is?"

"Sure."

"Midnight blue." John winked at her, "I painted my study that and then had a little accident with the white paint I was using to do touch ups on the door and it spackled the wall but now it looks like stars in the night sky so I kept it."

"You made art on accident?"

"A lot of things get made by accident." John smiled, "Technically I was made on accident but that's another story."

"What?"

"Ask my mother about it sometime. It's the only thing that ever makes her blush." John grinned, "And I don't really celebrate national holidays."

"You don't?"

"No."

"Then what do you do?"

"The same thing I do every national holiday. I stay inside and complain about overt patriotism and the commercialization of it. Mostly just complain and try to fight holiday traffic."

"You must be a nightmare at airports."

"I haven't had a real holiday in over five years because I usually just called my conferences holidays but they're three days in large ballrooms or meeting halls of hotels in big cities that all look the same except for the way the signs are spelled out." John put his hands in his pockets. "I just never saw the point in a holiday when I hated my job and all it would do was remind me of how much I didn't want to go back."

"Now you're making me sound like a frivolous girl."

"We're all frivolous in our own ways. That's just not one of mine." John patted her hand. "Your turn."

"I like periwinkle but I'm probably a bigger fan of scarlet. It's a good color for my skin tone and it doesn't wash me out." Anna took a deep breath, "I was a planned child but, like I've said, my childhood wasn't exactly perfect. I like national holidays for the same reason I like bank holidays, I make art on purpose, and I happen to love the idea of a holiday."

"I guess we're just ill-suited then."

"What makes you say that?"

"Well," John shrugged, a tiny smile quirking the sides of his mouth. "You'd mentioned that if you realized I had no taste then… And you trailed off. I assume that means if we're not compatible on the color wheel then we're out."

"I don't agree." Anna sat them at a table outside, despite the chill in the air. "We want to get out and experience the world in our own ways. You want this baby because it'll give you the chance to see the world you're not enjoying in a new way. I wanted to see the world with my own eyes and found myself suffering a bit for it."

"And you think that's what'll bring us together?"

"It already has." Anna held his hands, bringing him closer to her. "You've… You've seen me at what I'd define as my lowest point and your response was to be there for me. That's a special kind of person."

"Or a selfish one."

"No," Anna shook her head, "As a midwife you'd know that taking on a child as a responsibility is the opposite of selfish. It's all work and no reward."

"Depends on what you define as a reward."

Anna smiled at him, blinking at the possible threat of tears. "I don't regret it you know."

"What?"

"I should, but I don't, not anymore." Anna let her fingers brush over his face and their heads leaned closer so their foreheads touched. "I don't regret anything that's happened because, if it hadn't, I wouldn't have met you."

"Guess it was a good thing you turned left then." John grinned at her and Anna tilted her head to kiss him.

He kissed her back, his hand running along her jaw to hold the kiss steady as their knees collided between their chairs. They shuffled and adjusted so they could deepen their kiss until Anna finally pulled away to breathe. "I know it's an awkward position but-"

"I'd like to take you home." Anna blinked and John hurried to explain himself. "I may be overstepping my bounds and if you want me to stop then just say the word but… I think I'm… I think I'm in love with you. And I know it's not gentlemanly to say it, given the circumstances and everything else we're going through… everything you're going through, but I had to say it because it's how I feel and-"

Anna melded his lips back to hers and clutched his face between her hands. He sighed into their kiss and held there as she manipulated their mouths to find the perfect angle. And when she let her tongue run over his lip he opened his mouth and deepened the kiss immediately. A kiss they both pressed until black dotted the corners of Anna's vision.

She withdrew slowly, blinking at John, and smiled. "It doesn't have to be gentlemanly because I think I feel the same. And you are a gentleman."

"I know it'd be difficult."

"Because of the baby?"

"Because of what happened too." John put his hands over hers. "Not because you're a victim but because there is trauma there and it should be handled the way we treat broken bones. Be aware of it, adapt to it, and adjust around it. But only at your speed."

"This is the speed I like." Anna took a hand from his, running her fingers into his hair. "Just how we're going right now."

"Even after I basically just told you I want to sleep with you?"

"Especially after that."

"Okay." John's face cracked into a wide smile. "Then… Can I take you to dinner?"

"Probably not tonight."

"Alright, Friday. You'll be finished with your first week and then we'll have a whole weekend to… Do whatever."

"I'd like that. I'd like that a lot."

"It's a date then." John kissed her hand. "May I take you home now Ms. Smith. I believe we've got some painting to do."

"That we do."


	11. Not a One Night Stand

"I do hope you got yourself a nice suit." John looked up from where he buttoned his shirt to see his mother in the doorway. "A woman needs to feel treated."

"I brought out my best one." John pointed at it, where it hung on the door of his wardrobe. "It's tailored."

"Must've gotten that in your therapy days."

"There were more than a few rubber chicken dinners, I'll admit." John popped his collar and brought the tie around his neck. "But it still fits me well and we're going to a nice place so-"

"John," He closed his door as she interrupted him and he turned to face his mother. "Are you sure you're doing the right thing?"

"How'd you mean?"

"I don't want you toying with that girl's emotions. Her current condition and the state of her hormones aside, I've spent too much time with her since she moved in last week to want this to crash and burn."

"You think I would do that?"

"I think you both might let your hormones grant you a one-night stand."

"It's not just a one-night stand." John shook his head, "It wouldn't be a… I don't… That's not the point. I'd never do anything like that."

"I know that." She took the tie from his hands and worked it efficiently around his neck. "But she deserves someone in it for the long haul."

"I've adopted her baby."

"But not her." His mother straightened the tie and patted his chest. "It binds you together, forever, but you still need to find whatever way you two will have on your own. You need to treat this as if the baby doesn't even exist and she's just any other girl you're thinking about taking into a relationship."

"But she's not any other girl."

"Exactly my point." She pointed to the suit jacket. "It'd look better with the scarlet tie."

"I'm fresh out of those." John checked himself in the mirror. "Unless you want me putting a ManU tie with this suit."

"Don't be tacky."

"Exactly my point." John grabbed for his jacket, barely stopping the hanger from spinning off the door to the wardrobe. "I'm dressing to impress."

"Then let me ask you," His mother folded her arms over her chest as John worked into his suit coat and pulled it toward his wrists before digging out the cuffs of his shirt. "If this doesn't work, what will you do?"

"You mean what do I do if this date is a disaster and I'm stuck living in the same house with the mother of the child I'm adopting while we try and adapt to our now awkward relationship?"

"That would be about the long and the short of it."

John shrugged, buttoning his jacket. "We learn and adapt like adults do. That's what you taught me isn't it?"

"I get the feeling you're trying to say something to take the mickey out of me."

"I'd never do that." John grinned, dipping to kiss his mother's cheek. "Don't wait up."

"I wasn't planning on it." Her hand settled on his arm. "Despite what my attitude may seem, in regard to Anna, I am proud of you John."

"About which part?"

"You taking responsibility." She patted his cheek. "You've always been generous but this… This is you learning how to be a man."

"You taught me how." John reached for his wallet and keys. "I'll see you later."

"Just remember, she's pregnant and should get plenty of rest."

"I know." John ducked out of his room and took the stairs down to the main floor. He turned as if to go down the hall toward Anna's room but stopped when he noticed her on the sofa. Her face was buried in her hands and the shake of her shoulders stopped John in his tracks. "Anna?"

She raised her head and hurried to brush the tears from her eyes. "John, you gave me a fright just now."

"Anna, are you alright?" John reached out a hand, easing toward her to take the cushion next to hers.

"I'm fine."

"You're crying."

Anna choked a laugh, trying to take care of her tears with the back of her hand so as to not disturb her makeup but managing little streaks over her hand anyway. "I guess it's got to be a bit of a shock."

"It does tell me that the mood might be a bit damper." John leaned around her to grab the box of tissues and handed them over. "What's wrong?"

"I had this dress," Anna pulled at the skirt, "And I was so excited because I still fit into it. So I put it on, I got ready, and I sat here to wait when…"

She teared up again and just leaned forward. John tipped himself back and noticed the split zipper. He frowned and Anna caught his expression. "I guess it was too much to hope for."

"Everything's different now."

"But I'd hoped this…" She pointed between the two of them. "This could be something normal. Something like it all was before this baby and before…"

Anna turned to her hands, tugging on her fingers and John covered them with his hand so she had to look at him. "Before Rome?"

"I wanted to feel free again. I wanted to feel like someone who just started her first real job with retirement and benefits. I wanted to feel pretty again and like I had something to offer and-"

John interrupted her with a kiss, pressed gently to her lips. Anna froze a moment before her hands framed his face. They tried to pull closer to one another but a zip forced them apart as the zipper continued to split over Anna's back. She almost teared up again but John just laughed.

He pointed at it, "Not the reaction I get but if you're so into it you're practically begging to be released from your dress the least I could do is help you."

But the joke on his face soon died. They stared at one another before they rose in unison. John's hands went to her arms and Anna gently leaned into him so he walked backward down the hallway.

They did not speak. They barely breathed as they stepped lightly over the floor. Or perhaps they floated, John could no longer tell if there was anything solid around them at all. But they reached her door and Anna led them inside.

Her large bed dominated the space and John vaguely recalled when they put it together. Or, he managed a smile at the memory, when he put it together as she sat in her desk chair watching him. He even remembered her comment to his mother later when John complained of back pains from all the bending and twisting.

"I don't have any. I was supervising, not participating."

"Good, John needs a good workout now and then."

He even remembered the red blush on Anna's cheeks at the innuendo of it. A blush that matched the fade of red over her cheekbones now. A blush he traced with his finger before dipping to kiss gently there.

She sighed into his arms and leaned back. They stumbled into the door, John's shoulder colliding with it to snap the wood in the frame. It stopped them, a pause as if to gauge if the sound had driven the mood from the room. Her fingers curling into his jacket and his grip around the lines of her jaw to bring their lips together gave them the answers words could not.

John's hands cradled her face as they kissed, the hints and dashes of their tongues guiding them to seek and tweak until they finally met in the middle. His head turned in one direction and she took the other so they could take more of the mouths that offered so much pleasure. And the zipping sound that disturbed them before was quickly solved when John moved his hands from her face, separated their lips, and tugged her dress apart.

It hung loosely on her shoulders and Anna pushed the cupped sleeves down her arms to leave the dress bunching around her waist. A motion that left her torso exposed but for the strapless bra she wore. They paused again, John's hands trembling slightly as he reached forward to touch her, and then moved when she shivered under his caress.

He traced the outline of her abdomen, where life beat inside her… Where his child breathed inside her. Anna's fingers tickled over his hands, covering them as John went to his knees to kiss over her navel a moment. When he raised his head, their eyes meeting, John placed a final kiss there before tracing upward.

Her fingers delved into his hair as he licked and nipped over the stretches of her skin now exposed to him. Each tingle and tremble of her body led him to new places that had her shivering and quivering or left her gasping out sighs of relief. And when she gave the slightest of nods for his questing fingers to remove her bra, John freed her.

The sigh she emitted this time gave John a smile that turned to a furrowed brow. His fingers and lips traced the indentations of her bra. The shaking in his hands alerted her and she placed her hands over his to stop him.

"It's alright."

"You…" He traced a red line. "It must've hurt."

"It was worth it."

"I didn't want-"

"No, I did." Anna gripped his hands tightly between her own, forcing him to meet her eyes. "I wanted to feel pretty for myself."

"Then let me tell you," John brushed a bit of her hair from her face before kissing her forehead. "You are beautiful."

He took his lips on a trace of her face. "Every bit of you is gorgeous and glowing." Another run down the line of her neck. "Your skin shines and your smile dazzles me."

"Even with my burst from my dress?"

"Even if you wore a sack." John paused, his tongue darting out to follow the line over her breast left by the strapless bra. "I didn't fall for you because you were in tight jeans and trying to show off an incredible ass."

"Ass man are you?"

"No," John shook his head, kissing her breast. "I'm a breast man."

His mouth closed over her nipple, sucking it into his mouth as Anna's fingers dug divots into the back of his scalp. She huffed and panted against him, her chest pressing toward him with the rapid rise and fall, while John continued his ministrations. And when his legs threatened to complain from their odd bend, John just lifted her in his arms and placed her back against the wall.

Her legs wrapped around him and one of John's hands wrapped over her ass. He squeezed and reveled in the squeal it brought out of her while his tongue swirled her nipple again. Whatever order he had to his hair before they started was certainly over as switched to her other breast and altered the positioning of his hands. Positions that allowed him to carefully massage her breast while kneading the opposite side of her ass.

Anna ground against him, writhing and arching to try and give him more access to more of her. And John took everything she offered with abandon and care in equal measure so she moaned and keened for more. More he wanted to give her with everything he had.

Another adjustment and her back was against the comforter on her bed. When John landed above her he moaned and then bit his lip. "Sorry."

"What for?" Anna gasped out, her hands struggling to find enough purchase to shove his jacket from his shoulders. "Don't stop."

"No, it's…" John pressed on the mattress. "This bed is like a cloud."

"Worth every penny." Anna wrapped her hand in his tie to pull his lips closer. "And it'll be even better when you continue."

"Yes ma'am." He grinned, kissing her before pulling back to loosen his tie. She helped him whip it over his head before they attacked his buttons together.

"It's a shame." She huffed between kisses, sloppy and glorious in their relentless passion and shameless artlessness.

"What?" John fought with his cuffs and managed to undo the buttons to let the shirt float in a half-crumpled mass behind him while his feet pushed his shoes off to clunk and thump on the floor.

"I really liked you in this suit."

"I'll take you out in it again." John assured her, meeting her smiles with his own as their lips could not stop meeting. "It'd be my pleasure."

"I've not got a dress to match."

"Doesn't matter," John assured her, groaning when she lifted a leg over his hip to rub against him. "I'll take you anywhere in it."

"Nando's?"

"I'd take you to KFC in it." John trailed his kisses to her collarbone before tracing the line between her breasts to her navel and back. "Doesn't matter."

"Why doesn't it matter?"

"Because anywhere I'd go with you would be a special event to me." John raised his head to meet her eyes, a twinkle in his grin at the tousled look to her hair. "Even if it's just take-away at our kitchen table."

"Really?"

"Really." John rose above her, "I'm mad for you Anna."

"I think we're both a little mad." Anna pulled him down for another kiss and her hands worked at his belt.

Together they got his trousers and socks off, one of them proving stubborn enough that he had to sit on the edge of the bed to unhook it from his heel. But as John twisted back, his boxers now displaying the ever-growing tent, John slowed. Slowed so every moment of his seduction would relax and soothe the goddess stretched diagonally across her cloud-like bed.

He stretched over her, languid and careful as he kissed her while tugging her dress over her hips. With each tug, and the lift of her body, he finally managed to toss the dress to the floor. But it left the expanses of her legs uncovered and John wasted no time in showering her skin with unadulterated affection.

Each kiss and lick left Anna sighing or shivering. Every stroke of his fingers or glide of his hands had her stretching and relaxing under him. And when he managed to spread her legs enough to get close enough to leave more kisses over her torso, Anna tightened her hold on his hips with her legs and dragged him to her.

She controlled their kisses and John did nothing to stop her. Her body moved against his, grinding and writhing against him as if searching for something, and John only let his hands go as her body willed them. And when they landed where they both wanted, John only followed her sounds.

His fingers tugged her knickers down her legs, rolling and moving to help expose her fully so she lay naked under him, and then retraced their earlier steps with soft, delicate touches. Touches that turned to gliding teasing and eventual taunting as he darted and dared closer and closer toward her folds. Folds that already glistened and left traces of her over his fingers. Folds and opens and allowed him to enter with slick sounds and wet sucks.

Anna's head went back into the duvet, her neck arching as her hips rolled and ground against his hand. John attacked her neck with gentle kisses that contrasted with the determined dig and seek of his fingers. Fingers that soon joined his thumb in their play for her pleasure. Pleasure John helped Anna find when his thumb flicked and rubbed at her clit while his fingers curled inside her toward that place her body contorted to help him find.

The echo of her cry resounded in John's ears like a melody to the harmonic thumping of blood. He kissed her as he withdrew his fingers from her fluttering walls and sat back to watch her sag into the duvet. Watched her body relax in the glow of orgasm and wanted desperately to bring her over the edge again. Wanted to watch her falling over the edge for the rest of his life if he could.

For now, one more time would have to be enough.

Skating his lips down her body, John watched her twitch and moan. Enjoyed her body's reaction to further stimulation as he learned the different tastes of her. He enjoyed it all more when his tongue swirled her clit.

Anna's hand flailed, catching in his hair and tightening to hold him to her as her legs widened. Slipping his shoulders into the provided space, one that also gave him more access when his hand glided down to hold her ass and lift her closer to his lips, John set to work. His fingers and tongue worked together to bring her to the edge again and he enjoyed every moment of it.

Enjoyed how she whimpered when his tongue slipped and slid between her folds. Enjoyed how Anna ground against his hand and fingers as he sought that spot inside her again. Enjoyed her moans of pleasure when he drew the flat of his tongue over her before pointing it to slip deeply inside her. Enjoyed how she cried out when he sucked hard at her clit. And enjoyed, the most, the rush of flavor when she came again.

He cleaned over her with his tongue, working until her body settled again, and rose up. Her fingers scratched and fumbled against him but she managed to bring his lips to hers, a full-body moan letting loose when her tongue swirled the inside of his mouth to dig out her taste. But their kisses and caresses were not enough as John's aching arousal brushed over her to dampen his boxers between the two of them.

Anna's hand snaked between them to palm and rub him through the material. She even wrapped her hand around him through his boxers and John let out a sound he never heard before… and hoped to never emit again. When he caught the grin on her face John tried to kiss it away but she only worked her hand under the elastic to wrap around him.

John paused, their eyes meeting, and he swallowed hard enough it broke through all others noise to ring in his ears. "Should I get a-"

"I'm already pregnant John." Anna spoke in a whisper, with a slight shudder to her voice. "And you know I'm clean so-"

"I never doubted." John soothed, "I just… I want you to be sure. I want you to make this decision."

"Because I'm breakable?"

"Because this is about you." John let his hands trace her body again. "The most beautiful, compassionate, passionate, pensive, and hopeful people I've ever met in my life."

"You think that about me?"

"I think more than that about you." John yanked his boxers away one-handed and settled between her legs to rub himself along her. "But it's your decision."

Anna's eyes fluttered closed, scrunching as John shifted his hips to work against hers so his pelvic bone bumped her highly sensitive clit. "You're not really giving me a choice."

"I'd stop the second you asked me to." He waited, "What's your decision Anna? What do you want?"

Her eyes opened and her hands framed his face, holding him still. "I just want you. All of you, right now, and maybe forever."

"Then you have all of me."

John pushed forward slowly, sinking into her with nudges and maneuvers as they tried to settle closer to one another. And when they reached a comfortable position, triggered by rippling shudders through one or the other of them, John held himself still so they could adjust. For as excruciatingly agonizing as the pleasurable sensation of being slowly strangled by a silken glove was, John would not trade it for anything in the world. Especially when he saw Anna's face.

He watched every expression flit over her eyes, mouth, and forehead. He noted the way she teethed her lip, or the tremor of her cheek, or the twitch of a muscle as she tried to breathe. He rolled his hips and waited for her to counterroll. He ground into her and relished the way her hips ground back. He slid back toward the edge and admired the flush over her cheeks as her walls tried to clamp around him to hold him still. He loved pulling to the very edge before thrusting all the way to her end again.

He loved Anna Smith.

With each movement of his body he wanted to tell her that. Wanted to tell her how much he loved her. Wanted to tell her that he was ready to love her for as long as she would let him. Wanted to hear himself whisper it like a prayer in her ear at all hours of the day and night. Wanted, for the briefest of moments, to hear her say it back to him.

But as she rose toward climax again, he buried those thoughts. Buried the selfish desire to keep her close forever. Buried his climax under the cover of hers and worked until he wrangled the last drop of pleasure from them both.

John barely stopped himself from collapsing, catching his weight on his forearm to slip sideways, and bounced a bit on the bed. Anna, in between huffing for air and trying to fill her lungs, managed a snort of laughter. Raising his head, and cocking an eyebrow, John tried to appear stern.

"It's not good on a man's ego to do that."

"Then good thing I'm not too worried about your ego." She put her hand on his chest and pushed him back onto the bed. "You bounced."

"It's like a marshmallow."

"I thought you said it was a cloud."

John scoffed, "I'm almost a hundred percent certain every children's book I ever read told me they're the same thing."

"Then I'll make sure not to leave any of those in your possession." Anna wagged a finger like a stern schoolteacher. "I don't intend for you to raise my child with confused notions of what is and is not water vapor in the atmosphere."

"If you stick around then you won't have to worried about us being unsupervised." John smiled but then dropped it the moment Anna's brow furrowed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply anything and I-"

"You'd want me to stay?"

"Yes, I would."

Anna blinked, the lines on her forehead deepening a moment, and then relaxing slightly. "It might be jumping the gun."

"It might." John admitted. He reached a hand toward her but then retracted, unsure if he should touch her. "And maybe I'm not thinking straight about any of this but…"

"But?"

"I…" John swallowed, "I wouldn't want you to leave."

"Is that what you were thinking, at the end?" John took his turn to frown and Anna hurried to explain. "I saw your face, when you were finishing. You were thinking about something but you wanted to hide it."

"I think about a lot of things."

"It was more than just a passing thought." Anna put her hand forward, retracted a moment as her fingers curled toward her palm, and then settled on letting her hand fit along his jaw so her thumb could trace the line of his cheek. "Where were you? Where'd you go?"

"I went to a place where I could tell you that I love you. That I love you more than I fully understand and so much it frightens me because I've not had time to build any kind of relationship with you. That I want to love you for as long as you'll let me, despite the fact that our situation's not ideal and we're relative strangers. That I want to whisper it in your ear at every opportunity." John took a deep breath, "That I want you to feel like you could say it back to me."

Anna let her thumb trace his cheek and pulled back. "I'm not ready for that yet John."

"I know." John held her hand, kissing her palm before giving it back. "That's why I didn't want to say it. I know that I probably feel more deeply about you than you do about me and I don't want you to feel any pressure because-"

"Not because I don't feel anything for you." Anna stopped him, her hand on his chest. "But because… Because I think I'm not ready to be loved by someone the way you love me. I don't feel worthy of it."

"May I…" John stopped, starting again. "May I try to help you feel worthy of it again? Would you let me do that much?"

Anna nodded, "I think I'd like that very much."

John moved over her again and set to work kissing all over her. He left affection and attention at her breasts, her hips, her sides, her wrists, her ankles, her knees, and liberal time at her folds until she came in a rush. He licked over it, sucking the dregs until she came with a gentle roll that had her sighing with satisfaction. A satisfaction he used as a distraction to enter her again.

With no hurry and all the time in the world, John brought her to the edge. But instead of letting her quivering and ready body crash again, the way she wanted with her pupils blown wide and her heart thundering under his hand at her breast, John held her at the edge. Held her with gentle shunts of his hips against hers. Held her with shallow thrusts and pushed to the end but only teased at her delicate nerves. Held her with quick kisses and taunting licks at her erogenous zones.

When John helped her over the edge finally, Anna broke with a cry so loud even his kiss did little to cover it. But John reveled in it and let himself fall over the edge again. And, as they drifted off to sleep under her covers and still slightly sweaty with the stick of their activities, John reveled in the peace of that as well.


	12. Walking a Tightrope

Anna shifted, the heat under the blankets stifling her, and tried to push them loose. But something trapped then and she adjusted onto her side to try and find the source. When her hand landed on the bare skin of a haired individual, Anna withdrew and her eyes flew open.

The fright immediately dissipated and she sighed, the tingle and tug of muscles tight from overexertion singing happily when she remembered why they felt as they did. And, at the sight of John still sleeping in front of her, Anna bit her lip with the thought of doing it again. Perhaps many more times.

But as her fingers reached toward him, intent on bringing him from sleep, she paused. His words to her, his emotions and the depth of his feelings, coming back to her. The possible consequences of her wanting a round of morning sex settling its hefty weight on her next decision.

A decision she knew she would make anyway.

Anna maneuvered, wincing for a moment as a pressure at her ribs seemed to press into her lungs. She held herself with one hand on the bed and the other on her abdomen. Then the weight in her hand shifted and Anna cried out in surprise.

John was awake in a moment, almost jack-knifing out of the bed at her cry. He turned to her, eyes wide and still holding onto the edges of sleep, and put his hands over hers. "Are you alright?"

"I'm… Fine." Anna half-laughed, not sure which endorphins confused the signals in her body triggering her to want to laugh, cry, and sit in silence all at the same time. "I'm fine. It's… It' the baby. And this it's moving."

She flipped her hands in John's to bring his to cover her abdomen. "Do you feel it? I think I had this pressure under my ribs but-"

John's brow furrowed and then he practically squealed when the baby moved again. He tucked himself closer to Anna, one of his hands at her lower back and the other on the shifting muscles of her abdomen to wait for another movement. All it took was one more shift and John laughed out loud before moving down the bed to put his ear to Anna's stomach and listen for the baby.

Anna held him there, her fingers idly stroking through his hair as John continued to breathe evenly and listen for the movements of his child. Of… She paused, wondering what kind of arrangement that particular thought would impose. If she dared say 'their child' might it mean…

She shook the thought away and tugged gently on John's hair so he raised his head to meet her eyes. "This wasn't exactly how I wanted to wake you up but I guess it'll do."

"You were going to wake me up?" John frowned and then grinned at her. "Did you have all sorts of salacious plans for me?"

"Just one really." She shifted so they knelt on the bed, facing one another. "I had wanted to kiss all over you like you did me last night but then the baby moved and I lost the chance."

"I could pretend to be asleep." John slipped from her grasp and lay back on the bed, his arms behind his head and his eyes closing so tightly they formed wrinkles at the corners. "I won't make a sound."

"That would destroy the point of the activity." Anna poked under his ribs and John squirmed, opening his eyes to look at her. "And I was… I was afraid to."

"Why?" John lifted himself onto his forearms, his nude body stretched out between them. Anna bit her lip as she caught sight of the evidence of the morning practically begging for her attentions but she held off. "Did I do something to-"

"No." Anna took his hand, leaning over him to kiss his cheek. "You've been nothing but lovely and… And loving."

"Ah," John nodded, sagging back onto the pillows. "That's why."

"It's not… It's not like that." Anna assured him, taking his hands with hers. "I understand there's a price to this and I didn't want to pay it and risk giving you the wrong impression in the process."

"You thought I'd think there was more to the idea of morning sex than just that you've got twice as much blood pumping through your body and therefore you're feeling hornier than usual?" John laughed a little, smiling as he took her hand and kissed the back of it. "You made your feelings clear last night Anna and I haven't forgotten them so easily."

"Even if I did want to have morning sex with you?"

"Anna," John sat up, enfolding both of her hands in his, and waiting until she looked at him. "For as much as I feel about you, and for whatever you feel about me, I am still a man with blood running through my veins. That means that I'll not say no to the idea of sex with a beautiful woman who wants to have sex with me."

"Never?"

"Excluding awkward things like location, audience, and perhaps the random digestion-related discomfort." John narrowed his eyes a moment and then nodded. "No, that's about all the things that might possibly stop me fulfilling any sexual fantasy you have."

"Any?"

"Well," John held up a finger and winced. "I exclude anything kinky, involving ropes or chains or leather, and I also would like to leave it a bit more Biblically appropriate, if that's all the same to you."

"I've not got a penchant for goats or sheep, if that's a comfort to you."

"More than." John assured her, bringing her hands to his mouth to kiss them again. "I know that I feel more for you than you do me right now and I'm alright with that. I'll wait until you know what you feel and we move from there."

"What if…" Anna bit her lip. "What if it doesn't work and we find out we don't actually want one another?"

"Then we face that wave if it comes." John leaned forward, placing light kisses over her cheek to her ear. "But I doubt it will."

"What makes you so sure?" Anna tried to tease but gasped out as John's hand slid between her legs and played over her folds to penetrate her with just the tips of his fingers.

"The fact that you're already wet for me."

"It could be a non-related response."

"I don't know," John drew back, "Your pupils are blown wide and you're breathing heavily."

"I'm pregnant."

John narrowed his eyes and dropped her hand to place his other one on her chest, just over her heart so his fingers could stroke lightly at her breasts to match the maddeningly delicate touch at her core. "I don't know… Why's your heart beating so fast if you're not responding to the idea of shagging me senseless?"

"That wasn't the word I was going to use."

"Whatever word you want." John kissed down her neck, his fingers still persisting to barely touch her as they sought to excite her. "I'm willing to do whatever you want. I'm at your mercy."

"Are you?"

"Yes." John held her gaze, his eyes focused while hers hazed a moment. "However, whatever, whenever."

"That's… ambitious of you." Anna closed her eyes as John's fingers went deeper. "You don't know how I could use that."

"I trust you."

Anna's fingers scuttled up John's arms to hold at his shoulders as her knees slid over the sheets to spread her legs wider and allow her hips to buck and rut against his hand. "Because you love me?"

"Because I love you." John paused, his palm pressing hard against her. "Do you want me to continue?"

"Please." Anna dragged her nails over his shoulders to his neck and guided his lips to hers. "Don't stop."

John's fingers slid deeper inside her, curling and stretching to find that spot that forced Anna to whimper into their kiss. She broke it a moment later when John worked his palm at her clit to set her nerves on fire in two places. His eyes never left hers and he did not move to try and silence her with kisses as she moans and gasping sighs grew louder around her. Instead her only tried harder to bring her over the edge until Anna's nails left their harsh white furrows in the skin of his shoulders and neck.

He eased from her, breathing almost as heavily as she was, and laid back on the bed. "Do as you will Ms. Smith."

Anna swallowed hard and leaned over John, kissing him with all the energy she could muster. John did not put his hands on her or hold her in any way as she moved over him, straddling his legs and spreading her hands at his sides to hold herself above him, and only smiled when she set to kissing over his chest. His arms remained at his sides and the only evidence of her effect on him was when her hand brushed his erection and Anna noted the clawing of his fingers into the sheets.

With more confident fingers, Anna explored over his chest. The early light of morning guided her in the discovery of the spots that had him flinch, the ones where he laughed slightly and squirmed at their sensitivity, and those places that darkened his eyes or hitched his breathing. Her body shifted over his and the pressing heat of his arousal met her extending abdomen for a moment.

She paused, her hand delicately tracing him. The soft skin encased a hardening, pulsing tool Anna had every interest in using further. A tool for their mutual pleasure that she investigated with a long lick from root to tip. He shivered but held still, fingers creasing the sheets even more when she did it again. And when Anna tested sucking at him she finally heard a sound.

John's half-strangled gasp at the back of his throat almost threw Anna off. But a moment later she smiled around him and sucked deeper. Her nails dug into his hips to counter the jerk and rut of them as his hands pulled at the fitted sheet and stripped the straight sheet completely off the bed. It ruffled under them but Anna lost herself in investigating him as thoroughly as possible. Even to the point of dragging her teeth over him and feeling out the slit at his tip with her tongue.

He whimpered and Anna pulled back, placing a final kiss at his tip. She slid back up his body, further rumpling the remains of her bed under them, and pressed herself against him. They groaned in unison and John's eyes closed in an effort to hold himself in check as the tension in his body tightened to a breaking point. A point Anna broke when she lifted on her knees and took him inside her in a single, slick slide that had their hips impacting one another.

Anna put her hands on John's chest, holding herself still as he quivered inside her. The tremors and vibrations of his body holding back sounded under her hands as the harmony to the thudding beat of his heart in his chest. She lifted her head, breathing as heavily as he was so their chests rose and fell in unison, and their eyes met. With one twist of her hips it was over for them.

John's hands finally landed on her hips, holding her steady as he shunted his hips against her in an impassioned fury that left Anna hauling in air. Her hands on his chest skittered and slipped over the soft hair, the sweat, and the swell of him as she tried to comprehend the weight of their motions. Motions that hit the spot inside her when she tipped herself slightly back to take more of him.

They moved together, John sitting up to hold her closer to him and Anna wrapping her arms around his shoulders to keep him there. The protrusion of her abdomen separated them but also allowed John to sneak a hand underneath to work at her clit again since his pelvic bone could not reach it given their angle. She moaned into him and gripped his cheeks between her hands to force their eyes to meet. It was an eternity in a second before their mouths crashed together and Anna pressed with her knees into the bed to slide herself up and down John. The bed squeaked and groaned under them as it aided in the motions but Anna did not care.

Neither of them cared as John came, huffing and gasping away from their kiss. His fingers and body stuttered together in their final bruising moments to bring Anna over the edge as well. Her nails raked across his shoulders as she came and tightened her hold on John in the aftermath of her quivering tremors.

She lifted her eyes, meeting his, and slowly moved her lips over him. They held one another until their limbs lost all strength and then they separated to fall sideways onto the bed. It bounced them and Anna broke into giggles brought on by the sight of John rising with the excessive springs in the bed and the release of remaining energy in her body.

John frowned and tapped the end of her nose with his finger. "Are you laughing at me again Ms. Smith?"

"I can't help it." She grinned at him, her fingers trailing over his face until he kissed the tips of them. "You are, perhaps, the most fantastic man I've ever met."

"I will take the compliment that is and raise you one." John leaned over her, kissing her quickly and pulling back before she could deepen it. "Can I make you breakfast?"

"The important word in that sentence is 'can' and I'm wondering if you actually have the capacity to make food."

"You might be surprised to know, Ms. Smith," John got off the bed, rooting around the tangle of blankets and sheets on the floor to locate his boxers and trousers, "That I can make an excellent breakfast buffet."

"I might actually need more help putting my bed back together than breakfast." Anna shrugged at the destruction of her sheets and reached for her dressing gown and tried to bend down for her knickers. It took her two attempts but she grabbed them before John could. "Not an invalid yet."

"I never said you were." He gathered his shirt and the rest of his things. "Would you still like to go to dinner?"

Anna blinked up at him and then pointed to her dress. "It can't be anywhere too fancy."

"What if we got you something beforehand?"

Anna shook her head, "At this point I don't think I'd want to risk anything I'll grow out of in two weeks anyway."

"As the lady wishes." John bowed to her and Anna tossed a pillow at him. "I know a little place that'll take you if you're wearing whatever."

"I'll just come in my bikini then?"

"I'd suggest against that." John winked at her, "But I wouldn't say no."

"You've already seen it all." Anna wrapped herself in her dressing gown, her knickers in place.

"Doesn't mean I'm tired of it." John kissed her cheek, "I'll go and get breakfast started. If that's alright with you."

"It's perfect." Anna watched him bow to her again before leaving the room and laughed to herself before bending to pick up the pillow she threw. As she stood she jumped at the sight of Mrs. Bates standing in her doorway. "Mrs. Bates it's-"

"Rude to stand around in doorways." She entered the room and set a fresh pile of sheets on the bedside table before bending to strip the sheets. "Wouldn't want these to get you in too much trouble."

Anna reddened, "I don't know how much you heard but-"

"I'm going deaf but I'm not yet." She winked at Anna, "And you're both adults so you can do what you like. This is John's house, not mine, and I'm as much a guest here as you are."

"I wouldn't think John would say you're a guest in his house."

"And he's not going to say the same about you." Mrs. Bates rolled the sheets around her arms and dumped them into a chair before snapping out the fitted sheet. "He's head over heels for you in ways I can't quite comprehend but we don't live in a world I fully comprehend anymore so I can't say this is an odd thing for me."

"He's adopted my baby."

"But you could still change your mind." Mrs. Bates faced Anna and Anna swallowed, trying not to quail under the unforgiving gaze of the small but ferocious Irish woman. "That's your right, as the mother of that child. And whoever the father is I hope he rots in Hell. Be it now or later I don't care. What I care about is the happiness of my son."

"I wouldn't dare to-"

"No, you wouldn't." Mrs. Bates approached Anna, putting a hand on her arm. "I think you're afraid to love him. Afraid to love that child because of how you got it. Afraid to love yourself because of what happened."

"I've made peace with all those things." Anna wrapped her arms around herself, holding at her abdomen. "I've been in enough therapy sessions to know that there's a time for it and-"

"And bullshit." Mrs. Bates shook her head. "Your therapist, whoever they are, meant well and means well but they're not you. They don't know what'll cure you. Only you know that and only you can cure yourself of whatever you feel."

"Do you have a plan for how I can do that?"

Mrs. Bates nodded, "You start by not putting on your old clothes. You've got to dress for the body you have and not the one you want. You'll not get it, not for some time yet, and you'll only get bigger."

"Anything else?" Anna flailed a hand toward her dresser. "Not sure a new wardrobe's going to fix my mental state."

"Not completely but it's a start." Mrs. Bates returned to the bed, tucking the fitted sheet until the edges held tightly like a military parade. "Next you'll need to accept how you feel about my son."

"I don't know how that is."

"You accepted him as the adopted father of your baby." Mrs. Bates unfolded the straight sheet and set to measuring it against the bed. "You live in his house, you accepted his proposal for a date, and you let him take you to bed… Even after what happened to you."

"He didn't have anything to do with what happened to me."

"I'm aware." Mrs. Bates finished pulling the sheet taut and turned to Anna again. "But I was a midwife too. I knew women who couldn't even look at their babies because of how they got them. Horrible things happened to them that scared for them for life to the point I couldn't even have a male doctor in the room without them wringing the bedclothes in their hands."

"Everyone's different."

"I know." Mrs. Bates pointed at the bedroom door and Anna heard the noises from the kitchen. "He loves you. Loves you as deeply as anyone can love, as far as I can tell, and in a way he never loved his first wife. And it's not just because of your baby… Despite my earlier misgivings."

"You thought he only wanted me for the baby?"

"I know John and I know he wanted to be a father so badly that it broke him when he discovered his wife never wanted children and never planned to give him any or allow any in their home." Mrs. Bates sighed, "I worried that my son might risk your happiness for the sake of his own but I see I was wrong."

"You don't worry it's the other way around?"

"You put on the nicest dress you owned for him and tore the zipper." Mrs. Bates held up the ruined dress. "I'd say you like him more than a little."

"I'd say so too." Anna twisted her fingers in her other hand. "But… How can I accept him when I'm…"

"What?"

"Spoiled."

"Did he say that?"

Anna shook her head, "He rather insisted the opposite."

"Then he means it." Mrs. Bates smiled, bringing the blankets back into place. "My son's got the heart of a philosopher and a poet. He says what he means and he's got a nasty talent for being very honest with people."

"Really?"

"Really." Mrs. Bates finished with the bed and collected the dirty sheets. "Let me take you shopping for something so John can take you to dinner, please. He wants to woo you properly and-"

"Woo me?"

"Court you, date you, fu-"

"Alright," Anna held up a hand. "I understand."

"Good. Because I won't go easy on you if you break his heart and I won't care what condition you're in."

Anna nodded, "I understand."

"After breakfast I'll take you shopping and I don't dither so I hope you're ready for the kind of adventure we're going to have."

Anna cringed.

But for all her terror, shopping was easier than sitting across from Mrs. Bates at breakfast as she made continual comments in John's direction about the relative position of her room in relation to Anna's. And both of their faces reddened when she said something about laundry and stamina. Ribbing that ceased when she took Anna around to the shops.

The maternity sections that frightened Anna were far more manageable with Mrs. Bates by her side. Especially since the assistants gushed at the idea of the mother and daughter shopping for the baby. They flicked their eyes toward Anna's hand but Mrs. Bates always readied herself with a comment about swelling and they laughed with her in an immediate diffuse of tension.

At the end of the day, with a wardrobe for her ever-expanding size, Anna huddled in the last dressing room. The dress fit, comfortably enough she could move her arms in all directions, but she could not leave the room. She sat in there, refusing to look at herself in the mirror until someone knocked on the door.

"One minute Mrs. Bates."

"It's John."

"John?" Anna stood up in a hurry and pushed against the door to open it only enough to see him dressed in a suit through the slit. "What are you doing here?"

"My mother said you were… trepidatious about coming out and thought I could coax you."

"You're not supposed to be here."

"Well I am and my mother's already gone home with your purchases so I guess you're stuck with whatever clothes you brought and whatever dress you chose." John tried a smile, "Can I see it?"

"I…" Anna opened the door and allowed John inside. "It's not much."

But she noticed his eyes, the stark wonder on his face. "It's beautiful."

"It's just a dress."

"But it's your dress, Anna." He reached out but drew back. "If you want and-"

"You like it?"

"I like you and I like you in it." John dodged her swat toward his arm. "I think it brings out your eyes and I can't argue with that."

"Alright then." Anna gathered her things. "Then I'll get this one."

"Don't-" John put out a hand as Anna went to change. "Wear it. It'll fit for tonight. But only if you want."

"That's why I wanted to buy it." Anna handed over her clothes and fit herself into the matching shoes. "How'll we pay for it if I'm wearing them?"

"They've got movable scanners."

And they did. The cashier even helped extricate the tags and security devices so John and Anna walked hand and hand out the door of the shop…. Anna's clothes in the bag from the cashier. A bag that went into the backseat of the car as John helped Anna into it.

They drove to the restaurant, John insisting Anna keep her eyes closed when they were a few blocks away, and then had her open them when they parked. She put both hands over her mouth and laughed. "The Mabel Lane Fox?"

"The Mabel Lane Fox." John left the car and came over to her side. "Might I escort you inside."

"You didn't have reservations here last night did you?"

"I did but I'm friends with the part-owner here in Yorkshire and he was willing to move my reservation." John shrugged, "It's not a big deal."

"It's not?"

"No." John put her hand in the crook of his arm. "Come, we're going to miss this reservation if we don't hurry."

Anna followed John inside and gasped again at the restaurant. "This is possibly the nicest place I've ever been."

"It's a reason to dress up." John addressed the host and in a minute they were at their table with sparkling cider between them. "And I happen to like the menu."

"All your favorites?"

"Most of them."

Anna went to open her menu when a hand came down on the table. She jumped slightly and immediately pushed her chair back at the sight of Green. He leered at her and she was out of her seat in a second but John was next to her.

"What a surprise, seeing you here." Green pointed at Anna as John moved her behind him. "With this… old man."

"I guess it's a right sight better than assuming I'm her father this time." John nodded at Green. "I don't believe we properly introduced ourselves last time we met but I'm John Bates."

He extended his hand but Green only frowned at it. "Met?"

"In the stairwell of Anna's old flat." John took his hand back but stayed in front of Anna. "You asked if I was her father."

"You're old enough to be."

"Actually I'm not but I guess I could see the attempt at a compliment there." John nodded toward the door. "I'm going to ask you to leave our table."

"Your table?" Green snorted and then spluttered, "Like a date?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact." John shifted them to put Anna in his seat.

"You're dating this geezer?" Green scoffed, pointing at John while looking at Anna. "You can't tell me this old… cripple makes you happy."

"He's not crippled." Anna went to stand, "And yes, he makes me very happy so you can just sod off."

"Anna," John held her hand, "Ignore him. He's nothing."

But it was too late and Anna could not shield herself from Green's gaze as the man's jaw dropped. His finger quivered as he pointed toward Anna's abdomen. "Did he knock you up too?"

"He's the father of this child." Anna held John's hand tighter. "That's all that matters and you need to leave."

"Why? It's a public place and I've just as much right to be here as anyone else." Green swayed toward her and John put the flat of his hand on Green's shoulder to hold him back.

"You're drunk and you're interrupting our meal."

"What'll you do about it old man?"

"Ask you politely to leave before I ask you less politely." John kept his hand on Green's shoulder as he tried to press forward. "This is your final warning."

Green glared at him a moment and then snorted, moving back from John's hold. "Not like I need this anyway. It's not worth the time or the effort. She'd only be good for a quick shag anyway and I've already wasted enough time trying to get it."

"Excuse me?"

"Shag, you know, to fu-" Green did not finish what he was about to say before John's fist impacted his jaw. He flew back, legs flailing, and hit an empty table.

Everyone in the dining area stopped what they were doing and Anna swallowed hard as the host came over to them. One of the waiters tried to help Green stand but he threw them off and grabbed for a bottle. It swung around and caught John across the cheek, sending him staggering into another table and then falling to his knees when Green brought it down between John's shoulder blades.

Anna moved forward and ripped the bottle from Green's grasp as he went for another stroke. He rounded on her, tripping over the dropped bottle, and grabbed her arm. She turned in his hold and her hands barely grabbed her chair as his bodyweight landed on her.

It was like the stairwell. Sound roared to silence in her ears as the sensation of something at her back, holding her down, pressing into her drove her back to that night. She blinked but all she saw was darkness, all she heard was her terror, and all she smelled… All she smelled.

The weight lifted and arms wrapped around Anna. She glanced up to see John and tucked into his embrace, her fingers tightening in the lapels of his jacket to keep close to him. Through the crook of his arm she caught sight of Green, still spitting and raving, escorted outside.

"Please take me home John."

"Of course." He guided her from the dining room, paying the bill quickly, and drove them home as fast as he could manage.

They entered the house and John moved to leave but Anna held his hand. His forehead formed lines but she pulled him behind her to her room. They shut the door and it was as if a frenzy started.

Each grasp removed a piece of clothing and every grab found skin to kiss or hold. They tripped and tangled until Anna fell back on the bed, her dress pushed to her waist as John removed her knickers. Before they even hit the floor John's mouth was on her and Anna held at his hair and the bedspread to keep herself grounded while his tongue and fingers sent her into oblivion.

He barely left her, mouth still damp, and Anna dragged him to her lips. Her hands struggled to remove the rest of their clothes but the moment their bodies touched Anna hooked her leg over John's hip. With a whispered word they joined.

Swift, hard, and almost brutal in their passion, Anna could barely contain herself. Her nails left marks over his arms and shoulder, dug into his scalp, and finally found a purchase on his ass as he leaned over her. Kept her on the edge of the bed as he stood and used his position for leverage to piston into her.

His fingers moved over her, his lips marked every bit of her, and Anna clung to him both outside and in until he could not keep quiet either. They tugged and pulled at one another until she came again, crying out with an arch of her back. He joined her within moments and sagged on the edge of the bed in an attempt to regain his strength to even move.

When they did, sliding farther up her bed, they cuddled together. Kept close to one another until Anna finally spoke. "Why?"

"I couldn't let him talk about you that way." John brushed a loose strand of her hair from her face. "You deserve better than that Anna. Better than someone like him. Better than… Better than to be someone's conquest."

"It'd be too late for him anyway." Anna ran her hand down John's chest to trill over his arousal. "I'm already taken."

Her leg fit over his hip and despite the difference in dimensions due to her abdomen, John slid into her. His fingers moved gently and hers found the familiar furrows for her fingers at his ass. They held one another as closely as they could manage while moving excruciatingly slowly.

Anna swept her hands over his arms, his back, his shoulders, and into his hair as if to memorize him for an exam. John's fingers played anywhere she reacted while his lips set to light her aflame with tactile sensation. When she mimicked him, John only drove deeper and harder so their mutual groans mixed and merged in the room. Became one as they did in a gentle, rolling fire instead of a passionate conflagration that set them alight to begin with.

They held together then, dozing in one another's arms with their child between them and the memory of the evening buried under happy thoughts.


	13. Pink or Blue

John paced the room as Anna flipped through a magazine. "How can you be so calm about all of this?"

"It's different on this side, isn't it?" Anna put the magazine down. "I'm calm because it's not going to change what the scan says."

"You're not nervous about it?"

"What's to be nervous about?" Anna rested a hand on her protruding belly. "It's already whatever gender it is."

"Unless it tells us in five years it's something else." John stopped, "I'm sorry, I just assumed that you-"

"I'll still be in the baby's life." Anna reached for his hand, tugging John into the seat next to her. "And I like that you use 'us' to describe the baby's future. It makes me feel included."

"I want you to be included."

"I want to be included." Anna held his hand, "Your mother's a bit worried about you and I though."

"She's mentioned it to me." John winced, "What'd she say to you?"

"You mean other than that she'll probably bury my body in a moor somewhere if I break your heart?" Anna shrugged, "Just that she thinks I'm in love with you."

"She's just being protective."

"The instinct never goes away, so I'm told."

"Me too." John clacked his teeth together. "I'm not usually one to press and I don't want to assume but-"

"Anna Smith?" They both turned as Sybil waved them into the room. "We're ready for you now."

John stood up so fast he almost tripped himself back into his chair but Anna held tightly to his hand. "It's going to be alright John."

"You make it sound like I'm really nervous." He tried to say but she only smiled at him. "I've done this a few times."

"Not on this side of the monitor." Anna led them into the room and got on the table with John's help. "I'll assume it's a bit different from this angle."

"Very." Sybil spoke before John could fully open his mouth, pushing a cart with the ultrasound monitor attached to it while flicking a switch below a little tray that held a bottle of gel. "Tom was beside himself when we came in here to get scanned for Sybbie. Didn't know where to put his hands."

"Tom's a paramedic. He's one of the coolest people under pressure I've ever seen." Anna turned to John, "What about in the delivery room. Will you be a mess in there too?"

"Not if they let me be there to help deliver the baby." John wrapped his hand more securely around Anna's and took the stool Sybil pushed under him. "Thank you Sybil."

"It's your first time Nurse Bates." Sybil shrugged, "It's normal to be nervous."

"Is it?" He took a deep breath, rubbing over Anna's hand as Sybil pushed her feet into the stirrups and helped Anna lift her shirt while drawing her skirt down her hips to better expose her abdomen. "Were you nervous? When you were the one on the table getting the news?"

"Sort of but what else could I do?" Sybil got a stool for herself and checked the monitor before uncapping the gel. "The baby's already whatever sex it wants to be. All we're doing to is trying to tell you."

John leaned over onto the table, his elbows digging into the material, and watched the monitor as Sybil squirted the gel onto Anna's abdomen. Anna squirmed and John immediately froze. "What?"

"It's not…" Anna frowned, "Isn't it supposed to be cold or something. "Everyone always says it's cold."

"They've got warmers for it now." Sybil tapped the little tray. "Keeps it from being too uncomfortable since we all know that nothing adds to stress more than tightened muscles."

"Right." Anna laid back down, scooting a bit to get comfortable. "I think we're both as ready as we're going to be for this."

Sybil took one of the two monitors and applied to the gel, smoothing it into Anna's skin as a black and white image fuzzed on the screen. "Okay, let's see where Baby's hiding and hope that they're not shy."

John tried to keep his hands loose but his breathing hitched when Anna's hand grasped his hard as a round shape appeared in the black bubble. Both of them held their breath as they watched the image on the monitor fill with the curved shape of the baby resting between Anna's hips. When his vision hazed, John blinked and laughed a little as the image on the screen moved.

"And there's Baby." Sybil smiled at them, "And look, he's waving to you."

"He?" John risked a hand to wipe at his tears, trying to clear his eyes as Sybil clicked a few buttons on the screen to capture the image. "You're sure?"

"As sure as I am there is only one baby in there." Sybil switched monitors for a moment and used the smaller sensor. "And yep, there it is. The basic anatomical difference between a boy and a girl. Say hello Mr. Smith."

"Mr. Bates." Anna clarified, looking at John. "The boy's last name is Bates."

Sybil nodded, "My apologies. It does explain the big head, which I wasn't going to mention before but now I know where he got it."

They all laughed, John wiping at his eyes again before kissing Anna's hand. "He's beautiful Anna."

"He's in black and white." Anna tried to argue as Sybil took a few more moments to capture Baby Bates before turning off the monitor and taking a wet cloth to Anna's abdomen. "We don't know how he looks."

"He's got ten fingers and ten toes and my big head." John leaned over to kiss her forehead, brushing his thumb toward her hairline for a moment. "He's beautiful and perfect already."

"Well don't be asking if you get to take him home with you today." Sybil finished, drying Anna off and helping her restore her clothing. "He's still about the size of a sea monkey so you should probably wait for him to get a little cuter."

"Good idea." Anna sat up, John's hand helping her. "Let him grow a little and then we'll bring him home with us."

"Deal." John held out a hand and took the images from Sybil. "He's cute."

"Still in black and white." Anna took one of the photos, tracing over the image with a finger. "But you're right, he's perfect."

"Time to start thinking about names." John helped Anna off the table, Sybil holding her other arm. "It'll be easier now, since we can eliminate half the names for gender reasons."

"So you're against naming your son Ashley or Courtney or Taylor?"

"Those aren't men's names."

"What about Evelyn?"

John opened his mouth and then bit down. "I did have a surgeon apply here with the name Evelyn and he is a man so…"

"You don't like it, do you?"

"No." John shook his head, tucking the pictures into his breast pocket. "I always wanted to name any son I had after my father."

"What was his name?"

"Daniel."

Anna stopped by the door, blinking a moment before putting her hand to the side of John's face. "I think Daniel's a perfect name."

"So we're settled, just like that?"

"Just like that."

"Wow." John whistled, "I thought it'd be this long battle and we'd spend the next five months debating over names and talking about the expectations of our families for what to name the baby and it'd be this huge mess."

"It can't be a mess when my family wants nothing to do with the baby and you've only got your mother." Anna bit her lip a moment, "Could I make a request? About the baby's name?"

"It's your baby too Anna."

"Not since you signed those papers, not legally."

"Anna." John guided her into an alcove, "I want to know what you want to name the baby. He's not just mine, even legally speaking. You're his mother and you should have a say in his name."

"Could his middle name be James?"

John shrugged, "I don't see why not."

"Because if you're naming him after your father I'd like to name him after mine as well." Anna put up her hands, "Not my step-father but my real father."

"Two men we wish he could've met but, sadly, will never get the chance to meet." John nodded, "Daniel James Bates. It's a strong name and, if he's got trouble spelling as a child, we'll call him 'DJ' for short."

"DJ?" Anna frowned, "Is there a chance he'll have difficulty with spelling?"

John shrugged, "I was dyslexic as a child so it's possible."

"But he's not yours… genetically." Anna rested a hand on her stomach but removed it quickly. "He's-"

"He's ours Anna." John covered her hand but did not place it back on her abdomen, putting his there instead. "No matter who the father is, he's ours."

"Could we…" Anna looked back over her shoulder. "Could we get a paternity test on Daniel? Just to make sure?"

"That he's not mine?" John tried a smile but let it die immediately.

"I want… I want the proof on file. I want to know, if I ever have the chance, that I can prove it all happened."

John nodded and got Sybil's attention as she left the exam room. "Let me talk with Sybil for a minute. We'll get it all sorted." He kissed Anna's hands and hurried over to Sybil. "Are you still on shift?"

"For the next half hour." Sybil frowned, "Anything you need?"

"Anna wants to run a paternity test. Just to get the DNA on file if she ever needs the proof of paternity for the baby."

Sybil craned her neck over John's shoulder and then nodded. "I just need to get a sample and then we'll send it in for lab analysis. I don't know if it's covered under normal procedure so-"

"I'm paying for it." John put up a hand when Sybil opened her mouth. "Sybil, it's my baby and I want his mother to feel safe. I want her to put this worry away so she doesn't have to face it. I can't do much else for her but I can do this."

Sybil nodded, "I'll get it all set up. But you've got other appointments so I'll have to do it without you in there, if that's alright."

"I've already got all the proof I need." John patted his pocket. "My son's growing healthy and strong in there."

"Yes he is." Sybil leaned around him, "Ms. Smith, I'll have you right in here and you'll be out in fifteen minutes. No problem."

Anna came back toward the room and John kissed her cheek. "I've got to get to work now. Are you alright on your own?"

"I'll be fine." Anna put her hand on his other cheek. "And thank you, for this."

"It's my pleasure." John kissed her again, "I'll see you tonight then?"

He left her in Sybil's hands and went to his office.

But he spent the whole day thinking about Anna and the paternity test. It lingered at the back of his mind during the assignment meeting and he found himself doodling 'Daniel James Bates' on spare corners of papers he was supposed to be condensing into reports. In fact it was not until a police constable knocked on his office door that John even felt remotely engaged.

"I'm sorry." John hurried to stand, holding out his hand to shake the woman's hand before offering her the seat in front of his desk. "I've been a bit preoccupied today. I didn't even hear you knock."

"I'll admit, I was quiet about it." She sat on the edge of the seat, prompting John to follow suit. "I'm here about an accusation of assault."

"Excuse me?"

"Were you dining at The Mabel Lane Fox a week ago?"

"Yes." John interlaced his fingers, propping them on the desk in front of him. "Is this about the man that I-"

"If you saw anything incriminating, Mr. Bates, I'll have to make a note of it." She warned, tapping at the notebook in her hand. "Currently the _accusation_ is that you socked a man in the jaw but I don't believe that an upstanding member of the community like yourself would be so violent in public."

John leaned back slightly in his seat, "Constable-"

"Sergeant." She tapped the insignias on her lapels, "Sergeant Willis, to be specific. Sorry for not introducing myself when I entered."

"It's perfectly fine Sergeant." John held up a hand, "And I was at The Mable Lane Fox a week ago. I was taking a woman on a date, for dinner, and we were accosted by a gentleman. He made comments of an inappropriate nature toward my date and I advised him against that action. When he persisted I made sure he could not say more. His reaction was to take a bottle in his hand and clock me across the face with it."

"Is that the bruise along your cheekbone sir?" Sergeant Willis made a note on her pad before holding up her phone. "Mind if I get a photo?"

"Sure." John turned his head and waited for the flash before continuing to speak. "It knocked me off my feet and then I get another blow between my shoulder blades before my date removed the bottle from the man's hand."

"Your date?"

"Anna Smith." John paused before continuing, "She's the mother of my child."

"Congratulations sir."

"Thank you." John waited as the Sergeant made another note. "The man tried to grab her and she… Had a moment before I pulled her free from him. Security for the establishment stepped in the and we left."

"And you didn't pursue the man afterward?"

John snorted, "He wasn't worth the time. Especially not since I had a woman in my arms who required my attentions for the remainder of the evening."

Sergeant Willis's eyebrows rose. "Then the rumors are true?"

"About?"

"Pregnancy."

John shrugged, "It's different for everyone but with twice as much blood working through the body and a considerable increase in hormones there are certain beneficial effects."

"Doctor, are you?"

"Midwife." John gestured with his hands around them. "This is my clinic."

"And had you ever met the man before that night?"

"He accosted Anna in the stairwell of her home when I helped her move from her previous flat." John flexed his jaw, "He's a classmate of hers. Or was, I guess, since she matriculated already."

"Has she ever filed reports against him in the past?"

John shrugged, "I've no idea."

Sergeant Willis made another note before setting her pad in her lap. "I'll tell you straight, Mr. Bates, I don't think you punched this man without reason. In fact, based on what you've said, the bastard deserved it. However, I've got to file a report as he's accused you of accosting him in public and then assaulting him."

"I can only claim, theoretically, that if I did assault him in public, he accosted me first." John tapped his fingers on the desk. "I'm generally a pacifist."

"Doesn't quite explain that plaque behind your head giving you a medal for service, does it?"

John turned over his shoulder before meeting the Sergeant's eyes. "I served my country for all it's given me. Surely service to the country isn't a crime."

"Not for me." She finished her notes and stood. "I'm satisfied, Mr. Bates, that if there is a formal inquest of any sort you'll be cleared."

"Thank you for the vote of confidence." John stood, shaking her hand. "And I hope you enjoy the rest of your day."

"Me too." She paused, still holding his hand, and leaned over the desk. "But is it really true about pregnancy? My man and I've been thinking about ways to spice up the bedroom and if pregnancy is a way to do it…"

John smiled, "You should think about it. It's done nothing but help me."

She nodded, releasing his hand. "Thank you for your professional opinion in these matters Mr. Bates."

"And yours, Sergeant."

When the day finished, more work completed than John thought possible, he packed his bag to go home. But as his eyes caught the doodle of 'Daniel James Bates' he paused. With a smile John got into his car and went to the baby shop where they purchased all the accouterments for the baby's room. There he found a large blue bear he could barely stuff into the back of his car and another smaller blue bear that he buckled into the seat next to his.

Sneaking them into the house was a little difficult but John settled the large bear in the corner next to the rocking chair he painted blue and the one Anna insisted they buy from the store. The two chairs, one for each of them, with the bear between them made him smile. And as John turned to move, the other bear tucked under his arm, he almost jumped at the sight of his mother standing in the doorway.

"You've a habit of this." John shuffled the bear in his grip, holding it up. "It's a boy. If Anna didn't tell you already I thought-"

"She told me." His mother crossed her arms over her chest. "She also said you're naming him Daniel."

"It's a good name."

"She said you wanted to name him after your father but you and I both know the kind of man your father was."

"He made his mistakes." John pointed toward the door. "I already told Anna a little about that so…"

"So she remembers and she's fine with naming your son after a man who left us almost destitute and died in a drunk driving accident?"

John sighed, "For all those things, he was my father. I'd have given anything for more time with him and if I name my son Daniel then-"

"It won't be more time with your father."

"It'll be my son's time with his father and a chance to do it better than my father." John went to move past his mother. "I've got this for Anna and I want to give it to her."

"It's a stuffed animal John. It's not going to go bad if you wait." His mother walked around the room. "Has she told you if she loves you?"

"What Anna feels for me is between she and I."

"I don't want your heart broken John."

John put a hand on his mother's shoulder. "It won't be."

"But if-"

"But if it is then that's between the two of us and no one else." John took his hand back. "It's my heart to break, Mother. Mine and no one else's. If Anna breaks it then so be it."

"I'm worried that you'll lose her and the baby."

John shook his head, "No. For everything Anna is, she's not false. She's protective of her heart, as she's a right to be, and she's defensive about her love. But she'll not renege on her promise."

"Then it's Daniel James Bates, is it?" John nodded and his mother sighed, "You're both just big sentimentalists, you know that yes?"

John grinned and left her in the baby's room as he knocked on Anna's door. Her voice bid him enter and John arranged it so the bear entered first. Anna's giggled brought him into the room and he handed the beat to her. "Thought it was appropriate, given today's news."

"I'll just say," Anna cuddled the bear to her. "I'm glad you're not one of those who wants it to be a surprise."

"Oh no." John sat on the edge of Anna's bed. "I'm chronic with my preparations. I couldn't possibly manage that sort of surprise."

"How would you ever survive the life before we had scans and sonograms and all the technological gadgets that make life easier for you?"

"I wouldn't. I'd just die." John nodded at the bear. "I got him a friend."

"What?" Anna laughed as John held out his hand to her. "You're going to be incorrigible when you've got a child. You'll spoil this poor boy rotten."

"Maybe." John guided her down the hall and into the baby's room. "But I saw it and couldn't say no."

"It's huge." Anna put her bear on her rocking chair, handling the overlarge bear on the floor between the two chairs. "If you give this bear to DJ he'll drown in the fur. We'd never find him again."

"Then I guess we'll have to deal with that." John sat on the maternity bed, smiling as he watched Anna shake her head at the bear. "It's still got the tag so I could return it and-"

"You'll do no such thing." Anna chided, coming over to him. "That bear's staying because it's as big as the furniture and I don't feel like moving it."

"It's not heavy."

"No." Anna leaned forward, kissing John quickly. "But it's you and it needs to stay. It belongs in this room."

John reached for Anna's hands. "I need to ask you something and I hope you're not… I hope I'm not pushing my boundaries here."

"Ask away."

He managed a breath as Anna sat next to him on the bed. "I need to know if you want to stay here. If you want a life here, with me."

"Is this my eviction notice?"

"Never." John shook his head. "But my mother's still got it in her head that you might turn into another version of my ex-wife and I want to finally put her well-meaning but frustrating worries to rest."

Anna nodded and waited a moment before speaking. "She's right to worry. I've not exactly been as forthcoming as you."

"For good reason."

"I'm not sure it is." Anna bit at her lip. "I've been afraid to admit how I feel about you because it scares me that I feel as deeply as I do."

John swallowed, holding his breath as if even seeking air could break the delicate moment between them. Another beat passed and Anna spoke again. "But watching you, today, when you saw your child in that monitor. Your child because you chose him… That was the moment I knew for sure. I couldn't lie to myself anymore and say I imagined it. I knew then."

"Knew what?"

"That I love you, John Bates. And maybe we've done this all in the wrong order and maybe it's not ladylike to say it after you've already moved into the man's house and had sex with him but I'm not exactly a lady and I don't claim to be so-"

"You're a lady to me." John kissed the backs of her hands. "And I've never met a finer one than you, Anna Smith."

She kissed him then and John was helpless. Helpless as they managed their clothes between them. Helpless when she paused to put his hand over her abdomen to feel their son moving. Helpless when her fingers wrapped over him and her mouth took its turn while he tugged at the sheets on the maternity bed. Helpless to do anything but urge her up when a tingle at the small of his back warned him that their adventure might swiftly some to an end if he did not act quickly.

Anna shifted up and John froze a moment, looking into her eyes. "Are you alright? Is this alright?"

"I'm fine." She leaned over, kissing him deeply and John moaned at the lingering taste of him there. "I'm with you. How could I be anything else?"

John shifted then. He slid into her in a single motion and rocked slowly. Her fingers dug into the skin of his chest and John leaned up to adore her breasts, sucking deeply at her skin to leave patches of red marks there before suckling on her nipples until she cried out and left grooves from her nails in his scalp. But John continued, his fingers rubbing and shifting over her in time with his thrusts to send Anna over the edge.

The over sensitive parts on her body allowed him to bring her to the edge faster, better, and more completely so John had to hold himself back. She sagged against him, her arms trembling on his shoulders and her thighs quivering at his hips. But John held tightly to her, coaxing her through the orgasm while his fingers and lips continued to move. Moved her from one peak to the next as the undulating second climax passed through her so her heartrate calmed and her body eased.

He leaned back then, holding gently to her hips, and relished the way her eyes closed as he moved inside her. The tight cling of her walls around him were enough to set him moving again, rolling his hips easily to take advantage of her already buzzing nerves and prolong the pleasure. Each shift and glide had Anna clutching at him with fingers or her internal muscles until John could not hold back any longer.

Each thrust drove deeply until he could no longer hold back. In that moment he brought his hands back to her clit and her breasts, leaning forward for a final kiss to her breasts before she came around him. This time he could not refuse her and finished as well. Even the final stutters of his body brought her over the final edge as they calmed and curled together on the maternity bed.

She held close to him, breathing easily, and John let his nose burrow into her hair to breathe deeply for a moment. He wrapped his arms around her and leaned toward her ear to speak. "I think we might need to consider going for dinner. You'll need to eat after that."

"So will you." She muttered sleepily against his neck, kissing the skin there.

"But you're the one growing a human inside you so," John kissed her forehead and extricated himself from her. "I'll get the bath started and then you can eat something."

"You spoil me."

"I intend to spend a long time doing that." John lifted her into his arms. "Come on, before you fall asleep completely."


	14. Engaged to Be Married

There he was. Running around and giggling. Dark hair bounced and blew in the breeze. Hair like John's.

She smiled as she watched him but felt the skin around her smile slacken. Something about the hair changed. It was no longer as dark as John's. Now it bore distinctive auburn tones and caught he sunlight differently. Something about the way it moved tugged at the back of her memory but it was like something in the corner of the eye. Blink too quickly or turn toward it and the image vanished.

It persisted in her thoughts, darkening the clouds in her vision and tightening in her chest like an ever-pressing sensation of dread. It made Anna call out to the boy but when his face turned to her she gasped. The eyes. Those same eyes that leered at her, watched her, tracked her… They echoed in the eyes of the boy now approaching her. The facets of his face now morphed and gained the qualities and details she knew so well from trying to avoid.

And now he was no longer a boy. Now he was a man and standing in front of her before she had a chance to move. She had not even seen him coming.

His hands gripped her arms tightly. So tightly she could not get away. Like in the stairwell of her building with Gwen and her body froze as it did then. The image vanished but the fear only settled deeper into her stomach as she turned to try and escape his clutches.

But he was gone.

Then something shifted against Anna and she flinched. An arm wrapped around her and all she could smell was the stale choke of alcohol. The rough surface of the concrete at her face scratched and nicked before the air drove from her lungs as she hit the floor. The pain and blackness had her kicking out and trying to scream.

But just like then she could not find her footing. Could not escape it. Could not even scream.

And there was no one to hear.

"Anna! Anna!" Hands settled on her and she batted them away, escaping the clawing containment of the sheets to get out of the bed. Her feet hit the ground and she stumbled slightly, catching herself on the nightstand and pushing toward the wall to breathe through the threat of hyperventilation. Her eyes finally focused and she recognized John sitting in the middle of the bed with his hands raised in surrender, appearing as the only survivor in her battle with the bedclothes. "Anna? It's me, John. I won't touch you, I promise. Just… Are you alright? Do you need something? Can I get you something?"

She leaned back against the wall, holding to her pajamas as her chest rose and fell rapidly, and focused on John to bring the rest of the details of the room into relief. Putting a hand over her heart she recognized the thud and then reached for the edge of the bed to sit down on it. John did not reach for her again, only shifted so he could stay in her line of sight after he flipped the switch on the lamp beside the bed. Anna squinted at the light but used it to track John as he tried to not move behind her but stay in her eyeline.

"I'm fine."

"Are you?"

Anna forced herself to nod, loosening her clutch on her shirt and noting the deep wrinkles in it from the claw of her hand. "Just fine."

"You were calling out in your sleep and I was trying to wake you up." Anna could only nod and John leaned over to turn on the other bedside lamp to give them even more light. "Is it the baby?"

"No, he's…" Anna put a hand over her abdomen and noted the barest of sensations there. "He's fine."

"Are you alright?"

Anna swallowed, stopping herself from nodding and closed her eyes. "No, I don't think so."

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" John immediately raised his hands when Anna looked at him. "You don't have to. I just wanted to be here if you-"

"I was dreaming about Daniel." Anna did not look at John, although she opened her eyes. John moved to a chair across from the bed, giving her a distance she did not realize she wanted until her shoulders relaxed. They stiffened almost as soon as she realized it happened but John extended a hand.

"It's alright. I understand. You need your space and that's fine. Just… Take all the space you need."

"Thank you." Anna arranged herself more fully on the bed and took the edge of the blanket in her hands. It manipulated easily in her hold and the weight of it grounded her in reality. "I was dreaming about Daniel. About what he might look like when he's older and running around. About him just being happy."

"Okay." John shifted the chair closer to the bed and reached out a hand toward hers but Anna flinched for a moment. He immediately went to retract his hand but she covered it, pulling it into her lap and drawing him closer over the mattress and out of the chair.

"I don't want you that far away."

"I'll be as close or as far as you need me to be. This is all on your terms." John took a moment before he spoke again, the gentle run of his thumb over the skin of her palm soothing her. "But that part of your dream seems happy."

"It was." Anna's grip on his hand tightened. "It was so very happy John. He looked so beautiful in my dreams."

"He will be beautiful." John smiled at her, continuing the motions on her hand. "But that also doesn't sound like the end of the story."

"It's not." Anna swallowed, closing her eyes again. But the images flashed there and she opened them with a startled intake of breath. John stopped his motions on her hand.

"Was it-"

"No, please keep doing what you were doing." John started again and Anna focused on their hands to distract herself enough to tell the rest of the story. "But then he… He changed."

"What do you mean?"

"It was like…" Anna shook her head, "It's hard to explain but at first he looked like you. Even though that's impossible and he couldn't look like you but he did."

"I'd like that." John's voice was soft but Anna heard it. "I'd love for a child who looked like me. Just the good bits you know."

Anna put her other hand on his face, getting him to look at her. "All your bits are good John."

He kissed the inside of her palm. "That's not the end of the story either though, is it?"

She shook her head and dropped her hand to support herself on the bed. "He changed. His hair looked more auburn and caught the light differently."

"Was that bad?"

"It… It felt odd. Like I should remember it but then…" Anna shuddered, "Then everything about him changed. His demeanor, the way he looked at me, how he sounded. It… It felt wrong. It felt like he was something ugly. Not in appearance but his soul was dark. Like he meant me harm."

"Is that what woke you?"

"No." Anna closed her eyes, forcing a few deep breaths before she spoke again. "He came toward me and grabbed me. It was like the day you helped me move, when Alex grabbed me in the stairwell. It felt like that and I froze. I couldn't move, I couldn't get away and-"

"Anna," John's voice broke through, forcing her to calm as she looked at him. "It's alright. It was just a dream and you're here. You're safe and no one's going to harm you, I promise."

Her breathing slowed, the moment of rising tension dissipated with John's continued stroking of her hand. It was another minute of silence before she spoke again. "And then he was gone but then something else was there. All I could smell was alcohol, like at the restaurant when Green landed on me, and it was the smell from that night in Rome. It was like I was there again, smelling and going through it all over again."

"That's not unusual for trauma." John advised, "We've all got triggers we don't realize we have after things scar us."

"Triggers?"

John nodded, "When I was newly married my wife and I got into a car accident. It was so quick I didn't even think about it but then there I was, driving, and the brake lights in front of me go red. I panicked for a moment because I saw those same brake lights from the night we crashed." He paused, studying Anna's hand. "It took me months of driving to force myself to get over it."

"But you did."

"That was a car accident Anna. What you've endured is far different." John adjusted on the bed, freezing when Anna flinched, and waited until she nodded to move closer to her. "Your brain will run through it when similar things happen. Green holding you in the stairwell triggered a reaction. Him falling on you at the restaurant did the same thing. They're primal, involuntary responses that relate back to the earliest parts of our brain."

"I don't think it's just that." Anna scrunched her hand in the blanket before releasing it to bring her trembling hand to John's. "I think Alex was the one who did it… In Rome."

"You think Green attacked you?"

Anna nodded. "The feeling of him touching me, the smell of him drunk, the relative height when he fell on me to when… When it happened… It all fits."

John sat for a moment before meeting her eyes. "When I touched you, as you were waking up, did you think I was him?"

"I don't know. I know I thought something was still grabbing me and-" Anna stopped. "I'm not it matters."

She went to pull into herself but John kept his hand in hers. "Please don't."

"What?"

"You're going to say or think that you're broken or that you're somehow damaged because of what happened to you and you're not." John put his other hand over hers. "You're not spoiled and you never will be. Not to me. Never to me."

"Thank you." Anna bit at her lip, shaking her head. "What if it was him?"

"We could request a DNA test, to be sure."

"How would we do that?"

"I told you about the Sergeant in my office the day of the sonogram right?" Anna nodded and John continued. "If, as the interview suggests. Green's thinking about trying to press charges for assault or battery or what have you, then I could counter press. We could get his DNA."

"How?"

"The bottle, used in the attack, might have some of his DNA on it." John sighed, "And you got the paternity test done so if half of the DNa matches then we'll know it's him."

"Then what?"

"That's up to you."

"Up to me?"

"You decide what you want to do with that information." John reached a hand forward to rest on her abdomen. "Legally I'm the father of this child."

"And I've not rights to him."

"We'll take care of that paperwork the moment we've got all the ducks in a row for it." John soothed again, smiling at her. "But you need to know that no matter what the results say, this baby's not his. It never will be. He's got no claim to it."

"If he tries to fight for paternal rights, says I took the baby without his knowledge then we'll-"

"He'd have to deal with the consequences of how you got pregnant with his baby first." John twerked his shoulder, "I don't know about you but I'm sure a man fighting to keep himself out of prison for rape's not going to be too interested in the idea that he'll then also fight the battle for paternity."

"And if I do nothing?"

"I'll support whatever you decide Anna, it's your choice."

"I want…" Anna closed her eyes, as if to steel herself for the next words to leave her mouth. "I want to find out. I need to know."

"Okay." John reached his hand forward to her face and she did not flinch away as he held to her cheek, barely putting any weight into the hold at all. "What do you need me to do?"

Anna covered his hand with hers. "Just… Just continue being wonderful."

"I can do that." John closed the distance between them. "Is it alright if I kiss you? Because I don't want you to be scared."

"I'm not scared." She put her forehead to his. "I'm with you."

John tipped his head to bring their lips together but drew back a moment later. "I've a suggestion that… Well, you may not like it and you might actually disagree very strongly with it."

"What?" Anna frowned, moving away enough to get a good look at his face.

"We should get married."

Anna shook her head. "We can't."

"Hear me out?" Anna waited a moment and then nodded. "I think the best thing for us to do is to provide a good case, in the event that Green decides he'll fight the battle on two fronts, that we're the better options. Getting married will certainly provide a stable home environment and, since I already adopted Daniel, it shows we're raising him in the same home. Green can't claim the same."

"Will that work?"

"It's worth the try." John let out a breath. "I… I don't want to be on the sidelines if something happens with you. I want to be there, protecting you if necessary and supporting you always, in case any of this goes south."

"You'd do that?"

"Of course." John blinked and Anna noted the hint of tears in his eyes. "I love you, Anna, and I want to be beside you. Through thick and thin."

"Thicker and thicker lately." Anna snorted and they both looked down at her abdomen before laughing together.

"But if I'm not married to you then I've no right to help you. I've no right to be kept informed and I could be called on to testify against you, if that ever happened. I don't want that to be what happens. I don't want to watch you from a distance without being able to help you." John chewed the inside of his cheek. "And since your blood relatives don't exactly seem interested in being your next of kin, I want to be that for you. I want to be the person responsible for you the way I'm already the one responsible for Daniel."

Anna moved John's hand from her face to under her shirt so it could sit skin-to-skin on her abdomen. "So _we're_ responsible for Daniel."

"Exactly."

"Then," Anna kept John's hand there. "I accept."

"You do?"

"I do." Anna gave a little laugh at the unhindered glee on John's face. "I want to marry you, John Bates. I want to protect our baby with you."

"I want to grow old with you. I want to raise our children with you. And I want to build a house with you that we'll live in for the rest of our lives." John went to kiss her again but stopped short, "Can-"

"You don't need to ask." Anna pulled him forward, her hands slipping from his grip to bring his lips to hers with a firm hold on his cheeks. "Love me John."

"With pleasure." John's hand under her shirt helped lift it over her head and he broke their kiss to put his lips on her breasts.

Anna moaned, holding him to her and accepting the gentle nudge of his body on hers to lower her to the mattress. The weight of her breasts changed, growing proportionally to her expanding belly, and the tingle of her more acute nerves sent her body writhing as John used the increase sensitivity to her advantage. The brush of his mouth on her, the flick of his tongue, and the massage of his hand sent so many signals firing so quickly to her brain that all Anna could do was arch and hold him closer to her.

One of her hands bunched in his pajama shirt and John broke from sucking red marks over her breasts to haul it over his head. The temporary reprieve allowed Anna time to breathe but when John's haired chest rested on her already perked nipples she let out a whimper. John paused but Anna's finger pulled at his shoulders and sides to bring him closer so they moved together. Nervous twitches in her body turned to runs of contentment as John's lips took a softer approach to her collar and neck and even over her jaw but one of his hands brought her to life with a quest beneath her pajama bottoms and toward her knickers.

They worked the tracksuit bottoms away to leave her in just her knickers and John took his lips from her jaw. A quick kiss to her lips was not the satisfaction she wanted but before Anna could prop herself up sufficiently on her forearms, John's fingers hooked under the elastic of her knickers and drew them down her legs. His hands glided back up her legs and spread them enough so he could place a kiss just above her clit and Anna clutched at the blankets under her before laying back on the mattress to try breathing normally.

But with John's tongue working over her, sweeping along her swelling folds or swirling around her already aroused clit, she just tried not to cry out loud enough to wake Mrs. Bates. His tongue pointed and entered her, teasing around the delicate nerves already aroused by his work at her breasts, and only drew back to run his tongue through the length of her before sucking at her clit while his fingers entered to finish the job his tongue started. It took no time at all for Anna to come around his fingers but John did not stop.

His tongue and fingers worked in tandem this time. It was as if a trained musician had worked through the piece once, to note the possible locations for trouble or to master the cadences of the intonation before they set to play it again. This time John's masterful work crooked his fingers inside her, stroking along the line that hand her arching her back and quivering around him, but he pulled back before she could release. Then he would set his tongue to work as if seeking to drink her dry and then retract right as she teetered toward the edge. Every motion and function of his fingers seemed determined to bring her closer and closer before shifting the finish line just a little further away. It tightened every muscle in her body so that when John finally helped her release, with no more than the merest quirk of his finger, Anna shattered completely around him.

As her conscious mind sought for logic and her own location in the universe, she noted John licking over her. He finished, as if making sure to leave no mess behind, and leaned back to shuck off his pajama bottoms. But just as he leaned over her he paused, teething his lip.

"What?" Anna managed, her breath barely returning to her lungs enough to inflate them. "What is it?"

"It might be more comfortable for you on your side." John nodded toward her abdomen. "Less stress on the baby and you."

"Which direction?"

John nodded and Anna went on her side as he curved around her back. "Is this alright? I don't want you to feel…"

"Trapped?" Anna looked back over her shoulder at him and pulled one of his arms around her to hold at her abdomen. "Just talk to me and I'll be fine. I just need to know you're the one there."

"I can do that." John kissed behind her ear and allowed the hand at her belly to shift around to her hip before steering her leg back over his. "What do you want me to tell you Anna?"

"Whatever you like."

"Do you want to know how stunning you are?" He let his teeth nip at her earlobe while his hand continued down her leg to hold it securely to his hip. "How when I see you in the morning, when I get up for the clinic, I always wake up ten minutes before I need to so I can watch you sleep?"

"Really?" Anna scooted as close to John as she could and keened when he ran his erection through her soaked center.

"Really. Or how I sometimes forget I'm eating dinner because I'm just enthralled listening to what you have to say or watching how you smile?" John kissed down the line of her jaw, shifting slightly to see her eyes as his hips allowed him to continue gliding between her folds. "You're… Enthralling, captivating, and more incredible than I could ever have imagined."

"John," Anna's hand settled on his chin, pulling him closer to kiss his lips as he entered her. Her gasp broke them apart and John waited until she spoke to continue. "Please don't stop."

"Never." He twisted against her and she pressed her forehead to his cheek, fingers holding tightly to the other side of his jaw to keep him close, and maneuvered to open herself as much as she could in her position to him.

Unlike his earlier taunting ministrations, this was gentle and delicate. Every thrust aimed to find those places that tempted her out of herself and toward more pleasure but did not press her. Each stroke and pull guided her along the path to find the pleasure she sought without shoving her forward or forcing it on her. And when his hand wrapped over hers to bring them to her clit as he drove into her again, Anna followed the invitation.

They found pleasure together when she cried out and John's release spun it further so the rippling cling of her walls around him perpetuated the sensations in her body. His breath blew hot against her neck as his forehead stuck to her shoulder when their sweat mingled there. But Anna just ran her fingers into his hair to further muss it before shifting them.

John was away from her in a flash, almost nervous in his attention to her, and Anna put out a hand. "I'm five months along, not injured."

"I don't-"

Anna laughed, holding his hands as she lay on her side in the other direction, now facing him. "You are the sweetest, more caring, and possibly most neurotic future father I'll ever meet."

"Plan on meeting many of those do you?"

"Maybe." Anna shrugged, "I'm sure they've got support groups for single mothers or something and there's always the chance I meet a single dad at a day care or something and we strike up a conversation that leads to him whisking me away to live in his farmhouse."

"Farmhouse?"

"I was riffing and I'm not great at it." Anna sighed, her eyelids fluttering. "But I couldn't find anyone better than you. Not ever."

"You mean you don't go to bed every night and dream of a better man?"

"That'd be a little impossible." Anna held John's gaze, "Because there aren't any. At least not to me."

"I'm not perfect."

"Good thing because neither am I." She found his hand, curling their fingers together in an confusing mesh of digits. "But we'll be good together. We'll be happy together and we'll try to be happy together, which makes all the difference really."

"We've got a lot of reasons to be happy." John kissed her fingers and then studied them. "I'll need to get you a ring."

"And have to resize it five times in the next year?"

"Well," John gave her the smallest of mischievous grins. "Carnival rings can be sized when you pry the metal apart. It makes them weaker but it'll fit until it falls off your finger."

"Not sure I like the idea of that greenish tinge."

"That's alright." John kept their fingers connected, "When it gets too hard to wash out we'll get rid of the rings."

"You remembered."

"Of course I did, I love you." John kissed her, "Do you want me to wait for you to fall asleep?"

"Please." Anna scooted closer to him, tucking into his side as he moved to his back. "Then I'll only have good dreams."

"I hope so." He kissed the top of her head. "Just dream about me."

Anna laughed into his shoulder.


	15. Case and Point

John looked up at the knock on his office door and hurried to stand as Sybil entered, trailed by Sergeant Willis. He frowned at Sybil but she just shrugged. Clearing his throat, John address the Sergeant. "How can I help you today Sergeant?"

"I'm here under…" She squirmed, "Less than ideal circumstances."

"Your posture seemed to indicate as much." John motioned to the chair in front of his desk and then turned to Sybil. "Is Doctor Blake in?"

"He's due in within the hour but Dr. Napier's here, if you want him to take your next few patients."

"It'd be best." John smiled and waited to sit until Sybil left the room. "I don't know how long we'll be and I'd hate to give you the impression you didn't have my full attention."

"That's kind of you to say." Sergeant Willis drew out her notebook. "Unfortunately the subject of our last discussion is coming to a head again and I need to perform an… informal follow-up interview."

"The next interview after this would be formal, I'm guessing."

Sergeant Willis nodded, "And, in a comment I'll deny, I'd suggest you think about finding yourself competent counsel, should the need arise that you'll need representation in any future encounters."

"Did you study maths in school Sergeant?"

"I'm good with numbers."

"What about statistics?"

She shrugged, "Good enough to recommend a high probability that you'll need my advice for the high probability of our future discussions."

John made a note, "I'll keep that in mind."

"Then I'll continue." Sergeant Willis made a show of consulting her notes before lowering them, "Mr. Green's decided to press charges on you for assaulting him at the Mabel Lane Fox."

"What are Mr. Green's chances of successfully fighting me in court, should it come to that?"

"He only recently graduated from an architectural program at university and, as yet, seems to be unemployed but his family's from money and his father's got a few lawyers he likes to keep close."

John made another note, "Why are you helping me on this end of the case, Sergeant?" He narrowed his eyes, "Isn't it your job to see justice done and, therefore, stay out of petty squabbles by not picking sides?"

"Who says I picked sides?"

"Were you so forthcoming with Mr. Green?"

"I tend not to respond well to those who throw their weight around and I'm even less inclined to be of assistance to those who treat me as if I work for them." Sergeant Willis tapped her badge. "I'm a servant of the people, not personal interests and few remember that."

"If he's bringing a suit against me…" John flexed his jaw, "What are the chances I could request equal evidence be investigated in my case?"

"As the defendant you'd, in theory, have access to everything."

"Even, say, a DNA sample taken from the bottle used to bash me between the shoulders?" John shrugged, "If I wanted a sample of the DNA."

"I'm sure your lawyer can see to all the particulars when a man or woman in a very expensive suit wielding their self-righteous attitude makes a show of marching into your office and slapping a subpoena into your hands will let you know all the particulars of that." Sergeant Willis stood and John hurried to follow suit. "But I'd say, with confidence, that you're probably going to need that lawyer of your own sooner rather than later and all the evidence for the case is ready for examination upon request."

"Thank you." John shook her hand, "And how did that discussion go, with your husband?"

Sergeant Willis reddened a little, "It's made our… activities far more frequent and that's been sufficient spice for the moment."

"If you need a recommendation about fertility drugs or clinics I'd be happy to oblige, should it be necessary. And, if not, you'd be more than welcome here as a client." John released her hand, "I'm always looking for new patients."

"I'll keep it in mind…" She frowned, "What kind of title would I even give you? If you're not a doctor here but you own the clinic and work as a midwife-"

"Mister is perfectly fine." John wrapped around his desk to escort Sergeant Willis to the door. "And thank you, for all of your help in this."

"Price well paid as far as my bedroom is concerned." She winked at him and replaced her hat before leaving the building.

John pursed his lips a moment before drawing out his phone and readying himself to type a number. But something stopped him. The pause had him walking to the desk where Nurse Crawley typed faster on the computer keys than women half her age and she barely paused to flick her eyes in John's general direction before speaking at him.

"I'm quite busy at the moment so if this is a social call I'll have to tell you to bugger off. If it isn't a social visit then please be quick with whatever else you want me to do since the list only gets longer."

"We could hire someone to help you."

"And give me a reason to not complain on occasion?" Nurse Crawley clicked something with her mouse and pushed back from the computer long enough to click her tongue against her teeth at him. "You disappointment Mr. Bates."

"Ms. Swire was very interested in the position and now that her baby's a bit bigger he can go in the nursery." John shrugged, "Just think about it."

"I'm sure you're here to do something other than tell me the details of my inevitable replacement."

"Does your son still practice law?"

"He's a business and contracts lawyer." Nurse Crawley nodded toward the door. "And I'm going to guess you're not discussing either of those topics with the Sergeant who made her second visit in to see you today."

"We could be having an affair."

Nurse Crawley snorted, "With the way you cooed over that sonogram photograph I very much doubt it."

"Fair point."

Nurse Crawley bit at the corner of her lip. "But I might know a criminal defense lawyer, if that's what you're looking for."

"Yes and no." John flexed his jaw, frowning. "Your daughter-in-law… didn't she have a friend or someone who helped her out of a bit of a jam awhile back? Someone who worked for the police department or something?"

"You mean Richard?" Nurse Crawley cringed, "He's a good man, loyal, but he's very much out for an exchange of favors."

"But he works with the police?"

"He was a consultant on a… an unfortunate incident in Mary's past, yes." Nurse Crawley shook her head. "But he's not the person you'd want to talk to."

"No?"

"No." She shook her head, "He's a newspaper man. That's where the favors come in. He's all about an old-world style of trade."

"It's a dying market, if we're being honest." John sighed, "Does Matthew know anyone who could act as my lawyer?"

"He's got a friend, Henry Laing, that's reliable. The man's a bit skittish but he's a good person. One of those 'salt of the earth' types you can trust with your darkest secrets and nothing will come out."

"Not sure I'll need that kind of reliability but I'm grateful for the trust." John extended his phone to her, "Know the number?"

She sighed and dug into her purse, "I'll have Matthew send it to you."

"Thanks." John retracted the phone but did not replace it in his pocket. "Do you know that man… Merton or something? Melvin?"

"Dickie. Dickie Gray." Nurse Crawley's cheeks shot a line of red color as she furiously busied herself with her phone. "What about him?"

"Does he still work at the crime lab?"

"He's the director of it."

"Give me an introduction?"

Nurse Crawley narrowed her eyes, "Will this get me anything?"

"You learned from Mary's association with her Richard." John nodded, "I'll get you and… Dickie, a reservation at the Mabel Lane Fox."

"For when?"

"As soon as you want it. Blank check, as it where."

Nurse Crawley considered a moment and then held out her hand, "I'll put that number in myself."

John took the phone back as soon as she was done and saved it, closing his phone on the open tab. "Thank you."

"I've a feeling I might've just made a mistake."

"You didn't." John soothed, walking backward away from the circular desk. "And when Matthew sends you the details, please let me know how soon I can contact Mr. Laing."

"Should I also inform Sybil and Dr. Napier that they'll be taking over for the rest of the afternoon?"

John winced and then nodded, "I've a feeling this should probably take a bit of precedence in my life at the moment, if that's not a problem for either of them."

"You're the boss."

"But…"

"I'll let them know." Nurse Crawley made a note on a pad. "And we'll inform you of anything amiss in any of the patients."

"Thank you." John ducked back into his office and assembled his things to leave for the day. His eyes fell on the framed photograph from the sonogram and smiled at it and then on the little bit of paper he had tucked into the side to act as a sort of nameplate. 'Daniel James Bates'. His finger ran over the outline of his head. "I hope you're not a girl at this point or it'll get awkward."

He reached into his pocket for a set of keys and unlocked the top drawer of his desk to withdraw a file folder. His fingers danced along the edge before tucking it into the thin attaché case he opened on his chair. It slipped in nicely, snug against a laptop, and vanished as John zipped the case closed.

The call to 'Dickie' took place in his car, the windows rolled down to let in the chilling breeze of the late afternoon, and the man on the other end picked up on the second ring. "Richard Gray."

"Mr. Gray my name is John Bates. We've a mutual acquaintance, Isobel Crawley, who gave me your number."

"Midwife Bates?"

"That's right."

"Isobel's talked about your before with great admiration."

John shifted in the seat of his car, hoping to blame part of that shuffle on his getting his belt buckled and the earbud in his ear before he pulled out of the carpark. "She's far too kind sometimes."

"If she gave you my number then it's not just lip service." A shift on the other end of the line indicated the man either taking a seat or performing an adjustment similar to John's earlier motions. "But it's a bit odd, you calling me."

"It is." John clacked his teeth together a moment. "I was wondering if acquaintance status could grant me a favor."

"What kind of favor?"

"There's the possibility of a case being brought against me and the evidence from the scene was already processed, so I'm told, by your department."

"I couldn't confirm or deny that."

"I just need a DNA check on an item brought in from the case against a sample that I have." John waited, his thumb tapping the steering wheel and his other hand running over his lips and chin.

"What kind of DNA sample?"

"It's probably for the best that I just keep that bit of it to myself." John took a breath, "It's a sensitive matter, the details of which I won't say without the permission of the person who needs this information."

"You could file an official request."

"It's just a visual confirmation."

It took another moment before Dickie responded. "I've got a few minutes at the end of my day, mostly just wrapping up little details for the projects we've got cooking in our chromatography machines. If you come now I could do a check for you. It won't be computer accurate, as it would with two samples tested side-by-side, but I could give you some peace of mind."

"I'd be grateful for that and so would she."

"Well, we do the things we can for those we love."

"As often as we can." John confirmed and finally turned the key in his car and rolled up the windows, shivering slightly as he did. "I'm on my way."

The drive through town to the lab was shorter than John expected but finding parking next to the buildings was far harder. He finally managed a spot and held his case close to his chest to hurry across the street to get inside the door before it closed. Dim hallways lit by yellow light wound him through corridors marked with helpful signs until he found himself standing before a set of double doors with the plaque above them declaring he reached the crime lab.

John's knuckles rapped hollowly on the metal doors and a tall man resembling a bean pole with a long face cragged with age opened them. His eyes widened even more than they already were as he studied John up and down. "You're definitely not the man I envisioned would turn himself into a midwife."

"And I have to be honest I think you'd be more at home in the morgue than here." John waited but the man's face broke into a grin.

"At least you didn't ask me 'why the long face'." He stuck his hand toward John but retracted it quickly to remove the glove there. "Sorry, I sometimes forget that I wear these things. It's second nature for me."

"We've got a similar problem at the clinic sometimes." John shook his hand. "And thank you for doing this for me. I know we're strangers but-"

"Any friend of Isobel's is a friend of mine and I'd like to hope that my cooperation with this rewards me two-fold." His large lips broke into a smile. "Isobel already told me about a promise of reservations at the Mabel Lane Fox."

"And the second fold?"

Dickie's cheeks took on some color. "Please come in Mr. Bates, I'm sure you've got other places you need to be."

John ducked into the lab and squeezed himself between the different tables and lab benches with a little more difficulty after thinner man already weaving his way to the back office where a lamp cast a harsh white light on the desk stacked with folders in neat piles. They entered the office and John finally noticed the faint hiss and non-synchronous whirring of the different machines processing data and samples all over the room. "Are you always this alone?"

"Oh no. We're between shifts. Night shift'll get here shortly and then I leave for the day." Dickie sat in his ergonomic chair and tapped at his mouse so the flat screen of his computer lit up. "Now this sample you asked about, the one for the DNA test, what might I find that under?"

"It was a bottle from the Mabel Lane Fox."

Dickie raised an eyebrow at John, extending his long face even farther. "You've not got a great track record with that locale."

"I've got a very good one, which is why they let me back." John shrugged, "And I was the one hit with the bottle, not the other way around."

"Are they letting in a rougher breed now?"

"From what I've learned, my attacker has some money of his own and, like most entitled pricks, used it."

"Ah," Dickie used his long fingers to pluck at the keys of the computer.

"Do you need any other details?"

"No," Dickie's eyes skimmed the screen before he nodded and tapped a few more keys before something cranked off the printer behind him. "This was the only bottle logged as evidence in a 'dust up' as they're calling it in the file."

"You've already run the DNA?"

"Processing DNA isn't as hard as you might think." Dickie snatched the page off the printer with a simple extension of his long arm. "It's matching it that's difficult. A machine can only do so much."

John put his case on his lap and unzipped it to retrieve the folder. It bent in his hands for a moment before he extended it to Dickie. "This is the sample I'd like to test it against."

"Normally I'd prefer an actual sample." Dickie sniffed but opened the folder. He turned it to hold both the contents of the folder and the paper in his other hand at the same angle to study them side-by-side. "But whomever took this sample was very good. All alleles accounted for and all strands beautifully represented."

"Do they match?" John scooted to the edge of his seat as Dickie took the folder to the printer.

The top tipped back and Dickie placed the folder facedown before a line of light showed under it. When the printer finished a few beeps from the touch-screen left Dickie closing the lid and handing the folder back to John. A ping sounded from Dickie's computer and he tapped back at the keys before making a face. It was several long minutes later before he turned the screen for John to see and used a pen as a pointer.

"Even for as good as my eyes are, I don't trust them for this. Not when there are programs for testing." He sighed, "Which is why I would've preferred a straight sample but that's water under the bridge."

John nodded and then shook his head at the images of serrated and segmented lines. "I'll be honest, I only know what this means in a very general sense so you'll have to explain it."

"Simplest terms?" Dickie tapped the one closest to John. "That's the sample you brought. And this one, near me, that's the one we have on file as the DNA from the bottle at the Mabel Lane Fox's."

John swallowed, "Do they match?"

"Not exactly, no." Dickie tapped a few places. "These are indicators of similarities between the two samples. Given the number of matches, these samples are close relatives. As in parent-child close."

"How can you tell?"

"Because there are fourteen alleles in human DNA." Dickies tapped seven between the one closest to John and the one closest to him before John noted the computer's indicators had lit up those same sections and blinked a tiny dialogue box. "Seven from each parent and these match on seven alleles."

"So the sample you have is the parent of the one I have?"

"I'd say that. Dickie shrugged, "But this is, for the moment, a bit more theoretical than I prefer. Again, I'd want to test the DNA between the two myself to be certain but I'm fairly confident these are related samples."

John sighed, "Could I get a copy of the one you have?"

Dickie winced, "That would be a little far for me."

"That's fine." John hurried to explain, taking the folder Dickie handed back. "I'm not here to put anyone in an awkward position."

"Not like the one you're already in?" John paused, the folder halfway back in his case. "Since the DNA we pulled from the bottle came from around the neck and you were struck with it, that DNA's not yours. And, assuming what you brought me was a prenatal paternity test, the baby you're testing for isn't yours either."

"Not biologically."

Dickie nodded, "Well, I wish you luck with whatever you're planning on doing with this information."

"Giving someone peace of mind, I hope." John stood up and extended his hand, "Thank you, again, for your help Mr. Gray."

"Please," Dickie stood as well, gripping John's hand with his larger one, "It was a pleasure to help you and, I hope, get a little help from you in return."

"I'd promise another reservation but I don't have any friends in the hotelier business or in exotic locations."

"Dinner's usually just fine."

"Then dinner it'll be." John nodded to him and left the building.

The drive home riled and soothed John. The weight of the attaché case in his hand both comforting and almost too heavy. And the sight of Anna, leaning over the table in the kitchen with a series of plans spread before her and a pen tapping against her teeth, had John elated and nervous.

She looked up at him, smiling and then softening to confusion almost in the same beat. "What is it?"

John took a breath and took a seat near her, reaching for her hand. Possibly more as a comfort for him than for her but she covered his hand with her own and waited until he spoke all the same. "You remember Nurse Crawley, from the clinic?"

"Yes, she's Mary's mother-in-law."

John frowned, "Which Mary?"

"My boss, Mary." Anna tapped the sketches before her and John jumped at the sight of the name. "You didn't know?"

"That our worlds were that small, no." John gave a laugh, squeezing Anna's hand. "That makes this all a bit easier."

"Was it difficult to begin with?"

"A bit." John admitted, continuing. "She's dating the man who runs the crime lab for the police."

Anna frowned, "I don't know if I like where this is going."

"It's going about as well as Sergeant Willis coming to my office to politely but obliquely inform me I need to get a lawyer." John gave a little laugh, "But Matthew's helping me on that score so I'll be fine."

"Then what's this got to do with the crime lab?"

"They've got DNA samples from the night at the Mabel Lane Fox." Anna squirmed in her seat, her hand slipping slightly in John's grip. "And I asked if he'd compare that DNA sample with one I provided."

"What did he say?"

"He did it." John waited until Anna looked at him. "And you were right."

Anna's shoulders sagged, "Alex is the father?"

John nodded, "From what he said about matching alleles, Green's the father of your baby. Biologically speaking, that is."

"And he's bringing an official case against you?"

"Yes." John ran his fingers over Anna's hand as the one she had used as cover settled almost instinctively over her belly. "But that's not for awhile yet."

"What makes you so sure?"

"It took him over a month to even think about formal charges." John tried to put on a smile but Anna did not even flinch. "It's going to be alright."

"You do know that he's got money, yes? That his father's got connections and friends and all those stupid things that assholes tell you to impress you at University parties? Those things frat guys in bad American movies always brag about before they hit on someone."

"Sergeant Willis hinted in that direction." John snorted, "In an alternate universe I'd have been the father of one of those 'frat boys'."

Anna shook her head, "You couldn't have raised anyone like Alex."

"You're right. I'd have to be a right shit to take that kind of dump." Anna stared at him a moment before breaking into laughter. John joined her and they continued until neither of them could breathe. When they calmed enough to speak, John shifted closer to her, the back of his finger gliding down the side of her face. "It'll be alright Anna. I pro-"

Anna put her fingers over John's lips, shaking her head. "Don't promise that. Please don't promise me that."

John frowned and used his other hand to remove Anna's fingers. "Why not?"

"Because I don't want to hope for that, just now." Anna drew John's hands to her abdomen. "We've still got three months of cooking on this and I don't want anything going wrong before then. I don't want to count chickens or pretend we can get ducks in a row when everything is quicksand."

"Okay." John nodded, his hands caressing her skin now, brushing not-so-accidently against her sensitive breasts. "What do you want to do?"

"Me?"

"Yes you." John gave her a smile. "It's in your power to decide and I'll request whatever decision you make."

"Why?"

"Because this is about you, not me." John slipped his hands up, covering her breasts a moment before moving to her face. He tipped them closer to kiss her cheeks, her forehead, and then her lips before sliding his hands down to grasp her lax hands. Pulling back slightly, John kissed Anna's fingers before looking at her. "What do you want to do Anna?"

She took a deep breath, her eyelids fluttering slightly as if to regain control of herself from the threat of hormones John encouraged. "I want to bury that man so deep in the ground he'll never get out."

"Okay." John held still, "Tell me what to do."

"I want you to love me."

"I already-"

Anna put her hand over John's mouth, "Not like that."

"I…" John's eyebrows went up, "Oh. I… Are you sure?"

"Very." Anna scooted her chair out and extended her hand to John. "Please?"

"Yes." John took her hand, standing them both up, but when Anna went toward her room, John tugged her hand to pull her into the sitting room. "My mother's not home, is she?"

Anna snorted, "Why do we suddenly sound like we're sixteen and doing this only because our parents aren't home?"

"Because my mother lives with me and she already makes side comments about what she hears. I'd hate to see what happens if she sees." John sat on the sofa and helped Anna seat herself on top of him. He bent almost double but managed to get his lips on her abdomen, pressing a kiss there. "But I'll take your earlier comment as 'yes she's not here' and proceed."

"She's out for bingo until the small hours she said." Anna ground herself against him and John arched back into the sofa to accomplish the angle under the protrusion of her stomach. "We might want to wait up for her."

"No." John shook his head against the cushions, shunting his hips toward Anna as his arms reached forward to hold her breasts through her shirt. "She's an adult and I'd be mortified by what she'd say if I try to one-up her."

"Scared of her?"

"She's battle-tested." John tilted his head to meet Anna's gaze, the taunt she tried to keep there faltering under the slow assault of his hands fondling her breasts. "She had me young. By comparison I'm starting late in this game."

"I think," Anna managed the complex physics of leaning over to put her lips right over John's while still rolling her hips to meet his. "You're starting exactly when you need to."

"With you." John whispered and Anna nodded, their lips touching now.

"With us together."

They kissed and one of John's hands surrendered the seduction of her breasts to weave up into Anna's hair. The hair tie and a few pins can out with his fingers and he managed to get most of them on the table beside the sofa but whatever else clacked and clattered to the floor he ignored. Spearing into her hair with his fingers allowed John to steer the kiss Anna pressed to him while their bodies contorted to press as tightly together as their lips.

Though not impossible, the position John chose would have been better for someone less pregnant than Anna was. Even for as little as Anna expanded in her second trimester, it was a significant enough obstacle that they needed to work around it. John slid his ass to the edge of the cushions so his back tilted against the rest behind him, giving Anna more of his chest and hips to work with as she continued to roll against him.

Their fingers and hands met, intertwined, separated, knocked against one another, and then settled with holding whatever part of the other person they could reach. But eventually the rasp of material and fabric against skin was not enough and they struggled to free the other person of their clothes enough to reach what they really wanted. John's shirt draped open around him, half off but hanging onto his shoulders and one arm while his trousers and pants bunched at his knees. Anna's shirt landed on the coffee table and her trousers shucked to the floor with her knickers so the skin of their legs rubbed against one another. They stuck and pinched as they moved but when their hands found new destinations neither of them cared.

John gritted his teeth, practically shoving his head between the sofa cushions as Anna's hand wrapped around the growing evidence of his arousal. His attempts to work his fingers between her folds almost faltered during the distraction of her dedicated touches but John managed to get his hand where he could give her the most pleasure. And with the additional blood and hormones running through her body, John could not help but grin when his fingers collected the evidence of her first climax.

They fit together easily after that, John sliding deep with one thrust and holding there while Anna's fingers clawed into his shoulders. Her head tilted back and John leaned around to kiss over the exposed skin of her neck. He searched for those places where she squirmed or called out and flexed almost unconsciously around him until John groaned against her skin.

One hand held at her hip, thrusting into her with a steady rhythm he helped set with his feet pushing up to his toes to gain the leverage they needed, and the other worked to free her from her bra. It snapped and flopped between them until Anna tossed it away to bring their bodies closer. Her hands framed John's face and brought their lips together so she could run rampant inside his mouth with her tongue. John's only recourse was to hold tighter, thrust harder, and massage steadily until Anna whimpered her second, clutching finish.

John followed not long after, slumping back as much as he could but the sag of his body already stretched the limit of the sofa. A quiver in his legs had them both shuffled along the material until John stopped them. "I think we should change venues. There's no saving this position."

Anna laughed and carefully worked herself off him, going to bend for her clothes on the floor. But John beat her to it, snatching the accouterments before hitching his trousers up his legs and holding them to his hips. He grinned and held her clothes with his other hand like a prize.

"How about I get you a bath and you just worry about that?"

"How about I draw you a bath this time?" Anna reached for her clothes but John held them out of the way. "Let me spoil you for once."

"I just got spoiled." John jerked his head toward the sofa. "All over that and I've no regrets about it."

"Using you for sex isn't spoiling."

"Both parties left satisfied as far as I can tell." John held the clothes just out of her reach again. "Fine. Let me get out of my clothes, take care of these with the laundry, and you can draw whatever bath you want."

"If I take one will you join me?"

John nodded, "I'd like that."

He did as promised, starting a load of laundry and wiping down the sofa before sneaking to Anna's bathroom in a towel. Stopping in the doorway he saw her, hair piled on top of her head and only her shoulders visible over the curve of the porcelain, stroking a finger over her belly. With her knees out of the water and her body curved as it was, her belly stuck above the water and John leaned on the doorjamb to watch her. Watch as she stroked and purred at the noises before speaking in a low voice to the life shifting every so subtly under her skin.

John finally entered the room, coming over to lean on the edge of the tub as Anna jumped slightly. The water lapped at the edges of the tub but did not spill over. His hand dipped into the water and he leaned on the other hand to look up at her. "I think you've not left enough room for me in the tub."

"I could drain some of the water." Anna nodded toward the other end of the tub. "I just wanted to soak for a bit. He seems to like the water."

"He's in the equivalent of a water sack." John let his fingers stroke from the water up to where Anna's fingers moved over her belly. "It's like home for him."

"I'm a human submarine." Anna giggled and tapped her foot against the plug. "Come on, drain some of the water and join me."

John bent over the edge, pulling up the plug, and flinched when Anna's hand whipped his towel off. He tried to scowl at her but when Anna's hand stroked along his thigh he hurried to plug the rest of the water into the tub and shifted. "You're playing a dangerous game there Ms. Smith."

"I hope so." She licked her lips, leaning up along the side of the tub as John tried to put his hands on his hips as if issuing a strict reprimand.

But he had to grab the side of the tub when Anna's mouth wrapped around him. He groaned as her tongue ran along the length of him before helping her suck deeply. John's feet slipped slightly on the floor and he only just caught himself before holding to the side of the tub.

Anna drew back, licking over her lips and tapped the curves of the tub. "Ready to join me now?"

John climbed in carefully behind her and moaned when Anna immediately set to shimmying against him to run her ass along his thickening erection. His arm wrapped under her abdomen and set waves lapping at the sides of the tub when he dragged her to him and nipped along her shoulder. "You're insatiable."

"For you."

John put his other hand between her legs but Anna stopped him. He did not even have time to frown before she lifted up enough to position them and sink down on him. With a fit like Tetris pieces, bound by the water and the edges of the tub, they moved together. Tight holds and secure grips kept them together until they came with a set of guttural sighs.

Anna rested her head back on John's shoulder, a kiss to the underside of his jaw turning his head to her. The gentle trip of her fingers traced his jaw and they smiled lazily at one another until John shifted to kiss Anna's fingers. She retracted them and her face grew serious.

"Does it make a difference?"

"What?"

"Now that you know who the father is?"

John chewed on the inside of his cheek before speaking. "Does it bother you?"

"Yes." Anna's eyes teared, "It bothers me because it means I know now. I can't pretend to be ignorant about it or say 'oh I'll never know' because now I do. Now I know my fears were founded."

"He won't get to you Anna."

"It feels like he could." Anna's hands went to her stomach and John covered them there. "I don't want him to have anything to do with Daniel. I don't-"

"He won't." John assured her, pressing a kiss to her cheek and another to her temple before closing his eyes to breath against her hairline. "Daniel's ours and no one else's. He'll never touch Daniel."

"Does it bother you he could?"

John met Anna's eyes again and he shook his head. "No."

"Why not?"

"Because now I know who the enemy is and I know how to fight him." John dragged his fingers along Anna's cheek to move a few pieces of hair stuck to the dampness there. "We'll fight him together Anna."

She turned her face into his neck, holding there while she breathed. "Thank you. Thank you."

"You're welcome." John held her close, his other hand still on her abdomen. "I love you Anna. I love Daniel. I'll not let anyone hurt either of you. Not ever."

They stayed in the water until it turned them both to shivers.


	16. For the Happy Couple

Anna looked up, lowering her glasses and raising an eyebrow at the balloons John brought into the house after him. She put her glasses and book to the side, shifting with difficulty on the sofa as John stopped before her. "What is this?"

"Didn't Mary tell you?" John batted away an arrant balloon as Anna shook her head slowly. "The bridal shower."

"What?"

"Well," John tied the balloons together and looped them around the knob of the hall closet before setting his other accouterments to the side to address Anna. "It was supposed to just be a baby shower but I think Mary somehow found out we were getting married."

Anna winced, managing an awkward smile. "I might've mentioned it to her."

"And she got my number and chewed me out for an hour before deciding to put this… thing together." John approached Anna, sitting on the sofa next to her and taking her hands with his. "But it got me thinking."

"about?"

"How I proposed." John cringed and dug into his pocket to remove a box. Anna almost gasped when John went to one knee before her, holding the open box before her. "Will you, Anna Smith, marry me?"

"You've already asked me that."

"I did." John nodded, removing the ring from the box to slid over Anna's finger and then kissing the skin around it. "But I wanted to do it properly this time."

"This time?" Anna laughed, her hand going to his cheek to stroke her thumb along the early evidence of a beard there. "Do you plan to do this more times?"

"Every year, on our anniversary." John held her hands in his, taking the one from his cheek and kissing it first.

"Every year?"

"Every year." He nodded, "With all the roses and passion you deserve."

"And what," Anna extracted her hands to loop around John's shoulders and bring their foreheads together. "Do I deserve, Mr. Bates?"

"For me to sweep you off your feet, to give you a proper ring, take you to dinner, and then take you home to either sleep with you or have sex until we're both too exhausted to move."

Anna smiled and kissed the end of his nose, "You'll have a time of it trying to sweep me off my feet in this state."

"But I'd still try." John grinned and then sobered, rubbing his thumb along the ring before holding it up for her to see. "It won't make your finger green, I promise you that. It's plain but it's real gold."

"I don't care how 'plain' it is." Anna kissed him, hard. "It's perfect. It's us and… It's… It's more than I ever hoped for."

"You deserve it Anna." John's hands moved up and down her sides. "You deserve all the good things I could ever try to give you."

"Why?" When he went to respond Anna held his hands tighter. "Please, no platitudes. I want to know why."

John frowned in confusion, "You're not fishing for compliments are you?"

"No."

He took a breath and shifted onto the sofa, still holding her hands. "Because you love me."

"That's it?"

"That's all it takes for me." Anna noticed how he focused on her hands, manipulating them in his grip. "I… I married a woman who liked me for sex and how dashing I looked in service uniform and then how much money I made listening to rich people tell me about the difficulties in their lives but she never really loved me."

His face contorted, as if weighing something heavy in his hands that bit and pinched as he did so. "I don't think I did much either but… I spent a lot of time feeling like I was worthless. Like people shouldn't care about me."

"Your mother cared about you."

"She did… And she does, very much." John kissed Anna's hands but it felt more like an act to reassure himself instead of give her affection. "But when you've been laid bare, stripped of what you thought mattered, and stared into the abyss long enough that it talks back you reevaluate."

"And your reevaluation led you to me?"

John's eyes finally met hers again. "You were the first person to really trust me with something." Her hand went to her stomach but John shook his head. "Not Daniel. Before Daniel… No, I guess, technically it was Daniel but it wasn't, not at the time and now it's…"

"John?" Anna's voice broke through the tripping way he spoke, an almost stutter of speech she never heard him do before. "Slow down, please."

He took a breath. "When you told me your story, when you trusted me… None of my clients, when I worked therapy, did that. They told me sad stories, details of their lives, but it was like… Like being a prostitute, in a way."

"What?"

"That sounds bad." John chuckled, "I'm cocking this right up."

"No," Anna insisted, holding his hands tightly, "You're not."

"When you do what I did, for a living, you get used to being the place people dump their troubles. They think they can leave them with you the way people leave coats with bag check until they pile up."

"Or like Meryl Streep in _Devil Wears Prada_?" John frowned and Anna rolled her eyes, "The part where she's throwing her coats on the desk and-"

"Yes, exactly like that." John gave a little laugh, "Been a long time since I saw that as an afternoon movie on television."

"Go on." Anna urged, shaking his hand a little.

"Well," John settled more comfortably on the sofa and Anna worked herself under his arm so he held her close. "You come to realize they don't want your opinion. They're just bringing their issues to your door the way someone drops a car off with a mechanic and hopes to come back and find the engine all fixed, no problems or delays to them."

"And that's not what you wanted?"

"That kind of 'take-take-take' mentality burns you out, eventually." John sighed into her hair and Anna burrowed closer to him, drawing his other hand over to rest on her stomach with hers. "But you… You didn't do that."

"I told you my problem." Anna moved her eyes toward him, but not her head so all she saw were the wisps of hair that inevitably escaped whatever style she chose that day. "How was it not the same?"

"Because you trusted me. You treated me like a person and it was a conversation. You didn't want to dump your problems at my feet like parts on a bike you needed fixing. You shared an intimate experience and just needed someone to feel with you." His fingers interlaced with hers and rubbed over her abdomen. "That's a different thing entirely."

"And you loved me from then?"

"A bit more every day." Her head moved with the rise and fall of his shoulders in a shrug. "You trusted me with your soul and I loved that you felt you could do that. You trusted me with your son, to move into my house, to allow me to build a nursery, and then to love you."

John shifted and Anna saw his face. "That's why you deserve all the best things I could ever give you Anna. Because you trusted me with your heart and this is how I take care of it."

Anna did not answer. Her arm maneuvered from between them and reached up to hold at his neck. She drew his lips to hers, still slotted at his side, and they kissed quietly and without hurry in the sitting room. After a moment they broke apart and Anna closed her eyes, breathing in the smell of John when she buried her nose in the crook between his neck and shoulder.

"Is this the part of the proposal where you take me to bed?"

"That depends?" Anna's eyes opened and she moved to see him as John traced a finger down her profile. "Did you ever want to go to dinner with me?"

Anna grinned, "I'd love to."

"I could propose again and they'll give us free dessert." John wagged his eyebrows but Anna only shoved against his chest. "It's our original reservations but I promised them I won't punch anyone on the premises this time."

"Good because I want to eat there this time." Anna worked herself to her feet and interlocked her hands with John's to pull him up beside her. "I love you too John. I don't say it as often as you do but I do."

John smiled down at her, bringing their mouths together for a gentle kiss before pulling away to whisper, "I know."

Anna put her hands on his chest, biting at her lip. "How much time would we need to get ready and go to dinner?"

"It's a week night and there aren't many tourists because the holidays haven't started yet so…" John closed an eye and squinted the other as if making complex calculations in his head. "Maybe two hours, two-and-a-half for me to make the reservation, us to get ready, and to actually get there."

"Is that enough time for… something else?"

John grinned, "Depends on how long you want to be getting ready Ms. Smith."

"How fancy do you want this dinner?"

"Well," John flexed his jaw, drawing out the possible answer. "Considering that, in other circumstances, this would be the situation where I'd sneak the ring into your glass or your cake-"

"And inevitably have to stop me from choking on it."

"Then I'd say we should dress like a fancy party." John shrugged, "If you want. Worst case scenario we show up in track suit bottoms and a sweatshirt with whatever shoes we manage to slip onto our feet."

"I only need an hour for fancy dress." Anna shook her head, "I'm not going to a place as nice as the Mabel Lane Fox wearing tracksuit bottoms after how we left last time."

"We weren't the aggressors."

"Doesn't matter." Anna countered, hugging herself close to him. "Why don't you make the reservation and then you can help me pick out which dress to wear tonight?"

"This is a trap." John pointed a finger at her. "It's a complex form of distraction so we miss the reservation."

"It's not that complicated a distraction but, if you want to feel alright about it," Anna pulled out her phone, "I'll set a timer so we're getting ready by the time it rings and we don't miss our reservation."

Her fingers went to tap out the details but John snatched it from her. "I don't think so. You'll leave it to the very last."

"Will not." Anna snapped her fingers and pointed to her belly. "With this I've got to give myself an additional five to ten minutes to get anywhere."

"You're still in great shape."

"Doesn't mean I don't have a little difficulty navigating everything." Anna held out her hand for her phone. "If you're so worried about it then I won't instigate anything."

John's face wrinkled as he debated and then handed the phone back. "Fine. But we'll need an hour. I'm making the reservation for eight and I won't have us late to your belated engagement dinner."

"I won't let us be late." Anna set the alarm and held the phone for him to see. "Now, make the reservation and help me pick out a dress."

John took out his own phone and tapped away at the screen. "Calling now."

With a snort, Anna picked up her glasses and book before walking down the corridor to her room. A kick under her ribs had her wincing and rubbing at the area. "Calm down in there. And don't spoil this for me, it's going to be a good night and you'll get to try all the foods you won't even learn to appreciate for years."

She opened her wardrobe and another kick landed closer to her spine, "Hey, that's not nice. You already ruined tacos for me and since I can't stand the smell of curry anymore I'm blaming you for six months of Indian food lost."

"Explains all the pasta." Anna looked over her shoulder as John entered the room, his hands in his pockets. "And why you don't let me eat Indian food in the house anymore."

"He's persnickety and I'm not sure I like it." Anna selected three dresses and laid them on the bed. "It does make me wonder though."

"About?"

"Your room."

"My room?"

"Yes, your room." Anna nodded and leaned back as John stepped in to examine the dresses. "Since you sleep here now, and it's the bigger of the two, why not just make this your room. Bring all of your things down here and turn your room into… I don't know, something else. Like an office or a study or something."

John left his fingers dragging over one of the dresses before shrugging. "I guess I didn't want to make you feel like I was intruding."

"We've been living together for three months and sleeping together for almost half that time." Anna put her hand on his arm so John turned to her. "If we're getting married, like this says we are, then I think we need to start acting like it."

John kissed Anna's raised hand and folded her fingers back to hold them with his own. "I want this to be at your pace, Anna."

"And I want to know what you really want." Anna let out an exasperated sigh, "I don't mind that you've got me on a sort of pedestal John. I understand it, even if I don't feel worthy of it, but I think it's got you walking on eggshells about what you want and I won't stand on that strut if it's holding you back."

"Holding me back?" John gave a little laugh, "You're what I want, Anna. This baby we're having is what I want."

"Then why does it feel like I'm the Madonna in a complex?"

John frowned, "You do realize the complex, if I had it, would make it so we wouldn't be having sex right?" Anna scowled and John held up his hands, "Sorry. You're trying to make a point and I made light of it."

"I want you to be comfortable coming home frustrated or excited or angry or elated and then telling me about your day. I want you to take time for you, to leave too many pairs of shoes by the door, to-"

"Anna," John held her face, forcing her to look at him and take a breath before her voice escalated further. "Are you afraid of something? About me, I mean?"

"Do you feel like you could fart in front of me?"

John snorted, unable to hold his face steady. "What?"

"Do you feel like you could fart in front of me? Or, if I was in the shower, you could sneak past and do a number two in the loo?"

He blinked, "I've not really thought about it."

"Because that's the kind of relationship I want." Anna let her shoulders sag. "I want you to hold me as your equal now, not as your queen or your princess or any of those other things you think I am."

"Are you bothered that I hold you in high esteem?"

"I'm bothered that I don't think we see one another as people." Anna shuddered, "I don't want to feel like one day one of us is going to be Rose from _The Joy Luck Club_."

"I'm not Chinese."

"And you're intentionally missing the point."

"No, I've got it." John took a breath, "You're worried that you'll feel beholden to my grace and spend the rest of your life feeling like you should genuflect in my presence and that I'll spend the rest of my life kowtowing to you."

Anna gave a sigh of relief. "Thank you."

"And Anna?" She opened her eyes to look at him, "I already farted in front of you. You almost peed yourself laughing."

She grinned, "I remember. But you were so embarrassed you slept on the sofa that night."

John cringed, "Okay, fair point." His hands cradled her face and then dropped to run over her arms. "You're right. I think we're… We've gotten the wrong idea about one another."

"We have."

"It's a little late to start over now."

"No," Anna shook her head, one of her hands intertwining with his to link their fingers together. "It's never too late. We've got a chance each day to start over, to try again."

"Because tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it?"

"I knew you didn't fall asleep during _Anne of Green Gables_." She swatted at him but he only wrapped her in a hug.

"You asked me what I wanted." He whispered in her ear and Anna shivered. "I'd like to take you, right now, if you're not opposed."

"How?"

John's voice hitched a moment, "From behind."

"You'll have to talk to me." Anna pulled back, licking over her lips at the dilation of his pupils. "I have to know it's you."

"I'll let you know." John put his hand on one of the dresses. "This one, by the way. You'll look great in it and it's perfect for tonight."

"Will I be getting into it now?" Anna teased, her free hand gliding along his belt to tug him closer to her.

"Do you want to?"

"I might need a little help getting out of the clothes I'm wearing first."

"Could I help with that?"

"I'd be a bit disappointed if you didn't." Anna freed her hand from his hold and grabbed the hem of her shirt.

But John beat her there, yanking it free before tossing it onto the bed so it landed on top of the two dismissed dresses. Her fingers forsook her own clothing as John's lips bent to her neck, holding tightly to him as he sucked a mark behind her ear, and finally found purchase on John's shirt. The buttons fought her for ground at each one she slipped free of its hold but he shrugged it off his shoulders until it caught at his wrists. They giggled as they undid the cuffs and allowed his shirt to join the default pile of rejected clothing.

All giggling stopped when Anna's hold caught John first. The catch of his belt clinked and clacked as the leather snapped free. A grate of the zipper had her shoving his trousers down before her hand could sneak its way into his pants. John's hands grabbed Anna's arms and she stiffened for a moment but his hands flew away from her immediately.

Anna released her grip on John and held his hands with hers. They stared at one another as Anna replaced his hands on her arms and even stepped into his range. "I'm alright. We'll just have to go more slowly."

John nodded and put his lips on hers. They moved together, synchronizing and breathing together as their chests compressed in unison when John pulled Anna closer to him. A tilt of their heads in opposite directions had them sweeping their tongues along lips and then in mouths before the lack of air forced them apart. It was only long enough for John's hand to caress Anna's face.

"I love you."

"I love you too." Anna went to put her hand back to its former occupation but John stopped her. "Can't I-"

"I thought this was about what I wanted?" He grinned, his expression vanishing when he went back to kissing the underside of her chin to her neck and then along the line of her camisole. "Is that alright?"

"Yes." Anna's fingers fumbled on his bare skin and hauled him to her as he struggled and fumbled to kick his trousers and pants free while continuing to memorize the expanse of her exposed chest with his lips. "Don't stop."

"I won't." His tongue dipped under the line of her camisole and Anna forced him away long enough to discard it on the pile. A pile soon raised higher when they both worked her bra away from her.

If Anna's sighs of satisfaction were not loud when John just teased her skin, they bounced off the walls as his mouth closed around her bare breasts. The perfect swirl of his tongue around her nipple before raking his teeth along the tender bud to pull it into his mouth forced Anna's hands into his hair to pull him closer to her. However she failed to notice the distraction it was until too late. By then there was no possible way she could have stopped herself shrieking as his fingers speared into her folds to glide his way into her.

Her hips bucked and writhed against his hand and hers were left to claw into his shoulders just to keep herself standing. John moved away from her, leaving Anna with the debate as to which she detested more: the fact his fingers were no longer inside her or the idea they could tumble onto their asses on the bedroom floor if they remained in their previous position. The question soon resolved itself with a third option as John stripped Anna as naked as himself and turned her so her hands held the end of the bed for support.

The weight of his body behind hers caught air in the top of her lungs and caved her chest a moment. A slow close of a claw around her torso brought the corners of the room close as if the world were closing in on her. Everything took on a darker hue and Anna's fingers dug into the duvet on the bed to crunch and wrinkle it toward her.

But a smooth caress glided up her sides. Lips kissed the individual bumps and dips her of spine to the back of her head before a chin settled just above her shoulder. Breath wisped against her ear as a whisper held her at bay from the frightening moment.

"It's just me Anna. It's only going to be me from now on. It's no one else and will never be anyone else. You're safe with me. I won't let anyone hurt you."

Her body shivered, tension releasing in a series of quivering shudders before John's fingers dug deep into her muscles. The calming massage worked her body even further and the slight shift of Daniel inside her only seemed a response to her newfound serenity. A serenity that quickly transitioned into a trembling pleasure as John's fingers worked into her again.

"From now on, only I get to do this to you. Only I get to touch you to test how wet you are. Only I get to have your taste on my tongue."

Anna's fingers clawed in the duvet again. This time it was in response to the run of John's tongue along her seam so he could dip into her. The point of his tongue took the place of his fingers for a moment, swirling around inside her like someone digging for the last bits of ice cream in the bottom of a cone, and then retracted to slip through her folds to her clit.

There he sucked and nipped and finally licked until Anna's knees almost buckled. Her body shuddered and shook until the release of the pleasure left her sighing and moaning. John's shoulders supported the backs of her knees and he continued licking and sucking her as she finished. The gentle stroke of his tongue kept her on the edge while relaxing the swelling and swollen flesh. Flesh he left fizzing and sparking as his kisses traveled back up her body to her shoulders.

John's hands came around her hips before sculpting over her protruding abdomen. They held close to one another as their hands joined in holding the physical evidence of their child. But John slid his hands higher and Anna groaned when the weight of her heavy and sensitive breasts rested in his hold.

His thumbs pushed over her nipples, massaging in counter to the attempts to excite her, and soon Anna pushed herself into his hold. But the position he maintained brought her ass toward his hips and John took his turn to grunt at the caress over his erection. Anna tried to encourage it further but John stepped around her attempt to aim himself between her legs.

It was back to Anna moaning when the length of John now ran between her wet and swollen folds. The slick slip of him through the soaked swell left them both groaning into one another. Anna writhed to push her breasts better into John's hands while getting her ass closer to him so his head could bump at her clit. A delightful combination of sensation had her shuddering and spasming in his hold until Anna gasped her surprise and pleasure at another round of orgasm.

Her body sagged in his arms and John moved carefully but Anna's body tightened and tensed again when he thrust into her. For a frightening moment she feared the encroachment of that same dark threat from before but John's voice sounded in her ear with a graveling growl, the result of his body holding at the brink of self-control to wait for her. "It's only me Anna. Say the world and it's-"

"Move." Anna ground and twitched her hips, almost growling in frustration at the comfort of her cloud-like bed that offered her no solid surface to try and dominate the situation right back. "Take me like you want. Show me what you want, please. Show me how you want me."

"All the time," John withdrew and plunged back in, punctuating each of his next statements with the same thrust and grind that left Anna huffing for air. "In every and any way possible that you'll let me. Until you're sobbing and coming like you'll never stop. I want to see that look on your face every day. Every hour if I could. For the rest of my life."

Anna's forearms rested on the bed, altering their position, and she dug her toes into the carpet to keep herself in place. John's hands slipped on her back, running the breadth of it before settling to grip at her hips. With each increasing dig of his fingers into her skin Anna noted the thickening of him as he approached his own climax. And when she tried to move her hand to bring herself along with him, the whispers of a final climax beckoning to her, John's fingers beat her there. They slipped sloppily over her but as they came together it hardly mattered. All that mattered was the moment when they settled together.

Somehow John managed to turn them and landed on the floor with Anna sideways across his lap. She held to him, her head on his shoulder and her arms draped useless in her lap. John kissed at her temple and forehead while the hot whispers of his breath settled as they passed through her hair.

Anna went to speak but the ringing of her phone alarm had them both jumping slightly. They laughed and John helped Anna to stand, holding at her ass for a moment when she stumbled and almost tripped back onto him. He swatted her there, pushing off the floor to join her in the search for her phone amongst the clothes all scattered and discarded on the bed, before turning off the alarm.

"I guess it's time to get ready for dinner." He handed the phone to her, kissing her forehead. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For helping me free myself." His fingers brushed strands of her hair that stuck to her face. "Helping me realize we're both human and flawed."

"Imperfect has a better ring to it." Anna put her hand to his cheek, the bump of the ring now on her finger prompting him to kiss her palm. "Shower with me?"

"And risk missing the dinner reservation?"

"And helping me wash my hair and back." Anna nodded toward her stomach. "I've lost a bit of dexterity in that regard."

"As long as you promise to keep your hands to yourself."

"No promises."

John groaned, "I refuse to touch anywhere that might set you off."

"That's everywhere nowadays." Anna pulled the selected dress from the bed. "And the worst part?"

"There's a worst part?"

Anna grinned, "I can't reach between my legs very well so you'll have to help me with that."

John groaned again.

But his professionalism won out and they managed to make their seats at the Mabel Lane Fox. Anna even noted, with pleasant and not-so-quiet surprise, that Daniel allowed her to eat exactly what she wanted that night. John recommended the best of the dishes, split her meals with her and insisted they get whatever they wanted to try and helped carry the veritable tower of Styrofoam leftovers to the car afterward. They stacked nicely in the refrigerator before John and Anna collapsed together on the sofa.

Anna brought up her finger to trail down his cheek as John smiled lazily at her. "What is it?"

"Just wondering."

"About?"

"What you'll do with your former room."

John shrugged, shifting into the sofa. "Probably turn it into a mancave or something. A place to watch the footy, make sure I can make all sorts of ungentlemanly like noises, and snore grotesquely when I fall asleep with a bowl of powdered cheese somethings on my lap."

"That's disgusting." Anna grabbed a pillow to swat at him but John rebuffed the blow. "I'm serious."

"So was I." John laughed, dodging another hit. "But an office would work. I could do some patient care from home, especially after Daniel's born."

"What, your boss doesn't give you paternity leave at the clinic?"

John glared at her, wagging a finger. "I wouldn't be so glib about the head of the clinic Ms. Smith."

"Not for much longer." Anna twiddled her fingers in front of John's face. "Which is another question we need to resolve."

"Well, since most people don't know the truth it'll look like we waited a bit long to try and tie the knot." John shrugged, "How do you feel about a winter wedding? Something between Christmas and New Year?"

"I look good in white." Anna leaned back against the side of the sofa, "But I don't know."

"You've got to want something." John reached for her hand, his thumb running over her ring. "Every movie I ever watched as a child and into adulthood told me that girls plan this thing down to the flower petals when they're young."

"Those plans change when circumstances do." Anna sighed, her hand going to her hair and slowly pulling the pins and ties loose to leave it hanging around her shoulders. "My mother might come but my stepfather won't. I've no one to give me away because the person I always saw taking me down the aisle as a child was my father. And I don't think I'll fit into the wedding dress I wanted as a little girl."

"Which one was that?"

Anna snorted a laugh, "It was one I had for a Barbie when I was nine. It was this lace and satin thing I don't even think was real but I liked it."

John smiled, moving to take her feet into his lap. He removed her shoes and set to massaging her feet until she groaned. "Maybe, when Daniel's born and you've had some time to recover, we could find the dress and do it all over again. Properly."

Anna leaned over as much as she was able, putting her hand over John's so he looked up at her. "I'd rather the right man than the right wedding, in the end."

"But," John kissed her lips and returned to massaging her feet. "Why not get both, if you can?"

"I'll keep it in mind." Anna put her elbow on the armrest, her head leaning into her open hand. "What do you want for the wedding?"

John pursed his lips, his hands molding over her feet before giving a little shrug of his own. "I had the big, white wedding once. With the cake you shoved into one another's mouth and the dancing and the hoopla and I don't want that again. I want something… private, intimate. Something between me, the woman I love, and those that love us the best."

Anna smiled, her fingers pulling at the back of her hair in a slow, almost unconscious motion. "I like the sound of that."

"Just you, me, my mother."

"Obviously." Anna laughed as John gave a little shrug.

"Your friends, if Gwen and her John can get up here for it."

"Gwen'd kill John if he stopped her." Anna cringed, "I think I might miss hers though. It's right around when Daniel's supposed to be born, in the spring."

"I'm sure she'll forgive you when she gets to hold him." John turned to Anna's other foot. "I will warn you. Babies aren't cute when you first get them though."

"What?"

"Their heads, if delivered naturally, are all squished and awkward from the birth. It'll take a day or two for him to even look like he's a human baby and not an alien." John held up a hand as Anna raised a pillow in threat. "It's just the way the body adapts. He's going to have three hundred bones at birth and, within the first two years, that becomes two-hundred-six. Imagine what that looks like."

"Crawling and a soft spot on his head." Anna put the pillow behind her back to prop herself up on the sofa better. "Back to the wedding."

"Well," John put both of Anna's feet on the floor and moved to look straight at her, "If we get married right after Christmas then we'll have time for the bridal-baby shower within the next two weeks."

"You really want to help throw that?"

John nodded, "I really do."

"You, John Bates," Anna crawled over the sofa toward him. "Are an amazing man. You do realize that, yes?"

"I'm getting the feeling." One of his hands moved under her dress, stroking along her thigh. "And you looked stunning in this dress tonight, by the way."

"Thank you." Anna tossed her head, her hair tumbling in waves that John immediately delved his other hand into. "A rather attractive man recommended it to me and I just couldn't resist."

"Like you couldn't resist running your leg along mine all through dinner?" John's fingers found the edge of Anna's knickers and traced there as she bit her lip.

"I don't have that kind of flexibility anymore."

"I'm sure that's the excuse you practiced but I know you and Mary go to yoga five times a week and she complains at how flexible you are." John's other fingers attempted to tame the waves of her hair before using them as a guide to bring Anna's neck closer to his lips. "I know you can bend better than you want me to know you can."

"It's my secret so we can keep doing this."

"This," John slid himself down the sofa, laying across its length, "Will be as flexible as you so we could do it as long as possible."

"Good." Anna leaned back to tug John's trousers and pants out of the way. "Because I'm feeling very horny right now."

"Must be all that talk about flexibility."

"No," Anna shook her head, meeting his fingers between her legs to tug her knickers to the side enough so she could slide herself down him until he buried as deeply as he could go. John's head slapped back against the sofa and he groaned as his fingers dug into her thighs before meeting her eyes. "It was you talking about wanting to just be there for me."

"That's getting you off?"

Anna nodded, smiling as she rolled her hips slowly over him. "That and the idea that you'll have to help me in and out of my wedding dress."

"All those buttons I'm sure." John held onto her legs, spreading them wider so he could thrust his hips to plunge more deeply into her. "So many accouterments that you couldn't possibly handle all on your own."

"And you." Anna pouted, "A bowtie and cummerbund and waistcoat and-"

"Waistcoat yes, cummerbund no." John paused them, Anna whining at him to start moving again. "You pick whatever colors you like but there'll be a normal tie and a waistcoat. I'm not dressing like I'm going to an American prom."

"Fine," Anna brought out her bottom lip but John only took it between his teeth, pulling it to bring her closer to kiss him when he leaned up. "But whatever color I choose?"

"I'll dress in fuchsia if you want."

"Navy and silver'll do." Anna ground down on him, her nails raking over John's dress shirt. "Now please finish this for me."

"With pleasure."

They came together, the wet slap of their skin grinding and smacking together almost too much to stand, and Anna pulsed around John. He followed soon after and she tried to collapse onto his chest but the angle pulled at her muscles and she hissed. John hurried to resituate them and massaged his fingers at her back while she tried to clean them up before they soiled the sofa again.

"Sorry." He cringed, helping her to dig out the knots and cramped muscles until she relaxed again.

"Not as flexible as you thought." Anna prodded, smiling to herself as John pulled away and took the used tissues from her. "But still wonderful."

"Make me think you might need another shower." John winked at her, "I'll help you wash your back."

"How could I refuse an offer like that." Anna took his hand, lifting off the sofa and pointed toward the balloons in the corner. "Those are wonderful, by the way. I don't think I mentioned that earlier."

"Mary picked them out." John took her hand, "Come on, before my mother catches us and I feel like I'm sixteen again."

"Lead the way Mr. Bates."

And they giggled all the way to her room… To _their_ room.


	17. With this Ring, I Thee Wed

John stepped away from the table, his hands out like he was trying to tame velociraptors, and then let out a quiet breath, "That's it."

"You're very jumpy." A rail of a woman with dark eyes and a perpetually raised eyebrow entered the room, spreading favors over the surfaces before bending to pick up a basket with slips of paper inside. "First one of these?"

"Men aren't usually invited to participate in these kinds of ritual gatherings." John poked back, gathering the scraps and left overs of balloons, crate paper, and shining tinsel. "I was lucky I even know what they are."

"For a man who practices in a woman-heavy profession you're not well versed on female activities are you?"

"The fact that I know what a menstrual cycle is and how often it comes and what to buy for the women who have them puts me far and above the other individuals of my gender." John defended before checking over the room again for more rubbish. "And I'm as practiced in these things as women'll let me be, Mary."

"I'm sure Anna'll let you be as involved as you want to be."

"Or as involved as you'll let me be." John snorted, "I'm still in awe of the fact that we'd never met before planning this whole affair."

"It really is a small world that you're marrying my best friend and employee while working with my mother-in-law and we didn't realize we were the same people." Mary paused, "Speaking of our mutual acquaintances, how is your little… legal problem shaping up anyhow?"

"Mr. Laing's been a godsend, really." John dumped his pile into the rubbish bin as Mary entered the kitchen, following him to the platters they arranged over the table and counters. "He's got the whole thing all ready and color coded and-"

"And it's confused you hasn't it?"

John nodded, "A bit. But he's confident… In his own, quiet way."

"Does anyone else ever wish for the days when men could go to the back garden, tussle it out, and that was that?" John and Mary looked up as Mrs. Bates entered the room, spreading dishtowels around by tucking them under the platters. "I hope you invited the army you're intending on feeding with these."

"There are pregnant women, post-pregnancy women, pre-marriage women with more nerves and anxiety than they can handle, and normal women with above-average appetites coming." Mary turned to Mrs. Bates, "I'm sure we've sufficiently prepared for those eventualities."

"And more besides." Mrs. Bates scoffed, "I didn't make this much food when I had John's Boy Scout troop to manage and they threatened my fridge and my larder on every visit to my kitchen."

"I'm sure we can all manage a bit of civility," John came between the two women. "This is Anna's day, after all, and I want it to go well."

"And it will." Mary shrugged, "With the odd combination of nappies and lingerie she'll be getting I'm sure it'll all go swimmingly."

"You make it sound like one of those things doesn't lead to the other."

"Al I know is that when I was pregnant I wanted nothing to do with the man who put a baby in me and when there were nappies there was no lingerie."

John shrugged, "That's between you and your husband."

"It's why George doesn't have any siblings yet." Mary sighed, "Where is the woman of the hour anyway?"

"Painting the office."

"What office?" Mrs. Bates frowned as John headed for the stairs. "Did you convert my bedroom while I was in Scotland?"

John ignored her, the distant ring of the doorbell speeding his steps as he managed the bend in the corridor to the door of his room. Or, what used to be his room. He knocked lightly and entered, careful to manage around the paint cans piled next to the jamb as Anna touched up a bit by the windows with a roller.

He went to speak and then smiled, the tell-tale trail of cord from her ears to the front pocket of the oversized dungarees she managed to still buckle over her protruding belly betraying her lack of concentration. Picking his way delicately across the room, John waited until Anna set the roller down before tapping her shoulder. She jumped slight and then smiled at him, her fingers pinching the button on the cord to stop her music.

"Are they here?"

"I heard the doorbell on my way up and I think Mary's managing them." John nodded at the room. "I like it."

"I've got the feeling you'd say that if I chose Barbie-hot pink and then covered it in glitter." Anna bent for the top of a paint can but John beat her to it, tapping it closed and helping cover the pans and rollers to keep them from drying out.

"Not true. I took what you said about being honest with what I want to heart." John helped Anna stand again. "I'd definitely argue with the glitter."

"Not the pink?"

"It'd be a little edgy, girl-punk rock band but I could live with it." He grinned and shrugged, "And who knows. Maybe it would bring out another side to you."

Anna swatted his shoulder, "You're incorrigible."

"I think Mary intimated the same thing when she said pregnancy ruined the sex life for she and her husband."

"Mary's always been a bit of a delicate flower." Anna put her thumbs under the straps of her dungarees and pulled. "Think I should change?"

"It's your house and your party so you decide."

Anna bit at her lip and then turned a slow circle. "Just tell me if I've got paint anywhere. If not then I'm fine. I won't even bother to shower."

"Probably for the best." John reached his hand to break apart a piece of dried paint in her hair, dusting it out carefully and then nodding when their eyes met. "I'd want to take one with you, help out you understand."

"I'm sure you'd help me to at least two lovely climaxes and then take one for yourself and where would our guests be?"

"It's not that big of a house so they'd be mortified is where they'd be." John cringed, "I'll admit, I did consider delaying this… two-birds-one-stone party for something like that when I saw you in here."

"Painting that seductive for you?"

"You're the seductive for me." John wrapped his arms around Anna, fitting himself close to her so he could feel her expanded belly. "Especially in these."

"I didn't figure you for a denim fetish."

"They're easier to get you out of."

"We'll see if you say that later." Anna warned and kissed him before pulling free. "Come on, we've got guests."

"Wait a moment," John tugged her hand back and pointed to the walls. "What are your plans with this blue, brown, white scheme? I feel like I'm in a macaroon."

"It's more of a fancy chocolate shop design and," Anna motioned to the walls. "It's layered. There's an art to this kind of thing."

"I'll trust the woman who went to school for it." John pointed to the empty space. "How are you thinking about the design of it?"

"I'll put my drafting table and desk near the window, for the light, and you'll get that corner there."

"Any particular reason?"

Anna put her arms around his waist and kissed him, "So that when I look up from my work, exhausted, you'll be bathed in light from the window."

"Pretty sure that effect works the opposite way unless we're experiencing a celestial impossibility."

"You never know." Anna kissed him again, "Come on. We're missing my party and keeping all those guests waiting."

"Mary probably just thinks we're having sex."

"Oh no," Anna shook her head. "She and I were undergrad together. She knows how loud I am."

"At the risk of sounding jealous," John lead them into the corridor, keeping the door open so the paint fumes in the room could dissipate. "Exactly how often did Mary know you were loud?"

"Not as often as I found out that she's got a high pitched giggle she gives off when she's about to-"

"Alright," John held up a hand. "Now I know why she and her husband don't have sex very often."

"Who told you that?"

"They've only got George and from what Isobel's said-"

"Mary's very pro birth control." Anna sniggered, "They've done it in the office with me in the next room. She and Matthew do it all the time."

"More than us?"

"This isn't a competition." Anna hissed as they descended the stairs.

"But if it were…"

"Anna!" Confetti, ribbons, and annoying kazoos that blew out the ends of party favors sounded around the room and the odd collection of phallic paraphernalia clashed with the baby blue of the gifts set aside for the sex half of the afternoon's festivities.

John eased his way through the women, smiling at them and shaking hands where the women did not know enough about him to hug him around the shoulders like he was their best friend. He endured a few rounds of the neck-strangling hugs before escaping to the kitchen to ready the first platter of finger-foods. It put him in the middle of an assortment of catcalls and hollers for him to find a pair of tear-away trousers but Anna shook her head and tried to calm the group.

"He's my fiancé, not a stripper."

"We should've gotten one." Mary sipped at her drink before holding it up to use as a pointer in John's direction. "We could've gotten one to dress as a doctor. Would've made you feel right at home."

"Because this is my home I'll refrain from getting my address in the rolodex for an escort or stripping service."

Boos and a few confused expressions at 'rolodex' had John leaving the tray and retreating to the kitchen. He started cleaning a few of the dishes from the preparations, readying himself for the kind of mess he envisioned in a few hours, and started when a hand touched his shoulder. Mary stood there, holding out a glass to him but John shook his head.

"What, afraid I poisoned it so we could sneak a stripper into your house?"

"No, I don't drink."

"Ah, shame." Mary sipped at it and smiled at sounds from the other room. "You know, I rather admire you."

"Because I know how to clean dishes?" John loaded a few of the larger ones into the dishwasher and started it going before drying his hands. "They're not difficult to manage. They even come with labeled buttons."

"For all of this." Mary waved her hands about without spilling her drink, which had John wondering how experienced she was managing liquid at that velocity. "Not many man would do it."

"I'm sure, given the chance, men would love to participate more in both of these processes. They're the crucial other side of it, after all."

"True but Matthew didn't seem all that curious about engrossing himself in any of it." Mary sat sideways in one of the chairs by the table, narrowing her eyes at him. "You're not overcompensating for anything are you?"

"In what way?"

"I'm sure it's not the bedroom way, based on how Anna's looked lately." Mary finished her drink, setting the glass carefully between two platters. "I pride myself on knowing the difference between pregnancy glow and sex glow."

"Then you're saying-"

"Are you doing this so Anna feels beholden to you?"

"Excuse me?"

"I know what happened to Anna in Rome, John. I'm the one who worked out the switch in positions between she and Gwen and I know Anna was gutted she couldn't take the other offer we had for her because of what happened." Mary's cheeks hollowed as if she bit at them from inside her mouth. "I'm just wondering if you're trying to erase the presence of some undesirable shadow by showering Anna in your affections and attentions."

"Anna's stronger than that."

"But are you?" Mary stood, folding her arms over her chest. "I don't care for many people, Mr. Bates. Very few people actually like me and Anna's one of those people. Details and explanations for why that is aside, I'd go to bat for Anna any day of the week and twice on Sunday. Would you?"

"If you're asking if I'd fight you for her then yes." John eyed Mary up and down. "It'd be a scrap but I think I could get you."

"I'm feisty."

"I don't doubt it." John held his cool. "I'm involved in this process because I love Anna. I got involved before that because I adopted that baby growing inside her. And I'm marrying her because she loved me back enough to say yes."

"I thought it was a convenient and logical way to fight the truth of what happens if the biological donor to that baby you've claimed decides to fight you for him."

"He'll lose."

"Have you considered what happens to Anna if he doesn't lose?"

John took his turn to narrow his eyes. "What suggestion would you have? I'll not suggest she try to make it work with that asshole."

"You make it sound like you know who the father is."

"I don't need to know who he is to make that statement."

"Quite right." Mary stepped toward John. "I just want to make sure you're making these decisions because they're what's best for Anna and not just what's best for John Bates."

"Does this have anything to do with why I needed to contact Mr. Laing?"

"I do worry about my friend's stability when the man she's intent on marrying gets charged with assault and now has to fight the case."

"The police never charged me, this is a private matter. As a civil suit it doesn't enter any public record and, if you'd even bothered to ask Anna the details, she would've told you that the man I punched in the face was accosting her."

"Knight in shining armor then?"

"A knight in shining armor does you no good." John reached around Mary to grab another platter. "They've not been tested yet."

"And how dented is your armor, Mr. Bates?"

"Enough to know that I'd use every piece of it to fight for Anna and our baby." John nodded toward another platter. "Try the cheese cubes, they're Italian."

John made his rounds on the room and exchanged platters one more time before the phallic displays and decorations switched to those for babies. Giggles and joes about boxes of lingerie to lie dormant in closets and drawers turned into coos and sighs about how cute different outfits would look. And some of the women even invited John to join them for the games about babies before they quizzed him on pregnancy, delivery, and postnatal care.

When the party wound down, John collecting spent cups and napkins, tucking them all away to gather the rubbish on one platter and the leftovers on another, someone hugged him around the middle. He smiled at Gwen and left his piles to hug her back.

"I wasn't expecting that." He pulled away and she took the platter of leftovers for him. "I thought you were still in London."

"I wrangled a train." She joined him in the kitchen, leaving the last few stragglers to finish their conversations with Anna. "And I wanted to see how Anna's doing here. I left her hanging when she needed me."

John paused, "I hope that's just a reference to her moving from your flat to my house and not something a bit more… weighty."

"There's always the threat of a double meaning."

"Funny you should say that."

"Funny in the 'we'll laugh our asses off at this' kind of way or the 'what an awkward reality and we should probably check for poison' kind of way?"

John frowned and then shrugged, "Maybe the 'not actually funny but more unusual,' kind of way."

"Okay." Gwen left the leftovers on the counter, tipping the other platters into the soapy water to soak. "Shoot."

"Earlier Mary was asking me if throwing this party, and by extension the baby and the wedding, were evidence of me trying to cover up for something."

"Like?"

"Like the fact the child I'm adopting is the biological progeny of another man and that I'm seeking to solidify my position with Anna and myself by making a grand gesture."

Gwen snorted, "Mary's got an odd way of protecting people."

"I got the feeling she's a little threatened by me but I can't figure out why."

"Mary's complicated." Gwen winced, "She's not got many friends."

"She let on."

"It's her personality. She's very specific, very direct, and not always the best at showing the amount of heart she's actually got." Gwen sighed, "And she's afraid of losing people. She's afraid of losing friends and, unfortunately, part of her perspective on friendship comes down to what she can offer them."

"Sounds awkwardly like a business deal."

"That's Mary. She's got her group of friends and she keeps them in a box."

"A box?"

Gwen nodded. "I call it her 'commodity box', because that's what friend are to her sometimes. Maybe she's not entirely aware of it and it's not bad being in the box because you've never felt more loved and appreciated but it does make it difficult when someone else wants to take a turn or you might want to expand your horizons and you find yourself a little more…"

"Owned?"

"Protected sounds less like she's a slave master."

John rolled his tongue in his mouth a moment before speaking. "So she thinks I'm stealing her friend?"

"She thinks you're doing what she would do as a last-ditch attempt to salvage something you know is probably lost." Gwen put her hand to his shoulder. "But I don't. I saw the way you jumped to help Anna and I saw her when you did. You can't fake that with a big party."

"I did allow penis hats into my house so what does that say about me?"

"That you're hoping Anna gets the right idea about them?"

They laughed and John joined Gwen at the sink to start washing the platters. After a minute, handing Gwen a soapy dish, John spoke. "Are you trying to make up for something that's not your fault?"

"I did leave her high and dry without a place to live."

"It got her here." John winked at Gwen, "She was easier to seduce when you made sure I'd see her every day."

"Then consider me mollified."

John waited a minute. "But that's not what you meant."

Gwen rinsed the platter, carefully managing it into the dishrack, and faced John. "We don't know one another well but I think you'll appreciate the weight of realizing that if I'd waited fifteen minutes then you and I wouldn't know one another at all."

"Or I'd be your midwife and your John would be in the position I am." John shrugged, "The world's a funny place and I mean that in the kind of funny where we'd need to reexamine our priorities."

"I get you there." Gwen sighed, "It's always at the back of my mind."

"You'd be a shit friend if it weren't."

Gwen pursed her lips and then swallowed. "Do you think she's alright?"

"I try to make sure of that every day." John bumped her with his shoulder. "And she doesn't think you're to blame."

"He's to blame… whomever he is."

"But still…" John shrugged, "We're human and in the face of circumstances outside our control we want to find the one part we could control and say, 'Ha! See, I could've done something'."

"Sounds about right." Gwen puffed her cheeks and then exhaled slowly, "How do you get over the guilt you feel for not seeing around the curve of time?"

"Appreciate the hindsight is twenty-twenty." John handed her the next platter. "And that there are some good things that come from bad."

"Like you?"

"I'd like to think I'm one of Anna's good things." John sighed, shaking his hands of excess water and draining the sink. "Now I'm sure she'll want to discuss wedding plans with you so…"

"Right." Gwen finished rinsing the dish and set it to dry with the others before taking the offered towel. "And don't worry about Mary. Get that ring on Anna's finger and she'll put you in her commodity box."

"I shudder to think." John hugged Gwen back when she embraced him. "We're all moving forward Gwen. Maybe you should allow yourself to do the same."

"Maybe I should." Gwen whistled, "You ready to be married?"

John nodded, "Very."

And as the days toward Christmas approached and they managed the decorations together, John found himself watching Anna. Watching how she pulled at her ring, paced when he thought she was not watching, and spent her time between work and her construction of the office. The warnings from Mary and the conversation with Gwen played in overlapping waves at the back of his mind until Christmas Eve.

Mrs. Bates finished her dinner, toasted her sherry with the sparkling cider with the couple, and tucked herself into bed. At the moment Mrs. Bates's door shut for the night, John opened his arm for Anna to join him on the sofa. They gazed at the tree as it glittered and flitted with light in the otherwise dark room. Their breathing aligned as John's fingers trailed through Anna's hair and they eased into silence except for the gentle tick of the clock.

"Do you…" John almost surprised himself with words that shifted Anna from his chest. "Do you want to marry me?"

Anna pushed off John's chest, narrowing her eyes at him. "Are you serious?"

John nodded, swallowing. "Mary talked to me… at the bridal-baby shower and she seems to think that I'm marrying you because I need to solidify my hold over you. That I'm doing it to drive the reality of the why from my mind."

"Mary's a very… special woman." Anna shook her head, slipping her fingers into John's left hand to draw it to her mouth. She kissed lightly on his ring finger and gave a small smile. "You're worried that we're doing this for logic and not love."

"We've only known one another for three months… Four, in a more liberal estimate but still…"

"It's a short time." Anna cringed, "Unless we're particularly religious but I've never got the feeling of overt religion from you."

"I can't put any claim on that." John tangled his fingers with hers. "But you've… Maybe it's just me but you've felt a little distant since the shower."

"Because you're not the only one Mary talked to." Anna rolled her eyes, "I've been… thinking, a lot."

"About what?"

"About what I want." Anna adjusted on the sofa. "I know that I want this baby. I want this baby with you. I want to make a home with you. I want to marry you. I want to continue in my job."

"Okay," John frowned, "Then what's there to still think about? You seem pretty sure about all these things."

"What I want in terms of Alex." John stiffened but Anna put her other hand on his shoulder. "Mary doesn't know about Alex… No one but you and I and technically Dickie Gray know Alex is Daniel's biological father. But she said that it would give me peace to find the father and confront him."

"Peace for what?"

"She's suggesting that I should find the man so I can put the idea of this wedding out of my mind and call it off."

"She doesn't like me, does she?"

"Don't flatter yourself." Anna kissed his cheek, "Mary doesn't like anybody and she's protective of me after what happened."

"So she thinks if you find the man who… raped you then you'll not marry me because you'll realize it is a mistake and get on with your life without attaching yourself to someone like me?"

Anna shrugged, "I think so."

"Makes me want to uninvite her from the wedding she doesn't want to go forward." John offered Anna the spot at his side back and she tucked herself close again. "If she thinks I'm not good enough for you-"

"She doesn't think anyone's good enough for me." Anna held close to him and their breathing synchronized again. "And I want to marry you. Quickly or not, this is what I want."

"And to confront Alex?"

"It's got to happen sometime." Anna's head shook into John's side. "I can't just let the information go."

"No." John let his fingers stroke in Anna's hair again. "But could we wait until we're married to take him to task?"

"Yes." Anna chuckled into John's side. "Let's get married first. Then we'll take on our enemies together."

John kissed her head and settled back on the sofa. "Happy Christmas."

"Happy Christmas."

And a happy Christmas it was. They exchanged their gifts, mostly little things for Daniel and for one another before they gave their gifts to Mrs. Bates. Breakfast followed before they watched a few holiday movies together on the sofa. Anna fell asleep on John and he held her close as a hand rested on her abdomen. Then they closed the day with a final gift to Daniel of a family portrait in his nursery.

Even the wedding was happy. Happy in the quaint, small size of their party at the Registrar's Office. Happy in the luncheon they shared amongst their friends. And happy in how they celebrated their evening by holding one another close and whispering their dreams with their future child between them.


	18. A Purpose Under Heaven

Anna's fingers slid gently in John's hair and she smiled as he snuffled himself awake. He frowned without opened his eyes and he only squinted them before groaning as he settled back into his pillow. "Why are you awake?"

"How could I sleep when something so beautiful was right before my eyes?" Anna continued moving her fingers in his hair, kissing an exposed portion of his forehead before laying back in her position. "And I think Daniel's foot was pressing against my rib in an attempt to continue what I presume are a series of cartwheels."

"He's just excited I guess." John's eyes opened and he smiled at her, "How does it feel, Mrs. Bates?"

"What?" She met his eyes as he tipped his head back to force her fingers out of his hair. His left hand nabbed hers and interlaced their fingers so their rings caught the little light seeping through the white curtains.

"Being 'Mrs. Bates'?" He kissed at her double rings and Anna sighed.

"Like I'm who I was always meant to be." Anna leaned over to kiss him, "Happy New Year, by the way."

"I almost forgot." John kissed her back before settling into the pillows. "Happy New Year."

"I think your Mum was out until past three with her bingo crowd."

John scrunched his eyes shut and groaned, "Don't… Please don't put those kinds of thoughts into my head."

"Disturbed that you could have a new father because someone from bingo offered her a nightcap?" Anna teased, poking at his chest. John poked right back and soon rolled her onto her back. But when she winced he immediately backed away.

"Sorry."

"No, it's-" Anna lifted herself on her elbow to push her other hand into the small of her back. "I think he's determined to do some gymnastics with us."

"Not the best idea for him." John opened his arms and Anna moved into his embrace. "We'll have to be a little more careful I think. As he's settling it'll be more difficult if we want to still have sex."

" _If_?"

"I'd hate to assume anything." John kissed the top of her head, "Although…"

"What?" Anna pushed herself out of his grip to see him.

"What'll we do when you're not pregnant anymore?"

"I'm pretty sure that everything goes back in place." Anna waited but John only smiled. "Did I not understand the question?"

"Every time we've had sex you've been pregnant." John reached a hand forward to caress over her belly. "What'll we do when we're not compensating for Daniel being in there?"

"Do it very quietly with the lights off?" Anna teased but John only pinched at her hip so she squirmed away. "How'd you mean?"

"I just imagine us going to try and kiss but we miscalculate distance and I break your nose with my forehead or something. Or we try to move into position and I slip and crush you because I'm expecting more distance and I overestimate it. Or we're knocking knees and elbows and we're bruised to no end and-"

Anna bent over to kiss him, pulling the words from his mouth until John was quiet. She waited, watching his eyes as her fingers pulled lightly at his hair, and kissed him again. This time his eyes hazed and Anna grinned. "I think we'll find some way to manage."

"You're not worried?"

"There are some things I think you learn to do very quickly." Anna shrugged, "Like riding a bike. We'll just adjust to a different size."

"You're very optimistic."

"I'm not looking forward to two months without, once he's without," Anna put her hand over John's on her stomach and they both giggled when Daniel moved. "But I think we'll manage."

"I think we will too." John tipped up to kiss her stomach, exposing it to trail kisses over her. "We've made it this far haven't we?"

"Yes we have." Anna traced around John's face with her free hand. It lined up with his jaw and she brought his lips to meet hers. "I think we could try it a couple different ways, if you're still interested."

John raised an eyebrow and took their linked hands to just above his waistband. His hand pulled the elastic of the band at his waist while Anna snaked her hand down. When she dragged her nails over him, John shuddered. "Does that answer your question?"

"Yes." Anna tightened her grip for a moment before John pulled away.

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course."

"Then." John lifted at the hem of her shirt to leave it on the pillows behind them, his own shirt joining hers. He left the bed, discarded his pajama bottoms and boxers so he rounded the bed in the buff, and then urged Anna to the edge of it. "Allow me to properly welcome you as Mrs. Anna May Smith Bates."

Anna grinned, "I like the sound of that."

"Good." John tugged her bottoms down before leaning forward to catch the edge of her knickers with his teeth. "I won't mind doing this in new ways."

She set her hand behind her on the bed and leaned up enough for John to tug her knickers down her legs without catching them both in an awkward position. They settled, John on his knees before the bed with Anna sitting right on the edge, and she squealed as quietly as she could manage when John maneuvered forward to put her legs over his shoulders. He mimed putting a finger in front of his mouth to keep her quiet before bending forward to kiss just above her clit.

"Pregnancy's been kind to you." He murmured into her skin, his hands holding her legs in place.

"I feel…" Anna bit at her lip when John's teeth grazed her clit. "I feel like an elephant. Or a land-trapped whale."

"No." John soothed, his tongue tracing around her. "Your blood flow's increased so you're more swollen down here. I barely have to flick my tongue and you're already on edge."

He drew back, one of his hands sliding from her thigh to massage and knead her breasts while he bent to kiss and nip at the one not taking the focus of his hand. "Your breasts are bigger and more sensitive so I could kiss them all day and you'd almost come in a second." John's lips wrapped one of her nipples and suckled there until Anna cried out, her body releasing when his other hand snuck a finger into her. "Like that."

"I'm still huge."

"And beautiful." John kissed her lips, taking her deeply with a sweep of her tongue and only backing away when another finger joined the first to use the waves of her orgasm to encourage her to another. "You're a lot wetter now too, which makes it easier for my fingers to slide into you."

"Other things too." Anna huffed, rolling her hips against his fingers and tightening her hold on his shoulders when she came again.

"True." John let his kisses mark a path from her chin to her jaw to her neck to her breasts again, opening her with a third finger to delve deeper. He crooked his fingers inside her and Anna's nails dug divots into his shoulders. "But this'll be different later too. It'll take more work."

As his fingers crooked inside her, finding that spot that sent her screeching to the ceiling while his thumb pressed insistently on her clit, she came again and Jon broke away from her breasts. His eyes met hers as he took up his former position between her legs and set his mouth to a series of sucking kisses and licks that addressed the evidence of the orgasms he already gave her. "But it'll be worth it."

The temptations and dedication of his tongue brought her to a fourth orgasm in almost no time at all. With her body humming and buzzing, John drew back and licked the shine from his lips. "It's already worth it."

Anna's legs tugged him forward and her fingers almost clawed at the skin of his neck and shoulders to bring their lips together. John sat on the edge of the bed, the palm of his hand moving back between her legs to ease her down with a gentle massage, but Anna shoved him back onto the bed. Their contact broke and the surprise in John's eyes was almost enough for her to explain her intentions. But when she pressed him into the mattress, kissing him so deeply her thought the primal brain might want to jam her tongue down his throat, John seemed to understand without words. And when she arranged herself to mount him so all he could see was her back, John needed no additional encouragement.

His chest pressed hard against her back and his arms wrapped under her abdomen. John's lips traced and kissed around her shoulders while one of his hands moved to tease and stroke along her clit again. The gyration of her hips, her chest rising and falling quickly in time with the speeding beat of her heart, matched the firm thrust of his drives. Soon her body shivered and shuddered under his attentions until Anna broke again. John followed soon after, holding her close as they settled.

She turned toward John and he kissed her cheek before kissing her lips. "Happy New Year."

Anna gave a sighing laugh, leaning her head back on his shoulder. "Happy New Year, Mr. Bates."

John shifted them, keeping Anna tightly to him, and laid back on the bed. Anna let her eyes close as John's movements tossed their pajamas onto the floor before spooning behind her. His fingers continued stroking and running along her arms before holding his hand over Anna's abdomen.

"How are you feeling?"

Anna smiled into her pillow, shifting back toward John. "Wonderful."

"I hope so." John allowed his finger to swirl over her skin. "How do you feel about being Mrs. Bates?"

"Like we can't call me that because it'll confuse people between me and your mother." Anna covered John's hand with hers. "Unless we're using it for other reasons… I could be down for that."

"Like," John's hand slipped loose from hers, running down to the place between her legs. "When we're like this?"

"Maybe." Anna's leg hooked back around John's hip to bring them closer. A slight adjustment between the put John between her legs to run along her slick folds already soaked from their earlier exploits. "How would you use it?"

"Whenever I'm inexplicably, incandescently happy."

" _Pride and Prejudice_?"

"Why not?" John shunted his hips forward, fingers working far more slowly than his earlier actions. "You use my last name when you're hoping to get a rise out of me."

"Our last name." Anna turned over her shoulder to see John's face and craned her hands around to run her fingers over his face. "It's our last name now."

"Yes it is," John brought himself impossibly closer, slipping inside her to the very depths of her without a pause until he reached the end of her. "Mrs. Bates."

Anna held along John's jaw, her forehead resting on his cheek, and tried to breathe as her heart thundered so solidly against her chest she was sure her torso visibly thumped. Her thigh quivered and bent around John's hip when his hands spanned her hips to hold them close together. And when they came together, their bodies finally relaxed.

Her fingers grazed the hair at his temples before kissing his jaw. John arranged his head to kiss Anna's lips before pulling away. "I need to ask you something and I don't know if now is the right time to do that."

"What?" Anna slipped away from John and shifted to lay on her side so they could see one another.

"What do you want me to do about Green?"

Anna sighed, chewing the inside of her cheek before pursing her lips. "I think we need to bring the case forward."

"How do we do that since the attack happened in Italy and we're here?"

"I'll have to ask a lawyer," Anna shrugged a shoulder up, "Maybe your lawyer. Then he can tell me if you can prosecute a man for a crime in another country if both of you live in this country."

"You would've thought he would've left you alone after what he did."

"I don't…" Anna stopped herself, shuffling into the bed. "I don't think he knows exactly what he did and I think he was surprised that there were no consequences."

"None yet."

"I know Alex was drunk when I ran into him in the bar that night but I didn't see him after that so I don't know how much more drunk he got. I only know the smell I remember but I'm pretty sure there's a point of diminishing returns for that."

"There's a saturation point for smell, definitely." John sighed, his hand finding Anna's. "But you don't think he remembered?"

"I didn't remember all the details." Anna's other hand almost unconsciously rose to touch her head. "Not just because I was buzzed but because of the injury but that's irrelevant."

"So you don't think he knows?"

"I wouldn't think he's entirely sure but it would explain why he kept trying to get me on a date afterward." Anna shuddered, "The worse thought is that he's done this before."

"We could find out about that." John lifted himself onto his elbow. "Dickie Gray's got the DNA. We file your case, through Laing, and then ask for an investigation to see if there's something with the DNA."

"Like unsolved cases?"

"Maybe." John cringed, "But I'm with you. The horrible reality would be if there are other cases."

"It's worth finding out." Anna moved off the bed. "But first, we're going to enjoy the rest of our holiday, and then move forward."

"Delayed responsibility, I like it." John reached for her but Anna moved toward the en suite. "Don't we want this to go another way at this point?"

"I'd like a shower." Anna shrugged, "You're welcome to join me."

John grinned and hurried out of bed to follow her.

Anna wondered if all marriages were like hers. The simply slide from roommates to bedmates to engaged to married moved quickly but each step moved as naturally and logically as an irrational duo of beings could step in unison. And each piece of their puzzle fit with work and effort until they made a collage of their own that evolved into the relationship that had them celebrating Valentine's Day with another sonogram and a home cooked dinner.

Pushing aside her plate, Anna grinned across the table at John. "How busy was work for you today?"

John caught her eyes, frowning a moment before shrugging. "Not really. Any particular reason?"

"Just wanted to see how tired you are."

The raise of John's eyebrows almost scraped his hairline. "Because?"

Anna reached over the distance to put her hand over his on the table, drawing her finger down the lines of veins there. "I'd like to take you to bed but I want to make sure you're in the mood."

"You're in the mood, obviously."

"Obviously."

"And you're alright?" John studied her, "No nausea or anything?"

"I'm feeling fine." Anna twisted his hand to put his palm up on the table and draw her fingers along the inside of his wrist. "Are you?"

"If you keep working like that then I'll take you on this table."

"Might be a little messy." Anna finished bringing her finger off his middle finger and pushed back from the table. "But I'll help you clean up so we could take this elsewhere."

"Like the privacy of our bedroom?"

"It's a better option than the sitting room."

"I agree then." John nabbed a towel and flicked it at Anna. "Give me ten minutes to clean this up?"

"We could do it in five."

They carefully utilized the five minutes they needed to save the leftovers, start a soak on the more difficult pans, and the rush of the dishwasher. But also for Anna to tease John with taunting touches and delicately orchestrated 'close calls' to bring a dance of dilation to his pupils. And when the last dish entered the sink, John wrapped Anna in his arms with his chest to her back and growled in her ear.

"You're playing a dangerous game Mrs. Bates."

"I had hoped so."

John angled their heads to kiss, tipping them sideways as if to dip Anna like they were dancing, but recovered quickly when Anna winced. "Are you alright?"

"Just a pinch of something I think." Anna put her hand on John's chest. "I'm alright. You don't have to worry."

"I do worry."

"I know." Anna pivoted in his grip, holding tightly to his hand, and kissed the back of it before leading him down the corridor to their room. "But I'm fine, the baby's fine, and we're about to be very fine."

"If you're sure-"

Anna kissed John outside their room, her fingers delving into his hair to aid in her manipulation of his mouth, and broke when John's eyes were significantly hazy and his hair askew. "Very sure."

John needed no more encouragement than that. They fell through the door together, John catching them on the wall, and took the opportunity to ravish Anna's mouth. Their tongue entangled and Anna moaned as John's hands took advantage of her sensitive breasts to knead them. Anna's struggle to get her shirt off only made John laugh into her mouth until he grunted as her hand squeezed at him through his trousers. The hitch in his breath gave Anna the chance to remove her shirt and start kissing her way down the skin she revealed unbuttoning his shirt.

They wrestled their way out of their clothes, Anna kissing insistently on any expanse of skin she could on John, and soon writhed together before the bed. Both paused for a moment when John's hands smoothed over Anna's belly and he bent to his knees to kiss just over her bellybutton. Anna's hand smoothed into John's hair, pressing down when his kisses traveled further south.

The slap of Anna's hand on the wall to steady herself, echoed hollowly in her ears as John slipped himself sideways between Anna's legs. His tongue traveled between her folds, licked and lapped deep into her channel, and sucked hard at her clit. Anna's other hand dug hard into his scalp as John's fingers worked with dedication to excite her nerves until Anna's legs quivered and she finished with a shriek that left John's work to cleaning the result.

His hands smoothed up her legs, calming her, and held lightly at Anna's hips to kiss her. The fingers already in John's hair released their claw-like hold but kept her grounded when she could taste herself on his lips. And at the moment when Anna wanted to suck deeper at John's tongue, he broke the kiss and turned her quickly to bend over the bed.

He paused, his voice whispering in her ear. "Is this alright?"

"Yes," Anna rubbed herself back against John as his legs cradled around her hips. "I'm fine."

"Is the baby alright?" John kissed over her shoulders, tongue licking out in hesitant hints at the bumps of her spine.

"He's fine." Anna shifted again, biting at her lip as the momentary growl from John at the massage her ass provided to his arousal.

"Good." John's fingers wrapped around her hips while one of his legs urged hers apart just a little more. "Very good."

Anna's back arched, her hands digging into the duvet, and her legs trembling when John entered her. They held still for a moment, exalting in the sensation of wrapping around one another before they moved. A twisting maneuver brought John a touch deeper and set them both off.

The redistribution of weight, with Daniel hanging lower in Anna's pelvis, shoved their bodies together differently. Anna's heels dug into the carpet of the room to hold herself steady as her hands sought more support from the bed. John's movements adjusted to match hers, a hand coming around to hold at her abdomen as if to help support the additional weight while he continued thrusting forward.

Another maneuver brought Anna onto her toes as John drove deeper into her. Anna's breath hitched and a twinge of pain echoed in her lower back. She arched her back up as if to stretch out the cramp and it only took John deeper to bring Anna to another orgasm. John's finish was barely a thought as the cramping sensation in her back only slightly subsided.

She twisted back, trying to soothe the ache, and it finally died to a dull throb as John withdrew. John's hands shifted to Anna's back, as if unconsciously massaging away the pain, and the throb dissipated. Anna sighed, her chest rising and falling swiftly, at the kisses John rained over her back.

"Alright?"

"I'm fine."

"Sure?" His words muffled against her back. "You seemed to be in a little pain there for a moment."

"I'm fine." Anna assured him, standing as straight as she could to put a hand on his face as she turned in his arms. "I'm absolutely fine."

They kissed and John reached around her to pull back the covers on their bed. Anna waited a step away as John organized their pillows the way they both liked and it brought a smile to her face. She watched his careful movements as he headed to the bathroom and returned with a wet cloth.

John dipped to his knees again to clean over Anna's legs before standing. But Anna grabbed his hand before he could toss the cloth to the clothes basket. She removed it from his hand and wiped over John. Unlike John, however, Anna's hand was not careful in her determination to bring John back to life.

He gritted his teeth, hissing breath as Anna continued working him with her hand. The one drawback of their baby growing in her belly was the lack of movement. She could no long go down on her knees like he could or bend over to do with her mouth what he could. But her hand could still work over John, seek to bring him to the edge of sanity as well as possible with the damp cloth helping her.

When John twitched, Anna removed her hand and tossed the cloth to the basket. Her hands, touching lightly to his chest, pushed John back to the bed. His legs bent over the folds of the blankets and sheets but he propped up against the pillows so Anna could crawl over his legs and settled herself on his hips.

His hands could not move over her without leaving her shivering and the hairs on her body standing up straight. The hold of his hands on her hips as he drew himself along her clit. Anna's fingers went to John's chest, holding her against the insistent draw of his arousal along her swollen folds to twist and gyrate them into a rhythm. And when he leaned forward to hold her breasts, even taking one of her nipples into his mouth, Anna lifted onto her knees and sank back down on him.

The swift meeting earlier, the passionate expression along the side of the bed, did not match this. They met and rocked together slowly as their eyes met. Anna pulled his lips from her breasts so they could kiss. A kiss that traveled the course from slow to passionate to deep to steady before they separated. Their eyes never left one another as John then put his lips back on Anna's breasts to encourage her reaction toward another climax.

But the slow ride, made even slower by the added weight on Anna's abdomen, did not bring John's climax. In another situation, without Daniel between them, Anna knew that he would turn them over and change the angle to bring them together with him over her. With his hands moving back to her hips, teasing at her clit, and slowing his strokes inside her, Anna wondered if he had another approach now. One that would leave her simply quivering in a puddle of pleasure.

John arched his back slightly and Anna's eyes widened as he drove deeper into her. The grin on his face forced Anna to drag her nails down John's chest in time with a roll of her hips. But John's grin did not abate as he dug his fingers into her hips to hold her solidly while he bucked his hips into her. Even Anna's fingers trying to drag furrows in John's chest did not speed up his work.

It was not until Anna wondered if she could lose her sanity that John allowed her to fall over the edge again. John's finish, this time, registered stronger with her and Anna cried out at the sensation. For a moment she wondered if there would be a time, in the future, when an experience like this one could lead to a child of their own. A child not just legally theirs but biologically theirs.

A child just a little more theirs.

Anna shook that thought away and pulled John's mouth to hers. But the kiss did not drive the thought from her mind. And the face she made triggered a furrow to John's brow.

"Are you alright?" His fingers moved in her hair, holding her close and carefully shifting them over the mattress so his back could touch their headboard but kept her on his hips.

"I…" Anna shoved her tongue around her mouth before sighing. "Do you want children with me?"

John blinked at her and almost laughed his smile before whatever he saw on Anna's face drove that light-hearted retort from his lips. He nodded and swallowed, "Of course I do."

"Children of our own?"

John's frowned even more deeply, "But… We are."

"I mean…" Anna let out a huff. "Daniel's ours, legally, but not entirely ours."

"Oh…" John's mouth formed the letter and then shifted them sideways to get them both a bit more comfortable on their sides in their beds. "Are you worried that if we had a child we'd love it more than Daniel?"

"Yes." Anna blinked at surprising tears and tried to wipe them away. "I just… Just now, when we were finished, I thought about how it would be for us to have a child we made together. And then I thought 'a child a little more ours' and…"

"And you felt guilty." Anna nodded and John kissed her forehead. "It's alright to think that way."

"But Daniel's ours."

"Of course he is." John's hand covered Anna's abdomen. "But that doesn't mean that I don't also want to have children who are totally ours."

"You do?"

"Of course I do." John smiled at her, his fingers pushing through her hair again as if to soothe her with the scalp massage. "I want a child with your hair and eyes that I can hold on my shoulders. I want a little boy with your eyes and maybe my hair who'll play with Daniel."

"How many children do you want?" Anna tucked her hands under her head, turning slightly onto her stomach that gave John better access to her hair without putting too much weight on her stomach.

"That depends on how many you want to carry." John laughed, kissing her. "But as many as you'll give me will be just fine."

"Remember what I said about being honest about what you want?"

John nodded, "That's my honest answer."

"Is it?"

"I never thought I'd have children at all." John shrugged into his pillow. "The fact I get any at all is more than I could ever hope to have. I'll be overjoyed with Daniel and with anyone else who might come along."

"I like the sound of that." Anna turned back onto her back and slid sideways to get closer to John. "I really like the sound of that."

"Good." John kissed at her temple, breathing into her hair. "Because I love you and I'll love whomever else we've got coming along."

"I love you too."

The next morning, after John left for work, Anna set herself to working from home. Their finished office beckoned to her as Anna let her hand brush over the baby bassinet next to her drafting table. It sat within reach of her left arm so her right could still work at the table if the bassinet needed to be rocked or an extended finger for tiny little hands to hold.

"Soon." She whispered, settling on her stool to start on a set of drawings.

Working from home proved both more settling and distracting than Anna expected. But soon she was rubbing at her neck to work a kink from it. Her fingers proved unhelpful so she set herself to turning her neck in a slow circle to stretch the muscles and even pull at her back.

Anna blinked at her drafting table and then winced. The pull of her neck sent a jagged edge down to the small of her back and Anna put a hand there while pushing off her stool. A shift in her pelvis sent another jagged point of pain that had her pressing her knuckles to her lower back for deep massage into the tissue there. Her knuckles dug deeper, dragging through her muscles, and tried to support herself flat-handed on her drafting table.

But the pain persisted and Anna reached for her phone. It took her a moment to bring up John's number but she pressed it as her knuckles compressed a spasm of muscles. His voice answered in a second and Anna had to haul in a deep breath before she could speak.

"I'm in pain John."

"How?"

"I don't…" Anna winced again, her hand proving no help at all. "It's like my muscles are on fire and their contracting and I don't… It hurts."

"I'm coming."

"Is… Is it the baby?" Anna used her hand, the one not holding the phone, to guide her along the wall to the door so she could descend the stairs. "Did we do something when we celebrated last night?"

"It… It wouldn't have done anything." John assured her and Anna barely made out sounds of him moving in the background. "If he's coming then he's just decided to come early."

"I'm…" Anna held onto the wall, sinking to her knees. "I'm afraid John."

"I'll be right there. Sybil's getting Dr. Blake here so he could immediately operate if necessary."

"Operate?"

"It's alright," John's voice soothed through the phone speaker as Anna curled onto her side on the sitting room floor while her body continued to spasm. "I'll be right there and everything's going to be fine."

"What if it's not?"

"Don't think that way." Anna covered her mouth, her fingers shaking against her mouth as her face pushed into the rug. "I'll be there soon. Just breathe and I'll be right there."

Anna nodded, even though John could not see her, and dropped the phone to the floor. The pain zinging through her body left her with spasms and twitches on the floor of the sitting room. A series of pain that left Anna almost catatonic until John's hands landed on her. The comfort that ran through her body almost fought off the physical pain, or at least turned it into a dull throb at the edges of her weakly defended consciousness.

How she moved from the house to the car to the bed she finally gauged at the hospital, Anna did not know. But as the pain continued through her body it was not important. John's hands wrapped hers as voices spoke at the edge of her consciousness until John's voice broke through the fuzz and fog in her mind.

"Anna? Anna can you hear me?" Anna blinked, forcing herself to focus on John and then on Dr. Blake. Dr. Blake smiled at her and continued. "We're going to finish making sure you're alright but I think we're going to be delivering your baby today."

"No," Anna's fingers gripped harder on John's, trying to sit up but the pain kept her solidly on the bed. "It's too early. He's not due for another two months."

"He'll be alright, I promise." Dr. Blake nodded at her, "And he's going to be fine. We've checked him over and, for right now, he's doing alright. If we deliver him then we can focus on getting you alright."

"But…" Anna pulled at John's hand, turning to him. "He's too small. He's… He's too young John."

"He'll be alright." John soothed, rubbing her hands while holding her gaze. "Dr. Blake's very good at his job and Daniel'll be alright."

Anna whimpered, holding herself closer to him. John tucked Anna's head into his shoulder and slipped his fingers in her hair. After a moment she recovered, pulling her face from his shoulder, and nodded at Dr. Blake. "Do what you need to do. Just… Just make sure my baby's alright."

"He will be." Dr. Blake turned to Sybil, "We'll need to start as soon as we can."

Anna tried to hold onto John's hand but when they had to wheel her bed into the surgery she lost his hold. The vague impression of others around her, the gas they gave her to help put her past pain since it was too late to inject the epidural, and even the slices of pain did not cut through her terror and worry.

Worry and terror only dispelled by a shrieking cry. Her eyes, hazy from the gas and her own body's absolutely limit, blinked to catch sight of Dr. Blake handing a squirming, squealing baby to Sybil. She tried to raise herself off the bed to see him, to follow the sound of the cries, but a set of hands pushed her back onto the bed until the pain finally overtook her.

Time was immaterial to her until Anna blinked her eyes at John. He sat next to her bed, one of his hands slipped into hers and he jerked when she barely squeezed him back. The drag of his chair over the floor brought him right to her side as Anna shifted her head to see him.

"Is he okay?" Her voice scratched and John reached for the cup of water next to her, turning the straw to her lips. Anna swallowed, waited a moment and then tried again. "Is he okay?"

"He's perfect Anna." John ran his thumb over the back of his hand, holding tighter to her. "He's just perfect."

"Where is he?" Anna tried to push herself up against the pillows but winced. "What happened?"

"Blake's convinced that Daniel decided to press a little too hard somewhere and the placenta punctured something. He's not entirely sure but he's put everything back together and, since Daniel came out naturally, he doesn't think it'll be too difficult for you to get better."

"But he's not sure what happened?"

John shrugged, "He's sure you're alright now but he'll have you back at Daniel's next checkup to make sure nothing's wrong."

Anna nodded and motioned with her head to the pillow behind her. John helped her sit up enough to tip the back of the bed so she could look at him. "Can I see him?"

"They've got him in an incubator." Anna went to move but John put his hand on Anna's shoulder to keep her in place. "He's fine. They're just making sure everything's the right way round because he's a premie."

"But he's fine?"

John's smile almost broke his face in half. "He's perfect, like I said. He's… He's beautiful and so small. But he's gorgeous and when they finish all the checks Sybil promised to bring him in here."

"And here's me fulfilling that promise." Sybil backed into the room, wheeling the incubator in with her. "He's arrived."

"Can I hold him?" Anna went to move again but her hand pressed to her abdomen. Sybil cringed as she settled the incubator near Anna's bed and John moved his chair out of the way.

"You'll be in pain there for a few days. There's a good scar and you got your insides turned about a bit so take care."

Anna nodded and then finally saw Daniel. He was small, like John said, and curled up tightly under the heating unit on the incubator. A tiny blue hat covered his head and a tiny nappy with blue that matched the socks they put on his tiny feet. Her hand reached to the glass, touching the container and she gasped when Daniel moved slightly inside, his arms pushing out as if reaching for her.

"I think he wants Mummy." Sybil reached in with a blanket, swaddling Daniel expertly before turning to put him in Anna's arms. "Dad's already had a little turn, when you were out, and they've already got on like a house on fire."

Anna could not even glare at John as she let her fingers put through Daniel's dark hair. There was so much of it peeking from under his hat that Anna disturbing it brought Daniel's face toward her. His eyes opened and Anna could barely see through her tears. The eyes that looked just like hers held her gaze before he turned his face into her.

"It's so good to meet you." Anna whispered to him and kissed his head. "So good to meet you."


	19. Best Served Cold

John checked his tie and then turned at the noise from the bassinet. The gentle coo continued as John peeked over the edge to see Daniel craning back on his neck, his eyes wide, to try and take in his surroundings. Settling his hand on Daniel's chest, holding there as the little legs and arms flailed out in an attempt to experiment with muscle control, John bent down to kiss his forehead.

"Are you ready for your first public outing?" John whispered but Daniel did not respond, only kicking out with his legs and turning his head in the other direction. "Either way, we're not letting your Mummy miss this. She's got to be a bridesmaid. And you'll enjoy the sugar when you're eating later."

"Already betraying me to our son?" Anna came into the room from the en suite, putting the back on one of her earrings. "I don't think he needs to know my weaknesses yet."

"He can't even hold up his head properly."

"He's alright during tummy time." Anna turned to the mirror next to their wardrobe and John whistled at the sight of her. "What?"

"You look stunning."

Anna blushed, turning from the mirror and holding at the edges of her dress. "This is still an exercise in shapelessness."

"No, you look wonderful."

"I'm still a half a stone heavier than-"

"Shhhh." John came over to her, putting his arms around her waist and kissing her. "You are beautiful. This dress if beautiful and you look gorgeous in it."

"Really?"

"Really." He kissed her again, grinning against her mouth before whispering. "You'd look even more radiant out of it but…"

"Our son's in the room." Anna nodded over John's shoulder and he turned his head to see the bassinet.

"He can't see over the side."

"We'll be late."

"We've got time." John winked at Anna's frown. "I planned it in case Daniel wanted to make a fuss or a blow out of his nappy and now-"

"Nope." Anna put her hand over John's mouth. "I refuse that you jinx this."

"Then," John backed Anna up next to the wardrobe. "Can I possibly convince you for a quickie?"

"It's pronounced 'quiche' actually." Anna poked at John's side before running her hand over his tie to use as a guide when his hand slid under her dress to caress up her leg. "Been a bit, hasn't it?"

"I'd wait forever for you." John kissed along Anna's neck, careful of her makeup. "But Blake did say on your last checkup that you're doing well and it's safe for us to have sex now."

"Two months too much for you?"

"It was closer to three." Anna paused, her fingers slipping a second on John's tie and he paused. "Anna?"

"It's nothing."

"No," John carefully maneuvered his hands along her jaw to hold her face. "We're being honest with one another, remember?"

Anna kissed him before sighing. "It's been almost a year."

"Oh," John's hands went to move but Anna covered them.

"It's just a memory John."

"But-"

"Wouldn't it be interesting if Daniel had a sibling in nine months?" Anna grinned, guiding John's hands back under her dress. "A year of happier memories."

"I'd hope this last year hasn't been full of too many bad ones."

"The high point was definitely meeting you." Anna's voice caught when John's fingers teased near her knickers. "Now you've got to finish what you started."

"I intend to." John dragged his teeth along Anna's neck. "Do you want me to get something before we start?"

"No." Anna shook her head, "I don't think I do."

"Good." John's fingers pulled aside her knickers to run along her seam before slipping a finger inside her. "Because I like the idea of you pregnant again."

"You've only ever seen me pregnant."

"And I enjoyed what it did to you." John teased, his mouth moving to the edge of Anna's collar and sweeping his tongue just under the material there. "You had a glow that made you radiant."

"Men just say that."

"Maybe." John smiled against her skin as he added another finger and Anna's dug wrinkles into the shoulders of his shirt. "But I thought you did and I want to put it there myself."

"Marking your territory?"

"I'm just overeager."

"Overzealous, definitely."

John raised his head from her collar, fingers still working inside Anna as she rocked her hips against his hand and his thumb found her clit. "For you, always."

"Charmer." Anna kissed him, her moan buried in his mouth as John ran his nail over her clit and then crooked his fingers inside her.

She clutched at his fingers, internal muscles contracting around the digits just as John hauled her up. Her skirt pushed back over her hips and her legs wrapped his as her fingers tore furiously at his belt and trousers. In less than a minute the belt clinked at his knees with his pants caught in an odd diagonal around his thighs but neither of them cared. All that mattered was the moment when they managed to bring themselves together.

John's forehead rested on Anna's shoulders while his fingers dug into her thighs. Her legs quivered around him and his own legs shook slightly with the effort of holding her up. But pressing her back more firmly against the door of the wardrobe took a bit of the weight. His hips ground into hers, pushing her fully against the wardrobe for leverage, and drove into her.

Medical celibacy aside, John wondered how he survived before Anna. Before Daniel. They had taken fully advantage of Anna's increasing health after the tenterhooks delivery of their son and John made sure he did not forget Anna's taste while they were on sexual probation. And she had enjoyed the increased mobility of not having a baby between them when she went between his legs to put her mouth around whatever arousal he could no longer directly address. That was after the time she caught him in the shower trying to handle one on his own.

The embarrassment of being caught out doing something he had not since he was a teenager almost removed the necessity of his hands. But Anna joined him in the shower and worked him through it with her hand before whispering to him under the spray that she wanted him to come to her next time. It had not taken long to fulfill her request and John's fingers streaked the glass of the shower cubicle while Anna's knees gained imprints of the pattern on the tile floor.

But it was more than that. Getting up in the middle of the night for a fuzzy baby had altered his sleep schedule to something resembling his days in military service but the open-mouthed snuffling snores of his son in his arms was enough to quiet any complaints. The gentle rock of his preferred rocking chair that sent Daniel to sleep or the cuddling way he nuzzle into John's shirts had John more still than if he held a live grenade in his hand. Putting Daniel back into his own crib after that was always the hardest thing and John would watch him sleep from his rocking chair. More nights than he cared to admit drove him to a chiropractor for a consultation about soreness in his neck.

It was worth it. Worth it to hear Anna's voice speaking or singing or whispering to Daniel as he fed or when he lay flailing and fumbling on the floor. The time he caught them asleep on the large bear in the room, Daniel curled into Anna's arms and Anna in the arms of the bear had John practically weeping at the door of the nursery. And no amount of dirty onesies or blown out nappies or spit-marked burp cloths could change that.

John worked faster, pressing harder and deeper into Anna as he followed her whimpered directions in his ear. The thought this woman had given him the gift rocking gently in the bassinet behind them and might give him another gift in nine months only unleashed the primal side of him. He barely stopped himself biting down on Anna's neck, aware of the undesirable status of a hickey at a wedding, when she clamped her walls around him and the shudder of her finish trigged the sensation at the small of his back.

They sagged against the wardrobe before John helped Anna find her feet. She shuffled unsteadily a moment, their hands almost intertwining and knocking against one another as they sought support on the wardrobe door, but caught herself. John snuck a hand back under her dress and adjusted her knickers before dragging his finger out to suck it into his mouth. Anna's breathing grew heavy but she slipped from his hold.

"If I let you, you'd make us late for this wedding." Anna ducked back into the en suite and John, after checking on Daniel, followed. "I hope you haven't mussed my hair too badly."

"I didn't touch your hair."

"Says the man who had me against a wardrobe." Anna wagged her eyebrows at him in the mirror of the bathroom before flicking her gaze to where he barely pulled his briefs and trousers back into place. "You're looking a little wrinkled."

"I'll blame it on a new baby."

"Already tossing Daniel under the bus."

"He's small, he won't know."

Anna clicked her teeth at him and then focused on her face and hair in the mirror. "Not very gentlemanly of you, if I do say so."

"When Daniel's old enough to understand that sort of thing, he'll forgive me." John watched Anna and swallowed as he tried to fight the almost immediate reaction to the sight of her swaying hips as she slid along the counter to touch up her makeup and hair. "Will you?"

"For?" Anna frowned at him in the mirror and then caught sight of where John's cough directed her. "Already?"

"It's been awhile."

"I didn't think you were keeping any stored." She tried to tease but John noted the darkening in her eyes. "You've been very liberal with me and what I needed so I guess denying you would be very unfair."

"A pleasure ever time."

"Definitely my pleasure." Anna held to the counter, wiggling her ass in his direction. "If you think you can finish it about ten minutes then it's all yours."

"Those are dangerous words."

"I thought of it as an invitation."

John came up behind Anna, grateful beyond words he could ever verbally express to Gwen, that she choose a looser satin material he could now easily lift to hang over Anna's hips. She separated her legs and leaned her hips against the counter as John dragged his finger over her. Their eyes met in the mirror and John kissed the back of her exposed neck before going down on his knees.

They did not have time for him to spend forever just tasting her, drinking her down when he came on his tongue like he wanted. But they had enough time for him to get her ready. Even with their escapades a few moments before, John had to risk a hand away from Anna's thighs to grip him so he did not come too early. He did not want to waste anymore when the possibility of another baby might be within reach. That thought drove him to delve his tongue deeper, sucking intermittently at her clit, and then leave Anna quivering above him on the edge of climax.

Anna's phone vibrated on the counter and she reached for it as John positioned himself behind her. The constriction of his trousers and briefs near his knees kept him from spreading his legs too far but it was far enough. As Anna's hand settled on her phone to drag it to her ear, John entered her.

The sensation of Anna's walls wrapping tightly around him, from this angle, forced John to dig his fingers into her hips and the counter. Anna's body rippled around him and her voice shook as she tried to answer the phone as if he was not currently buried to the hilt inside her. But, even when John set a gentle rocking motion to their attempts, she kept her voice steady.

"Hello." John kissed along her exposed skin above her sweeping collar, wishing he could unzip the back of her dress and mark every inch of her back with his lips and teeth but he kept to light grazes and nips that would leave no discernable marks. "We're almost ready."

John adjusted slightly, his hand slipping as the satin fell to cover her hip because of Anna's twist in reaching for the phone, and they both hissed. The satin ran along John's skin now and he dared not move until he could get it back in place. But his hand at her hip already rested at her pulled aside knickers and he could not resist running his fingers along her clit from that angle. Anna's back straightened and her whole body tensed as she nodded into the phone.

"Yep. Yes. No… Gwen we'll… I'm the Maid of Honor and I'm not going to let you down. Don't… Don't freak out. We'll be there in twenty minutes. I promise Daniel won't make a fuss. No I'm not… Yes. Yes, we'll be there. Okay, bye."

Anna ended the call and slid the phone over the counter before groaning. Her back arched as John fit himself deeper and his hand trapped the draping satin at her hip. "She's worried we'll be late."

"I'm almost finished." John cooed against her skin, meeting Anna's eyes in the mirror. "Are you?"

"Can't you tell?" Anna rocked her hips back and John risked a look down. The sight of her perfect ass caught in the cradle of his hips only intensified when he drew back. Catching sight of the shine of her on him drove him back inside her so quickly Anna's next comments were almost lost in her gasp for breath. "I'm close John."

"I'd hope so." John growled into her ear, holding closer to bring them together faster while trying to continue striking deeper. "Because you're so wet now. And tight. You were tight before but this angle… You're incredible. Soft and warm and wet and ready and…"

"Don't stop." Anna's fingers dug into the counter and she bent her back to try and work the angle to her advantage. "Keep talking."

"I've missed being inside you. Your mouth is wonderful and I your hands are softer than I've any right to enjoy but this…" John struck deep again, grinding into her and holding here until Anna looked at him in the mirror. "We could have a baby like this Anna."

"Yes."

"Another one. A sibling for Daniel and someone who's the best parts of us."

"Yes." Anna rolled her hips, meeting his thrusts with thrusts of her own. "Don't stop. Please don't stop."

"Next time we do this, I'm going to be over you." John breathed in her ear, not losing focus on her eyes. "I'm going to watch you the whole time and we'll come together. And we'll just keep going until we can't move."

Anna's eyes closed and her knuckles went white on the counter before her fingers curled toward her palms. She banged them on the granite surface as her vaginal walls strangled around John. The shriek of her finish brought along his and John's forehead landed just below the back of her neck. His lips kissed at the skin he could reach before pulling away from her.

He pulled her knickers down her legs and tossed them into the basket before taking a flannel to clean them both. Anna laughed as he tossed the cloth to join her knickers and lifted herself up enough to look at him over her shoulder. "Planning on seducing me during the wedding too?"

"Don't tempt me." John warned and then shook his head. "I thought you might want another pair of knickers since I think I made a mess of those."

"We did." Anna checked herself in the mirror before dabbing over her face and neck with a towel. "But you didn't leave any marks I can see."

"What'll people say about the sex glow all over your face?"

"Nothing." Anna stood straight, holding to the counter as John dropped down to help her slide them over her legs. He carefully avoided the heel of her shoes so they did not catch and fitted them into place. His lips touched briefly on the scar that shone white on her belly before standing straight. "They'll all be too focused on Daniel. He's the cutest of the three of us."

"That's true." John kissed Anna's cheek. "Best get a move on before the bride thinks we abandoned her to her wedding.

As promised, twenty minutes later John sat in a pew with Daniel in his arms. The boy's bright blue eyes blinked at the world around him, taking it all in as John kept him lightly bouncing in his hold. The nappy bag lay at John's feet under the pew and the child carrier held Anna's a place near the front so John could make a quick exit should Daniel decide he wanted to be the center of attention with screams in the middle of the proceedings.

Daniel squirmed and John checked his watch before digging down into the bag for a bottle. "It's feeding time for you isn't it?"

"He's no bigger than a rugby ball and already got you whipped?" John looked up to see Green leaning over the pew in front of him and nodding at Daniel. "Is that the little bastard you put in Anna Smith's belly?"

John did not answer, only positioned the bottle so Daniel could latch his gums around it. Once he knew Daniel was drinking, one of his little hands pulling at his ear, John looked up at Green. "How'd you get an invite?"

"Came as someone's date." Green leaned forward, as if to whisper conspiratorially about something they shared in confidence. "Women are so desperate to have a date because then they think it makes them less pathetic."

"I'm sure I wouldn't know about that." John rocked Daniel in his arms, flicking a glance at the boy to make sure he could still drink from the bottle. "What are you doing here."

"I just said-"

"I meant talking to me." John kept his gaze hard. "I would've thought the case you leveled against me a few months ago would make us better strangers."

"You mean when you punched me without provocation."

"You insulted my date and where I grew up men defend the honor of women, which would mean it wasn't without provocation."

Green snorted, "After she spread her legs for you she's not got any honor."

"You don't know anything about women."

"I know how to get what I want from women." Green's eyes flicked up and he snorted, "Speak of the devil, here she comes now."

John turned over his shoulder and hurried to stand as Anna approached. She eyed Green warily and refused to address him as she spoke to John. "Did we remember to bring the rings?"

"I already gave them to John's best man." John pointed with his elbow, still holding Daniel and the bottle. "It's all situated."

"How's he?" Anna smiled at Daniel but the boy barely acknowledged her presence, consumed as he was with the bottle in his mouth.

"Feeding just fine." John grinned at their baby. "I think he'll be just right to finish this and be burped before the march even starts."

"What about his nappy?"

"I changed it just before I sat down and I give it about ten minutes after the service so we'll have time to throw the rice."

"How nauseating." Green groaned and they both turned to him, John almost forgetting he was even close to them. "Is that how you turn each other on? You just start chatting about babies and then you're humping like dogs?"

"Unless you want someone else to put their fist in your face, I'd suggest you stop speaking now." John warned but Anna put a hand on his arm.

"Don't John. He's not worth it."

"Yeah, don't John." Green taunted, nodding at Daniel. "I'd hate for your little bastard to be thrown off his precious schedule. You've got it down to a science. Must impress your lady friend here by how well-trained you are."

"Not that it's any of your business," Anna finally spoke in Green's direction and John noted how her hand trembled on his arm. "But John and I are married."

"Shotgun wedding was it, to legalize the brat?"

"He was legal before that." Anna swallowed, "He was legal months ago."

"How'd you manage that?" Green gave another snort, "What, you manipulate some poor twat into claiming himself as the biological father or something?"

"The biological father'll have nothing to do with this baby as long as I'm breathing." John managed through gritted teeth before Anna's hand gripped tighter in his jacket.

"Afraid he'll take the baby away from you and make you lose your hold on your loose woman?"

John almost made a move forward at Green but someone else's fist hit Green's face first. Turning to Anna showed the hand not managing a stranglehold on John's jacketed arm still at her side. They both blinked to see John Harding, breathing hard, and standing over Green's shocked body as his nose gushed blood from the audible crack of a broken nose.

"You bastard!" Green managed a finger to press on his nose before screeching in pain. "You broke my nose!"

"I'd break a lot more than that if I could." John backed up, turning to those looking at him, taking in the shocked faces of his guest. "Get out."

"I was invited as someone's date." Green got himself to stand, throwing off the groomsmen with a shred of human decency, even for those who did not deserve it. "You can't punch me."

"I already did and I'll do it again if you don't march your sorry ass through those doors right now."

"Tossing me out?" Green flicked his eyes to Anna and then laughed through the blood he tried to stem with a sleeve. "Is the bastard yours then? Did you decide to get a little handsy with your girl's best friend and now you've got to defend her honor too. Couple of johns getting what they want from a prostitute's not new. In fact it's so old it's-"

The end of his metaphor came with Anna's swift knee strike to Green's crotch. He wheezed, spraying blood from his nose that just missed dotting John Harding's shirt and Anna's dress. But when Green went to rise she landed another kick with her foot pointed so the hard angle of her ankle hit solidly between his legs.

Green hit the floor with both hands tucked at his crotch as if it could stem the pain flowing between what John would guess would have to be a surgically retrieved testicle and a very bruised penis. His hand, leaving the bottle on the pew as Daniel's closed eyes and easy breathing indicated the formula had put him to sleep, grabbed for Anna's shoulder and pulled her back from the gasping and groaning Green. She flinched and then caught her breath, the swift rise and fall to her chest betraying the strength of her emotions.

"Bitch." Green seethed, wheezing and coughing as if he might throw up.

"Call me whatever you like, dickhead." Anna hissed at him, "But I won't have you insulting my husband, my friend, her future husband, or my son again."

"Try and stop me."

"I'm sure there's a warrant out there to do that." Anna could barely keep her voice down and John opened his mouth to speak but reached for a burp cloth instead as Daniel's stomach gurgled. "This won't be the last time you see me and it won't be the last time I get you for what you did you buggering shit."

"What?" Green blinked at her and tried to stand but barely made it to his knees without his whole face paling. John glanced around at the room, noting those trying to catch video of the incident, those looking scandalized, and those who were trying to quickly whisper the details of the confrontation to the newly arrived guests confused by the tableau playing out like a drama before them.

"You want to keep guessing about who the father is?" Anna leaned over him, her face a thin mask of rage that left her almost as pale as Green's pain left him. "It was you. The night you raped me in Rome. And I can prove it."

Green shook his head, "No. I didn't… I was…"

"It was you and I'll bury you with that evidence." Anna stood up straighter, "I hope I ruined your dick forever because whatever unfortunate girl got it last'll be the last one to suffer from it."

"If…" Green paled, almost going green as he used the edge of a pew to stand. One hand still clutched between his legs as the other one pointed shakily to the baby John burped on his shoulder. "If he's mine then I've got rights-"

"No, you don't." John cut in before Anna could and he found her hand with his, holding Daniel to his shoulder with the other one. "I legally adopted him. He's legally mine."

"Without my consent." Green tried to leer at Anna but the force of keeping himself standing drove him to lean heavily on a pew. "If you took my child without my consent then that's kidnapping."

"You'll have to prove he's yours first." Anna kept her voice level. "And then you'd have to prove how he was conceived. Then you'd have to face a trial for rape. And, by that time, I'll win custody anyway because what court in this world'll give visitation rights to the father who raped the mother to get the child?"

Green had no answer but the disturbance in the back of the chapel had them all turning to see the police gathered there. The onlookers pointed them to the conglomeration of John, Anna, John Harding, and Green before bringing their phones out again. John sighed and finished patting Daniel on the back until he burped again.

"At least you're finished."

"What the hell's going on?"

"Gwen?" Jon Harding almost turned but Anna slapped her hand over the man's eyes and kept him blinded to the sight of his future wife storming down the aisle toward them.

John opened his mouth to speak as Gwen, in her wedding dress and holding the end of her train with one hand and her veil with the other, pushed through the officers still making their way to the group. She barely spared them a glance before turning to Anna. "You said you only needed five minutes to check on your baby and then you'd be back. Flashforward to me, fifteen minutes later, risking all the bad luck to see what's going on."

"Gwen-" Anna tried but had to wrestle John Harding back under her grip.

"I didn't invite them." Gwen threw the hand holding the veil back toward the officers before fixing a death glare on Green. "And I certainly didn't invite that shit so does anyone want to tell me why there are six more people here than I had on the invite list?"

"Miss-"

"I'm almost ma'am." Gwen turned to the officer who spoke and John nodded at Sergeant Willis. "Please call me 'ma'am'. It'll mean something about this day goes right after all this."

"Apologies, _ma'am_ ," Sergeant Willis snorted before continuing. "We were called about a disturbance. Something about a fight."

"It wasn't a fight." Green argued, still holding to his balls with one hand while pointing to John Harding with the other. "He broke my nose and the bitch holding his eyes closed nailed me twice in the knackers."

"Call her a 'bitch' again and I'll end you." Gwen gritted her teeth, almost spitting her seething rage at Green.

"In my experience, women who go for the balls are usually angry about a personal affront." Sergeant Willis turned to Anna. "Did this man hurt you?"

Anna looked to John, her eyes settling on Daniel as he lay safely clawing at the air with uncoordinated flails of his arms and legs, and then addressed Sergeant Willis. "This man raped me a year ago in Rome and I can prove it."

"In that case." Sergeant Willis brought out her handcuffs and snatched Green's hand not too gently from his crotch before securing both wrists behind his back. "You're under arrest for the rape of-"

She frowned and leaned around Green to address Anna. "What's your name again? Sorry I don't know you."

"Anna Bates."

Sergeant Willis looked to John and winked before addressing Green again, "Then I'm arresting you for the rape of Anna Bates. You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defense if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence. Do you understand?"

John watched as Sergeant Willis and another officer led Green from the room. Anna kept her hands clamped firmly over John Harding's eyes while he was questioned quickly about details before nodding at one of the groomsmen to take her place when she hustled Gwen back to the dressing room. A constable followed them, taking Anna's statement along the way.

Daniel squirmed in John's arms and he looked down at the boy. "I think you missed all the excitement."

"Not the kind of excitement I was hoping for on my wedding day." John Harding grumbled as he checked his now rumpled suit and nodded at John's. "I guess we're both matching in our level of disarray."

"You were fighting a twat." John shrugged to hold Daniel. "I was holding him."

"More noble thing I think." John Harding sighed and lowered his voice as the rest of the guests filed in, excited whispers sharing what the newcomers missed as everyone made a show of not looking in the direction of the two Johns. "Is that really Alex Green's baby?"

"Only biologically."

John Harding shuddered. "He always gave me the creeps and now I know why Gwen hated him. She had this sixth sense about him. I mean, I knew he was an asshole but I thought he was just a dick you know?"

John nodded. "Imagine the world we live in where we're just hoping that someone's a dick."

"Yeah." John Harding shook his head, "I'd best get in place. If anything else goes wrong with this wedding Gwen'll kill me."

"She just might." John frowned and then dipped his head. "He needs changing earlier than expected."

"Must've been the excitement. Made him shit his pants."

"Let's hope that's all he did to his pants." John dipped to heft the nappy bag. "Come on, let's get you changed so we don't miss Mummy's grand entrance."

Daniel only managed a gummy smile.


	20. Just Desserts

Anna swallowed, her hand unconsciously finding John's as they waited outside the office. The door opened a moment later and she almost stood on instinct but John's squeeze of her hand kept her in place. She turned to him, the furrows deep enough in her brow she swore she could them pressing to her skull. John only raised her hand and kissed the back of it.

"It's going to be alright."

"You keep saying that."

"Has it been a lie yet?" Anna shook her head and John kissed her hand again. "Then trust me. It's all going to be alright."

They stood as one when Sergeant Willis exited the room and waved her hand to beckon them both inside. "Sorry to bring you both in but his lawyer's requested that we have a little sit-down with all the parties involved."

"But the Hardings are on their cruise in the Mediterranean."

Sergeant Willis nodded and rolled her eyes, "That case is yet to be decided. This is a bit more… old news, as it were."

"Okay." Anna wrapped her hand tighter around John's as they entered the interview room.

Green, another man, and a woman already waited inside. The man stood up, shaking John's hand and then extending a hand to Anna. "We've not met, Mrs. Bates, but I've been handling John's case for the assault last September. I'm Henry Laing."

"In other circumstances I'd say it was a pleasure, Mr. Laing."

"I completely understand." He held out her chair for her and Anna took her seat with John filling the one next to her. "Sergeant Willis was kind enough to arrange this for us and I hope it hasn't ruined your schedules over much."

"It's worth whatever it takes to finish all this to our satisfaction." John waited until Sergeant Willis sat at the head of the table and pointed to Green and the woman next to him.

"This is Mr. Green's representation, Ms. Braithwaite." Anna barely nodded at the woman before sliding closer to John as Green glowered at both of them from across the table. "And they're hoping we can resolve all of these issues without getting a judge involved."

"Afraid you won't survive the full force of the law?" John snorted and Green went to respond but Ms. Braithwaite put a hand on his arm.

"My client wants to give your wife the chance to treat him fairly, as he's been horribly maligned in all of this from the beginning."

Anna's jaw dropped open and she turned to John but Laing spoke before either of them could. "I'm sure your client believes that but there are no less than six other women who've got something to say about being maligned."

Ms. Braithwaite frowned and then raised an eyebrow as Sergeant Willis pulled out six folders she then opened in front of Green and his lawyer. "The other women with accusations similar to Mrs. Bates's. They've all brought evidence forward from their rape kits and the results of those were tested positively with the DNA from Mrs. Bates's case and against the baby."

"The baby who is Mr. Green's biological son?"

"You'll never lay a finger on him." Anna seethed at Green but John stopped her launching over the table to claw the smirking man's eyes out. She wrestled herself still in John's hold, her voice still shaking as her body quivered with rage. "He'll never be yours."

"Mrs. Bates," Laing directed his low, calming voice to her and Anna finally forced her eyes away from Green. "That is one of the discussion topics here."

"I'd think so." Everyone turned to the open door where a woman with immaculate blonde hair blue eyes entered. "Mrs. Aldridge, Crown Prosecution Services and temporary mediator of this little conversation."

The awkward shuffle of chairs around the table gave her a place next to Sergeant Willis and Mrs. Aldridge shook her hand. "Been some time hasn't it Meryl?"

"A stretch." They got comfortable next to one another as Mrs. Aldridge put her case on the ground and extracted a folder of her own before flipping the cover on a tablet. "They've already introduced a few of their… discussion topics."

"Have they?" Mrs. Aldridge tapped a few things on the screen before smiling brightly at the gathering. "I'm sure I'll be interrupting to ask for a repeat so I won't."

"Excuse me," Ms. Braithwaite raised her hand, looking around the table before speaking. "What are you doing here? This was supposed to be a private mediation between my client and his attacker."

"Oh, I'm so sorry." Mrs. Aldridge put a hand to her chest, shifting to the edge of her chair and Anna noted her immaculate clothing and the almost affected air the CPS barrister took on as she addressed Ms. Braithwaite. "You must be confused about your position in all this."

"I'm here on behalf of my client, who was attacked by this man last September and denied rights to his child."

"A child conceived in rape." Mrs. Aldridge kept her smile and the naturalness of it belied the glint in her eyes like a predator preparing to pounce on an unsuspecting prey. "I'm sure you'll do marvelously trying to defend that position in court as reason for why this man should have rights to his child."

"It is his."

"Actually," Laing pulled out a paper and handed it over to Mrs. Aldridge. "My client, John Bates, adopted the child nine months ago in a private adoption proceeding overseen and notarized."

"Without the consent of the other parent then it's kidnapping."

"At the time," Mrs. Aldridge's eyes whizzed over the page as her fingers tapped one-handed on her tablet almost faster than Anna guessed she could manage with two. "Mrs. Bates did not know the father of the child and her case was publicly known to be one of rape while on a study abroad in Rome."

She handed the paper back to Laing and addressed Ms. Braithwaite again. "I'm sure your client could explain how he didn't put two and two together."

"He claims it was consensual."

"Does he now?" The smile slipped for the first time on Mrs. Aldridge's face and she turned to Sergeant Willis for another folder. "We received this evidence from the Arma de Carabinieri in Rome. And while I'm not one to judge the bedroom activities of those who prefer the rougher sides of sexuality, I don't believe the results in that file match the claims your client made. Or the medical evidence."

Ms. Braithwaite passed the file back, barely scanning it. "We'll argue that in court, if necessary."

"And you'd lose, badly." Mrs. Aldridge pointed to the other files. "All of these women makes a pattern. A pattern that defines a serial rapist and, in this country, people don't like serial in either of homophonic forms."

"None of these women came forward before now."

"But their cases were noted and, as our forensic accountants from the Fraud Squad have discovered, receive regular payments for 'services rendered'." Mrs. Aldridge shuddered, "What a disgusting way to phrase it."

Green did not respond and Ms. Braithwaite only scowled at him as he shrunk in his chair. "Be that as it may, we've still the matter about his rights as the biological father of the child in question."

"I'm sure you'll not want to fight that custody case."

"We do."

Mrs. Aldridge shook her head, as if bemused by a simple-minded child unable to grasp a concept. "That case'll be linked to the seven the Crown'll press on behalf of these women. When the Family Court hears about the nature of the man who contributed his biology via violent action, I'm sure they'll determine that Mrs. Bates was in the right. More to the point, the fact that he didn't know there was a child of his own until a year after the fact would go to proving him negligent."

"He didn't know."

"And I can prove that masturbation, in the case of sperm donors demanding parental rights, is reckless abandonment." Mrs. Aldridge shook her head at Braithwaite, "If you know what's good for you and your client, you'll take the offer the Crown wishes to give you."

"And what would that be?"

"You drop the assault charge on Mr. Bates. You drop the suit for parental rights over Daniel James Bates. And you proceed without trial to serve a period of no less than ten years with a chance for parole at the end of that decade."

"You're serious?" Ms. Braithwaite snorted, "I don't think so. We'll win all three cases and-"

"I warn you," Mrs. Aldridge kept her cool as Ms. Braithwaite stood and urged Green to join her. "If you walk out of that door we'll take the maximum for all seven of the rape cases, fight with the Family Court to keep Mr. Green away from his child until the end of both of their natural lives, and give Mr. Bates the lead in the assault case you're already going to lose."

"You wouldn't."

"Seven times fifteen, the maximum sentence for one case, is a hundred and five years." Mrs. Aldridge paused, pulled one of the files toward her, and then nodded. "I'm sorry, it'll be a hundred and ten years. It's maximum of twenty years if the victim is under the age of fifteen, as the first victim was."

Ms. Braithwaite looked at Green and then put a hand on his shoulder. "We'll see Mr. Laing in court tomorrow, when that case finishes. Then we'll see you Mrs. Aldridge. I'm sure I'll enjoy that."

"Not as much as I will." Mrs. Aldridge watched them leave before taking a deep breath and facing Anna and John. "I won't lie, this won't be easy."

"You made it seem easy when you were throwing around years of prison." John let out a breath and Anna finally released his hand slightly as Sergeant Willis and Mrs. Aldridge adjusted their seats to sit opposite the Bates.

"That was a bit of theater, which Ms. Braithwaite called, but it wasn't all theater." Mrs. Aldridge gathered the files and Anna tried not to look at the contents. "The women in these files have already confirmed with DNA that they're his victims. And, thanks to your submission, the DNA from your son confirms Alex Green's the father. But that won't mean that Ms. Braithwaite won't rip them apart on the stand."

"What happened to women defending and believing women?" Anna almost whispered and Mrs. Aldridge managed a sad smile.

"Money. Mr. Green's got quite a lot of it to throw around, which is how he's lasted this long."

"But what about the cases?" Anna pressed, her tongue darting over her lips to stop them drying out. "This might sound bad but, at the end of the day, I don't care about the assault charges or even if he goes to prison for my rape. I just want to keep Daniel safe from him. I won't let that man take my son. Take our son."

"And I think, in that regard, you've got more of the law on your side than he does. No matter how much money he has, you've got a pile of paperwork behind you and nothing works harder to stop evil people than the slow churn of bureaucracy."

"Then Daniel's safe?"

"I don't try to predict than anyone or anything's out of the woods until we're safely at Grandmother's house." Mrs. Aldridge finished something on her tablet before taking a breath. "This won't be easy but, with your help, that man goes to prison and, by the time he can stagger his way out of the gates, Daniel James Bates will be thirty years old, or more."

Anna turned to John and he shrugged, "It's up to you."

"I want this. I want this to be over. I want to trust that our son'll be safe. And I want that man pacing a small cell until he's using a walker to do it."

"Then I'll be in touch." Mrs. Aldridge gathered her things and shook hands all around the table. "Care for a spot of lunch Meryl? Atticus is about to be on his lunch hour and I think he'll treat us."

Laing, John, and Anna followed the two women from the room and escorted them to the entryway of the station before shaking their hands. "I'm sorry this isn't cutting out the way I'd hoped when I took this case."

"I think it's we who need to apologize to you." John flexed his jaw, "We've not made your job easy."

"Maybe not but it's definitely given me a chance to earn my bones back, if that makes sense, and I can't say I could refuse a case like this now."

"Thank you for bearing through with us on this." Anna held herself to John's side as Laing nodded at them.

"I'll let you all know how the assault case runs tomorrow."

Anna frowned, "You don't think we should come?"

"Unless you're called, stay away. It's just too much stress and, given the conversation we all just had in there, then it's best to try and keep your stress levels down if you can."

"I agree." John held Anna's hand. "Let's go home. Daniel's waiting."

Anna nodded and followed John out to their car. She stayed quiet for the ride, resting her chin on her palm with her elbow on the door, and watched the sight outside whip by without taking in anything. The car parked before Anna even realized they were home. She jerked slightly when John's hand landed on her shoulder and she smiled at his concerned face.

"I'm alright."

"I thought we're going to be honest with one another."

Anna sighed and rested herself back in the car seat for a few moments. When she finally spoke, she ran her tongue around the inside of her mouth first. "Why not just take the deal? Why not just accept that he's lost and he's not going to get anything by putting himself to the hazard anymore. Why not just surrender?"

John put his hand along Anna's face, running his thumb along her cheek. "I don't know. I don't know why men like that do what they do."

"I just…" Anna sighed, closing her eyes. "I just want this all to be over. It's taken on a life of its own and it feels interminable."

"It's not interminable." John leaned over the gearbox to kiss her forehead. "Let's go inside. It's happier there."

Anna covered John's hand on her cheek and turned to kiss his palm. "Let's."

They left the car, hurrying inside in time for Anna to hear Daniel's cries. She smiled and hurried to the nursery where Daniel kicked in his crib. "Mummy's home. Don't you worry."

"He's been an angel." Anna looked up as Mrs. Bates entered the room, holding a warm bottle. "And I think he's ready to be fed but you might prefer to do it yourself since pumping is never any fun."

"When he bites with those gums that's not fun either." Anna went to adjust her shirt but stopped at the sound of a knock from the door. "Are we expecting anyone this afternoon?"

Mrs. Bates shrugged, "I've not invited any friends while you've been gone so don't worry about wild parties."

Anna snorted and handed Daniel to Mrs. Bates, "If you'd start with the bottle, I'll check on the door."

"Where's that son of mine when you need him?" Mrs. Bates cooed at Daniel as she took John's preferred rocking chair. "Can't even answer a door when you need him to. That's right, he's made himself scarce."

Laughing a little to herself, and checking to make sure she was decent, Anna beat John to the door by a step. They giggled and laughed as she opened the door to greet whomever was on the other side. But then her face froze, her mouth open between a laugh and surprise until she forced herself to blink and snap her jaw shut.

"I hope it's not too late." Mrs. Smith stood in the doorway, her fingers pulling at one another in a motion Anna recognized as one of her own when nervous. "I… I wanted to… I'd hoped…"

"Mrs. Smith," John helped to pull Anna's fingers from the door. "Would you like to come inside and have a cup of tea?"

"Thank you." She entered the house, keeping herself close as if ready to shrink into a shell. "That's very kind of you."

"Not at all."

"It really is very kind."

"Please, Mrs. Smith," John shut the door and urged Anna and her mother to the sitting room. "It's the least I can do for my mother-in-law."

"Oh," She glanced at Anna's finger and Anna almost covered it unconsciously. "I didn't know you'd gotten married."

Anna glanced at John and he shrugged. "Almost six months ago, actually. New Year's Eve, for the festivities and to make sure it was before Daniel was born."

"It was a boy?" Mrs. Smith sat on the edge of a chair, holding to her knees with delicate hands and keeping her body scrunched.

"Yes." Anna pulled at her fingers and then stopped, forcing her hands to her sides. "Would you… Would you like to see him?"

"Please?"

Anna nodded and hurried down the corridor to where Mrs. Bates still rocked in the chair while holding the bottle to Daniel's mouth. She looked up as Anna entered and frowned at what she must have seen on her face. "Something on your back darling?"

"My…" Anna sighed, without words that seemed so simple. "My mother's in the sitting room and she'd like to meet her grandson."

"Well." Mrs. Bates held the bottle and lifted her arm for Anna to dip down and pull Daniel free. She took the offered bottle and returned it to Daniel's mouth. "I won't deny a grandmother access to her grandchild."

"I don't know about that." Anna paused, almost rocking on her heels, and swallowed. "Would you come too? The last time John and I were in the same room with my mother it didn't… It didn't end well."

"I heard about that." Mrs. Bates worked herself out of the chair, groaning slightly. "John wasn't his best then."

"None of us were I think." Anna took the lead down the corridor back to the sitting room and blinked in surprise to see John and her mother sharing tea and speaking quietly. "Here he is."

"Oh." Her mother set her cup to the side and stared at Daniel in Anna's arms. "He's beautiful Anna."

"Thank you." Anna sat on the sofa, still holding Daniel, and then took a breath before extending her arms toward her mother. "Would you like to hold him?"

Mrs. Smith put her hand to her mouth, fingers shaking, and sniffed past her tears for a few moments before nodding. "Please?"

John helped Anna move Daniel to Mrs. Smith's arms. The older woman took him immediately, tucking him close, and drew a finger around his face as he flopped in her arms with his limbs trying to move and gain muscle control. His eyes settled on her for a moment before his head moved as if to better gain a comprehension of the room about him. When his face scrunched up, Mrs. Smith immediately moved to the bottle and Daniel settled when he could wrap his lips around the bottle.

"He's perfect Anna." Mrs. Smith sniffed, tears still running down her face as she held her grandson. "He's just… He's just perfect."

"We think so." Anna wrapped her hand with John's, their fingers interlacing.

"I…" Mrs. Smith swallowed and sniffed again before trying to speak. "I came here to apologize. For me and your stepfather."

Anna shifted on the sofa. "He didn't come himself to say that?"

Mrs. Smith shook her head. "He's… He feels embarrassed about how he acted, in regard to the baby."

"Not about anything else?"

"In regard to everything." Mrs. Smith swallowed, rocking Daniel gently in her arms while holding the bottle steady. "A few months after you left the house, he had a rather bad fall. He was in a coma for a month and, when he recovered, he lost all muscle capacity in his left side. He's been in a wheelchair for months and, finally, told me to put him in a home so he can get the care he needs."

Anna opened her mouth, as if to speak, but could only close her mouth again and swallow. She flexed her fingers in John's hand and he wrapped his other hand over hers. Their eyes met and he nodded slowly before Anna could finally speak.

"Where is he now?"

"He's… He's in a home. I visit him but otherwise there's nothing for me to do to help him. He's… He's dying, Anna. And I…"

"You didn't want to be alone if he died." Anna nodded, "I'm sorry."

"I am too." Mrs. Smith helped Daniel finish the bottle and waited a moment, putting the bottle on the coffee table, to lift Daniel to her shoulder and pat his back to burp him. "And he's… He's had a lot of time to think. To make amends."

"And you're here to make amends for him?"

"He can't really speak anymore, Anna. I'm all he has." Daniel burped and Mrs. Smith waited a moment before continuing to pat his back. "I'm here to apologize for the both of us."

Anna turned her eyes to the floor, taking a few breaths to try and resolve the run of feelings inside her. When she met her mother's eyes again, she sighed with a nod. "I'll take it. I don't want Daniel to grow up without both of his grandmothers, if he's a chance to have them both."

"Thank you." Her mother extended a hand and Anna took it. "I don't deserve your forgiveness, and he doesn't believe he does either, but we're grateful for it all the same. For the chance to make amends."

"I'm tired of fighting." Anna took her hand back, smiling at her mother. "I want to make peace with people now."

"Thank you." Daniel burped again and Mrs. Smith smiled, "He reminds me a lot of you, you know."

"I hope so."

Anna and John invited Mrs. Smith to stay and share dinner with them and, by the time they wished her well to put Daniel to bed, Anna believed Mrs. Smith and Mrs. Bates already formed a fast friendship. As she and John readied Daniel for bed, and put him down in his crib before taking their rocking chairs to watch him start to sleep, Anna leaned over to whisper to John.

"They'll be their own grandmother cabal soon you know."

"Built-in babysitters aren't bad things." John grinned at her, holding her hand between the rocking chairs. "Think about it, more time to take you on dates."

"Or more time to wait in court rooms." Anna raised an eyebrow but John waved off her concerns. "This is a big deal John."

"I know."

"You're not acting like it is."

John stopped his chair, kissing her hand. "Because Laing's right. Why stress about those things we can't change in all of this?"

"Because if I don't think about it I'm afraid I'll be unprepared for what comes next." Anna shrugged and then let a laughing smile take over her face as John hauled her to her feet. "What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to seduce my wife." John dipped to kiss her but Anna put a hand over his mouth to muffle his next word. "What?"

"Not in here." Anna hissed, trying to suppress a giggle as they both glanced over to where Daniel twitched in his sleep.

"Afraid he'll see something?" Anna scowled but John just kissed it away and dragged her from the room. "Come on."

Anna followed John's lead to their room and took on the somber attitude he adopted when the door closed. She allowed John to press her gently to the door and run his lips over her neck. A twist of the knob opened the door slightly and brought John's kisses from her skin.

He frowned but Anna went on tiptoe to whisper in his ear. "We need to hear him if he needs us."

"If he needs us before I finish what we're about to do." John hummed against her cheek, nipping at her ear, "Then he'll just have to cry himself back to sleep."

"That's not kind."

"What's not kind is that we haven't had time for this since Gwen's wedding and I believe I made a promise to you that day."

Anna shivered, biting her tongue to keep the grin from her face. "And what promise was that? I think you'll need to remind me."

"I will." John's lips returned to her neck, urging them back to the bed as his fingers worked in their dedicated artistry to get rid of her clothes until all Anna had left were her knickers and her bra. "You're gorgeous."

"So are you." Anna got her fingers under John's shirt and he followed her bid to get himself as divested of clothing as she. "It's been awhile since I've enjoyed you like this."

"Same here." John grinned, bending to leave his kisses and licks along the lines of her collar and down to the start of her bra. He kept his mouth moving, hands sweeping and smoothing over her skin, until he was on his knees before her. Anna put her hand to his hair as his lips kissed softly over the scar from Daniel's delivery. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me."

Anna could not respond, only massaging gently in John's hair as he continued to kiss along her abdomen, returning to her scar to allow his tongue to trace along it before tracing back to the line of her knickers. His fingers dug into her knickers and slipped them down her legs so she had to lift her feet from the ground to allow John to get rid of them. The moment he tossed them away, John slipped sideways between Anna's legs to let his tongue work over her.

Tightening her legs on John's chest and shoulders, Anna held to his hair while his tongue and fingers delved deep into her channel. His tongue swirled along her seam before curling at her clit to suck deeply on her. Anna almost shrieked, barely concealing her cry with the back of her other hand while her fingers continued gouging into John's scalp. But even the temptation of pain did not stop John as he sought the depths of Anna's pleasure until she broke around him.

The shake in her legs did not subside as John helped her onto the bed but Anna lay back with hazy eyes as John dropped his briefs to the floor. The almost predatory gaze he laid over her as he climbed onto the bed after her only gave Anna a moment to lift onto her elbows so John could kiss her. His fingers ran over her back to pull apart her bra and Anna shook it loose before they managed the difficult maneuver to get to the middle of the bed.

Anna lay back, spreading her legs in the almost-forgotten but familiar position of John settling between them. His hips rolled into her legs and Anna knocked her legs over his hips to draw him closer. The drag of John's growing erection along her swollen folds left Anna moaning in the shadows of their room. John's lips took possession of her neck again before finally waiting near her lips.

She blinked at him, her arms going to loop around his neck as John slowly drew himself along her without entering. "It's been a stretch since I've seen you like this. I've missed it."

"Me too." Anna leaned up, taking over his mouth with her tongue before pulling back to drag his lower lip between her teeth. "Hi to you too."

"Hi." John grinned, one of his hands sneaking to her clit while he ground his hips against her, as if pushing her into the mattress without entering her. When he held still Anna blinked at him, her hands slipping for a second. "I love you, Anna. Never forget that. No matter what."

"How could I?" Anna's fingers trailed over his cheek. "You're the most wonderful thing in my life besides that boy down the hall."

"Even so."

"No," Anna held John's face still, forcing their eyes to meet. "I love you. Never forget that. No matter what."

John beamed and thrust forward. Anna's entire body tensed to wrap around him as her hips tipped up to take him as deeply as she could possibly manage in an attempt to lodge him inside her. They held still, their position old but dearly missed, until John withdrew to adjust and drive back inside her. Anna's body rippled with sensation as he did and moved in time with John's thrusts to give rise to their mutual desire for climax.

The speed of it kept them together with sticking skin and the slap of flesh only allowed them panting breaths. But Anna put a hand on John's chest, pausing him, and rolled her hips more slowly against him. John groaned, his forehead resting on her shoulder as he responded to the speed she urged to guide them to that climax together but without missing the different points of pleasure on the way.

When John tried to speed them up again, Anna tightened her vaginal muscles and gritted her teeth at John's growl into her skin. She turned her lips to his ear, tugging at the lobe before kissing there. "Slowly. Slowly. It's been too long."

John's chest pressed against hers and his mouth kissed down her shoulders to her breasts. The bend of his body to continue the slow plunges into her forced Anna to arch her back and give John more access to her breasts. His hands and mouth adored them as his hands took to massaging and kneading her flesh while John's tongue wrapped and suckled at her nipples.

Anna's heels dug into his thighs before her fingers dug rivulets down his back. When she came to the base of his back, the rocking motions of his body against hers driving her higher, Anna's nails pulled into the skin of his ass to bring him closer and deeper. The spread of her legs, urged by the hand John snaked between them to run over her clit as he pressed her closer to the bed, forced John deeper.

His mouth left her skin and he could no longer take her urging. Anna saw it in his eyes that barely a thread stopped him losing all the control he held so tightly. With a nod, and a kiss to the dip between his collarbones, John abandoned his control. The speed of his thrusts left Anna moaning under the punishing pace the piston of his hips set. Even the dig of his fingers into her thighs, bruising them by the iron-hold he had, was nothing when his lips dared to her breasts again.

Her fingers pulled at the skin of his ass but one hand abandoned there to hold to his jaw so she could guide their lips back together. Their teeth clacked together, their tongues tangling, and Anna buried her finish in John's mouth. His finish bit into her shoulder but their bodies shuddered and stuttered together as they stilled.

Anna's fingers drew through the sweat on John's back, smiling and sighing as her body twitched. John shifted and flopped to his back next to her so Anna caught, out of the corner of her eye, the swift rise and fall of his chest as he struggled to breathe. Her fingers intertwined with his and she managed to reach far enough to kiss the skin there.

John turned to her, a lazy smile on his face. "How are you?"

"Much better." Anna moved a bit and winced. "Sore."

"Sorry."

"No," Anna put her finger over John's mouth. "Never apologize for this kind of soreness, please."

"Okay." John grinned, shifting closer to her and then paused to listen. "I think he stayed as-"

Anna put her hand over his mouth. "Don't jinx it. I can't possibly move."

"I'd get him."

"I know." Anna kissed his lips, holding there a moment before pulling back. "But, in a moment, I'd like another round and if you're holding Daniel that would be a little more difficult."

"Well then," John tucked himself closer to Anna. "You tell me when you're ready for another round and I'll find the strength for that."

"I'm sure you will." Anna kissed his forehead, her fingers pushing through his hair. "I love you."

"I love you too." His lips landed on her shoulder. "And it's all going to be alright, I promise."

"I believe you." Anna closed her eyes. "You've never been wrong before."


	21. Live, Laugh, Love

John squinted his eyes open and then almost scrunched them shut again just to keep himself from coming over very undignified. The view of his wife's ass, in close proximity to his face as she leaned over to dot kisses closer and closer to the kind of 'good morning' that used to thoroughly embarrass him, only made the whole situation that much more appealing. And when her mouth wrapped around him…

"Shit!"

"Mr. Bates," She licked her tongue up the length of him, turning over her shoulder as if attempting to chide him. "Language."

"Says the woman…" John's fingers dug into the sheet under him as she swirled her tongue over his tip. "What did I do to deserve this?"

"Who said you had to do anything to deserve this?" Anna half turned, one of her hands splaying on his chest to support herself while the other continued a dutiful stroke of his erection. "Besides, I don't get this opportunity often."

"To what?"

"Seduce you." Anna leaned back, kissing his lips as John's hands released a bit on the sheets. Just as he went to put his hand to her face, hoping to continue the kiss, Anna broke off to put her mouth back on his arousal. Her next words muffled slightly before she withdrew to repeat herself. "I like it."

John only tipped his head back into the pillow, his neck arching as his knuckles whitened in the sheets. His hips bucked as he tried to rein himself back but Anna only offered more when he struggled not to give everything. And the tingle at the base of his spine had him moaning out something unintelligible. Anna paused and John swallowed hard to speak.

"I don't… I don't want to finish that way."

"What if I want you to finish that way?" Anna let her fingers graze over him, dragging steadily. "You finish me this way."

"It takes me more time than you." John shuddered as Anna laid a final kiss on him before going to shift off his hips.

John grabbed her hips and slid to the end of the bed. He held there for a moment, trying to breathe, and turned around to keep Anna on her knees while he stood behind her. Another pause allowed him to find the words to speak before he could only manage enough air to rasp in her ear.

"Are you alright?"

"That depends," Anna moved, running her ass purposefully over the swollen length of him, and looked over her shoulder while placing her hands firmly on the bed to match the position of her knees. "Are you going to do what you want?"

"I want to." John's hands smoothed over her, no more sense returning that before as Anna persisted in her motions.

"I already took what I want," Anna spread her knees on the bed and gave a little shrug of her shoulders. "I think it's your turn."

That was all the permission John needed. His fingers firmed in their grasp of her and without preamble he drove into her. They groaned in unison when he reached the end of her, driven forward by dampness she left from her earlier ministrations and the evidence of her desire already coating him.

John held there a moment before risking the slick, sucking sound of drawing back just to enter her again. Anna only kept herself still long enough for John to seek some semblance of control before she ripped it away again. Out of the corner of his eye he caught the way her fingers mimicked his earlier motions in digging into the sheets. With the vague recollection of her body, John noted the slight arch to her spine before her hips coiled to shove back on him.

It drove his breath from him and John barely caught himself as Anna thrust backward to take control of her own pleasure, despite the angle of their bodies and the relative disparity of their positions. But she took what she wanted and John barely managed the grin that came over his face when she whimpered as he took what he wanted right back.

They collided like the first matter in the universe that crashed and broke apart only to form worlds without number. Each of her keening cries only made John want to leave the marks of his teeth and lips over every possible inch of her back. The expanse stretched and undulated before him as he dragged his tongue down the ridges of her spine before shunting into her with swift, short motions made to rub and taunt at her clit. And when his hands finally reached her breasts, kneading and massaging them to bring the guttural groans from the back of her throat, John dragged his strokes long and deep until Anna shuddered and quivered around him, tightening her walls all the more.

Each motion brought them together as it tore them apart. Every move of their bodies shattering control in a futile fight before inevitable surrender to chaos. Eventually leading to their mutually assured destruction in the aftermath of a catastrophic cataclysm.

But what an event it would be. Always was. Forever continued to evolve and become as they tempted the beginnings of the universe with the end of it in the primal cycle of perpetuating personal satisfaction from selfless pleasure.

Evidence of their battle left John almost biting through his tongue when he noted how it shined him from root to tip and even dampened between Anna's legs. He growled and dipped to put his teeth and tongue over her shoulder, meeting her lips for a harsh, almost animalistic kiss she returned with a brutal ravishing of his mouth with her insistent tongue before putting a hand between her legs. A hand that excited her toward a finish and then edged back to run along him before cradling his sack. It hitched his motion and she released with a deep throated moan.

John's hands gave up their physical adoration of her breasts to hold her hips as he rutted into her, responding to half-sighed, half-growled orders of 'faster', 'harder', 'right there', and 'don't stop' before they all turned into incoherent keens of burgeoning climax. A climax that strangled in the clutching cling of her walls around him and gave John no other option than to surrender or risk a continued hostage situation. But one he would have prolonged even a minute more, had he found the self-control or the willpower to do so.

His feet slipped a little on the carpet and he barely grabbed the edge of the bed before sliding to the floor with his back to it. His chest filled and caved, the only thing he recognized in the haze of his vision, and it took him a moment to realize that Anna draped her head near him. Turning to smile at her, the lazily lopsided nature of their expressions matching in their mutual afterglow, John tried to kiss her. It was as sloppy as his vision but Anna returned it with the same sapped enthusiasm until they broke apart to giggle together.

"How'd you manage to turn?" John pointed his finger at her head, now holding by her neck at the edge of the end of the bed.

"I wanted to see you." Anna brought a finger to trace down John's nose. "Haven't seen much of you yet this morning."

"Curse of the position." John sighed, resting his head back and closing his eyes. "But I'd do it again in a heartbeat if I could."

"I know." Anna snorted and John cracked an eyelid to see her. "I've been the grateful recipient of your lack of self-control, on occasion."

"Keep saying it in that tone of voice and it might not take long for another round." John tried to move toward her but his body would barely respond. "What've you drugged me with? I can't move."

"Love," Anna rolled to her shoulder to kiss his cheek, her hair brushing over his skin as it hung over the end of the bed. "Affection, and a more than a little tongue on a few places I'd like to kiss more."

"Minx." John took her lips again, more direct in his kisses as sensation returned to his limbs and he realized the ache in his ass was his awkward position against the floor. "I need to get up."

"We both do." Anna groaned, going back onto her back as John put his hands on either side of her head to hold himself steady and over her at the same time. "Could we just not go and trust that all those hours of testimony and cross-examination and filing out legal paperwork finally did it's job?"

"If we don't go then we'll never know." John bent to kiss her one last time before offering her a hand to help her up. "Are we bringing Daniel with us? We never did get a sitter and I doubt my mother returned from bingo last night."

"How are you sure about that?"

"Because she'd already be banging around in the kitchen to argue about the relative position of her room to this one and preparing her comments and complaints about how she 'fears there's something squeaking in the walls'."

"Your mother doesn't sound like that." Anna swatted at him, pulling the covers in place as John picked up their previously discarded pajamas and other clothes from the floor.

"You're right," John dumped them in the hamper. "It's a bit more nasally."

He dodged a pillow as Anna arranged the others on the bed. "But you're right, we do need to think about Daniel."

"He could come with us." John shrugged, tossing Anna the pillow to arrange on the bed as he opened the wardrobe. "He's not fussy now that he's over that ear infection and we'll get a spot near the door if we need to leave."

"I don't…" Anna worried her fingers for a moment before throwing her dressing gown over her shoulders but not tying it in place so a strip of skin from her neck to her ankles still showed. "I don't want him there."

John paused, sucking the insides of his cheeks a moment before speaking. "Are you afraid he'll recognize his father or that his father'll see him?"

"Can't I be afraid of both?"

"Of course you can."

"Then that's what I'm afraid of."

"Anna," John walked over to her, stopping the inevitable cross of her arms with his sneaking under her dressing gown to hold against her skin so they were almost touching. "It's alright to be afraid."

"We could still lose you know?" Her voice was quiet, her fingers touching tentatively over John's chest as if worrying his skin might burn her. "There's still time for his guardian angel or demon or whatever to swoop in and save him. For money to win out and all this time to be a waste."

"None of it's been a waste."

"But if-"

John moved his hands from her hips to her face, pulling Anna's eyes from his chest to his. "None of it. Even if he walks free none of this has been a waste. He'll be marked, forever, for what he did and what people now know about him. And it gave those women a chance to confront their attacker. To show him that they're still standing and he's the one who needs to be ashamed."

"I don't want him to go free."

"Nor do I but, if he does, we'll not fear him." John kissed Anna's forehead harder than he intended but Anna seemed to sigh into the emotion. "He's got no hold over us anymore Anna… If he ever really had one at all."

Anna nodded, sinking back to wrap her arms around John. He held her close, his hands moving up and down the satin of her dressing gown as he dotted intermittent kisses over her hair. And they might have stayed that way forever if not for the cry they both jumped to hear as it echoed down the corridor.

"There goes my proposal for a shared shower." John shrugged and put up both hands when Anna went to the door. "I've got him."

"Like that?" She drew her eyes over him and John peeked at his naked body before giving another shrug.

"He's not going to notice. And besides, maybe he wants to see what he inherited from my side of the family."

Anna tried to get him with another pillow.

Within the next two hours, after a shared shower between John and Daniel when he decided to spit up all of his baby food, they arrived at the courthouse. Daniel snoozed in his carrier, the ride having rocked him far more efficiently than either of his parents as his teeth started coming in. John hefted the carrier in one hand while Anna steered them through the crowd with the nappy bag on one arm and the other holding her purse. They drew a few curious eyes and more than a few raised eyebrows but they entered the courtroom and took their seats as the other onlookers and witnesses filled the interested seats.

John nodded at those they had come to know well over the course of the trial, those whose stories were shared with tears and terrors so similar to their own. But he was distracted from his recollections when a hand knocked on the wood of the dividing barrier between the prosecutor's bench and the gallery. He smiled at Mrs. Aldridge before extending a hand to shake first hers and then the beaming man with the perfect smile next to her.

"Glad you both could make it." She whispered at them, shaking hands with Anna as well. "I was hoping for the last rally of support to tip in our favor."

"Afraid it won't?" John took Anna's hand as her words held the edge of the tremor threatening to take her voice.

"There's always a chance." She waved her hand to someone behind them and John looked over his shoulder to see Laing approaching. "I believe he's got definite good news for the two of you though."

John shifted in his seat, checking on Daniel as Laing took a temporary place on the bench behind them. "Mrs. Aldridge says you've news."

"I do." Laing handed over a file that Anna immediately snatched to peruse. "The family court ruled in your favor this morning. In different circumstances they'd have both you and the plaintiff come and they'd announce it with you all present but I told them the complications of this overlapping trial would make that difficult and they were kind enough to render their verdict without you there."

"So Daniel's never got to see Green? Ever?" John reached for Anna's hand and she dropped the folder onto her lap to clutch at him. "He's all ours?"

"For good and proper." Laing nodded to them both. "Apparently it doesn't do well for a paternity case when the act of conception wasn't consensual, they were unaware of his existence, he attacked you on multiple occasions, and is the subject of a very public rape trial."

"What about the other request?" Anna pressed, picking up the file again to scan the pages as quickly as she could.

"All medical histories are in there, for Daniel's future medical records." Laing clapped his hand on the bench. "And Mr. Bates's case was also called in his favor. No mark on anyone's records… Except for Green's."

"Thank you." John shook Laing's hand. "For everything."

"I'm sure you'll see the extent of my efforts reflected in your bill." Laing winked at them and hurried out of the bench as the judge appeared in the room.

The other shoe dropped, and hard, for Green.

The judge, after hearing the testimonies and seeing the evidence could only rule positively in two of the cases but brought down the maximum sentence. John wondered if the drain of color from Green's face was just his imagination when the sentence of thirty years came down like an anvil on the smug expression he maintained throughout the case. And it only took a single glance over at Anna, to the tears of joy streaming down her face in reflection of the other women present, to realize it was over.

He was gone. From their lives, from their thoughts, from their worries. There was no place for Alex Green in their future anymore.

It was not even until the drive back to their house, Anna sitting in the back of the car to play with Daniel until his eyes closed again, that John even considered half of a thought in Green's direction. A thought he winced over when he tempted himself to tell Anna. But try as he might to think he was a good actor, Anna caught the flash of expression in the rearview mirror.

"What is it?"

"Should I even attempt to suggest that it's nothing?"

"Not if you respect that I'm neither blind nor ignorant." Anna put a hand forward, rubbing over his shoulder. "What is it?"

"I was just thinking about Daniel."

"Then why the look like you just stepped on a Lego?"

"Because it also involves Green." John caught Anna's stiffened jaw. "I know, it's wrong because he's out of our lives and it's-"

"You're wondering if we should tell Daniel about him."

John sighed. "For all the things Alex Green is, and I could give you a long list where there's not a single good thing I could say about him for a full five minutes, he is Daniel's father."

"We already have his medical records so we'll know if there's a family history to be aware of."

"That's not what I mean." John pulled into their driveway and parked before getting out of the car to help extract the carrier from the back of the car. "I'm talking about the moment Daniel realizes he's not my biological son."

"You're afraid of that?"

"No, but he'll notice." John hefted the carrier clear, noting Daniel still snoozing peaceful inside it. "The different color of his hair, if he's a cleft chin or something, and a host of other developmental things he'll notice he's got but I've not and, when he's daring enough to ask you, that you've not got either."

"What of it?"

"Daniel deserves to know the truth." John put up a hand when Anna went to argue. "Not today and I'm not saying we should take him to visit his father. The relationship, if there ever is one beyond the basics of biology, will be up to him but he needs to know he's got that choice one day."

"I was planning on telling him when he's eighteen."

"You were?"

Anna nodded, "You're right. Daniel'll grow up with a wonderful father but if you're his father he's not going to be stupid. He'll notice he doesn't look quite like his other siblings. He'll notice he's growing differently and not looking like you. He'll wonder where that's from and he deserves to know the truth."

"How much of it?"

"However much he asks about when he asks about it."

John went to smile and then stopped, "Wait a minute."

"What?"

"You just said 'siblings'."

"So?"

"Not 'future siblings' but 'siblings'."

Anna shivered on the stoop, "John, I looks like it's about to rain. Can you finish your thought so we can go inside, please?"

"Why'd you say it like that?" John dug the keys from his pocket but Anna released them from his grip to get the door open so they could escape the threatening portent of thunder. "Why say it like that Anna?"

"Because," Anna shut the door and John set Daniel's carrier gently to the side so the boy could continue sleeping. "I think there might be one on the way."

John blinked at her. "You're sure?"

"Not a hundred percent but pretty sure." Anna grinned, taking his hands. "I was going to wait until we renewed our vows but I'll be showing by then and…"

John kissed her, holding her close and not stopping until they needed air.

"Wow," Anna let a smile come over her face as she looked up at him. "I should tell you I'm pregnant more often."

"How far along?"

"Maybe a month or two. I've already arranged to have Sybil check me over." Anna reached around John for the carrier. "It'll make our vow renewal a little more interesting since we'll have to explore all those other positions that aren't the basic one but-"

"Right now." John stopped Anna reaching the carrier. "Before we don't have another chance. If you want, that is, because I don't-"

"John." She put a hand over his mouth, holding there until his breathing eased. "I'm going to feed our first son and get him changed. Then he's going down for a nap and we can not take one of our own. Okay?"

John nodded his head and Anna removed her hand. "Again, if I'd known the effect this would have on you I'd have told you much sooner."

"Anna," He took her fingers in his, kissing them. "You make me the happiest man on earth each and every day."

"I'll remind you that you told me that the next time we try a sketchy Thai food place and I'm the one wishing to die as I sit on the toilet and you hold the bin in front of my face."

"I'd do it again in a heartbeat. It's what relationships are made of."

"Then maybe you'll make me something to eat while I feed our child."

"Anything for you." John kissed her cheek and left her to attend to Daniel as he set about the kitchen.

But for all his romantic intentions of the moment, the rest of the day did not go as planned. Or the one after that. Or even the one after that.

It was not until they finally collapsed together after mutually stressful days on a Friday that John turned to Anna, sprawled next to him on the sofa with the baby monitor ready on the coffee table, that he brought it up. "What if we elope now?"

"Now?"

"Well not right now but now… ish." John pushed himself up slightly on the sofa as Anna only managed to turn her head on the cushion to look at him. "We're coming up on a year since you moved in with me and we had our first date. By the time our anniversary rolls around you'll be six months pregnant, Daniel'll almost be a year, and we'll regret having delayed for a moment of nostalgic significance when all we'd end up doing is taking the weekend we'd have alone to sleep in a hotel."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No, but it's not what we'll want when we look back on a vow renewal." John reached for Anna's hand. "I'm willing to listen to arguments but I think we should take a week now. Daniel's handling baby food better, he's already attached to formula, and he's sleeping through most of the night now so it's the perfect time before he realizes we're not around."

"If we did it now then work'd just be hell when we got back."

"Work'll be hell for us regardless." John snorted, "Women are always having babies and there's no end to the interns and graduates and turnover you have in a job with a boss so demanding she's convinced everyone she's heartless."

"You know that's not true."

"I said 'convinced everyone' not that it was true." John held up a finger and Anna smiled. "Besides, it's right before you get news about those bids and you know you'll just wear a hole in the carpet as you pace over it."

"I've already got a bit of a patch in my office floor." Anna admitted, biting at her lip before sighing. "It'll make the turnaround about a quick as last time, which we were trying to avoid, remember."

"I know." John settled next to her. "But we'll plan this one better."

"Okay." Anna interlaced their fingers. "Let's do it on the anniversary of our first date. It'll be special to us."

John paused, trying to bite back his mischievous grin. "Our first real date or the first time we slept together?"

"That was a real date, thank you very much." Anna pulled him closer to kiss. "And I'd love to celebrate that day about the same way this time around."

John could not agree more so he just kissed her deeply.

Between the efforts of their planning and their enthusiasm, they assembled a small group of their friends and family in the small church near Anna's mother's house. They walked up the aisle to where Anna's stepfather sat in his wheelchair. The words he managed with the Stephen Hawking machine allowed them time to say their vows to one another and then kiss to the cheers of their friends. John and Anna endured the kisses and hugs of their mothers before running together to the car waiting for them just outside.

Bundling into the backseat, John pulled Anna close and kissed her again before allowing them to breathe. "So, did the dress turn out the way you thought it would in the end?"

Anna looked down at her dress, lace and silk on the bodice and sleeves that just hid the evidence of a growing baby, to the satin skirt that hung past her feet to pool on the floor. "Just like on my Barbie."

"Good." John tucked them together in the rear. "Because I want this to be the kind of wedding you remember."

"I think our little ceremony in the Registrar's Office, with Daniel kicking rather insistently between us, is all I needed." Anna let her fingers stroke over John's face. "This is just icing on the cake."

"I live to serve." John kissed her fingers. "Are you going to miss Daniel?"

"My mother's agreed to let me FaceTime him twice a day but refuses to interrupt our three days away for more than that." Anna pouted, resting her head on John's shoulder. "But maybe she's right. We don't get many chances like this one."

"That's right we don't."

The car took them into the countryside, Anna sitting up and gawking slightly at the large castle rising up before them. Her finger stabbed at the window as she turned to John, "We're staying in that?"

"Mary's got some connections and reserved us the Princess Amelia suite… Although I've no idea if that's the largest room they have or the one in the corner because I don't think she likes me."

"She's indifferent toward you. Respectful but not close."

"I don't feel loads better after a comment like that."

Anna patted his cheek before kissing it, "You'll feel better soon."

They took the tour of the castle, learning the locations for breakfast, riding if they felt the inclination to meet the horses, and the best route into town. The tour of their room took in the bed almost twice as large as the one they had at home and the bathroom with marbled shower and tub. All of which gave John a series of risqué ideas that only continued down a licentious path until Anna politely refused more information about the gardens, the walking paths, or any other amenities offered to them during their stay.

When the door shut Anna leaned on it, the satin of her skirt billowing out slightly as she met John's eyes. "I do believe you had far more ignoble intentions than a walk through the gardens."

"I'd never do you the dishonor of suggesting anything so scandalous." John approached her, removing his suit jacket and tie before slipping his shoes over his heels to kick them free. "Your honor is of paramount importance."

"I'm sure." Anna teased back, prancing her fingers to John's collar so she could pull his shirt open one button at a time.

"But I'll help you out of your dress, if you're feeling uncomfortable."

"I could find a way to feel more comfortable."

They were careful with their clothes, the slightly nicer appearance of them giving pause to what otherwise might have been a rather violent disrobing. But they left a trail of steady seduction from the door to the bed they then took as their own with their nude bodies pressed together. John's weight bore down slightly on Anna's and he wondered if the sensation in his gut was the tiny spark of life growing in her or just his imagination of a deeper connection to the child they made together.

He wondered which moment it was, which one of the times when Anna allowed him to pleasure her and experience pleasure in return. Which one of her climaxes took hold of the one he gave her so life could grow and thrive inside her.? Which kiss that they shared started the path that led to the conception of their own miracle? Which touch set off a chain reaction that ended in life?

As John kissed over Anna's body, burying his head between her legs until she shrieked through enough orgasms to haul him out by the roots of his hair, he realized it did not matter. The exact moment was nothing but a beat on the path. A path they walked together and used to bring the life they now shared closer through the starting of another life.

John loomed over Anna, sinking into her and moving so purposefully that she writhed and bucked against him as if to urge him on. But he did not heed her urge. Instead he drew the moment out as long as he could stand it, wringing as many more moans and groans from her as he could stand in the repetitive ripple of her vaginal walls around him, and then joined her.

Laying together, wrapped haphazardly around one another as they tried to breathe and not stick to the sheets, John kissed Anna. His hand swept the familiar path over her abdomen as if he could touch the life there. Her fingers trailed over the skin on the back of his hand and the clink of their rings resounded in the chambers of his heart.


	22. Epilogue: Finally Free

Six years ago, to the day that I stepped into the office, I sit in our back garden and I smile.

I didn't think I could smile when I first went in there. My hands wrung over my belly then as if I thought everyone was staring at it. As if everyone knew exactly how I'd gotten into that position. It was almost like I feared the scarlet letter embroidered on my clothing or the word 'SHAMED' stamped on my forehead.

My shame had nowhere to hide because nothing I could do to hide it kept it from being found out.

My stepfather, God rest his soul, was no help. A man confused in his love for God and for his occupation and yet tormented by his own weaknesses. It wasn't until I helped my mother dress and prepare his broken and paralyzed body for burial that I realized what his devotion cost him. The marks of self-flagellation were well-known to me under the skin but on it… My mother cried to admit it to me, telling me that the injuries she bore where from when she tried to stop him and he would drive her away.

Love is such a strange thing between some people. And, in the way he could, he loved me the way he thought he could. It wasn't well and it wasn't what I needed but he tried and I hope, with time and distance giving me the perspective I need, that God will see his meager offering and give him the mercy and justice He deems fit. I know that I'm no judge.

But when I needed my parents they were nowhere to be found. I had nowhere to turn and although I had friends who loved me more than most, they had their lives to live. And there I was, alone. Alone and pregnant with a stranger's baby.

So many people asked why I didn't abort it. Even religious individuals usually so staunchly opposed to the sacrifice of life wondered 'why keep the child of a rapist' and I honestly had no answer for them that suited. Maybe, in my fear of being alone, I selfishly kept the only evidence of a life that would have to love me.

Or maybe a part of me knew we would meet.

I didn't expect the kind of help I received from the midwife I didn't see coming. How expects a male midwife? And who expects a man who'll listen to you while giving you the comfort you need?

He stood by me through everything and every moment was easier because he took the burdens and pain and made them his own. Someone once said that luggage is easier to carry between two people and that was no more true than with him. He picked up my bags that day and never let them touch the ground again.

First he adopted my baby, to give it a home where it would be loved. Then he adopted me. Then he loved me… No, I think he loved me all along. It was then I realized I loved him. And now I get to remind myself of it every day.

Every day that I watch him like this, swinging our little girl in his arms while Daniel holds to his neck, I remember what I have. I have him. I have them. And I have more love than I ever expected.

They're both his, in the end. One looks more like him because she's got his eyes and that mischevious grin that dimples around her mouth and puts wrinkles near her eyes, but they're both his. One by law and the other by biology but both by love. Family is what you choose to love and he's loved Daniel since before he was born, the same as with Ginny. Isn't that what makes a father?

As far as we care, for as long as anyone asks, they're his children. His blood and his biology and his bravery. They're the reasons he gets up in the morning and sleeps at night. They're his children.

No, they're _our_ children. For good and proper. Forever.

At one time in my tumultuous history I wondered if I'd ever be happy again. I wondered if I could ever find peace when I was scared of the dark again. I cried out to God in the night to beg for His mercy. And He sent an angel.

And then another, in Daniel, and another in Ginny. And now the two that I rock in their matching bassinets. The two miracles that did not expect and know, with a little sadness, to be our last. But despite the wrinkle of sadness that led to the tears we shed together, John was overjoyed. Overjoyed for the children in his life that he never expected to have. The children I never though I'd live to want or deserve but maybe it was never about deserve.

There is a religious idea that we are all on a path to God. That He awaits us at the end of a proverbial rod that, if he hold fast to it, will lead us to Him. For a time I lost sight of that rod until John's hand brought me back to it. And now, with him holding one hand and our children holding our other, we walk that path together.

John would shake his head at that. He believes in those things we see and work for. He's a man of simple desires and I count myself lucky to be one of them. To be the chiefest of them. But it's worth any kind of teasing or taunting or talk to see that look in his eyes.

The look he has as he gazes at our children. The look he has when he sees me. And the look I first saw the day I entered his office so long ago.

The look of love that finally freed me.


End file.
